LEAP: Listen, Empathize, Affirm, Problem Solve - Advice on divorce, managing confrontation, and more A.J. Grossman

I was recently speaking with a friend, and they asked me how I came up with the name Leap Frog Divorce. I actually love when people ask me that question because I believe it gives insight to how I run my company and who I am as a person.

There are 4 main reasons why I chose the name Leap Frog Divorce.

1) When I was getting my undergraduate degree in business administration, my professor was discussing something called 'leap frogging'. Essentially it means that a company looks at what other companies are doing well, and they do it better. I wanted to help #divorce and #paternity clients by providing services to help them reach their goals in a higher quality way that the rest.

2) Since before I can remember, I have always had a fascination with frogs. I loved them. From statues in my room to ornaments and even stuffed animals, you could always find a frog with me.

3) I wanted the name of my company to stand out. I didn't want to be just another lawyer in Orlando with a mundane name or just tack my name on the back of the word 'divorce.' I wanted to stand apart from the rest because our service is excellent. Leap Frog divorce is different, and we wanted that to shine through the name.

4) Perhaps my favorite of the reasons, but I was brainstorming on a piece of paper, and I handed it to my wife. I told her to pick out whichever name leaped out to her. She almost immediately said 'Leap Frog Divorce.'

Leap Frog Divorce is not just a name. It's part of what I have tried to create. High-quality help. High-quality service. High-quality results.

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Show Transcript

Welcome everybody. I'm A.J. Grossman, divorce lawyer and certified family mediator with Leap Frog Divorce. Thank you for joining me today. You know, I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and this particular friend is important in my life. And he was asking me, how did you come up with the name Leap Frog Divorce? And you know, I get that question from time to time. And I love that question. Because the answer gives you some insight into who I am as a person. And he suggested that I make a video explaining how I came up with the name. So that's what I'm going to share with you today.

So there are basically four reasons or purposes for the name Leap Frog Divorce. First I can remember when I was getting my undergraduate degree at San Jose State University, in Business Administration, and I was in one of my business courses, and we were discussing different strategies for implementing new products or new services, and the term leapfrogging came up.

Basically, what it is, is when you leapfrog, you do what your competitors are doing. So in my case, that would be other divorce lawyers, and you take what they're doing, and you do it better, cheaper, faster, higher quality, with more value, whatever it may be. So taking what's out in the marketplace and doing it better.

And that was my whole thought process behind starting Leap Frog Divorce was I wanted to help divorce clients and paternity clients by doing the services that they expect and providing the services that they need to help them reach a goal. But I wanted to do it in a different way. I wanted to do it in a better way, a more efficient way, a higher quality way. And so that was reason number one.

Reason number two is I can remember, as a child, I was fascinated by frogs. I had frog piggy banks, I had frog Christmas tree ornaments, I had frog figurines, stuffed animals, you name it, I was fascinated by frogs. So frogs have always had a, I guess, a special place in my heart. And so that was reason number two…

A question I often receive is 'what makes you different from other lawyers and I have to say, I love that question. It opens up an opportunity for me to tell others about myself and let them know just how different I am.

My experience helps me to find common ground with clients. Sometimes I can connect with people about golf, track and field, or even computer technicians. I have experience in all of those, and it helps clients to see that I'm down to earth just like them.

I also set myself apart in my ability to empathize with clients. I let them know that they have a voice and that what they have to say is important.

If that sounds like the qualities you'd want in a lawyer, call me. We can discuss the particulars of your case.

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Show Transcript

Thank you for joining me today. I'm A.J. Grossman, divorce lawyer and certified family mediator with Leap Frog Divorce.

You know, one of the questions I love to get is, so what makes you different from all the other divorce lawyers I find on Google? Or you know, all those billboards that I see around the Orlando area? What makes you so different? I love that question because I get to tell a little bit about who I am and my story and my journey.

Unlike many of my fellow divorce lawyers, I had what I would call a life before I became a lawyer. And so I was able to explore different careers, different jobs, everything from information technology careers to financial careers, you name it, I gave it a try. And I was successful at some and unsuccessful at others.

Another thing that makes me different is my ability and skill in empathizing with people, basically providing them with a voice and acknowledging that what they've told me or what they've shared with me has value.

You know, I remember reading a book many years ago that talked about the number one complaint about lawyers from consumers. And it was that we're all cold and heartless. And really, what that means is that we lack empathy. We lack the ability to place ourselves in somebody else's situation. And feel or imagine what that must feel like. And so I've made it a mission of mine, a personal mission and a professional mission, to train myself to educate myself on effective empathy.

And that's one of the things that I think distinguishes me from many of my colleagues, other divorce lawyers, is when I sit with somebody, when I sit with a client, or a potential client during a consultation, I'm giving that person 100% of my attention. My cell phone is nowhere to be found. I'm taking notes. But I'm looking at them in the eye, eye to eye contact. I'm nodding. And I'm reflecting back to them what I heard them say. That's something that makes me very different.

And oftentimes, I get feedback from people I talk to. Clients, potential new clients who say thank you so much. I feel so much better now after we talked than when I first came to you. You know, you're one of the few people that actually listened to me, and actually heard me and saw me. That's it. That is incredible feedback for me. And it really tells me that I am on the right track with distinguishing myself from other divorce lawyers.

So if that's important to you, in your lawyer, a lawyer who will give you 100% of his or her attention, and actively listen to you, so that you truly feel heard, then I would, I would encourage you to give me a call. Just reach out to me.

I'd like to share this story of a #paternitycourt case I had, but before I do, I think it's important to know that paternity cases are when an unmarried couple has a child together and either the father wants to establish legal rights to the child, or the mother wants the biological father to pay child support. 

A client came to me and informed me that the father of her daughter showed up and took her daughter, and disappeared. It wasn't until he contacted her weeks later that he informed her that she won't have the opportunity to see her daughter or talk to her ever again. 

This case ended up going to trial. The #judge ended up warding m client with the majority of #custody and read the riot act to the child's father. 

This is the type of case I enjoy taking on because I know that my contribution will make a difference in this world. I represented this client for free. Doing this reminds me that I'm doing good things in this world. I am being the positive change that I want to see. 

If you're looking for a compassionate, knowledgeable, and experienced lawyer, give me a call. We can go over the details of your case and see if we'd be a good fit to work together. 



Show Transcript

For those of you that don't know, paternity is basically when two unmarried people have a child together, and one of them, maybe the father, wants to establish some legal rights to that child, or maybe the mother wants the biological father to pay child support to help raise that child. 

And so this was a sad situation, but I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to help this particular client out. And I found out later that the work that I did on this case really transformed her life for the better. It was going in a bad direction. And somehow, through the work that I did and the result I was able to achieve for her, it put her back on the straight and narrow path, if you will. 

So real quick, here's the story. So my client had come to me complaining that the father of her daughter had shown up at her apartment one evening, I think it was during a holiday, and took her daughter and disappeared. She didn't know where he was, didn't know where her daughter was until he contacted her weeks later. And basically let her know that he has taken their daughter and intends to have her reside with him 100% of the time, and she's not going to have the opportunity to talk to her, see her or spend any time with her. 

So when she came to me, needless to say, she was in a very dark place. And so, without going into all of the details, because this video would be too long, I will say that we had a trial in front of a judge. And I was very successful for my client. And at the end of the day, the judge awarded my client with sole custody, if you will, awarded her the majority of time sharing or visitation with her daughter, gave her what we call makeup time-sharing extra time with her daughter, and basically read the riot act to the child's father. 

And I did that case without charging my client. I did it for free. 

And that's one of those cases over the 12 years that I've been practicing family law that always reminds me that I'm doing good things in this world and that I'm changing the world, one person, one family, one child at a time. And that's what keeps me going every day. That's what drives me is making that positive change in the world that I want to see. 

So, if I sound like the type of lawyer that you would want to work with, the type of lawyer who seems sincere to you, somebody you can trust, I encourage you to reach out to me and contact me I'd be happy to help you with whatever your situation might be.

When searching for a lawyer, people often ask whether they need a shark of a lawyer or someone a bit more compassionate. They also think that because I generally lead with compassion, empathy, and kindness that it means I can't be a shark. That couldn't be further from the truth.

When it's needed, I will be unyielding or resolute in order to achieve the best outcome for my client. I just don't find it necessary to maintain that mindset during a one-on-one chat with a client or during coaching sessions. I save my 'dark side' for the courtroom.

I find it best if you get a mix of dark and light in a lawyer when choosing who will help present your case. If you choose an aggressive lawyer, you lose out on the psychology of the case. If you choose a lawyer who is only empathic and cooperative, you miss that determined and unwavering support of a shark.

It's important to have a balance.

Show Transcript
Welcome, welcome. Welcome, everyone. And thank you for joining me today. Do you really need an aggressive lawyer, or will a good-natured lawyer be enough? Let's talk about that.

You know, many people talk about needing an aggressive lawyer or a shark of a lawyer. And they think that because I lead with compassion, patience, empathy, and kindness, that I must not be that guy. You're very likely to see me smiling or playing the guitar because I love making music and living my life in a positive way. And you should know that I will also be unyielding and resolute when necessary, and certainly if I'm in a divorce trial.

You know, those determined, aggressive moments aren't usually necessary when I'm having a one-on-one chat with a client or while I'm in a coaching session. But when circumstances require a fight, I can pack a punch and have done so successfully for my clients for well over a decade.

You know, I believe that both sides, the light and the dark, are required for a lawyer to be effective. If you only have an aggressive attorney, you'll miss on the nuance of psychology. If you only have an empathic, cooperative lawyer, you won't benefit from a determined, unwavering attorney. So I built my firm Leap Frog Divorce around being both.

Yes, I lead with amicable solutions because I fundamentally believe in that life philosophy. However, I've won many cases by having to yield purposeful, assertive, and confrontational language to reach my client's goals, which is always to the benefit of my clients no matter what.

Thank you for joining me today. I'm A.J. Grossman, divorce lawyer and certified family mediator with Leap Frog Divorce. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up and consider subscribing to my YouTube channel. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day.

In an effort to continuously let my clients (and potential clients) know who I am, I am making these videos that highlight what type of lawyer I am.

As I've been making these videos, it reminded me of when I worked for a Fortune 500 company. Once, my manager approached me and asked me why I was so quiet. I told him that I'm more of a listener than a talker.

I've noticed through the years that effective #listening is sort of a lost art. I don't have to speak to listen, and if I have something important to say, I will say it. There's no point in talking just to talk.

This led me to liken negotiations in #divorce to people who play poker.

People who play poker are incredibly difficult to read. I find the same about negotiations. People who talk too much reveal too much. I listen, analyze, and come up with a plan according to what I effectively listen to.

When I do talk, it's for a purpose. That's the type of #lawyer I am. Like a poker player, I don't give away too much, and I hold my client's cards close to me.

When my clients ask me why I'm so quiet, I explain this theory to them, and a light bulb goes off.

I hope this gives some more insight into who I am and how I operate as a lawyer. If you think that hiring a lawyer that will listen to you and not just talk to hear themselves would be a good fit for you, give me a call.

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Show Transcript

I was reminded of a situation when I was working for a Fortune 500 company, managing a team of information technology professionals. And I remember sitting in many, many meetings. And I remember my manager coming to me and saying, A.J., you're so quiet. Why don't you say anything in the meetings? And I remember that struck me as odd.

I've always considered myself more of a listener than a talker. Listening to me, effective listening is really a lost skill. And I remember looking at him and saying, Well, I'm more of a listener than a talker. And so I take in a lot of information, I take notes. And when I feel it's important for me to add my thoughts, my opinions, and my suggestions, then I will.

However, if I feel that my ideas have already been fleshed out by other people, then I'm not going to talk just for the sake of talking. I'm much more of a listener. And it made me think about negotiations in divorce cases and poker.

And so to me, some of the best poker players are incredibly difficult, if not impossible to read, they don't have any telltale signs, you know, their ears don't twitch, their eyebrows don't raise, their, you know, they don't start tapping their feet, they are unable to read. And I find the same thing with negotiation in divorce cases.

People who talk too much give away too much. And so I'm quiet. I'm listening. I'm taking in information. I'm analyzing the information, and I'm thinking about strategy. And I think that by not talking too much, I'm not giving away too much. I'm holding my client’s cards close to me. And then when I do talk, I'm talking with intent, with purpose, with a goal for my verbal communication. That's the type of lawyer I am.

Like the best poker players, I'm not giving away too much information. I'm trying to gather as much information as I can. And I'm trying to do more observing and listening than talking. Sometimes clients, after a mediation or negotiation session, will say to me, A.J., you didn't talk very much. And I'll pull them aside. And I'll say, yeah, and let me tell you why. Or let me share with you the reasons why I didn't speak too much.

And so once I share with them what I've shared with you today, it's almost like a light bulb goes off over their head, and they go, Oh, I get it.

Today I'd like to share a client's story. She will remain anonymous, but the story is important all the same.

In this particular situation, the client's husband was being particularly difficult to work with. He was refusing financial support and child support and refused to disclose accurate financial information since he was self-employed.

Stories like these are important because they highlight why you need a lawyer that will fight for you and help make sure that you get what you deserve!

Show Transcript

You know, today I'd like to share with you a story. It's a client story. My client shall remain nameless and anonymous. But the story is really, really interesting anyway.

So this is a story about alimony and a spouse, in this particular case, a husband, that was being really prickly, if you will, or very difficult. So my client was a wife and mother. And she was having incredible difficulty through the divorce process with her husband.

Her husband refused to provide her with the financial support that she needed. The children were residing with her most of the time, he refused to provide her with any financial support for the kids. The kids were older, teenagers, so they ate a lot. It costs quite a bit to support those children. There was even a family pet, a dog, involved, and it was my client's dog before the marriage, and the husband refused to let my client see the dog or spend any time with the dog. And to pile on top of that, her husband was self-employed and refused to disclose accurate financial information.

And so, while we tried, we were unable to negotiate a settlement in this case. And we really had to go with the last resort, which was a trial in a courtroom in front of a judge.

And so we had the trial. And I remember the judge, in this case, addressing the husband directly and saying, sir, if this is the best kind of parent you can be, you are clearly not the better parent in this case.

I was so happy and glad that the judge, in this case, felt confident enough and secure enough to deliver that kind of message to this husband that was just making things more difficult than they needed to be.

So to fast forward, my client got alimony for the entire duration that they were married, and she got the child support that she was entitled to. She got the majority of time sharing with all of the children. When the children were going to be spending time at her residence, the husband was supposed to bring the dog, and the dog was going to spend time with my client at her house.

And because the husband was not transparent with his financial information, the judge imputed him or tagged him with the level of income that I argued was reasonable to assign to him or to assess to him. And so, at the end of the day, my client got a great result.

I'd like to say we won that trial, or my client won that trial. And I can remember the feeling after that trial and getting the judge's decision. And I was so elated and happy for my client that all of the work, the hard work, the preparation, the dedication to detail, letting my competitive spirit come out and doing everything and then going one step beyond when I felt like I had done everything to make sure that my client had the best possible chance of getting an outstanding result. I just felt so self-fulfilled.

And I remember feeling like I changed the world in a positive way on that day with my efforts. That's one of the reasons I practice law. It's one of the reasons I'm a divorce attorney is to make a positive impact in the world, one family at a time. Helping people to resolve divorces as best as possible and as amicably as possible, and when that can't happen, taking their family into the courtroom and arguing before the judge to get a great result for my client.