Lost or Found Dr. Michelle Choi

The reality of having a teenager in the household has hit us hard, and to be honest with you, I feel like I am practicing restraint by not automatically being an ass back. I thought my daughter was gonna cause me more problems because she’s a girl, but I have to say, my teenage boy is much more irritating that I anticipated.  You see the surges of testosterone in his behavior, and I realize it’s hard to maneuver something new, but man, I often remind him to check himself.  Cute during certain moments, a raging maniac others, and then always horney.  O, M, God.  



Here today to help us is the amazing Colleen Murphy! She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator as well as Parent Coach, and now teaching parenting classes and workshops at the Live Oak Family Resource center,  You can find her at fromtheheadtotheheart.com.

We are doing it!  Today on the podcast, we are discussing difficult moms. One of the ways in which I've been able to find purpose in, and add some reason to, my difficult relationship with my mom has been by talking with others with less than idyllic mom relationships. The mother-child relationship is a difficult one to begin with, don’t you think?  And sometimes, it can be even more messed up!?!  And I like speaking with my friend, Dr. Esther An, because well, we are both mostly past the angry phase and we see the relationship for what it is, as women, as daughters, and as moms. Let’s breathe together.



Dr. Esther An was born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, and she still considers herself a Midwest person at heart.  She moved out to California in 2006 and has been enjoying the sun and fun ever since.  She is a Pediatric Critical care doctor here in Northern California and she is married with one child and two quirky cats.

Hello friends! For this episode I'm going to share the first two chapters of my upcoming book Untangling: Liberating Myself from an Enmeshed Family and Impossible Medical Career. 



It's really been a long ass journey, but I'm still standing! And I'm super excited that this book is close! And if you're enjoying the podcast, don't forget to rate the podcast, however you get your podcasts!



I had been working as a doctor for almost 15 years when I had a full blown midlife crisis. I was supposed to have reached the promise land of success, and yet I found myself so unhappy, angry, and becoming someone that I was not. And then I threw it all away to become a podcaster. It was during this time that I thought about the reoccurring pattern in my life. I was enmeshed. At my corporate medicine job, I smiled, never complained about the increasingly impossible workload, didn’t cause any problems, and was becoming the kind of doctor I never wanted to be. 



But my enmeshment didn’t start at work, I also had been enmeshed with my family of origin. Enmeshment happens when parents are unable to see their children as separate entities, when being “too close” can lead to a form of trauma. So much of my energy as a child was spent on making my dysfunctional parents feel better, being the only friend to my mentally struggling mother. I became a doctor for their approval! And for too long, I did not have a strong sense of who I was. 



And well, like Humpty Dumpty on the wall, I fell hard but I decided to look at all the pieces.

Today, we talk about generational trauma with Ken Robins!



Dr. Bruce Lipton, the author of The Biology of Belief, notes that we are programmed to live a certain way by those who take care of us. In turn, this affects how we live, a lifestyle we may not have knowingly chosen for ourselves. Glennon Doyle, in her book Untamed, calls it an unnecessary burden that is passed on. Some people call this family karma or family patterns. Others call it generational trauma. Because of the issues of the parents, siblings, or generational forefathers, there’s a certain energetic pattern that develops within the family at large as pain continues to get passed on.



It’s remarkable how this traumatic bundle is unknowingly passed down for lifetimes. It could have started with one person, but others subsequently continue to follow the pattern and forget its origin. We are still connected to past generations and generations of people we never knew through dysfunction. Really kind of crazy if you think about it. Not only are we physically related to our distant and immediate family members, but we can still be living with their learned patterns and pain. 



What sucked in their lives could be what sucks in our lives. 



Ken Robins was born on 9/11/1944 during a bombing raid in London and grew up in extreme poverty and violence and has been seeking the safety and healing of healthy relationships ever since.



He is fascinated by the potential for suffering to become a blessing and specializes in the healing of trauma and the promotion of ”safe attachment” in intimate partnerships.



Ken was a group, couples and individual process leader at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur for 30 years and continues his private practice in Carmel Valley California.

Moral injury exists in the practice of medicine, and it's not discussed. 



It was originally coined by a psychiatrist to describe the wounds that form when a person's sense of what is right is betrayed by leaders of high status. Whether or not we think about it, we all hold a moral compass and sometimes we see this being jeopardized by what we partake in, witness, or fail to prevent. This is especially true in the practice of medicine, as people's health and lives are at stake.



Some doctors call it burnout, and some may really be burned out, but unfortunately in medical practice, it's not just the doctor's problem. As healthcare has become corporatized, and the majority of doctors work for corporate, there is a bigger problem at large. When Dr. Wendy Dean noticed that the rate of suicide in doctors were higher than active military members, she surveyed docs to see how they were doing.  And she found that many were not unhappy due to burnout and working too hard, but because the healthcare system made it so difficult for them to care for their patients. 



If you know a doctor or nurse, if you are a doctor or nurse, if you know a doctor who committed suicide, if you are a little or a lot unhappy, please consider listening to this episode. You may realize that you are not alone.  And, unfortunately, it's a topic that doctors cannot openly talk about at work. They're still calling it Burnout. 



Dr. Tara Sood is a seasoned physician holding dual board certifications in Emergency Medicine and Lifestyle Medicine, boasting 18 years of experience in high-volume Emergency Departments. Complementing her clinical work, Dr. Sood extends her passion for healing to international humanitarian aid. With 7 years of hands-on experience in disaster relief and refugee care, she serves as a technical consultant for the International Medical Corps (IMC), leveraging her skills to enhance healthcare access for vulnerable communities worldwide. Outside of her medical practice, she finds joy in fostering dogs from a local rescue organization. Specializing in rehabilitating psychologically withdrawn dogs who have endured abuse and neglect, she provides them with care and attention, helping them heal and rebuild trust in humans.

Hello!  Welcome to the first episode of Lost or Found podcast for 2024!  It's been a minute and I hope that you all know that I've really missed talking, learning, and laughing on air. I had a lot to focus on, including working on my upcoming book, Untangling, as I still continue to work on it. I hope it will become something that many people can relate to, as I bring up untangling from what has brought me a lot of pain. As Martha Beck has said, "you can tell it's enlightenment because enlightenment always tastes of freedom. Not comfort. Not ease. Freedom." What a powerful statement!



And on today's episode, I am happy to introduce Tai Kuncio to the show. Tai Kuncio is a chronic pain coach, who specializes in Pain Reprocessing Therapy - a ground-breaking new way to treat (not just manage) chronic pain and symptoms.  



1.2 billion people on the planet suffer from chronic pain.  They go from doctor to doctor looking for answers, trying every treatment they can find without much success and are often left demoralized, depressed, and without hope.  Thanks to recent breakthroughs in neuroscience, researchers have gained a deeper understanding of chronic pain and how to treat it.  By working on where pain originates - in the brain - patients can significantly reduce or eliminate their symptoms and get their life back. You can find Tai at retrainyourchronicpain.com.