Lost or Found Dr. Michelle Choi

Hello, Happy summer, and welcome back to the show! We have an interesting show today as Dr. Toni Liu is here to share her story.



She brings up developing a harsh, high-achieving inner critic, which became associated with emptiness, confusion, guilt, and shame, as she learns to honor herself, to find out who she truly is. 



Dr. Toni Liu is a nomadic cartoonist, ex-gynecologist, relationship coach, sex educator, podcaster, and advocate from Asian mental health. Check out her website drtooni.com and her book, “Why You No Doctor Anymore?!”

Join us on this episode as my friend Oriana Gliessman asks ME questions about my book, "Untangling: Liberating Myself from an Enmeshed Family and Impossible Medical Career." My book came out last week! Find it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.



We may have looked like hell recording this interview, but isn't that the first sign of friendship? Oriana comes clean and states that she errrr, she doesn't generally like self-help books nor memoirs. I had no idea. But she therefore may be the perfect person with whom to review the book. She's going to be real. I've also been feeling vulnerable about the book's release, and, quite frankly, a little afraid. Join us as we of course laugh, talk about vaginas, and my vulnerabilities, as I choose to less afraid.



My book starts off with my midlife crisis when I acknowledge the harsh realities of corporate medicine and don't like the person that I'm becoming. Starting the podcast and learning about what health and wellness really entails has been a journey, as I also ended up exploring the deep wounds of generational trauma. My own wounds that I've carried. But letting go of everything that I thought was important helped me to see the patterns in my own life, within my family of origin, and in my career. I choose my life. And, of course, let's be honest, I'm not going to write a book without cursing, mentioning bowel movements, and laughing. This is not your typical doctor book.

Generational trauma is trauma that extends from one generation to the next and can sometimes include cultural trauma. Cultural trauma begins when a group experiences a traumatic event that causes economic, cultural, and familial distress.  In response, people belonging to that group develop physical or psychological symptoms.  



Today, we have Jordan Thorpe on the show to get the conversation started on cultural trauma, as he brings up his Native American heritage and the ethnic cleansing that occurred in America's past. The marginalization and violence imposed upon Native Americans is unfortunately one of many aspects of American history where populations have been suppressed and demoralized. Our legacy of injustice has created populations of very hurt people, such that they've carried the pain and anger for generations. But is the answer "an eye for an eye?" Or are there other ways in which we can heal our past wounds with compassion and understanding, and remember fully- so that we stop repeating past mistakes- and don't become like "them."



Jordan Thorpe is a Santa Cruz native and entrepreneur, is a dedicated Real Estate Broker known for his local expertise and client-focused approach. Outside of work, he treasures spending quality time with his family, indulging in his passion for cooking, and diving into captivating books, embodying a balanced lifestyle of professional success and personal fulfillment.

The reality of having a teenager in the household has hit us hard, and to be honest with you, I feel like I am practicing restraint by not automatically being an ass back. I thought my daughter was gonna cause me more problems because she’s a girl, but I have to say, my teenage boy is much more irritating that I anticipated.  You see the surges of testosterone in his behavior, and I realize it’s hard to maneuver something new, but man, I often remind him to check himself.  Cute during certain moments, a raging maniac others, and then always horney.  O, M, God.  



Here today to help us is the amazing Colleen Murphy! She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator as well as Parent Coach, and now teaching parenting classes and workshops at the Live Oak Family Resource center,  You can find her at fromtheheadtotheheart.com.

We are doing it!  Today on the podcast, we are discussing difficult moms. One of the ways in which I've been able to find purpose in, and add some reason to, my difficult relationship with my mom has been by talking with others with less than idyllic mom relationships. The mother-child relationship is a difficult one to begin with, don’t you think?  And sometimes, it can be even more messed up!?!  And I like speaking with my friend, Dr. Esther An, because well, we are both mostly past the angry phase and we see the relationship for what it is, as women, as daughters, and as moms. Let’s breathe together.



Dr. Esther An was born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, and she still considers herself a Midwest person at heart.  She moved out to California in 2006 and has been enjoying the sun and fun ever since.  She is a Pediatric Critical care doctor here in Northern California and she is married with one child and two quirky cats.

Hello friends! For this episode I'm going to share the first two chapters of my upcoming book Untangling: Liberating Myself from an Enmeshed Family and Impossible Medical Career. 



It's really been a long ass journey, but I'm still standing! And I'm super excited that this book is close! And if you're enjoying the podcast, don't forget to rate the podcast, however you get your podcasts!



I had been working as a doctor for almost 15 years when I had a full blown midlife crisis. I was supposed to have reached the promise land of success, and yet I found myself so unhappy, angry, and becoming someone that I was not. And then I threw it all away to become a podcaster. It was during this time that I thought about the reoccurring pattern in my life. I was enmeshed. At my corporate medicine job, I smiled, never complained about the increasingly impossible workload, didn’t cause any problems, and was becoming the kind of doctor I never wanted to be. 



But my enmeshment didn’t start at work, I also had been enmeshed with my family of origin. Enmeshment happens when parents are unable to see their children as separate entities, when being “too close” can lead to a form of trauma. So much of my energy as a child was spent on making my dysfunctional parents feel better, being the only friend to my mentally struggling mother. I became a doctor for their approval! And for too long, I did not have a strong sense of who I was. 



And well, like Humpty Dumpty on the wall, I fell hard but I decided to look at all the pieces.