191 episodes

Finding Purpose in the Pain - One Adoptee's Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing.

CW // TW // - Some of the content in this podcast might be considered sensitive in nature to some viewers. Please proceed with care. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/pamela-karanova/support

Pamela A. Karanova Pamela A. Karanova

    • Health & Fitness

Finding Purpose in the Pain - One Adoptee's Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing.

CW // TW // - Some of the content in this podcast might be considered sensitive in nature to some viewers. Please proceed with care. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/pamela-karanova/support

    Chapter 2. Good Adoptee vs. Bad Adoptee – Finding Purpose in The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    Chapter 2. Good Adoptee vs. Bad Adoptee – Finding Purpose in The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    Chapter 2.

    Good Adoptee vs. Bad Adoptee By Pamela A. Karanova

    Trigger Warning // Suicide

    While my sneak life brought me some fulfillment in my childhood, what was going on inside behind closed doors was something almost no one knew about.

    Patricia suffered from untreated manic depressive disorder and what I believe to be schizophrenic episodes. She had manic episodes regularly, and they would be integrated with emotional outbursts that created a very toxic environment. Some days were worse than others, but one thing is for sure, I don’t remember any days where she resembled a happy and healthy mother.

    She would get angry with us on a bad day and tie us to the dining room chairs with dish towels. Next, she would tie the towels together to make a longer towel, sometimes several. Finally, she tied them around our waist and our mouths with our hands tied behind our backs. She would leave us there whenever she needed us to be out of her way, sometimes minutes and sometimes hours. No telling what the reason was she did this; it could be because I kept running outside every chance I could to escape or because she needed to take a nap.



    This episode is also available as a blog post: http://pamelakaranova.com/2022/05/19/chapter-2-good-adoptee-vs-bad-adoptee-finding-purpose-in-the-pain-one-adoptees-journey-from-heartbreak-to-hope-and-healing-an-audible-memoir-by-pamela-a-karanova/


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    • 14 min
    Chapter 1. Sneak Life – Finding Purpose in The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    Chapter 1. Sneak Life – Finding Purpose in The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” – Anne Lamott.

    I grew up in a small town in Iowa called Cedar Rapids otherwise known as “The City of Five Smells.” Burnt corn, stale, rotten garbage, and overcooked oatmeal are combined to make a nasty stench that covers the city. I will never forget that smell! It’s the home of the largest cereal plants in the world, General Mills and Quaker Oats. Cedar Rapids is also known for being the largest corn producing city in the world. I remember wonderful parks where I spent a lot of my childhood.

    In the summer of 1979, on a hot and humid morning, my five-year-old self moped down the creaky wooden stairs somberly to the living room in the big grey house on 13th street. My hair was a sandy blonde, messy from just waking up. It was 7 AM on a Saturday, and everyone was still asleep. It was quite and peaceful for a change.



    This episode is also available as a blog post: http://pamelakaranova.com/2022/05/17/chapter-1-sneak-life-finding-purpose-in-the-pain-one-adoptees-journey-from-heartbreak-to-hope-and-healing-an-audible-memoir-by-pamela-a-karanova/


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    • 19 min
    Acknowledgements – Finding Purpose In The Pain, One Adoptees Journey From Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    Acknowledgements – Finding Purpose In The Pain, One Adoptees Journey From Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    “YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN. THEY ARE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF LIFE’S LONGING FOR ITSELF. THEY COME THROUGH YOU BUT NOT FROM YOU. AND THOUGH THEY ARE WITH YOU YET THEY BELONG NOT TO YOU.” – KHALIL GIBRAN
    My story isn’t only my own; it’s the story of my children, future grandchildren, and the legacy that comes long after I am gone from this earth. I owe the most significant gratitude to my three exceptional adult children, Keila, Damia, and Damond. I am so sorry you have a mom that’s been so significantly impacted by adoption, and in return it has impacted each of you greatly. My heart will always hurt because of this. Without you all, I would have taken myself out of my misery long ago. So many times, I have wanted to give up, but you gave me the courage to keep going because of my love for each of you. You have been my biggest supporters and the core reason I have wanted to be the happy, healthy mom you all deserve. Thank you for cheering me on and not giving up on me!



    This episode is also available as a blog post: http://pamelakaranova.com/2022/05/15/acknowledgements-finding-purpose-in-the-pain-one-adoptees-journey-from-heartbreak-to-hope-and-healing-an-audible-memoir-by-pamela-a-karanova/


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    • 5 min
    Introduction – Finding Purpose In The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    Introduction – Finding Purpose In The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    “We have to walk through all the adoptee layers, to make it to the light, but it won’t come overnight or without a lifelong fight!” – Finding Purpose in the Pain – One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing, An Audible Memoir By Pamela A. Karanova

    This is the story of my beginnings of how I was born and grew up, discovered I was adopted, and went on to find my biological family going against the grain of the closed adoption system. This is a story of searching and finding in a time when there was no internet, cell phones, or adoptee-centric connect groups. It’s a story of acceptance, acknowledgment, processing grief, loss, abandonment, rejection, and ultimately healing. It’s a story of never giving up hope that I would find my people and essentially my truth one day.

    It’s taken me close to 48 years to finally come to a place where I am ready to share my story via an audible memoir. I have been writing for over a decade on my website, and I have attempted to write my story off and on over the last ten years, but one thing was sure. It wasn’t time yet. Timing is everything.



    This episode is also available as a blog post: http://pamelakaranova.com/2022/05/15/introduction-finding-purpose-in-the-pain-one-adoptees-journey-from-heartbreak-to-hope-and-healing-an-audible-memoir-by-pamela-a-karanova/


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    • 6 min
    Adoptees, Why Are You So Angry? Over 100 Adoptees Share Heartfelt Feelings

    Adoptees, Why Are You So Angry? Over 100 Adoptees Share Heartfelt Feelings

    In 2014, I decided to call on my fellow adoptees on the How Does it Feel to Be Adopted? Page to help collaborate and share thoughts from the heart, reflecting the voices almost always overlooked in the adoption constellation. Over 8 years of collecting these submissions, this article collaborates with over 100 Adoptees who share heartfelt feelings on why they are angry from the adult adoptee’s perspective. So, 100 of us came together to capture some of the feelings and experiences adoptees go through during their lifetimes and why we are angry.

    The reasons an adopted person might be angry are endless and no two adoptee experiences are the same. We experience healing by sharing our feelings and anger is a natural, normal feeling to the adoptee experience. It can add great fuel to our fire to raise awareness, and bring some light to the dark side of adoption that can and does help promote change.



    This episode is also available as a blog post: http://pamelakaranova.com/2022/05/12/adoptees-why-are-you-so-angry-over-100-adoptees-share-heartfelt-feelings/


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    Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/pamela-karanova/message
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    • 1 hr 32 min
    Pamela A. Karanova – Finding Purpose In The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing – An Audible Memoir

    Pamela A. Karanova – Finding Purpose In The Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing – An Audible Memoir

    Over a decade ago, I named my memoir “Finding Purpose in the Pain, One Adoptees Journey from Heartbreak to Hope and Healing,” Although a lot of time has passed, this is still the name I would like my memoir to be today. At one time, I decided to give up on writing a memoir because I feel like, in a way, my website is my memoir. However, I also feel things are so spread out on my website when sharing MY STORY. There are also a lot of things I haven’t shared.

    This website is filled with sharing my insight, experiences, and thoughts. Still, I have recently decided to share my story separately to reach the adoptees who feel isolated and all alone. I want them to know they aren’t alone and their feelings are normal for a not normal situation. Nothing is normal about being separated from your biological family at the beginning of life.



    This episode is also available as a blog post: http://pamelakaranova.com/2022/05/11/pamela-a-karanova-finding-purpose-in-the-pain-one-adoptees-journey-from-heartbreak-to-hope-and-healing-an-audible-memoir/


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    Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/pamela-karanova/message
    Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/pamela-karanova/support

    • 5 min

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