Shrink For The Shy Guy Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety And Confidence Expert, Author and Coach

In this episode, Dr. Aziz dives into the heavy but crucial topic of self-esteem and how to stop the cycle of self-hatred that many people with social anxiety and niceness struggle with. Discover why self-criticism can be so destructive and learn practical steps to break free from this damaging pattern.

Dr. Aziz will guide you through understanding the different parts of yourself, the role of the inner critic, and why we often buy into these harsh messages. More importantly, you'll learn how to make the decision of a lifetime—to be on your own side and step fully into your life.

Tune in to uncover powerful insights and practical actions that can transform your relationship with yourself and boost your confidence. If you’ve been enjoying the show, please take a moment to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your feedback helps others find the show and supports our mission of mass liberation from social anxiety.

Ready to stop hating yourself and start living with confidence? Let’s get started!

 

-------------------

Break Free from Self-Hate: Three Keys to Self-Esteem
Do you ever feel like you're your own worst enemy? That inner critic that's constantly whispering negative things in your ear? You're not alone. Many people struggle with an inner voice that’s not just critical, but downright abusive. It's time to break free from this cycle of self-hate and embrace a healthier, more empowering mindset. In today’s post, we’ll explore three transformative keys to overcoming self-hate and building genuine self-esteem.

Recognize the Inner Critic

We all have different parts of ourselves. There's the part that wants to get up early and be productive, and then there's the part that just wants to stay in bed. Similarly, there’s a part of you that wants to be bold and confident, and another part that wants to hide and avoid difficult situations. The problem arises when a hypercritical part takes over and dominates your inner dialogue.

Stand-Out Quote

"We are often harsher to ourselves than we would ever be to a friend. This inner critic isn’t helping you—it’s hurting you."

Understand the Impact of Self-Hate

Imagine being in a romantic relationship where your partner constantly belittles you, calls you names, and makes you feel worthless. This is exactly what happens when we let our inner critic run wild. It's verbal abuse, and it’s coming from within. This kind of self-talk is not just unkind; it’s damaging.

When I was working with a client recently, she asked if positive self-talk was the solution to her low self-esteem. While it's part of the solution, the bigger issue is the constant self-criticism that drains our self-esteem. It’s like trying to fill a bucket with holes in it—you need to patch the holes first.

Challenge the Inner Critic

The next step is to challenge this critical voice. Ask yourself why you are choosing to believe these negative thoughts. Often, this critical part is trying to protect you from perceived dangers, like rejection or failure. But in reality, it’s keeping you small and preventing you from living a full life.

Key Content Points



Awareness and Choice: Become aware of your self-critical thoughts and recognize that you have a choice. You don’t have to believe everything you think.



Challenge the Critic: When negative thoughts arise, challenge them. Recognize that they are trying to protect you, but they are not serving you.



Step into Life Fully: Defy the critic by taking the actions it tries to prevent. Put yourself out there, take risks, and be willing to face discomfort. This is where true growth happens.



Stand-Out Quote

"The only way to truly transform this inner critic is to do the things it's trying to protect you from. Step into your life fully and embrace the discomfort."

An Inspiring Message of Hope

You have the power to change this inner dialogue. It starts with awareness, continues with challenging those negati

In this episode, Dr. Aziz dives into the three unconscious tactics that nice people often use, which end up perpetuating their anxieties and interpersonal problems. Discover how an apologetic tone, over-explaining, and pre-compromising can hinder your ability to communicate effectively and maintain healthy relationships.

Learn how these behaviors stem from an obsessive need to control others' feelings and how you can start to change these patterns. With self-awareness and conscious choice, you can begin to communicate more directly and authentically, leading to deeper connections and greater self-confidence.

Tune in to uncover how to stop these nice person tactics and start living more freely and boldly.

If you’ve been enjoying the show, please take a moment to leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your feedback helps others find the show and supports our mission of mass liberation from social anxiety.

Ready to transform your interactions? Let's get started!

 

-----------------

The Hidden Dangers of Being Too Nice
Is it possible that being too nice can actually harm you and negatively impact those around you? While it might sound counterintuitive, especially since being nice often feels like the right thing to do, excessive niceness can cause significant problems in your life. Let’s explore how this happens and what you can do to shift this pattern.

When people think of being nice, they associate it with positive traits like kindness, compassion, and consideration. However, niceness often stems from fear—fear of upsetting others, fear of rejection, and fear of conflict. This fear-driven niceness leads to several significant issues:



Difficulty Saying No Being overly nice often means you have a hard time saying no. You accommodate everyone’s needs and requests, leaving yourself overcommitted and burnt out. When you constantly say yes to others, you neglect your own needs, leading to stress and resentment. Over time, this can damage your relationships as you may feel unappreciated and taken for granted.



Suppressed Emotions Nice people tend to suppress their true feelings to avoid conflict. You might avoid expressing when something bothers you, which leads to bottled-up emotions. This suppression can cause chronic stress, physical ailments like headaches, stomach problems, and even a weakened immune system. Research shows that emotional suppression can increase your risk of all-cause mortality by 4x over 12 years.



Living in Fear Constantly worrying about others' opinions creates a fearful existence. This fear of disapproval or conflict can lead to chronic anxiety, making everyday interactions stressful. This background anxiety drains your energy and affects your overall well-being.



Negative Role Modeling If you have children or are in a position of influence, your excessive niceness can model unhealthy behaviors. Children learn from observing adults, and if they see you constantly putting others' needs above your own and avoiding conflict, they may adopt these same behaviors. This can lead to them struggling with self-advocacy and personal boundaries in their own lives.



Embrace Authenticity Over Niceness

The solution isn’t to become a jerk but to embrace authenticity. Being authentic means expressing your true feelings and needs honestly and respectfully. Here’s how you can start:



Set Boundaries Learn to say no when necessary. Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental and physical health. It’s not selfish; it’s essential for self-care.



Express Your Feelings Practice sharing your thoughts and feelings, even when they might cause discomfort. This honesty builds trust and deeper connections with others.



Challenge Fear-Based Thinking Work on recognizing when fear is driving your actions. Remind yourself that you can handle others' reactions and that their approval isn’t necessary for your self-worth.



Be a Positive Role Model Show oth

Are you a control freak? You might be surprised to find that social anxiety often comes with an obsessive need for control. In this episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into how social anxiety is tied to a constant effort to control how others perceive you. This control can be exhausting and counterproductive, but understanding it is the first step towards liberation.

Join Dr. Aziz as he explores the roots of this behavior and provides practical steps to help you let go of the obsessive control, allowing you to feel more relaxed and confident in social situations. By the end of this episode, you'll gain new insights and tools to start living more freely and authentically.

Ready to transform your social anxiety? Tune in now!

In today's episode, titled "Social Anxiety Equals Obsessive Control," we dive into a surprising aspect of social anxiety: the obsessive need for control.

Have you ever thought of yourself as a control freak? Probably not if you’re shy or socially anxious. But what if social anxiety is a different type of controlling behavior? What if the constant worry about how others perceive you, the fear of saying the wrong thing, or the hesitation to approach new people is actually an attempt to control others' thoughts and feelings about you?

In this episode, we’ll explore how this obsessive need for control manifests in social anxiety and why it’s so exhausting and counterproductive. We’ll also discuss the deeper fears driving this need for control and how to begin letting go, allowing yourself to feel more relaxed and confident in social interactions.

Join me as we uncover the root causes of this obsessive control, and learn practical steps to release it, freeing yourself from the chains of social anxiety. By the end of this episode, you'll have new insights and tools to start living more freely and boldly.

Ready to transform your social anxiety? Let’s get started!

 

 

 

--------------------------

Are You a Control Freak? How Obsessive Control Fuels Social Anxiety
Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you if you're sick and tired of being held back by fear, self-doubt, social anxiety, or anything that stops you from being your authentic self. I'm Dr. Aziz, and today we're diving into a topic that might surprise you: control. Are you a control freak?

Unmasking the Quiet Control Freak

When you think of a control freak, you might picture someone loud, bossy, and domineering. But what if control manifests differently in those of us with social anxiety? What if it's a quiet, obsessive need for control that fuels our anxiety?

Imagine this scenario: You're in a social interaction, feeling tight and restricted. You're worried about what to say, how others perceive you, and whether you're doing it all wrong. This isn't just fear—it's an obsessive need to control the outcome. You want to control how others see you, how they feel about you, and ensure you don't make any mistakes.

The Exhausting Reality of Social Anxiety

Consider how exhausting it is to try to control every social interaction. If you're speaking in front of a group, you might feel the need to manage the thoughts and feelings of every person in the room. This obsessive thinking leads to withdrawal, avoidance, and increased anxiety.

"We obsessively try to control everything because we're terrified of feeling unworthy or unlovable."

The need for control stems from a deeper fear of rejection and a desperate need for approval. We fear that if someone doesn't like us, we'll feel unworthy and unlovable. This fear drives the obsessive thinking and behavior that characterizes social anxiety.

Breaking Free: Embrace Uncertainty

The key to overcoming this obsessive need for control is to embrace uncertainty and the possibility of rejection. It's about realizing that you can't control everything and that's okay. This shift requires both internal work—feeling and processing your emotions—and external action—exposing yourself to situations that challenge your fears.

"The real danger is the feelings we are terrified to face. But feeling those emotions is the path to freedom."

Action Steps to Let Go of Control



Acknowledge Your Patterns: Recognize when you're trying to control others' perceptions of you. Notice the obsessive thoughts and behaviors that arise in social situations.



Feel Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the emotions you're avoiding. This might include fear, shame, or unworthiness. Practice staying with these feelings instead of running from them.



Take Bold Action: Challenge yourself to step into situations that scare you. This could be speaking up in a meeting, starting a conversation, or sharing your opinion.

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy, where we tackle the fears, self-doubt, social anxiety, and shyness that hold you back from being your true self. In today’s episode, "Healing Toxic Shame," we’re diving deep into a topic that’s often hidden away but profoundly impacts us all.

Do you ever feel an intense sense of badness, as if you’re not worthy of love or connection? That’s shame, and for some, it’s a constant, toxic presence. Today, we’ll explore what toxic shame is, where it comes from, and most importantly, how to heal from it. I’ll share powerful insights and practical steps to help you start transforming this toxic narrative into one of self-compassion and empowerment.

This episode will guide you in recognizing the internalized messages of shame and how to replace them with messages of love and acceptance. By the end, you’ll have actionable steps to begin your journey toward healing and self-worth.

So, join me and discover how to liberate yourself from the grips of toxic shame, step into your true power, and become the most free, bold, and authentic version of yourself. Let’s get started!

 

 

-------------------------

Breaking Free from Toxic Shame: Reclaim Your Self-Worth
Have you ever felt paralyzed by a deep sense of shame that seems to pervade every aspect of your life? It’s a feeling many professionals struggle with, impacting their relationships, careers, and overall well-being. In today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into the pervasive issue of toxic shame, offering profound insights and actionable steps to help you break free from its grip.

Understanding Toxic Shame

"Toxic shame is the feeling of badness that permeates your existence," Dr. Aziz explains. Unlike situational shame, which arises from specific events, toxic shame is a constant sense of being flawed or unworthy. This feeling often stems from early childhood experiences where negative messages from parents or caregivers were internalized. "It's like poison to a young nervous system," says Dr. Aziz, highlighting the profound impact of these early interactions.

The Cycle of Self-Perpetuated Shame

Many people continue to carry these negative perceptions into adulthood, often without realizing it. "You are shaming you," Dr. Aziz emphasizes. This internalized voice of disapproval can make you feel perpetually inadequate. However, the good news is that this cycle can be broken. "Toxic shame is not permanent," reassures Dr. Aziz. Recognizing that you are the one perpetuating these feelings is the first step toward liberation.

Steps to Overcome Toxic Shame

**1. Acknowledge the Source: Understanding that your feelings of shame are not an inherent part of you, but rather learned behaviors, is crucial. "These messages were not about you; they were about the people who projected them," says Dr. Aziz.

**2. Challenge the Internalized Voice: Begin by questioning the truth of these negative perceptions. Dr. Aziz advises, "Why are you continuing to hold that perspective? Why are you advocating for your own awfulness?" Shifting your internal dialogue from one of criticism to one of compassion can be transformative.

**3. Consciously Reframe Your Self-Perception: Imagine how you would talk to someone you love, especially a child. "What are the top three messages you would want to convey to them?" Dr. Aziz asks. Use these positive affirmations to start reshaping how you talk to yourself.

Embracing a New Reality

The journey to overcoming toxic shame involves consciously choosing to see yourself differently. "It's like learning a new language," Dr. Aziz explains. It might feel foreign at first, but with practice, it becomes second nature. The key is to step into your life without the armoring of shame, allowing yourself to connect deeply with others and live more fully.

A Message of Hope
Breaking free from toxic shame is not just possible; it’s within your reach. By taking deliberate steps to challenge and

Hey, welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy! It's Dr. Aziz and I'm excited to be with you. How are you doing today? Are you feeling free? Self-confident? On your own side? Capable? Inherently worthy? Or maybe not? Wherever you are today, that's okay.

Sometimes people think that if they've been listening to this show, reading my books, or practicing these concepts for a while, they’re supposed to feel confident all the time. And if they don’t, it feels like a personal failing. Let’s clear that up right now—there is no perfection here. Even after all these years of teaching this stuff, I can still experience self-criticism, anxiety, or worry. But I can also not run those patterns. The key is to have the potential for liberation where you can sometimes run those social anxiety patterns and sometimes not.

So today’s episode is titled "What If Their Thoughts About You Don't Matter?" This isn’t about forcing yourself to not care about what people think. Instead, we’re going to soften the clinging worry about others' thoughts and judgments.

If you find this show helpful, would you consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen? Those reviews help the show reach more people who might benefit from it, spreading liberation.

Imagine if you could feel free even if people have negative thoughts about you. What if their judgments don't matter so much? Today, we’re exploring that idea. Judgments often meet needs for certainty and significance. If we can see this with compassion and curiosity, we can start to liberate ourselves from the weight of others' thoughts.

Stay tuned as we dive deeper into this topic and, as always, thank you for being with me today. Until next time, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

 

 

--------

Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by the fear of what others think about you? The constant worry about their judgments can be suffocating. But what if their thoughts about you don’t matter? Imagine the freedom you’d feel if you could let go of that fear. In today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into this very topic, offering insights that could transform your life.

The Trap of Social Anxiety

"Social anxiety patterns often involve hyper-focusing on yourself, imagining others are judging you, and trying to control the outcome to make sure people like you." This is a common experience for many professionals. The fear of judgment can lead to avoiding social interactions, which in turn increases feelings of isolation and disconnection.

Understanding Judgment

People’s judgments are often more about them than you. Dr. Aziz explains, "When someone judges you, they might be trying to meet their own needs for certainty or significance." Recognizing this can help you see that their thoughts don’t hold as much power as you might believe.

Think about an elderly relative who criticizes someone’s outfit. Do those judgments really matter? Probably not. Similarly, the negative thoughts others might have about you are often fleeting and inconsequential.

Shifting Your Perspective

To overcome the fear of judgment, Dr. Aziz suggests a shift in perspective:


Identify Your Fears: Write down the judgments you fear the most. This could be fears of being seen as awkward, stupid, or desperate.
Reflect on These Judgments: Consider if these are judgments you frequently place on yourself. Understand that others’ judgments often stem from their insecurities.
Practice Exposure: Look at these fears and challenge their power over you. Recognize that everyone has judgments and that they don’t define you.

Embrace the Journey

Building confidence is a journey, not a destination. It involves taking consistent action, facing fears, and practicing self-compassion. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate fear but to learn to live with it and not let it control you.

Final Thoughts

What