The Art of Char‪m‬ Kast Media

In today’s episode, we cover happiness and positive psychology with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. Tal Ben-Shahar taught two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership, and now consults and lectures around the world to executives in multinational corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations.

 

Finding happiness in the chaos of life has been a struggle for many in recent years, but what can be done about it, what role do technology and social media play, and how do we help our children navigate the increasing complexity of this world?

 

What to Listen For

 
Introduction Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and Happiness - 1:20 

 
What two groups of people don’t experience painful emotions and why would you not want to be in either group?
What are the biggest myths surrounding happiness and positive psychology?
What can 2020 teach us about happiness?
What are the fundamentals of happiness and what makes them fundamental?
When is distraction a positive thing to have in our lives and when should we avoid it?

 

 
Building Healthy Habits Around Media Consumption - 10:50 

 
What healthy habits can you develop around media consumption so you don’t drive your mental health into the ground?
What are sanity islands and how can you use them to limit screen time and promote moderation?
What are the benefits of social media use?
What is the biggest contributor to depression and suicide in teenagers and what can we do about it?
What are the 3 strategies you can use as a parent to promote healthy mental and emotional growth for your kids in the world of smartphones and social media?

 
The Impact of Tech/Media Consumption on Our Daily Lives - 27:00
Why is it important to be comfortable with boredom and why do we need boredom to come up with our best ideas?
How does our addiction to stimulation impact our relationships and what can we do to prevent our relationships from collapsing as a result?
How do we overcome the paradox of choice so we can simply move forward with a choice rather than getting stuck trying to choose something?
When is it detrimental to our happiness and well-being to have unrealistic expectations and how can you determine when it is ok to have high expectations?
What is the most powerful gift we can give to people we care about who are suffering?
What is toxic positivity and is it a legitimate concern in society?

 

With mental health issues on the rise in modern society, it seems like happiness is taking a back seat to productivity and profit. Younger generations are experiencing spikes in depression and suicide as a direct result of mass adoption of smartphones and social media. The news is constantly bombarding us with fear and tragic events around the world. 

 

What can we do? For one, we can start by limiting our exposure to all the screens in our daily lives. The devices we own and the software on them are all engineered to keep us using them as long as possible. If you want to feel happier, replace screen time with face time, and not the kind of face time that requires a device. Real in-person face time. The same goes for your kids. Children aren’t going to learn social skills by sitting in front of a screen all day.

 

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

 

Resources from this Episode

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar’s website

Happiness Studies Academy

 

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s episode, we cover self-awareness with Dr. Tasha Eurich. Tasha is an organizational psychologist, executive coach, researcher, and New York Times best-selling author of Insight and Bankable Leadership.

 

Self-awareness is crucial when it comes to understanding ourselves and the people around us, but how do you go about developing it, what are the biggest misconceptions about it, and what can you do to overcome the blind spots in your self-awareness?

 

What to Listen For

 
What is self-awareness? - 2:50 

 
What are the different types of self-knowledge that make up self-awareness?
What is the difference between internal and external self-knowledge and why do you need both?
How does the prevalence of smartphones negatively affect our ability to develop our self-awareness?
How many people are actually self-aware?
How do people with self-awareness use social media compared to those without self-awareness?
Why are Zoom meetings so draining compared to normal meetings?

 

 
Popular Misconceptions Around Self-awareness - 19:55 

 
What is the biggest myth surrounding introspection and self-awareness?
What is the most dangerous question we can ask ourselves when trying to develop self-awareness and what question should we ask ourselves instead?
What kind of journaling should you avoid if you are developing your self-awareness?
How do you journal in a way that is conducive to self-awareness?

 
The 3 Different Types of Blind Spots in Self-awareness - 37:50
What are the 3 different types of blind spots we have and how can we overcome them?
Why is it detrimental to your growth if you don’t have a solid feedback loop in your life?
What strategies can you use with your coworkers, friends, and family to get the feedback you need to grow and succeed?
What are the 3 building blocks of a self-aware team and why is one more important than the others?

 
What can you do to better deal with a lack of self-awareness around you?

 

 

To grow and develop as a person, you must be willing to acknowledge faults and weaknesses in yourself so you can work on improving them, or at least know how to compensate for them. You must be willing to accept that the people you interact with can have legitimate criticisms you can learn from because you can’t see your own blindspots until they are pointed out. Developing your self-awareness depends on both because you must not only work to understand yourself but also how your “self” exists in relation to others around you. 

 

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

 

Resources from this Episode

Tasha Eurich’s website

The Future Ready Leader Course by Tasha Eurich

American Icon: Alan Mulally and the Fight to Save Ford Motor Company

 

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s episode, we cover emotional bids with AJ and Johnny.

 

Understanding emotional bids is the cheat code to building great relationships, but what are they, how do you recognize them, and why does ignoring them lead to the end of relationships?

 

What to Listen For

 
Why are Emotional Bids Important - 2:25 

 
Why is it so important to your relationships to be able to recognize them? 
How can ignoring your partner’s emotional bids lead to the end of your relationship?
Why is it important to actively listen for emotional bids when you’re talking to someone?

 

 
What is an Emotional Bid - 16:38 

 
What is an emotional bid and how do you recognize when someone is trying to get you to connect?
Why is it more important to pay attention to the emotions behind the words than the words themselves?
How do you make someone want to text you back?
What can you do to be unforgettable after one conversation with someone?

 
Common Emotional Bids and the 3 Ways to Respond -  27:30
What is a bid for attention and how should you respond to it?
What is a bid for emotional support and how should you respond to it?
What does it mean to turn toward an emotional bid and how can turning away from them or against them cause your relationships to crumble?
What are the 3 ways we can respond to emotional bids and which one is guaranteed to make your relationship fail?

 
How to Use Emotional Bids to Strengthen Relationships - 48:02
What simple exercise can you use to become aware of emotional bids from the people you interact with on a daily basis?
How can a lack of awareness of emotional bids lead to divorce and what can you do to be more aware of them in your partner?

 

Emotional bids are our way of expressing vulnerability without feeling like we’re taking a big risk, so if we can recognize the emotional bids in others, acknowledge them, and respond appropriately by turning toward them, we can make the people we care about feel more comfortable being more vulnerable and connecting with us.

 

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

 

Resources from this Episode

Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship (AoC Episode 719)

Turning Toward Emotion (AoC Episode 720)

The Love Lab - Gottman Institute

Art of Charm Emotional Bids Cheat Sheet

X-Factor Accelerator Mentorship

Core Confidence Coaching Program

 

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s episode, we cover relationships and conflict resolution with Mira Kirshenbaum. Mira is the author of eleven books, the co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families and individuals, and has been a workshop leader and trainer for medical professionals at Harvard Medical School and other institutions.

 

Despite what Hollywood tells us, relationships are not easy and are not always pleasant, so why do couples fight, how do we resolve conflicts in a way that both partners can be satisfied with the outcome, and how do we reframe love in the 21st century to be a reasonable goal we can work toward?

 

What to Listen For

 
Why Do Couples Fight - 1:57 

 
Why do couples fight and what do you need to stop doing to prevent future fights?
Why do we imitate the power moves of our parents in our own relationships?
What does it mean to feel disempowered in a relationship?
How do people use distance to hurt their significant other and what can we do to overcome that?

 

 
The 8 Core Experiences of Love - 11:00 (starts with AJ saying, “When we think about fights…”)

 
What should you do everyday to build and maintain healthy relationships with the people you care about?
What does it mean to be fair in a relationship?
What question should you ask to find out how best to support your significant other when you’re not sure what to do?
What does it mean to show respect for your significant other?
Is passion a one time thing in a relationship, or is it cyclical?

 
Conflict Resolution in Relationships - 28:30 (starts with AJ saying, “Now we had Annie Duke on our show…”)
How can you use quantification to solve arguments in your relationships?
What is the 1-2-3 method and how can you use it to stop arguments from blowing up?
What questions can you ask your partner to better understand their concerns about an issue you two are facing?
What are the 2 magic questions you should always be ready to ask when you and your partner are facing an issue?
What can you do to handle the financial side of a relationship so it doesn’t ruin a great partnership?
What do power moves look like that revolve around money?

 
Reframing Love in the 21st Century - 46:00
What is the biggest myth about love in modern times and what can we do to reframe love so it is not based on fairy tales?
How much work is necessary for maintaining a successful relationship?
What are the 4 kinds of relationships and what can you learn from them so you know what to avoid in the future?
What are the most important steps to take and conversations to have before you have children?

 

Relationships are often portrayed as the happy ending and the beginning of a trouble-free life filled with love and affection. But any healthy relationship is going to take a lot of work and communication - they don’t just happen. People are too different from one another to be able to come to a quick & easy agreement on everything. We all have different beliefs, thoughts, and expectations about love and relationships, and even life. We must be willing to learn about each other and if you want a relationship to last, both of you must put in the work to maintain it.

 

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

 

Resources from this Episode

Mira Kirshenbaum on Facebook

Mira Kirshenbaum on Twitter

Mira Kirshenbaum’s books on Amazon

Why Couples Fight by Mira Kirshenbaum

Annie Duke | The Secret Ingredient to Making the RIGHT Decision When It Really Matters

 

In today’s episode, we cover overcoming breakups with Amy Chan. Amy has been writing about relationships, dating, and love for over a decade, is the Editor-in-Chief of Heart Hackers Club, and is the author of Breakup Bootcamp – The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.

 

The end of a relationship can be a traumatic experience for many but it doesn’t have to break you - so what can you do to bounce back as an even better version of yourself, how can you learn from the relationship, and what resources can you rely on to help you move on? 

 

What to Listen For

 
How Amy Chan Became a Relationship Expert - 0:21

 

 

 
Breakup Bounce Back and Attachment Theory - 2:19

 
What can you do to focus on yourself and heal after a breakup rather than blame the ex and other external factors?
What is Attachment Theory and how does it teach us to view love as we grow up?
What are the 3 main types of attachment that we learn during our childhood and how do they influence our view of love in adulthood?
Once you know what your style of attachment is, what can you do to prevent yourself from sabotaging future relationships?
How do you set healthy boundaries with friends and family after a breakup if they’re constantly trying to give you advice and project their own issues on you?

 
Learning From the Past for Future Relationships - 21:00
What exercises can you use to recognize red flags with new potential partners if you have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another?
How do you identify the baggage that YOU bring into relationships so you don’t let it destroy your relationships?
What journaling prompts can you use to heal after a breakup?
Why is breaking up from a relationship similar to breaking an addiction and what can you do to make it as brief and painless as possible?
Why are rituals important to recovering normalcy after a breakup and what rituals can you start using today?
How can we make the right choice when we are overwhelmed by dating options in front of us so we don’t waste our time?
What are the 3 secret ingredients in a healthy relationship foundation?

 
What is the Breakup Bootcamp - 44:06
What goes on during Amy Chan’s Breakup Bootcamp?
What is limerence and how does it keep us in a vicious cycle of hurt?
What is the biggest myth about how men and women handle breakups? 

 

The end of a relationship can feel like losing a loved one because your significant other feels like a part of your identity and your future. Losing that part of you, and feeling like a part of your future is ripped out from under you can be a difficult event to recover from, but there are steps you can take to minimize the suffering and move forward as a better stronger version of yourself.

 

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

 

Resources from this Episode

Amy Chan on Twitter

Breakup Bootcamp

Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart by Amy Chan

 

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s episode, we cover effective feedback with Therese Huston. Therese founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University, has given more than 225 keynotes, talks, and workshops, and is the author of Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower.

 

Giving great feedback is not easy and poorly worded feedback can put anyone on the defensive, so what does effective feedback look like, what can you do to practice giving great feedback, and why is it important to get better at giving feedback?

 

What to Listen For

 
Therese Huston’s Beginning - 0:00

 
What sparked Therese’s interest in researching the topic of effective feedback?

 

 
The 3 Different Types of Feedback - 1:49

 
What are the 3 different types of feedback and how do you put all 3 together to give the best feedback?
How do you give genuine appreciation and use it to transition into coaching feedback?
What is coaching and how is it different from pointing out what someone is doing wrong?
What does it mean to separate the person from the problem when giving feedback and why is it important if you don’t want the person to get defensive? 
Why does the feedback sandwich receive so much criticism and what is the correct way to use the technique?

 

 
Cultivating a Growth Mindset Receptive to Feedback - 17:48

 
What can you do to cultivate a growth mindset in your managers so they can work with their employees rather than against them?
Why do you need to state your intentions as a manager when giving feedback? 
What is the difference between a “me strength” and a “we strength” and why can a deficiency in one lead to a team’s failure?

 
How to be a Better Leader and Team Member - 31:55
What are the different types of listening and why is it crucial to use one instead of the other? 
What is critical listening and why can critical listening in the wrong situation lead to a breakdown in communication?
What can you do as a manager to ask better questions and thus get better results?
What can you do to bring out the potential in younger employees?
How do you move past unconscious bias in the workplace?
What challenges does working remotely introduce into the process of giving effective feedback and what can you do to overcome them?

 

Giving feedback can feel like a delicate balance between being too harsh and being too nice. On one hand, if we’re afraid to hurt their feelings, we might sugarcoat the issues and fail to impress upon them just how important it is that they improve. On the other hand, we want to be clear with people about what we want them to work on and why it’s important they improve, but it can be easy to overwhelm them with what they’re doing wrong and turn them against us. 

 

A Word From Our Sponsors

Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!

 

Resources from this Episode

Therese Huston’s website

Let’s Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower by Therese Huston

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

 

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

AJ on Instagram

Johnny on Instagram

The Art of Charm on Instagram

The Art of Charm on YouTube

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.