The Reconnection Club Podcast Tina Gilbertson

These things are true about estrangement support on the internet:
1. Many estranged adult children’s forums contain mean-spirited remarks about rejected parents.
2. Many rejected parents’ forums contain mean-spirited remarks about estranged adult children.
3. Mean-spirited remarks don’t heal the pain of estrangement on either side.
True support, in the form of validation of emotion and compassionate education, are also available online.
In this grounding episode, Tina shares the words of an unwillingly estranged parent who values the support available to her estranged adult child on the internet.
If you’re worried about the internet turning your adult child against you, be prepared for an uplifting mindset shift.
For much more on how to understand estrangement by adult children and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
Not a member yet? Learn more and join.
EPISODE LINKS:
Freedom of Mind – education on cults

When your own adult child cuts you off, it can be deeply hurtful. And part of the reason for that pain is what it feels like their estrangement means.
Many rejected parents believe it’s their personal flaws that prompted their adult children to create distance. They think that because they’ll never be perfect, there’s nothing they can do to repair the relationship.
But estranged adult children don’t need parents to be perfect; just listen to RCP 121 on that point. In this helpful episode, Tina makes the case that parents’ weaknesses per se are not to blame for estrangement.
All parents have flaws; those are simply part of the human landscape. Tina argues that it’s interactions -- through habits, family dynamics and specific behaviors -- that should be the focus of repair efforts. Unlike personality, personal interactions are potentially under our control.
This is good news. You can’t (and don’t have to) change who you are. Specific behavioral changes are far more accessible. They could make a huge difference to you and your estranged adult child(ren).
For more on how to repair troubled relationships with adult children, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

It’s common for parents to believe that the “punishment” of estrangement is supposed to fit the “crime” – whatever it may be – to which their adult child is holding them accountable by keeping their distance.
This idea that the length or perceived severity of estrangement correlates exclusively to an injury or injuries suffered by the adult child in childhood is, in most cases, a myth.
Trying to map your adult child’s estrangement onto their childhood may be nothing more than an exercise in frustration. Most parents remember making sacrifices and efforts on their children’s behalf. Therefore they tend to look back at the time as, at worst, a mixed bag for their child(ren).
Relationships are complicated. So is estrangement. In this myth-busting episode, Tina advises listeners to stop linking present estrangement behavior to the distant past, and embrace the current context of accumulated experience.
For more on understanding why adult children cut off their parents and what you can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
Not a member yet? Learn more and join.
EPISODE LINKS:
Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child: Practical Tips and Tools to Heal Your Relationship
These 4 Things Affect How Long You’ll Be Estranged
RC Podcast Episode 20: What Your Child’s Silence Really Means
RC Podcast Episode 154: Nothing Happens in a Vacuum

What are parents supposed to do when estranged adult children leave their belongings at home?
That’s a tricky question. There isn’t just one right answer that will fit for every family.
When you’re storing the belongings of someone who’s not talking to you, you’re in a difficult position – both logistically and emotionally. How do you decide what to do that won’t harm the relationship, when you have feelings and needs of your own?
This episode normalizes the storing of adult children’s stuff, but also walks listeners through some good steps to take when a decision needs to be made about moving their possessions.
For more ideas on how to repair your parent-adult child relationship, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Estrangement from family is a kind of ambiguous loss. But some of the losses that are often associated with estrangement are definitive. They can be grieved.
For parents who are unwillingly estranged from their adult children, there are at least five potential, definitive losses they might sustain during estrangement. Tina walks listeners through them in this important episode, and encourages you to begin the grieving process now.
Once estrangement ends, many find that healing still takes time. By acknowledging and grieving identifiable losses during estrangement, you can start working through the emotional fallout from this painful passage.
Links to resources mentioned in this episode are listed below.
For more on how to respond effectively to estrangement by adult children, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
Not a member yet? Learn more and join.
EPISODE LINKS:
RC Podcast Ep. 2 Estrangement is an Ambiguous Loss
RC Podcast Ep. 95 The Deep Pain of the Rejected Parent
RC Podcast Ep. 139 Emotions of Estrangement, Part 1
RC Podcast Ep. 151 Losing Time While Estranged
Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them

Some parents of estranged adult children beat themselves up for parenting “mistakes” they couldn’t possibly have avoided. Others blame their children for being difficult, ungrateful or too sensitive.
What’s missing from these simplistic assignments of blame for estrangement? Context.
According to Tina, context is very often overlooked to the detriment of both parents and children. In this episode, she gives three specific examples of context that many parents fail to fully appreciate.
You may be inspired to examine the context of your own situation as you listen, and to consider its impact on feelings and behavior. Doing so can help you find peace and stop blaming yourself.
For much more on how to understand estrangement by adult children and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
Not a member yet? Learn more and join.