55 episodes

Helping parents heal from estrangement with their adult children. Hosted by psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, author of "Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child."

The Reconnection Club Podcast Tina Gilbertson

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.6 • 163 Ratings

Helping parents heal from estrangement with their adult children. Hosted by psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, author of "Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child."

    Important Announcement Regarding Access

    Important Announcement Regarding Access

    There are many more episodes to come! To find ALL episodes of the Reconnection Club Podcast, go to Reconnectionclub.com/podcast.

    • 1 min
    Road Map to Reconnection, Part 3

    Road Map to Reconnection, Part 3

    Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child.
    In the 3rd and final episode of this series, you'll find out why it's important to go through the steps in order, and not to enter Step 3 prematurely.
    By the time you get to this last step, you should already have completed 90% of the work of reconnection -- even without your adult child's participation.
    Tina cautions that many rejected parents go through the steps backwards, expending energy in fruitless efforts for which they haven't yet built a foundation.
    You'll also hear about three different traps that parents can fall into, in trying to repair an estrangement.
    Once you've spent constructive time in Steps 1 and 2, you'll be prepared for Step 3, which should be the easiest of the three, if approached in order.

    • 20 min
    Road Map to Reconnection, Part 1

    Road Map to Reconnection, Part 1

    Episodes 97, 98 and 99 form a 3-part series outlining an overall stepwise approach to reconnecting with your estranged adult child.
    In the first episode, Tina explains why it's important to slow down and avoid acting impulsively, from a place of desperation.
    This foundational episode provides a rationale for Step 1, and then lists specific tasks appropriate for this first phase of responding to your adult child's estrangement.
    You'll learn why it's necessary to pay attention to your nervous system, and how best to avoid unnecessary suffering. (According to Buddhism, pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional.)
    Reconnection Club members can find an annotated guide to the Road Map, with links to Tina's favorite resources, inside the Reconnection Club.
     

    • 16 min
    The Deep Pain of the Rejected Parent

    The Deep Pain of the Rejected Parent

    This week’s episode begins with an assertion that neither pain nor compassion is a zero-sum commodity.
    Estranged adult child are in some ways wounded by the relationship they share with their parents. Most people in this position are in pain over the necessity of estrangement.
    Acknowledging that fact, we can still find compassion for the rejected parent who finds himself left behind. It’s usually the case that he did the best he knew how to do, and didn’t mean to hurt his child(ren).
    Estrangement involves pain on both sides.
    Tina talks about three separate types of parental pain, which she suggests exist at deeper and deeper levels in the parent.
    If you’re hurting over the relationship with your adult child or children, this episode is a must-listen.

    • 11 min
    You're Both Adults, But Not Peers

    You're Both Adults, But Not Peers

    The parent-child relationship is not like any other. In so many ways, your role has always been a more demanding one than your child’s.
    If you were lucky, you had no responsibility for your parents when you were growing up; they took care of you, and not the other way around.
    Parents care for their children, and children are cared for by parents. There's something inherently asymmetrical about the relationship.
    That dynamic gets etched into both of your psyches as your child grows to maturity. And even though she’s now an adult, she’s never going to be exactly like your peers.
    Tina describes the ways and means that parents shoulder the burden of steering relationships with their children.
    It’s clear that although parents and children are not exactly peers, even in adulthood, parents trade the responsibilities of parenting for the honor of being irreplaceable.
    Most of us have just one of each parent. Never believe you’re interchangeable with anyone else in your adult child’s life.

    • 11 min
    How to Let Them Know You've Changed

    How to Let Them Know You've Changed

    Once you start learning, growing and healing through estrangement from an adult child, you might feel like sharing new insights with your child.
    Why wouldn’t s/he be interested in hearing what you’ve learned? And how exciting, to have new knowledge that can create a positive impact in your relationship.
    That’s why many parents ask, “How do I let my estranged adult child know I’ve changed, if we’re not currently in contact?”
    Tina’s answer is, “Don’t be in a hurry to do that.” Find out why you might want to wait on writing them a note about the work you've been doing, and what to do instead.
    For practical tips on how to repair an estranged relationship with your adult child(ren), see Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
    Reconnection Club members can discuss this episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
    Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

    • 7 min

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5
163 Ratings

163 Ratings

manda11285 ,

I love this

I am an estranged adult child, one year in to no-contact with a very sick, unhealthy, dysfunctional family. I have been trying to save myself for the past year and gain knowledge. I am fascinated hearing from the flip side of estrangement discussions. I appreciate that she remains mostly neutral about who is to blame in family dysfunction , typically society sees people like myself as flippant and ungrateful and having intent to “punish “ our family- so not the case. I really enjoy gaining additional insight. Thanks Tina!

lisa7688 ,

Very grateful

I’m very grateful for this podcast. It’s a great resource if you’re looking for insight and self improvement.

Samandz ,

Wish reverse side was explored more

My mom abandoned me in my deepest depression. It seems the focus here is almost all about parents being shut out by their kids. I can’t be the only one.

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