200 episodes

Learn the secrets of saving a troubled marriage, and the methods to improve any marriage. Join Dr. Lee Baucom as he explores practical ways to save a marriage. Gain the understanding and tools you need in order to successfully solve your relationship problems with love and respect.

The Save The Marriage Podcast Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.5 • 309 Ratings

Learn the secrets of saving a troubled marriage, and the methods to improve any marriage. Join Dr. Lee Baucom as he explores practical ways to save a marriage. Gain the understanding and tools you need in order to successfully solve your relationship problems with love and respect.

    Midlife Marriage Crisis and Connecting

    Midlife Marriage Crisis and Connecting

    Mid Life Crisis… the butt of many jokes.  And a crisis for many marriages!  I have seen several studies that challenged whether there is such a thing as a mid life crisis.  I don’t find many of my therapist or coach friends wondering that.  We see it every day.



    And I see the strain a MLC can place on an already-hurting marriage.  If the marriage is disconnected already, a MLC turns into a MLMC (mid life marriage crisis).  Which often leads to compounding issues, like an affair.



    What can you do, if your spouse is having a mid life crisis?  And what if it is complicated by an affair?



    In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss what a MLC is, when it can become a MLMC, and what to do in response.  Even if there is an affair.



    (Why this episode?  Because a listener asked.  If you have a question — a Goldilocks question, as I discuss in the episode — you can send it here.)



     



    RELATED RESOURCES:

    Mid Life Crisis Series

    Why Connection is So Important

    The Pause Button

    Dealing with Affairs

    My Book:  Recovering from the Affair

    My Program:  Save The Marriage

    • 20 min
    Stuck in Questioning

    Stuck in Questioning

    Are you stuck questioning whether your spouse is the RIGHT spouse, whether your love is REAL, whether there is someone ELSE, or maybe your spouse is being unfaithful?



    That is often very normal.



    To a degree.



    It is entirely normal for people in regular, normal, healthy relationships to have questions that just pop up from time-to-time.  That is just what our brain does.  It tosses out “bait” of thoughts, to see which ones you bite on (which just sets the hook) and which ones pass.  Which ones you LET pass.



    And there are times, when a relationship is toxic, that you have those thoughts because your mind is trying to get your attention — to get you to ACT.



    And then, there is a third category.  When those thoughts become obsessive.  When they keep you stuck.  There are some clinicians that refer to this as ROCD — Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.



    The problem is, those 3 points can be, ummmm… less than clear.



    In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I answer a listener’s question as a way of jumping into thinking about thoughts.  When does it matter and what can you do about it?



    Listen below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    Thinking about Thoughts

    Relying on Commitment

    Save The Marriage System

    My Books

    • 25 min
    Mistakes Were Made (Now What?)

    Mistakes Were Made (Now What?)

    I don’t know about you, but I just don’t do things perfectly.  I make mistakes.



    Okay, I’ll admit it:  I DO know about you.  You make mistakes, too.  And how do I know??



    We ALL make mistakes!  Especially when we are doing things that are tough, important, and stressful.  And when we don’t know what we are doing, anyway.



    And I’m pretty sure that saving your marriage is tough, important, and stressful.  Oh, and if you are like most people, you don’t really know what you are doing (if you did, you wouldn’t be here — on this page or with a struggling relationship).



    So let’s just assume that you have made some mistakes.  On this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, we talk about what to do.  I cover questions from two T’s.  Different questions, it would seem.  But at their core, they are very similar.  So, I give some info that applies to each situation, and then we dive into what to do when mistakes are made.



    And they WILL be made!



    Listen to the episode below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    What NOT To Do

    The 4 C’s

    Why Things Aren’t Turning Around

    Staying In It When You Feel Like Quitting

    Save The Marriage System

    VIP (If you have the System)

    • 23 min
    Hot & Cold

    Hot & Cold

    Hot and cold.  That is often what I hear people describe.  About their spouses.  One minute/hour/day/week, there is warmth and connection… things seem to be improving.  And in the next minute/hour/day/week, the cold returns.  Distance and dread return.  Are things going south?  Is this the time when things don’t turn around?



    And then… the pattern repeats again.



    It can through you off your efforts, discourage you, even tempting you to give up.



    So, what is that all about, anyway?



    “M” is in this very situation.  She wants to understand it, so she knows how to respond (not react, but respond).  It may be YOUR question, too.  Especially if your spouse did what M’s spouse did:  Gave the “ILYBNILWY” speech (“I Love You But Not In Love With You”)



    I explain what is going on here, and what to do about it.  Listen below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    Confusion or Connection

    3 C’s

    4th C

    Don’t React

    Save The Marriage System

    My Books

    • 20 min
    When to Talk?

    When to Talk?

    You’ve taken steps to save your marriage.  And it seems to be working!  Things are improving.  The ice is melting.  Perhaps you are treating each other better, maybe even laughing here and there.



    And perhaps YOU took some big step — like writing the apology letter the way that I recommend.  But you also know that when to talk — when to address the issues — is a big concern.  If you ask too soon, do you risk a setback?



    A podcast listener recently sent in a question about that.  Her anxiety has been building about their progress.  She can see the signs.  But what about that “elephant in the room?”  Is it time to address it?



    In this episode of the podcast, I respond to “S” to bring some clarity to the question, “When to Talk?"



    You can listen below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    Save The Marriage System

    My Books

    What NOT to Do

    The Importance of an Apology

    • 18 min
    Taking Back the Hurt

    Taking Back the Hurt

    We all do it.  We say something in the heat of the moment… and feelings get hurt.



    Sometimes, though, that can be the “last straw,” that final tap over the edge that leads to crisis.  For a listener of my podcast, “R,” that is what happened. He wrote me, asking, “how could I take back the strong/attacking/hurtful words I said to my wife."



    I answer him in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.



    But before I answer that specific question, I go into some dangers of separation (they ended up in an “in-house” separation).  And I pull apart the myth of “work on myself OR work on the relationship."



    As is often the case when I respond to an email question, this doesn’t just apply to R.  It may very well apply to YOU!



    (Oh, and by the way, if you have the “Goldilocks question” — not too broad, not too specific, but just right — send me your question for possible answers in future podcast episodes. I tell you how in the podcast episode.)



    You can listen to the episode below.



    RELATED TOPICS:

    Apologies

    Forgiving

    Working on Yourself

    Dealing with Separation

    Save The Marriage System

    • 12 min

Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5
309 Ratings

309 Ratings

amyleo33 ,

Real help

Thoughtful, productive and direct relationship advice delivered with kindness and respect.

Acpro08251 ,

Truly eye opening

Dr. Baucom’s way of explaining all the situations that come up in marriages and how to deal with them constructively has changed the way I look at challenges in my marriage. Thank you!

pbjisaok ,

Save the marriage and more!

Dr. Baucom is the exception to, “you get what you pay for”. This podcast is a gem of knowledge that has deeply impacted my life in so many ways. We are so lucky it’s free! It’s real life relationship information with applicable solutions, not just talk about what the problems are. This podcast is worth so much, and I commend Dr. Baucom for offering it for free. I have deep appreciation and gratitude for this! Thank you.

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