The Unburdened Leader Rebecca Ching, LMFT

What does it mean to you to live a life with no regrets? Is that even possible?

What if it’s less about avoiding regrets entirely and more about being clear on your values, dreams, and desires and combining that with intentional practices to build a life focused on things that matter to you and the world around you?

Of course, this takes work because we’re constantly pulled in many different directions and responding to many inputs, just trying to keep our heads above water. 

To lead well, we must get clarity in our values and develop trusting relationships with our inner worlds and physical bodies.

Instead of chasing a life with zero regrets, we need to learn to respond well to our regrets in the moment. If we want to look back and feel good about how we responded, we can’t numb out or bypass; we must make amends and correct our course.

Today’s conversation is with a long-time friend and colleague who reminds us that living an aligned life is a meandering path, a life that is always stretched and tested. It's not always easy, but when we stay connected to our values, desires, and integrity, there can be ease and clarity even in the hard times.

Molly Mahar is the founder of Stratejoy, a community helping women reclaim intimate, honest, and joyful relationships with themselves for the good of all. She's an entrepreneur, mama, writer, and adventurer obsessed with designing personal experiments that scare you, telling the truth, and her new teardrop trailer. In this episode, Molly shares her journey of living an aligned life, her struggles, and the lessons she learned along the way. 

Listen to the full episode to hear:
How Molly prepared, financially and emotionally, to embark on a year of travel and a major move with her familyHow relocating on their return may have actually made it easier for Molly to integrate her experiencesWhat putting their lives on hold and being together 24/7 revealed about Molly’s relationship with her husband, their parenting choices, and how they handle conflictThe support and practices that helped Molly get back in alignment Unpacking her complicated relationship with alcohol and why she knew she needed to get sober for goodThe core questions that Molly used to guide her self-reflection throughout the trip
Learn more about Molly Mahar:
StratejoyInstagram: @stratejoy, @mollymahar
Learn more about Rebecca:
rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email
Resources:
EP 107: The Seasons of Entrepreneurship: Leading a Deliberate Life with Laura RoederBetween Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted, Suleika JaouadBirnam Wood, Eleanor CattonYou, Again, Kate GoldbeckPaper Planes - Radio UpMAGIC! – Good Feeling About YouNyadThe Idea of YouSaved by the Bell

What do you want to be known for? And what actions do you take to be seen in that light? 

What lengths do you go to to avoid being misunderstood and viewed differently than what you want to be known for? 

What drives what you want to be known for, and what are your choices to uphold your desired image or reputation?

Most of us have multiple internal agendas that shape our decisions and how we show up and are seen by others and ourselves. Our values, fears, and burdens, internally and externally, drive us. 

When we place our worth and safety solely in the hands of others, we go to great lengths to hold on to how we want to be perceived. Lengths that too often leave a wake of chaos, abuse of power, manipulation, and betrayal–all to maintain the illusion of control.

We need more leaders who give us hope and reverence for humanity and others. These leaders do the work to build their capacity for discomfort so that they can lead with conviction, humility, and a deep sense of connectedness bigger than their personal ambitions or fears.

Joining us today is a guest who embodies the principles we discuss on this podcast. Dee Kelley is a leader who leads with love and compassion, demonstrating the power of these qualities in leadership. Our conversation with Dee is a reminder that compassion and empathy are not signs of weakness, but rather, tools for personal growth and resilience.

Selden “Dee” Kelley is a lifelong learner and a beacon of knowledge. With five degrees, his academic prowess is unmatched. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego, demonstrating his deep understanding of faith and its intersection with personal development. 

A driving force in his life is to help others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness. He now helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making and improved creative thinking.

Listen to the full episode to hear:
Why Dee wanted to open a conversation about the relationship between the LGTBQIA+ community and the church, and why he has no regrets despite the consequencesHow Dee came to realize that the things he feared in others were invitations for learning and growthWhy we need to commit to having hard conversations even when we don’t know the outcomeHow a strong sense of values and identity apart from his position in the church softened the loss of his role and credentialsHow Dee’s case sits in the larger context of faith communities grappling with and declaring how they will relate to LGBTQIA+ communities
Learn more about Dee Kelley:
WebsiteInstagram: @drdeedreamscoach
Learn more about Rebecca:
rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.
Resources:
The Daring Way™EP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard SchwartzA Hope For ChangeWhy We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, Matthew WalkerAstridWomen Talking

What are you deliberate about in your life?

What does living deliberately mean to you?

Would you say that you’re a deliberate person? Would those who know you say that you are deliberate in how you live your life and lead?

Living deliberately can be a real challenge, especially when we’re constantly dealing with unexpected issues and navigating through the many crises in our world. The pace of life is so fast, it often feels impossible to slow down and reflect before taking action.

But there’s something deeply important about being deliberate if we want to cultivate life, work, and relationships that align with our values. It is messy, awkward, and challenging, but it is so worth it.

Today’s guest has built a career that serves her personal needs, values, interests, and skills through deliberate action, even when it flies in the face of conventional wisdom about entrepreneurship. 

Our guest today, Laura Roeder, is a true inspiration. She's a lifelong entrepreneur and the founder of several bootstrapped companies that have each reached multi-million dollar status. Her ventures include Paperbell, CoachCompare, MeetEdgar, Marie Forleo’s B-School, and LKR Social Media. She's been recognized as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs under 30 and has shared her insights on entrepreneurship at prestigious venues like the White House, the Virgin Unites Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship, the University of Southern California, and Loyola Marymount University.

Listen to the full episode to hear:
How Laura’s desire for time freedom has impacted her decision-making as a business ownerHow launching a business immediately before having her first child fundamentally changed the way Laura has run every venture sinceWhy leaders need to let go of the belief that they can’t teach someone else to do what they do How owning up to your mistakes and the steps you’ve taken to fix them builds trustHow Laura has navigated her desire to work and to lead after selling a company for a life-changing amount of money
Learn more about Laura Roeder:
BlogPaperbellInstagram: @bypaperbell
Learn more about Rebecca:
rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.
Resources:
The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth about Extraordinary Results, Gary KellerNo, Wealth is Not a Measure of Value CreationExit Interview: The Life and Death of My Ambitious Career, Kristi CoulterFlorence and the MachineLove is BlindSaved by the BellWaking Up

Do you have thoughts about how the word “trauma” and other therapy-speak terms have bled into our day-to-day conversations in person, at work, and on social media?

Do you feel pressure to perform being “okay,” even when you’re anything but?

Have you ever pursued a project or career milestone only to realize, once you achieved it, that it no longer fits your life, values, or interests?

Today’s guest is a long-time, respected colleague who joins me for a profound and thought-provoking conversation about all of the above and then some. It’s a privilege to have people with whom we can engage in deep conversations without hesitation or self-editing; this chat is no exception.

Our guest, Sarah Buino, is a renowned speaker, educator, and therapist. She is the founder of Head/Heart Therapy, Inc. and Head/Heart Business Therapy, and a member of the adjunct faculty at Loyola University Chicago. Sarah is also a podcast host, known for her series, ‘Conversations With a Wounded Healer' and 'The Burnt Out Practice Owner.’ Her work focuses on the role of personal healing in caregiving and the challenges of group therapy practice ownership.

Listen to the full episode to hear:
How the concept of ordinary trauma helped Sarah recognize what was and wasn’t her responsibility as she healedThe essential difference between discomfort and trauma and how it relates to our relationship with agencyWhy being “okay” is just a data point, not a destinationHow mindful awareness sets the stage for healing, regardless of modalityWhy Sarah maintains that therapy is political and that we have to lead through values and relationshipsHow Sarah and her colleagues brought their values into their group practiceHow Sarah came to realize that she was done owning her practice and ready to move on
Learn more about Sarah Buino:
Head/Heart Business TherapyInstagram: @HeadHeartBizTherapyConversations with a Wounded Healer PodcastThe Sarahs
Learn more about Rebecca:
rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email
Resources:
How trauma became the word of the decade — and the Covid-19 pandemic - VoxWhat is NARM?Farewell, Strategic Accommodation, An Elegy to White Supremacy by Sarah SuzukiDecolonizing Therapy for Black Folk 2024Politicizing Your PracticeLiving In The Tension: The Quest for a Spiritualized Racial Justice, Shelley TochlukOlivia Rodrigo - vampireThe Secret of Skinwalker RanchSaved by the Bell

What does healing mean to you? 

What expectations do you hold around how we heal and how quickly we heal?

Meeting our basic human need to be loved and experience belonging can be the root of many things we do, say, and want–for better or for worse.

Many of us have experienced relationships that shape how we pursue love and belonging, how we respond to folks who are different or have differences, how we handle conflict, and how we navigate not being perfect and not knowing all the answers.

So, how we seek love and belonging and perceive and pursue healing are inextricably connected.

Under those circumstances, we want to rush our healing process, achieve our desired changes, and be fixed as soon as possible. The stakes are high!

But we do not arrive at “healed” and coast for the rest of our lives. There is no three-step plan to change, heal, and thrive ever after.

Healing is a lifelong process that must be pursued and revisited with the ebbs and flows of our lives. Sometimes, those ebbs and flows feel like tsunamis, forcing us to revisit old wounds or discover new spaces in our stories that require our care and attention so that we can find love and belonging within, first and foremost.

Frank Anderson, MD, returns to the show to discuss his beautiful new book, To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation.

Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who’s spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public.

Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:
How the process of writing his memoir caused Frank to interact with his past in ways that surprised himThe tricky balance of telling stories honestly but from a loving place, especially with his familyHow releasing his anger and coming to forgive and love people who harmed him gave Frank space and freedom to forgive himself for the harm he has doneWhy Frank says healing happens first emotionally and somatically within yourself, and then you can work towards relational healing and forgivenessHow different phases of Frank’s life have influenced what and how trauma he unpacked and releasedWhy do we have to stop clinging to divisive polarities and recognize the good and bad in ourselves and each other 
Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:
WebsiteInstagram: @frank_andersonmdFacebook: @mdfrankandersonConnect on LinkedInTo Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and TransformationTranscending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family Systems
Learn more about Rebecca:
rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.
Resources:
Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, Tammy NelsonConan Gray - HeatherP!NK - TRUSTFALLFellow Travelers

If you love, you experience loss. 

Looking back over the last few years, who or what have you lost? A loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a pet, a job, your health, your community? Something else? 

Have you had time to reflect on and grieve your losses and find meaning and sense in all you experienced? 

And how do you talk about your losses with those around you, if at all?

We cannot engineer the experience of grief out of our lives, but many try, at a significant cost, to their well-being, their relationships, and their ability to function, connect, and lead.

Grief will always do its job regardless of our response to grief’s presence. And the more we try to avoid the heartbreak, mess, awkwardness, outrage, and vulnerability, the more we disconnect from our humanity and those around us.  

So, the question for us is: How will we respond when grief comes knocking in our personal lives, work, and world? 

Joon ‘J.S.’ Park is a hospital chaplain, former atheist/agnostic, sixth-degree black belt, suicide survivor, and Korean-American, a person of faith and valuer of all. 

He is the author of As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and memoir, and The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.

J.S. currently serves at a top-ranked, 1,000+ bed hospital and was a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the unhoused on the East Coast.

Content note: This conversation covers topics around sexual abuse, suicide, and experiences of racism. Joon’s message and heart feel healing and gracious as he shares some tender issues. But please take care of yourself as you move through this beautiful conversation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:
The physical toll of unacknowledged accumulated grief that J.S. took on through his chaplaincy trainingHow contending with pervasive and severe suffering daily challenged and reshaped J.S.’s faithHow he began to grapple with his experiences of abuse, racism and internalized shameWhy we need to learn to engage with a range of grief and validate our responses to it to healWhat we can learn about others when they use clichés and platitudes in response to griefHow working closely with grief has changed J.S.’s concept of what it means to be successful 
Learn more about J.S. Park:
Instagram: @jspark3000Facebook: @jspark3000As Long As You Need: Permission to GrieveThe Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise
Learn more about Rebecca:
rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email
Resources:
Meditations of the Heart, Howard ThurmanWhat We Kept to Ourselves, Nancy Jooyoun KimThe Last Story of Mina Lee, Nancy Jooyoun KimDeparturesAndorBeyond the Infinite Two Minutes