The Unburdened Leader

Rebecca Ching, LMFT
  • 5.0 (69)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED SEMIMONTHLY
The Unburdened Leader

Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

  1. FEB 21

    EP 124: Doing the Work: Internal Family Systems and Creativity with Sacha Mardou

    Toxic leadership stems from the burdens of unresolved trauma and difficult life experiences.  When you don’t do the work to regulate your nervous system, the parts of you that protect you through mico-managing, shaming, blaming, not trusting anyone, or worse will eventually wreak havoc on your career, those you lead, and your own capacity for discomfort. So, what does it look like for you to commit to doing the work? Maybe you go to therapy or coaching, or adopt practices to deepen your self-awareness and reflection. The trouble is, “doing the work” can easily turn into navel-gazing or intellectualizing. The same tools that might help you unburden can also be used to numb out. We so often are sold the idea that we will overcome and be done with it that we bypass doing the real, deep, lifelong work. Today’s guest illustrates–literally–what it looks and feels like to commit to doing powerful work. Her gorgeous new graphic novel, Past Tense, shares her windy and beautiful journey of doing the work through the lens of Internal Family Systems. Sacha Mardou was born in Macclesfield in 1975 and grew up in Manchester, England. She began making comics after getting her BA in English Literature from the University of Wales, Lampeter. Her critically acclaimed graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, was named an outstanding comic of 2015 by the Village Voice and shortlisted for the 2016 Slate Studio Prize. Since 2019 she has been making comics about therapy and healing. Her graphic memoir Past Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy is out now. Since 2005 she has lived in St Louis, Missouri with her cartoonist husband Ted May, their daughter and two disruptive cats. Listen to the full episode to hear: How going to therapy for what she thought was just anxiety became a journey of unpacking her past How her therapist helped her “correct the picture” she’d been holding of people and events of her childhoodHow Sacha adapted her private sketched therapy notes into the comics she shares publiclyHow working with IFS to process her childhood has impacted her present-day relationshipsHow the IFS process has helped Sacha recast her difficult experiences as gifts and strengths and her story as valuableHow Sacha approached writing her book wholeheartedly, while still protecting her boundaries Learn more about Sacha Mardou: WebsitePast Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in TherapyInstagram: @mardou_drawsFacebook: @sachamardou Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Family Secrets with Dani ShapiroEP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 101: Transforming the Legacy Burdens from Relational Trauma with Deran YoungCompassion Prison ProjectCece Sykes LCSWRalph De La Rosa, LCSWDoris LessingEric MaiselElizabeth GilbertSitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body, Rebekah TaussigLove Is a Burning Thing, Nina St. PierreTeenage Fanclub - Mellow DoubtThe FranchiseThe Office

    1h 10m

  2. JAN 31

    EP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb Dana

    These days, the call for leaders to be adaptable, agile, flexible, clear, focused, and calm could lead many to think it's not okay to feel or that you need to be a robot. We minimize our feelings and put on a brave face until we can no longer fake it, sometimes in the name of being “regulated.” When there's a trend in language or an approach to healing, it can sometimes be reductive in how it's taught, explained, or understood. Concepts drawn from Polyvagal Theory, like regulation and activation, are no exception. How some talk about regulation and dysregulation can create pressure to diminish our humanity so that we don't emote, and cause us to criticize someone if they're upset. In reality, Polyvagal Theory offers a powerful addition to your toolbox for leading yourself and others well while staying aligned with your values.  When we work towards helping our nervous systems become more agile and adaptable by putting in the reps and working to understand our systems and our stories, we can offer those we love and lead a greater sense of curiosity, compassion, and connection. And we will have enough boundaries and guardrails to know when to tap out, take a break, and ask for help. Today’s guest teaches and discusses these topics so that we can learn to regulate our nervous systems better and connect better with others.  Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series. Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives.  Listen to the full episode to hear: Why regulation is not a static state but an ongoing dynamic experience How understanding the subconscious survival responses of the nervous system under stress can help us learn to regulate and repairWhy we can’t discount or dismiss the messages our survival responses are trying to give usHow even micro-moments of responding to our nervous systems’ needs can create changeHow building capacity to resourcing regulation increases our capacity to sit with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the worldHow leaders can use Polyvagal Theory concepts to create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they lead Learn more about Deb Dana: Rhythm of Regulation Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Stephen PorgesThe Nightingale, Kristin HannahBlue: The History of a Color, Michel PastoureauCéline Dion, Andrea Bocelli - The PrayerHalloween Baking ChampionshipHoliday Baking ChampionshipThe Great British Baking Show

    1h 12m

  3. JAN 17

    EP 122: 2024 Debrief: Rhythms, Reps, and Metabolizing Loss

    I know I’m not alone in feeling like 2024 was a year. So many of us are still working through everything that happened as we wonder exactly what lies ahead. As part of that reflection on the year past and preparing for the year ahead, long-time listeners may know that I am a big believer in debriefing. I debrief weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually, and each year, I share my annual debrief with you. This debrief includes personal reflections about events in my life, how my words of the year brought some interesting data to light and guided my actions, and themes about what’s working and what’s not working as we begin the new year.  Content note: Discussion of death by suicide Listen to the full episode to hear: How my words of the year–rhythm and reps–challenged some of my deeply engrained habits and unrealistic expectationsHow a series of events in my personal life led to shifts in my rhythms and reps and deeper healingWhat 35 tomato plants taught me about priorities and planningWisdom that stuck with me from live talks by Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne LamottExperiences that brought me joy last year and why joy is essential to doing the hard work aheadManaging anger and outrage in our political climate through curiosity and healing, unburdened leadership Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Writer's Symposium by the SeaEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDElizabeth GilbertRedwoodAnne LamottConclaveRenttick, tick…BOOM!The Artist's Way, Julia CameronReal Fun, Wow!Brené BrownVirgin RiverThe OfficeParks and RecBrooklyn Nine-NineCommunityThe DiplomatLionessTimothy SnyderEP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly DielsKelly DielsFinding Mercy in Impossible Times (Father Gregory Boyle) | Pulling the Thread with Elise LoehnenFather Gregory BoyleEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women’s Anger with Soraya ChemalyRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma, Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon WattsMoms Demand ActionHow Leadership Styles Will Change in 2025

    53 min

  4. 12/20/2024

    EP 121: Loving the Other Side: Leadership That Bridges Divides with Frank Anderson

    As I’ve been reflecting on the past year, themes of relational trauma, betrayal trauma, and shame have come up again and again in our culture at large and in the work I do with leaders. Relational and betrayal traumas disrupt our ability to trust—ourselves, others, and even the world around us. These wounds often linger in ways we don’t fully see. They impact how we navigate relationships, handle conflict, and lead ourselves and others. And far, far too often, these unaddressed, unhealed traumas beget shame. Shame is one of the most destructive forces in leadership and relationships. When leaders operate out of shame, it’s volatile and dangerous. It hurts both those who wield it and those who experience it. Healing shame requires sharing our pain with those who have earned the right to hear our stories—those who can hold space for us with compassion, accountability, and empathy. Empathy is the antidote to shame, and it’s also what transforms leadership. Leaders who can navigate challenges with compassion, even under immense pressure, create trust, relational resilience, and growth environments. In today’s replay of my conversation with Dr. Frank Anderson, he reminds us that healing isn’t just personal—it’s deeply relational. He also offers the provocative idea that we all have the capacity to be healers and the capacity to harm. When we commit to healing, we reclaim our ability to lead with clarity, compassion, and courage. Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who’s spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public. Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation. Listen to the full episode to hear: Why it was so important for Frank to tell his story from a place of healing and love, even for the people who hurt him the mostHow releasing fear, anger, and shame makes space for forgiveness, healing, and loveWhy forgiveness and relational healing can only come after processing and releasing the trauma of what happened within yourselfWhy Frank says that healing is possible, but we’re never done healingHow holding onto divisive binary thinking harms all of us and keeps our culture from healingHow holding space with love and empathy can help people acknowledge what happened and accept accountabilityHow unprocessed trauma causes us to repeat toxic patterns in our lives Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD: WebsiteInstagram: @frank_andersonmdFacebook: @mdfrankandersonConnect on LinkedInTo Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and TransformationTranscending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family Systems Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyOpen Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, Tammy NelsonConan Gray - HeatherP!NK - TRUSTFALLFellow Travelers

    1h 17m

  5. 12/06/2024

    EP 120: Permission to Pause: How Glimmers Fuel Creativity and Leadership with Amanda Jones

    When was the last time you felt truly moved by something you saw or heard? It could be a piece of art or music, a line from a book or poem, being with someone you love, or even a perfect bite of food, but those moments that stop us in our tracks are more than fleeting pleasures. These “glimmers” create space for our bodies to exhale so that we can experience wonder, awe, and joy. Learning to recognize and lean into these moments isn’t just about respite from the hard things; they help us navigate challenging times by reminding us that humans need connection, creativity, and hope.  Today’s guest is a multi-disciplinary artist whose work invites us into a world of creativity and intention. It is a testament to the necessity of nurturing creativity and wonder, and what’s possible when we follow their pull as allies in our journey to love and lead with boldness and integrity. Amanda Jones is an artist, poet, and filmmaker living and working in the northern beaches of Sydney Australia. Amanda studied ‘Contemporary dance and choreography’ at the School of Creative Arts and ‘Styling and creative direction’ at Whitehouse Fashion Institute. She founded her film production company One Minute Film in 2015 working with clients such as The Iconic, Nimble Activewear, and Barre Body. In 2021 Amanda published her first book Diary of a Freelancer, its success shifted her work into her full-time art practice.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How early experiences at the intersection of creativity and commerce shaped Amanda’s career trajectoryHow Amanda realized that some pieces of her journals were meant to be sharedWhy her journaling practice is vital to both her personal life and her work lifeHow Amanda approached self-publishing her book to make it a piece of art and embrace its mistakesHow balancing play and discipline as she takes on a new medium helps Amanda combat imposter syndromeHow Amanda protects her creativity and imagination despite our challenging world Learn more about Amanda Jones: WebsiteInstagram: @amanda______jonesDiary of a Freelancer Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownThe Artist's Way, Julia CameronThe Name of the Wind, Patrick RothfussBleachers - Tiny MovesDrops of GodSeinfeld

    1h 6m

  6. 11/22/2024

    EP 119: Choosing Health Over Hustle: A Radical Reimagining of Success and Survival with Kirsten Powers

    Have you ever looked around and felt that the way you live and work isn’t sustainable?  It’s hard to find anyone who hasn’t felt the weight of this relentless pace and the intense pressure to keep up as if this is just how modern life has to be. But what if it doesn’t have to be this way?  Our culture in the U.S. is burdened by pressures to keep up, excel, and do it all, often without the support systems to help us carry that load. What if we paused to question the assumptions driving us to stay so busy and overextended?  Today’s guest invites us to imagine stepping off the hamster wheel and envisioning what it would look like to challenge the norms we’ve been handed about work and life. We can’t all pack up and move, but we can make small but powerful steps towards a more sustainable way of living, working, and leading. Kirsten Powers is a New York Times bestselling author and writes the bestselling Substack publication Changing the Channel. Jon Meacham called her most recent book, Saving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Centered and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You Nuts, "a great gift at an urgent hour.”  Kirsten served as an on-air CNN senior political analyst for seven years. She has been a columnist for USA Today, the Daily Beast and the New York Post, and a political analyst at Fox News. Before her career in journalism, Kirsten was a political appointee in the Clinton Administration, worked in New York Democratic politics and was Vice President for International Communications at AOL, Inc. Listen to the full episode to hear: Kirsten’s awakening to the fact that American culture is “not normal”How neoliberalism reshaped our relationship with work, class, and consumerismA reality check on what it takes to make radical changes in your life, at home or abroadHow unpacking paradigms about work and being busy has led Kirsten to question so many other norms in American lifeThe intense and long-term physical toll of our culture’s obsession with overworkWhat gives Kirsten hope that America can do and be better in the future  Learn more about Kirsten Powers: Changing the ChannelInstagram: @kirstenpowersSaving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Centered and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You Nuts Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: The way we live in the United States is not normalThe Rise and Fall of the Neoliberal Order: America and the World in the Free Market Era, Gary GerstleNever Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-And What We Can Do about It, Jennifer Breheny WallaceCircle of Hope: A Reckoning with Love, Power, and Justice in an American Church, Eliza GriswoldHouse of the DragonPretty in Pink

    57 min

  7. 11/15/2024

    EP 118: Leading Through Uncertainty: The Power of Compassionate Presence

    Humans tend to crave certainty. In the face of the unknown, we rely on prescriptions and narratives to help us feel better and make sense of what we can’t yet see coming. For many, sitting with uncertainty like what we are facing now, post-election in the United States, is deeply unsettling and even destabilizing. They brace for what might come next, anxious and ruminating, and looking for answers.  It’s a natural human response, but it can also leave us stuck in a loop that offers no comfort, only more fear and anxiety. People will look to the leaders around them for comfort and for answers. And while you may not be able to provide the definitive answers anyone seeks, you can help those you lead and love feel supported and grounded as we all navigate these difficult times. Today, I’m sharing strategies, practices, and thoughts that can help us move through uncertainty, for ourselves and the ones we love and lead. Listen to the full episode to hear: How and why to establish “certainty anchors” for those you leadWhy an honest, compassionate presence is more beneficial than pretending you have all the answersWhy we need to balance courage and comfort, and the fine line between caring and caretakingWhy finding grounding routines is essential, no matter how small or scrappy or imperfectHow claiming your personal power and agency will help you feel less stuckHow we build trust and resilience in our relationships amidst uncertainty Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaFollow the Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownEP 114: Why Bother? Navigating Burnout and Rediscovering Purpose with Jennifer LoudenEP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowDiary of a Freelancer, Amanda JonesHope, Despair, and Wellbeing Intelligence - by Jen FisherEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott Shigeoka

    18 min

  8. 11/08/2024

    EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya Chemaly

    When you think about resilience, what comes to mind? Our culture loves narratives about triumphing over hardship. And overcoming pain, heartbreak, and even abuse can make us stronger. However, uplifting “overcoming” too often comes at the expense of actually examining and addressing the lack of care, protection, and support people had to navigate on their path to resilience. We valorize grit and perseverance at the cost of people’s health and wellbeing, encouraging them to just keep pushing past the point of burnout. My guest today pulls back the curtain on these narratives of overcoming adversity and building resilience to find that so much of the adversity people face is rooted in how we fail to care for ourselves and each other in our society. Real resilience, she says, isn’t about your own personal toughness; it’s about how we relate to and support each other. Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the author of The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma and Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR. She has contributed to several anthologies, most recently Free Speech in the Digital Age and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change The World. Soraya is also a co-producer of a WMC #NameItChangeIt PSA highlighting the effects of online harassment on women in politics in America. Listen to the full episode to hear: How Soraya made the connection between our toxic ideology of resilience and how we devalue community support and careHow the idea of “bouncing back” can actually impede change, both personal and socialHow resilience narratives flatten, decontextualize, and depoliticize trauma and recovery Why we need to shift our concept of resilience from individual to communal, cultural, and relationalHow “soldiering on” can perpetuate a lack of options within the systemThe false binaries we have to confront to dismantle the resilience of the status quoHow telling someone they are or need to be resilient shuts down opportunities for real care and support Learn more about Soraya Chemaly: WebsiteInstagram: @sorayachemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma​​Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's AngerBelieve Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the WorldFree Speech in the Digital Age Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: EP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaSeek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the WorldNicked, M. T. AndersonThe Light Eaters: How the Unseen World of Plant Intelligence Offers a New Understanding of Life on Earth, Zoë SchlangerKneecapChallengersSuccession The White Lotus

    1h 7m
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About

Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

Information

  • Creator
    Rebecca Ching, LMFT
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2025
  • Episodes
    125
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2023 The Unburdened Leader
  • Show Website
    The Unburdened Leader

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