The Zachary Stockill Podcast Zachary Stockill

In today’s video, I’m going to offer the best piece of dating advice that I have encountered.







Read or watch below to discover the best dating advice.



















 Zachary Stockill: You may look at the title of this article and think it’s absolute clickbait, but it’s not. I assure you: in today’s video, I’m going to talk about what I believe to be the best dating advice ever.







My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been working one-on-one with men and women from all over the world, helping them overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.







If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one-on-one, please visit this link.







The best dating advice ever, and really the only dating advice I think any man or woman truly needs, is: be dateable.







Before you throw away your phone or laptop in disgust, take a moment to hear me out…







This is an idea that Professor Jordan Peterson talks about a lot. This is an idea that a lot of people talk about. But it still seems like it’s lacking from the popular discourse on relationships, at least in the Western world.







Many people are interested in dating advice, attracting a better partner, building a better relationship, getting more dates, or getting better dates.







The focus is always on “what I can get.”















And I’m not vilifying these people whatsoever. That’s a very human impulse to be selfish in our thinking, thinking about me, me, me.







What can I get? How can I get this? I want that. It’s very human to have such impulses.







But when you shift your focus to what you have to give or how you can increase what you have to offer, things change.







Miracles truly start to happen. This is an idea that took me a while to understand, but once I truly got it, my dating life changed, and my life in general as a man became much, much, much better.







So many people ask, ‘How can I find the perfect partner?’







What fewer people ask is, ‘How can I be the perfect partner?’







This sounds so obvious, but how often do we neglect it in our dating lives? We’re always focusing on getting. We’re not so keen to think about how we might be giving and how we can give more and better.







So, here’s the reason that I’m talking about this topic and why I was inspired to write this article.







Often in the West, you’ll find groups of men on online forums and social media who spend their time complaining about women.







They say things like “modern women are this” and “modern women are that,” bemoaning that they can’t find what they’re looking for and questioning the existence of the perfect woman, all while engaging in endless grumbling.







It’s all a victim mentality, really.







And then you see these guys, and I’m just going to point out the obvious here, but it’s hard not to notice—they don’t seem to take much care of themselves physically.

In today’s video, I’m going to tell you how to stop seeking reassurance and start building confidence in yourself and your relationships.







Read or watch below to learn about how to stop seeking reassurance.



















 Zachary Stockill: A frequent behavior among those suffering from retroactive jealousy is something I term ‘reassurance seeking.’







Reassurance seeking involves approaching your partner and asking various questions about their past, seeking assurance that you’re truly the best match for them, and pressing them to reveal details they’ve probably already told you.







You get the idea. Seeking endless reassurance from your partner.







In today’s video, I want to respond to a viewer of this channel who is wondering how to stop this constant reassurance-seeking.







My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been working one-on-one with men and women from all over the world, helping them overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.







If you’d like more information about my work or you’d like to work with me one-on-one, please visit this link.







I received a comment on a video on my channel from a viewer we’ll call ‘A’.







A writes,









“How do I stop seeking endless reassurance from my partner? I start a discussion just because I want reassurance from him. But the thing is, I’m not only doing it with the topic of retroactive jealousy. How can I get the reassurance I need in another way? How can I stop self-sabotaging?”

















Just to clarify, this comment was posted on a video discussing retroactive jealousy.







For those who are unfamiliar or new here: the term ‘retroactive jealousy’ describes unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history.







Retroactive jealousy can often involve a lot of reassurance seeking from your partner.







My first tip is to remember that you will never receive some ultimate reassurance from your partner regarding retroactive jealousy.















You can never get enough reassurance from them. You might get a fix, let’s say, that lasts for a couple of hours, or maybe a day, or even a whole week, maybe even longer than that…







But that itch will come back sooner or later. You’ll find yourself needing an answer to a specific question. You’ll yearn to hear something you’ve heard before, to reassure and have them proclaim their undying love for the millionth time.







It’s never going to be enough. You’re never going to receive enough reassurance from your partner. It doesn’t work that way.







You can think of it like a drug addict with drugs.







So, for someone who’s addicted to something like heroin, there’s never enough heroin. They’re always going to need another fix, if they’re a true addict. They’re always going to need another jolt of energy, another jolt of heroin.

Today, I will address guys who tell me ‘My girlfriend’s past bothers me’ and explore ways to process these concerns.







Read or watch below if you have ever felt like ‘My girlfriend’s past bothers me…’



















 Zachary Stockill: Just about each and every day, I receive some variation of the question: “Zach, my girlfriend’s past bothers me. Does this mean that we should break up?”







Giving generalized advice on this topic can be challenging since every individual and relationship is unique. However, I’ll do my best to provide helpful insights in this article.







My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women worldwide overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, please visit here.







So, if you have ever felt like “my girlfriend’s past bothers me,” and you’re wondering whether or not you should break up, the first question I would pose back to you is:







Is it that you don’t like thinking about it or you feel like you can’t stop thinking about it?







Since those two things aren’t the same, there’s some critical information to uncover in their differences.







For the people who are new here, I describe “retroactive jealousy” as a mix of unwanted intrusive thoughts and often obsessive curiosity.







It can also include what I refer to as ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships.







And there are different kinds of retroactive jealousy.







Sometimes, retroactive jealousy can feel almost like a form of OCD.







It’s as if there’s a biochemical process in your brain fueling these intrusive thoughts, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about it.







And other times, it’s more related to a genuine clash of values. In other words, sometimes retroactive jealousy is not exactly irrational.







For instance, discovering that your partner has a history of serial cheating raises red flags. It’s natural for this to put you on high alert. In such situations, it’s fair to say that your feelings of retroactive jealousy aren’t unfounded or baseless.







So, you must get clarity on whether or not what you’re dealing with is rational or irrational, as the case may be.







I would also encourage you to get more clarity about your relationship, boundaries, goals, and values.







In other words, at this particular juncture in your life: what are you looking for in a partner, in a relationship?















What role do you envision your partner playing in your life? Think about the function you want your relationship to fulfill.







What are your goals for dating or being in a relationship? Are you looking to get married soon ...

In today’s video, I share some crucial tips on how to improve your self-talk.







Read or watch below to learn more about how to improve your self-talk.



















Zachary Stockill: “Self-talk” is a trendy topic nowadays. Self-talk can be defined as the things we tell ourselves about ourselves repeatedly.







Our self-talk is usually subconscious. We often tell ourselves things about ourselves without even realizing it. Thus, improving our self-talk is one of the easiest and fastest ways to change our lives for the better and to be happier people.







I believe I’ve made significant progress in improving my self-talk, and today, I’d like to share some tips on how you can achieve similar improvements.







My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been working with men and women from all over the world, helping them overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.







The first step in improving our self-talk is to acknowledge that we make sense of the world by telling ourselves stories.















We tell ourselves stories about everything, and we may not even realize it.







We may take certain things for granted, including stories, perspectives, and thoughts about various subjects. Our interpretations of people, places, events, and even ourselves are uniquely ours, reflecting personal perspectives that are entirely our own.







The way we get through life, good or bad, is by telling ourselves stories about ourselves and about the way the world works, and a crucial component of living a better life is to simply realize this:







We always have the option to tell ourselves a better story about anything, including ourselves.















We often tell ourselves stories that we inherit. For example, our parents may have had certain beliefs about sex and sexuality as children that we were exposed to without even realizing it.







We’re carrying those narratives around with us for the rest of our lives, or maybe we find some YouTuber, for example…







You’re looking for insight into something, and you attach on to a narrative, a particular point of view, and you don’t even realize it.







But that narrative or that point of view influences your thinking moving forward. It’s influencing the story that you’re telling yourself. All of this encourages you to start thinking about the stories you’re telling yourself.







And if you’re reading this article about improving your self-talk, start thinking specifically about what your self-talk looks like.







The narratives you’re repeatedly telling yourself about yourself, perhaps even subconsciously—what are these stories? Consider the narratives you hold about your past, future and the stories you tell yourself about your present.







Think broadly about this question. Get creative. And think outside the box. It isn’t always an easy question to answer. I want to be clear about that.







Working with a skilled therapist or coach can b...

In today’s video, I discuss the touchy topic of a ‘wife’s number of sexual partners,’ and a new way to think about it.







Read or watch below to learn more about this sensitive topic – a wife’s number of sexual partners…



















Zachary Stockill: I get a lot of emails and comments from men on my YouTube channel and on this website asking me how to deal with the discrepancy between their sexual history and their wife’s sexual history.







In other words, a lot of husbands have not been with a lot of women in the past, while their wives have been with significantly more partners.







In today’s video, I’m going to address a specific comment relating to how to deal with this discrepancy between your sexual history and your wife’s.







My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from all over the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.







This is a question that I received on my YouTube channel a little while ago:









“I was sexually inexperienced when I met my wife, and my wife is not sexually inexperienced. My wife had an unacceptable number of partners from my perspective. How do I get over this? My perspective is twisted because I was very inexperienced when I met her.”









My first point is the most important thing I can tell you in this video. It’s something I tell men and women all the time. And the message is that…







You are not a victim of your partner’s past sex life.







There are a lot of people on the internet who want to make you feel justified in feeling like a victim, who want to encourage a victim mentality, and who want to encourage you to think of yourself as a victim because they get more views and they build more allegiance with their audience that way.







I don’t know how that works. And I don’t care.







If you’ve watched my channel for any length of time, you know I’m focused on action, I’m focused on solutions, and I’m focused on resisting the victim mentality as much as I can.







So if there is one iota of your subconscious or your being that is thinking like a victim, you need to eliminate it. Your partner’s past is not your partner’s “fault.” It is what it is.’







You shouldn’t be blaming them for the way that you feel about their past. Your partner’s past is simply their past.







They have a right to that. They have a right to their mistakes, their triumphs, and everything in between, just as you have a right to your past and the decisions that you’ve made.







So you are not a victim of your partner’s past sexual life.



















That said, of course, I get it. I understand being a man and feeling relatively sexually inexperienced compared to your wife. I can imagine how that would feel because I’m a man and I can put myself in that place.







This is not an issue that I have experienced in my personal life, but I’ve worked with hundreds of one-on-one clients who are married to women who had more partners than they have.







A major myth about retroactive jealousy is the id...

In today’s video, I’ll share a story of how Eric overcame retroactive jealousy.







Read on or watch below to learn more about the story of Eric, a student who overcame retroactive jealousy with the help of my online course, “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast.”



















Zachary Stockill: So Eric, to start off with, could you just tell me a little bit about where you were “at” with retroactive jealousy before you invested in my course?







Eric: Back in 2017, I was with my ex-girlfriend at the time. A few months went by, but I noticed that I was still very jealous of a lot of the stories she had told me [early on], and I was asking her a lot of questions, trying to dig deep into everything.







The relationship ended up not working out. And then, back in January, I met my most recent girlfriend.







Things were really good at first, and then the questions started coming up about her past.







She told me one story, and it stuck with me for a long time.















We were both sitting there one night, and one more story came up, and I thought to myself, “Well, I’m sick and tired of feeling like this.”







Sleeping was tough; anything we went and did, there’d always be something in my mind about “Oh, did she go here with someone? Did she do that with someone?”







And then, I think, it was two weeks before I invested in the course. I was at a friend’s house. Stories came up again about the past, and I just broke down and said:







“That’s enough.” I didn’t want to deal with this anymore.















So I purchased the course, and it led us to this point.







Zachary Stockill: Did you ever feel like you were going to be stuck with retroactive jealousy forever?







Eric: A hundred percent.







Zachary Stockill: What were some of the things that you used to do as a result of retroactive jealousy? Did you ask your partner questions? How did this manifest for you?







Eric: I asked a lot of questions. I did the typical thing most people would do: ask a lot of questions… Social media was a big one, I think, because nowadays social media is a big thing for everyone. And you can find out lots of stuff through social media. Those were the main things.







Every few days, or, you know, even every other day, she’d always reassure me, you know, “This is the relationship I want; this is the relationship I’ve always looked for with someone.”







So that’s when I just wanted to address it, nip this jealousy in the bud, and get rid of those feelings so that we could live the life together that we both deserve.







Zachary Stockill: So how would you compare your feelings today to before you found my course?