It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

Joe Ryan
  • 4.7 (343)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED BIMONTHLY
It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan
ACCESS TO ALL EPISODES

Get exclusive episodes just for subscribers

$4.99/month or $54.99/year

Joe delves into the complexities of trauma and its impact on behaviors, emotions, and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of being authentically courageous and vulnerable. Joe shares his expertise and personal experiences to help listeners understand and overcome their struggles. The podcast provides a supportive and empathetic space for individuals to learn, reflect, and take steps towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. For access to all episodes and bonus content, subscribe at https://joeryan.com/subscribe

  1. EP 0092 - Ending Codependency

    FEB 18

    EP 0092 - Ending Codependency

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You - It’s Your Codependency  Years ago, I was trapped in a cycle of disappointments and betrayals, constantly searching outside myself to fill the voids left by my upbringing. It was a painful realization: relying on others to heal childhood wounds never truly worked. Growing up in a codependent family system, I often felt alone, even when surrounded by people. These dynamics stifled my personal growth, kept me emotionally dependent on others—especially that negative parent—and pulled me deeper into toxic relationships. Does this sound familiar? We should have been taught independence, autonomy, and self-reliance. We should have been prepared to enter the world with confidence and competence—but we weren’t. If you’ve ever wondered why, consider this: Do you know how powerful it is for a parent to have a child who needs them for validation? That’s addictive. More powerful than any drug. And it makes you easy to exploit and manipulate. Every disappointment, every betrayal, every hurt—it’s all just another lesson. When you don’t believe you can function on your own, you seek out relationships to compensate for that incompetence. You look for someone to take care of you, to fill the void when things get too hard, to handle the issues you don’t want to face. And then, when they leave, you’re right back where you started. The cycle repeats. It’s time to start rooting for yourself and fighting for yourself. Stop wasting your energy on people who will never complete you. The painful truth is that no one else can fill the voids left from childhood. But once you accept that, you can begin breaking free from toxic patterns. You can reclaim your life, stand confidently on your own, and experience the empowerment that comes from truly knowing yourself. The goal isn’t to need people—it’s to want them. And when you finally prove to yourself that you don’t need anyone else to survive in this world, that’s when you’ll be truly ready for genuine, healthy relationships.

    17 min
  2. EP 0091 - Narcissistic Gaslighting

    JAN 14

    EP 0091 - Narcissistic Gaslighting

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You – It’s Your Reluctance to Change Gaslighting isn't just a word—it's a way of life for some people. They thrive in toxic relationships where happiness hinges on external validation. They lack self-respect, self-discipline, and self-love. They don't love at all—they take hostages. But here’s the truth: the prison door is open. You can walk out anytime you want. The only thing holding you back is fear. It’s time to take responsibility and rediscover your self-respect. Gaslighting often stems from the perpetrator's own unresolved issues, but the power to lessen its effects lies within you. Changing your reactions can disrupt harmful patterns and create space for growth—not only for yourself but for those around you. Waiting for others to change is a losing game. Instead, focus on your own personal growth and self-acceptance. These are the tools you need to navigate and neutralize toxic dynamics effectively. When you emerge on the other side, gaslighting will lose its grip on you—because you simply won’t care anymore. If you want a better life, start by getting to know yourself—the good, the bad, and the ugly. The deeper your self-awareness, the freer you become. They are stuck in time, and so are you. But gaslighting is no longer anyone else’s responsibility except yours. Reclaim your self-worth, break free from the cycle, and step into a life defined by authenticity and inner peace.

    18 min
  3. EP 0090 - Lightbulb Moment In Recovery

    12/03/2024

    EP 0090 - Lightbulb Moment In Recovery

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You—It’s Our Childhood Experiences Growing up, many of us felt the sting of neglect and carried the silent burden of our caregivers' unmet needs. This often molded us into perfectionists, constructing facades to ensure those around us were happy so we wouldn't face isolation or emotional banishment. As children, we learned that our sense of worth was tied to their approval, never understanding how to feel okay with ourselves if they weren't okay with us. As adults, we unknowingly replay these patterns in our relationships, prioritizing the love and validation of others over self-love. This realization is the true lightbulb moment. Understanding how these childhood experiences shape our adult relationships can reveal why we sometimes drift toward isolation. Embracing the courage to let others in and reveal the parts of ourselves we've been taught to hide is daunting, yet liberating. The journey to vulnerability may feel terrifying, but it’s where we begin to heal and discover the power of self-belonging and self-care, mending our internal voids and building resilience against loss and rejection. This journey isn’t just about personal growth; it’s about connecting with a community that values the risks of being seen authentically. Can fear and vulnerability actually strengthen your relationships? The answer is a resounding yes. Self-hate and shame keep us trapped, sabotaging our relationships and keeping us from genuine connection. Most of us hesitate to let others in, afraid they’ll see beyond our polished exterior. But that mask only perpetuates our isolation. It’s time to let go of the façade and find the courage to gradually remove it, allowing ourselves to be truly seen.

    27 min
  4. EP 0089 - Only You Can Take Away Shame (Subscription)

    11/13/2024 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

    EP 0089 - Only You Can Take Away Shame (Subscription)

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You … It’s Your Shame Let me share a bit of my story. When I lost everything—my home, financial security, and status—I was left exposed, with no choice but to confront the shame that had always lingered beneath the surface. This rock bottom moment, though devastating, became the most transformative experience of my life. By processing these raw emotions, I discovered how to channel overwhelming rage into manageable disappointment, which ultimately led to greater emotional freedom. It was a difficult but essential lesson: true healing and freedom come only when we acknowledge our vulnerabilities and take ownership of our emotional well-being. The so-called 'perfect' life I once lived was a façade built on years of unaddressed shame and humiliation. I was caught in the cycle of chasing external validation, always believing that achieving the next milestone would finally make everything right. But each accomplishment fell short of bringing the fulfillment I craved. I reached a point where I was broken, hopeless, and helpless. And that’s when my real journey began.

    29 min
  5. EP 0088 - Fear Of Setting Boundaries

    10/15/2024

    EP 0088 - Fear Of Setting Boundaries

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You—It’s Your Lack of Boundaries True progress in your healing journey isn’t measured by avoiding what hurt you but by how you handle returning to places that once caused you the most pain. It’s time to move beyond blame and victimhood and embrace your personal power. The key to overcoming childhood wounds lies in understanding that your past does not control your future. Your self-worth and emotional intelligence are entirely within your hands. Healing is an internal process—one that doesn’t rely on the validation or acceptance of those who raised you. Let’s address the emotional challenge of setting boundaries and the discomfort that comes with it. When you set boundaries, anxiety and fear often arise, but rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, visualize these feelings and acknowledge them. This is the path to breaking the cycles of avoidance and shame. By learning to self-soothe and clearly communicate your boundaries, you’ll discover how empowering it is to no longer depend on external validation. You’ll reclaim your emotional independence and break free from old patterns of relying on others to determine your worth. Right now, an emotional battle is taking place within you—but the power to change it starts with boundaries. It’s time to reclaim your peace and take control of your emotional well-being. Producer: Shelby Buckler

    30 min
  6. Register For Q&A With Joe Ryan

    10/10/2024

    Register For Q&A With Joe Ryan

    Joe Ryan will host a sixty-minute Q&A session via Zoom once a month with limited spots to ensure full participation. If you'd like to join the discussion, please fill out the form below to receive an email notification when registration opens one week before the next scheduled session. Topics: Trauma, False Self, Family Systems, Addiction, Anxiety, Shame, Emotional Incest, Setting Boundaries Sign Up Here: https://joeryan.com/qanda

    1 min
  7. EP 0087 - Truths About Recovery

    09/05/2024

    EP 0087 - Truths About Recovery

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s not you - it’s your family system.   But it’s you, too. It’s time to talk about the necessity of weaning off external validation and learning to live a life aligned with one’s true self.    To heal, you need to do two things—learn to be okay with disappointing people and leave home emotionally. The rage that’s been building for all this time is ready to be released, and now you have to learn to live with it. All I can tell you is that your hurt, anger, and resentment hurt you, and you put way too much value in the people who raised you.     After this realization, loneliness will shine through, but you have to embrace it. If you need to find a surrogate family somewhere with somebody who'll better mirror you, do it. You must start living your life your way and find the places important to you.    Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? Do they not like me? What's it going to be like when I show up? How are they going to guilt me and shame me? Then, you need to get a handle on those emotions of shame and guilt and start cutting emotional ties with toxic family systems.   It’s time to work through the impacts of generational trauma and learn the importance of developing self-love and independence. It’s time to achieve a fulfilled and authentic life built for you. 00:00 Introduction to Hard Truths of Recovery 00:21 Dealing with Family and Emotional Separation 05:17 Understanding and Managing Anger 08:04 The Loneliness of Recovery 08:55 Breaking Free from Family Expectations 15:41 Investing in Yourself 25:06 Conclusion and Personal Reflections Host: Joe Ryan Producer: Shelby Buckler

    26 min
  8. EP 0086 - Society Has Failed Us (Subscription)

    07/24/2024 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

    EP 0086 - Society Has Failed Us (Subscription)

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It's essential to connect with buried emotions to achieve deep emotional healing. I once went through a tough time when my partner was tragically hit by a car. This incident led me to relapse into addiction and adopt self-destructive behaviors to avoid confronting my pain. I hit rock bottom. A friend suggested a movie that resonated with my experience. Despite my initial resistance, I eventually watched the film, and it helped me confront my emotions, which was crucial for my healing. Each time I watched the movie, it lessened the pain, allowing me to grieve and process the loss. Recently, I watched a documentary about an eight-year-old boy named Gabriel, who suffered severe abuse from his mother and her boyfriend. His story deeply affected me, especially when he expressed his desire to be loved despite the abuse he endured. This reminded me of my own painful childhood and the universal need for parental love, even from abusive caregivers. It brought me back to my own unresolved pain and emphasized the importance of addressing these deep-seated emotional issues. For years, I sought approval and love from my family, but I realized that I needed to focus on my own healing and detach from their expectations. We must acknowledge that the love and validation we seek from our caregivers may never come in the way we desire. It's our responsibility to work through our unresolved pain and unmet needs from childhood. The documentary about Gabriel served as a poignant reminder of the importance of addressing these emotional issues. It took me back to my dark places that needed healing. Despite the sadness and pain, it helped me work through aspects of myself I hadn't fully addressed. Embracing this pain is crucial for genuine healing. Gabriel's story, although tragic, has shed light on these dark places within many of us, offering an opportunity for healing and growth. Living authentically and focusing on what truly matters, rather than seeking societal validation, has been a significant part of my journey. I've realized that success measures like social media popularity or material wealth don't bring true happiness. Instead, creating a small, peaceful, and authentic life based on my values has brought me the most fulfillment. By doing so, I've built a world that reflects my true self, free from societal pressures. Ultimately, healing involves taking responsibility for our own happiness, working through unresolved pain, and living authentically. It's about creating a life that feels right for us, not one that meets external expectations. This journey isn't easy, but it's necessary for finding true peace and fulfillment.

    32 min
See All (97)

4.7
out of 5
343 Ratings

About

Joe delves into the complexities of trauma and its impact on behaviors, emotions, and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of being authentically courageous and vulnerable. Joe shares his expertise and personal experiences to help listeners understand and overcome their struggles. The podcast provides a supportive and empathetic space for individuals to learn, reflect, and take steps towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. For access to all episodes and bonus content, subscribe at https://joeryan.com/subscribe

Information

You Might Also Like

To listen to explicit episodes, sign in.

Stay up to date with this show

Sign in or sign up to follow shows, save episodes, and get the latest updates.
Select a country or region

Africa, Middle East, and India

Asia Pacific

Europe

Latin America and the Caribbean

The United States and Canada