It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

Joe Ryan
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It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan
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Joe delves into the complexities of trauma and its impact on behaviors, emotions, and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of being authentically courageous and vulnerable. Joe shares his expertise and personal experiences to help listeners understand and overcome their struggles. The podcast provides a supportive and empathetic space for individuals to learn, reflect, and take steps towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. For access to all episodes and bonus content, subscribe at https://joeryan.com/subscribe

  1. EP 0090 - Lightbulb Moment In Recovery

    DEC 3

    EP 0090 - Lightbulb Moment In Recovery

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You—It’s Our Childhood Experiences Growing up, many of us felt the sting of neglect and carried the silent burden of our caregivers' unmet needs. This often molded us into perfectionists, constructing facades to ensure those around us were happy so we wouldn't face isolation or emotional banishment. As children, we learned that our sense of worth was tied to their approval, never understanding how to feel okay with ourselves if they weren't okay with us. As adults, we unknowingly replay these patterns in our relationships, prioritizing the love and validation of others over self-love. This realization is the true lightbulb moment. Understanding how these childhood experiences shape our adult relationships can reveal why we sometimes drift toward isolation. Embracing the courage to let others in and reveal the parts of ourselves we've been taught to hide is daunting, yet liberating. The journey to vulnerability may feel terrifying, but it’s where we begin to heal and discover the power of self-belonging and self-care, mending our internal voids and building resilience against loss and rejection. This journey isn’t just about personal growth; it’s about connecting with a community that values the risks of being seen authentically. Can fear and vulnerability actually strengthen your relationships? The answer is a resounding yes. Self-hate and shame keep us trapped, sabotaging our relationships and keeping us from genuine connection. Most of us hesitate to let others in, afraid they’ll see beyond our polished exterior. But that mask only perpetuates our isolation. It’s time to let go of the façade and find the courage to gradually remove it, allowing ourselves to be truly seen.

    27 min
  2. EP 0089 - Only You Can Take Away Shame (Subscription)

    NOV 13 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

    EP 0089 - Only You Can Take Away Shame (Subscription)

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You … It’s Your Shame Let me share a bit of my story. When I lost everything—my home, financial security, and status—I was left exposed, with no choice but to confront the shame that had always lingered beneath the surface. This rock bottom moment, though devastating, became the most transformative experience of my life. By processing these raw emotions, I discovered how to channel overwhelming rage into manageable disappointment, which ultimately led to greater emotional freedom. It was a difficult but essential lesson: true healing and freedom come only when we acknowledge our vulnerabilities and take ownership of our emotional well-being. The so-called 'perfect' life I once lived was a façade built on years of unaddressed shame and humiliation. I was caught in the cycle of chasing external validation, always believing that achieving the next milestone would finally make everything right. But each accomplishment fell short of bringing the fulfillment I craved. I reached a point where I was broken, hopeless, and helpless. And that’s when my real journey began.

    29 min
  3. EP 0088 - Fear Of Setting Boundaries

    OCT 15

    EP 0088 - Fear Of Setting Boundaries

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s Not You—It’s Your Lack of Boundaries True progress in your healing journey isn’t measured by avoiding what hurt you but by how you handle returning to places that once caused you the most pain. It’s time to move beyond blame and victimhood and embrace your personal power. The key to overcoming childhood wounds lies in understanding that your past does not control your future. Your self-worth and emotional intelligence are entirely within your hands. Healing is an internal process—one that doesn’t rely on the validation or acceptance of those who raised you. Let’s address the emotional challenge of setting boundaries and the discomfort that comes with it. When you set boundaries, anxiety and fear often arise, but rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, visualize these feelings and acknowledge them. This is the path to breaking the cycles of avoidance and shame. By learning to self-soothe and clearly communicate your boundaries, you’ll discover how empowering it is to no longer depend on external validation. You’ll reclaim your emotional independence and break free from old patterns of relying on others to determine your worth. Right now, an emotional battle is taking place within you—but the power to change it starts with boundaries. It’s time to reclaim your peace and take control of your emotional well-being. Producer: Shelby Buckler

    30 min
  4. Register For Q&A With Joe Ryan

    OCT 10

    Register For Q&A With Joe Ryan

    Joe Ryan will host a sixty-minute Q&A session via Zoom once a month with limited spots to ensure full participation. If you'd like to join the discussion, please fill out the form below to receive an email notification when registration opens one week before the next scheduled session. Topics: Trauma, False Self, Family Systems, Addiction, Anxiety, Shame, Emotional Incest, Setting Boundaries Sign Up Here: https://joeryan.com/qanda

    1 min
  5. EP 0087 - Truths About Recovery

    SEP 5

    EP 0087 - Truths About Recovery

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s not you - it’s your family system.   But it’s you, too. It’s time to talk about the necessity of weaning off external validation and learning to live a life aligned with one’s true self.    To heal, you need to do two things—learn to be okay with disappointing people and leave home emotionally. The rage that’s been building for all this time is ready to be released, and now you have to learn to live with it. All I can tell you is that your hurt, anger, and resentment hurt you, and you put way too much value in the people who raised you.     After this realization, loneliness will shine through, but you have to embrace it. If you need to find a surrogate family somewhere with somebody who'll better mirror you, do it. You must start living your life your way and find the places important to you.    Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? Do they not like me? What's it going to be like when I show up? How are they going to guilt me and shame me? Then, you need to get a handle on those emotions of shame and guilt and start cutting emotional ties with toxic family systems.   It’s time to work through the impacts of generational trauma and learn the importance of developing self-love and independence. It’s time to achieve a fulfilled and authentic life built for you. 00:00 Introduction to Hard Truths of Recovery 00:21 Dealing with Family and Emotional Separation 05:17 Understanding and Managing Anger 08:04 The Loneliness of Recovery 08:55 Breaking Free from Family Expectations 15:41 Investing in Yourself 25:06 Conclusion and Personal Reflections Host: Joe Ryan Producer: Shelby Buckler

    26 min
  6. EP 0086 - Society Has Failed Us (Subscription)

    JUL 24 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

    EP 0086 - Society Has Failed Us (Subscription)

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It's essential to connect with buried emotions to achieve deep emotional healing. I once went through a tough time when my partner was tragically hit by a car. This incident led me to relapse into addiction and adopt self-destructive behaviors to avoid confronting my pain. I hit rock bottom. A friend suggested a movie that resonated with my experience. Despite my initial resistance, I eventually watched the film, and it helped me confront my emotions, which was crucial for my healing. Each time I watched the movie, it lessened the pain, allowing me to grieve and process the loss. Recently, I watched a documentary about an eight-year-old boy named Gabriel, who suffered severe abuse from his mother and her boyfriend. His story deeply affected me, especially when he expressed his desire to be loved despite the abuse he endured. This reminded me of my own painful childhood and the universal need for parental love, even from abusive caregivers. It brought me back to my own unresolved pain and emphasized the importance of addressing these deep-seated emotional issues. For years, I sought approval and love from my family, but I realized that I needed to focus on my own healing and detach from their expectations. We must acknowledge that the love and validation we seek from our caregivers may never come in the way we desire. It's our responsibility to work through our unresolved pain and unmet needs from childhood. The documentary about Gabriel served as a poignant reminder of the importance of addressing these emotional issues. It took me back to my dark places that needed healing. Despite the sadness and pain, it helped me work through aspects of myself I hadn't fully addressed. Embracing this pain is crucial for genuine healing. Gabriel's story, although tragic, has shed light on these dark places within many of us, offering an opportunity for healing and growth. Living authentically and focusing on what truly matters, rather than seeking societal validation, has been a significant part of my journey. I've realized that success measures like social media popularity or material wealth don't bring true happiness. Instead, creating a small, peaceful, and authentic life based on my values has brought me the most fulfillment. By doing so, I've built a world that reflects my true self, free from societal pressures. Ultimately, healing involves taking responsibility for our own happiness, working through unresolved pain, and living authentically. It's about creating a life that feels right for us, not one that meets external expectations. This journey isn't easy, but it's necessary for finding true peace and fulfillment.

    32 min
  7. EP 0085 - Why We Choose Toxic Relationships

    JUN 20

    EP 0085 - Why We Choose Toxic Relationships

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ In the most recent episode of "It's Not You, It's Your Trauma," Joe Ryan delves into toxic relationships. These relationships, characterized by emotional unavailability, abuse, and neglect, often reflect the dynamics we experienced in our early years.  Joe begins by examining why individuals enter and remain in toxic relationships. He explains that our childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic parents often lay the groundwork for our adult relationships. As children, we learn to neglect ourselves and prioritize the emotional needs of our caretakers in hopes of earning their love and approval. This pattern continues into adulthood, where we find ourselves trying to "fix" our partners in an unconscious attempt to heal our childhood wounds. One of Joe's most compelling points is finding comfort in familiar pain. Even though toxic relationships are damaging, they feel normal to us because they replicate the dynamics we grew up with. Being with someone genuinely caring for and nurturing us may be intimidating because it challenges our deeply ingrained beliefs about our worth and value. Joe emphasizes that the key to breaking free from these patterns lies in building our self-esteem and learning to value ourselves independently of others. Joe also discusses the significance of emotional independence. He urges his audience to imagine what it would feel like to leave a toxic relationship and to acknowledge the fear and panic that arise. These emotions, he explains, are rooted in our childhood survival instincts. As children, our survival relied on maintaining an emotional connection with our caregivers, regardless of the harm it caused. In adulthood, leaving a toxic partner can feel like a life-or-death situation because it triggers these same survival instincts. To genuinely heal and move forward, Joe encourages us to make better choices in the present. This entails recognizing our worth, establishing boundaries, and seeking healthy, supportive relationships. He reminds us that although the healing journey is challenging, it is ultimately rewarding. By trying to understand and heal our past, we can create a future filled with healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

    16 min
  8. EP 0084 - Getting Intouch With Anger (Subscription)

    JUN 6 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

    EP 0084 - Getting Intouch With Anger (Subscription)

    - Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Children's developmental needs must be fulfilled during childhood to grow into well-adjusted adults. When these needs aren't met, we may feel unfulfilled and struggle to identify and ask for what we truly need. We must embrace and work through our positive and negative emotions.  As we develop and age, we follow specific emotional paths, but if we are denied certain emotions as children, we can become emotionally stuck at that age. For example, the "terrible twos" stage is a crucial time when a child begins to realize their independence from their parents. It's a period of unconscious emotional growth, and if a child is not allowed to express their anger or assert their independence, they become emotionally stuck at that point. As a result, they develop coping mechanisms such as people-pleasing or withdrawing to avoid confronting the emotions they weren't allowed to express.  This fear and shame surrounding unaccepted emotions can lead to a lifetime of self-abandonment and trying to meet the needs of others while neglecting our own. If these feelings and emotions weren't allowed during childhood, we struggle with them and develop fear and shame around expressing them later in life.

    31 min
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4.7
out of 5
335 Ratings

About

Joe delves into the complexities of trauma and its impact on behaviors, emotions, and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of being authentically courageous and vulnerable. Joe shares his expertise and personal experiences to help listeners understand and overcome their struggles. The podcast provides a supportive and empathetic space for individuals to learn, reflect, and take steps towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. For access to all episodes and bonus content, subscribe at https://joeryan.com/subscribe

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