The Unburdened Leader Rebecca Ching, LMFT

Conflict and discomfort are inevitable–in all areas of our work and life. Now, most of us carry some kind of relational or betrayal trauma.And these burdens impact how we lead and move through conflict, discomfort, and difference. So when a rupture happens, there is often a rush to find comfort with some kind of a bid for repair. But if we do not do the work to reflect on our own systems’ needs first, we can end up doing more harm and continue to feel hooked by a situation.Without this internal reflection, we can often default to actions that result in the opposite of our desired intention.But this work gives us more choices and when we have more choices, we are less likely to feel trapped, panicked, and stuck. And when we feel like we have more agency in our relationships, we feel more connected and close to those we lead and love. Toni Herbine-Blank is the founder and director of the Intimacy from the Inside Out© training programs. She is a senior trainer for IFS-I and has been developing curriculum for the application of IFS to couples therapy for many years. She teaches nationally and internationally, delivering workshops and trainings for therapists interested in using IFS with multiple systems. She has co-authored two books on her methodology and enjoys time with her partner and her animals in the mountains of Durango, Colorado where she lives.Listen to the full episode to hear:* Why the ability to differentiate ourselves from our partnerships is necessary for connection* Why the Intimacy from the Inside Out process starts with a U-turn toward the self* How the U-turn subverts the protective urge to blame and shame in moments of conflict* How our early wounds around getting our needs met impact our adult relationships* Why shame is the most common source of relationship rupture* Why the existence of conflict in a relationship isn’t the problem, but the way we pursue repair can beLearn more about Toni Herbine-Blank:* Website (http://toniherbineblank.com/)* Instagram: @intimacyinsideout (https://www.instagram.com/intimacyinsideout/)Learn more about Rebecca:* rebeccaching.com (https://www.rebeccaching.com/)* Work With Rebecca (https://www.rebeccaching.com/work-with-me)* Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email (https://view.flodesk.com/pages/5ececca2ff83f400265bbaab)Resources:* Nonwhite and Woman: 131 Micro Essays on Being in the World

Your past experiences and relationships inform how you lead and run your business today, whether you are aware of it or not.Overworking, perfectionism, fear of failure, crappy boundaries due to people pleasing or micro-managing can all stem from our relational history. One of the more insidious aspects of trauma that can impact leaders and entrepreneurs is relational trauma, which can be difficult to identify and heal.Unhealed relational trauma wounds often lie outside of our awareness leading to an unconscious drive to repeat the painful patterns we experienced in our present-day business and leadership.My guest today wrote an email last summer about the connection between her relational trauma and how she is setting up her current business. She detailed some of the systems she has in place so she can serve the best right fit people while also protecting her energy and making sure she is not replicating her relational trauma in her business. I immediately sent her a reply to her email and invited her on the podcast. I am so honored she said yes.Heidi Taylor is a business and sales coach with over a decade of experience. She helps experienced, high-touch service-based business owners increase sales conversion rates and demonstrate their expertise with a strong intake and sales process.Heidi has a remarkable ability to help you feel confident in your sales process by helping you develop solid intake forms and asking better questions so you get straight into the sales conversation with confidence in both the buyer's intentions and your own ability to demonstrate the value of the service you have to offer.Listen to the full episode to hear:* How healing from her childhood experiences taught Heidi that she needed to slow down her sales process * Why Heidi’s boundary document is an integral part of building relationships of mutual respect with her clients* How building her business actually gave Heidi tools and confidence to address the traumas in her personal life* How Heidi approaches sales with curiosity and collaboration, rather than tactics that can be manipulative* How Heidi has redefined success after sacrificing her health and wellbeing in her early careerLearn more about Heidi Taylor:* Website (https://www.heiditaylor.ca/)* Connect with Heidi on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/heidiltaylor/)Learn more about Rebecca:* rebeccaching.com (https://www.rebeccaching.com/)* Work With Rebecca (https://www.rebeccaching.com/work-with-me)* Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email (https://view.flodesk.com/pages/5ececca2ff83f400265bbaab)Resources:* Spare, Prince Harry*

Do you consider yourself a sensitive person when it comes to sounds, smells, physical sensations, or taste?Do you judge this kind of sensitivity in yourself or others? Many people feel caught in the vice grip of having a nervous system that responds strongly to various kinds of sensory stimulation while also feeling judged and deeply misunderstood for being sensitive to things that others appear not to be bothered by in their day-to-day lives.If you feel like you are too much or know someone who feels and responds to various stimuli deeply, then today’s show is for you.My guests are speech and language pathologists who, like many, many support specialists, join me in my commitment to create spaces that welcome all and move away from ableist standards we have on what it means to be ‘normal’ and healthy. And they are committed to helping kids and the adults in their lives show up authentically without masking and hiding to appease the way things have always been done. Jessie Ginsburg is a Sensory Integration trained speech-language pathologist and CEO of Pediatric Therapy Playhouse, a top-rated clinic in Los Angeles. Through her international publications and talks, and her global Inside Out Sensory Certificate Program, Jessie inspires a new way of thinking about the speech-language pathologist’s role in supporting autistic children.Chris Wenger is an enthusiastic school-based SLP, internationally-acclaimed presenter, and creator of the Dynamic Assessment of Social Emotional Learning. A prominent thought leader in the field of speech pathology, and known on social media as “Speech Dude,” Chris motivates and entertains fellow educators and clinicians through his humorous and inspiring posts and videos. Listen to the full episode to hear:* Why it’s important to understand why people stim not suppress behaviors that may not make sense to neurotypical people* Why Jessie and Chris believe in flipping the script on traditional therapies and using a model of client strengths and autonomy to guide their work* Why labels like high or low functioning are not only unhelpful but can actually be damaging* The disheartening statistics that show the harm in expecting neurodivergent people to mask and conform to neurotypical expectations* Why parents and educators need to be mindful of the goals and expectations they set for neurodivergent children* Learn more about Jessie Ginsburg & Chris Wenger:* www.sensoryslp.com (http://www.sensoryslp.com/)* www.speechdude.com (http://www.speechdude.com/)* Instagram: @sensory.slp (https://www.instagram.com/sensory.slp/) & @speechdude (https://www.instagram.com/speechdude/)* TikTok: @sensory.slp (https://www.tiktok.com/@sensory.slp) &

What does it mean to you to be broken? To be normal? And who gets to decide what it means to be broken or whole?We live in a culture obsessed with fixing anything deemed broken - from stuff to people.We need to create spaces where we do not see difference as broken.And we do this by not settling for our current ways of navigating our discomfort with difference while pushing back on the burdened definition of what is normal and what is broken.But inclusion is inconvenient. It is also uncomfortable. And awkward. Facing your discomfort with difference and neurodivergence means facing your ableism. Which is why I was so excited and honored to talk with today’s guest. His book is a beautiful testament to so those with neurodivergence and other intersectional identities that have been marginalized. It is written beautifully and is now my number one recommend when people ask for a book to read about autism.Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for the Independent and the author of the book We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He is also a columnist for MSNBC. He previously worked as an assistant editor at the Washington Post’s Outlook section and an associate editor at The Hill, as well as a correspondent for National Journal, MarketWatch, and Roll Call. He has also written for the Daily Beast, the New Republic, and Salon.com. Garcia is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.Listen to the full episode to hear:* How Eric connected the dots between bad or debunked ideas about autism and bad public policy around autism and neurodivergence* Why Eric maintained a journalist’s approach to his book, rather than writing a personal memoir* How a chance conversation led to Eric’s wrestling with his fear of being “outed” and internalized ableism* How Eric navigated consent and inspiration or pity “porn” when sharing other autistic people’s stories* How Eric has recontextualized the asterisks on his successes and taken ownership of his accomplishmentsLearn more about Eric Garcia:* Website (http://ericmgarcia.net/)* Twitter: @EricMGarcia (https://twitter.com/EricMGarcia)* We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism ConversationLearn more about Rebecca:* rebeccaching.com (https://www.rebeccaching.com/)* Work With Rebecca (https://www.rebeccaching.com/work-with-me)* Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email (https://view.flodesk.com/pages/5ececca2ff83f400265bbaab)Resources:*

When you see a need or have a vision for something, what do you do? Especially when there is a lot going on in your life and in the world. Do you jump in and take action or do you get in your head with all the what-ifs and to-do lists so much so that you do not even start to explore or take action?Many of us do both.But there are folks who take action and do something that supports the greater good, even when it feels too hard and there are many, many unknowns. They take risks, make hard decisions, and commit to their values with laser focus while leading with generosity, boundaries, and tenacity.With so much unknown when the pandemic hit, it would have been easy for Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen to keep their vision for a new business in their heads and wait until things were less chaotic.But they did the opposite. They dove in with their vision for a new business that represented so much more than the products they were creating but became a true extension of their DNA and values.Three years ago, they started IZOLA, a bakery making sourdough bread, croissants, and rolls. And they have transformed from lowering orders from their window to a thriving community hub in San Diego.Jeffrey Brown is a prolific business builder who is passionate about creating fully immersive experiences - from reimagining the bakery industry and serving hot from the oven sourdough and croissants resulting in San Diego's only 5-star bakery to telling Pulitzer-recognized stories through film and photography.Jennifer Chen has a background in e-commerce. She has spent the last 20 years building multi-million dollar brands in the areas of merchandising, product development, and business development. Now as co-founder of IZOLA, Jennifer has been able to utilize this experience and apply it to a new industry.Listen to the full episode to hear:* How Jeffrey and Jennifer translated their love of bread into a way to connect with their community during COVID lockdowns* How they infused IZOLA with their values as the business started to grow and how that impacts how their hire and lead their team* Why they chose to use grassroots funding efforts rather than traditional methods of raising capital* How therapy helps Jennifer and Jeffrey create boundaries between their relationship and their business and navigate conflict* How their prior work experiences outside the food world have shaped IZOLA’s processesLearn more about Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen:* IZOLA (http://izolabakery.com/)* Instagram: @izolabakery (https://www.instagram.com/izolabakery/)* Google (https://rb.gy/f2lp1g)Learn more about Rebecca:* rebeccaching.com (https://www.rebeccaching.com/)* Work With Rebecca (https://www.rebeccaching.com/work-with-me)*

“Do you respect yourself when you look back on the hard times in your life?”Do you look back on your hard times and feel good about how you led yourself and o...