100 episodes

On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of ten books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions. 

Sex, Love, and Addiction Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.7 • 209 Ratings

On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of ten books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions. 

    Addicts are Emotionally Undeveloped Adults with Dr. Eddie Capparuccii - Part 2

    Addicts are Emotionally Undeveloped Adults with Dr. Eddie Capparuccii - Part 2

    Dr. Rob continues his discussion with Dr. Eddie Capparucciis, the creator of the unique Inner Child Model for the treatment of Problematic Sexual Behaviors, to talk about common blind spots someone in recovery might have. When addicts are in their addiction, they can exhibit strong narcissistic tendencies, which can make it difficult to connect with others and see their perspectives. 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [1:45] Addicts have a hard time seeing their own blindspots. What should they be aware of? 
    [2:40] Curiosity of people is an important way to connect with others. Addicts can lack this curiosity. 
    [3:35] Addicts can be hypersensitive to rejection and criticism. 
    [5:00] People learn how to love from their caregivers. 
    [6:20] In a lot of ways, addicts have been emotionally neglected.
    [8:50] In recovery, we have the opportunity to break the cycle. 
    [10:20] You break the cycle by being emotionally present. 
    [12:45] Emotionally unavailable people tend to be ‘do-ers’, they try to fix the problem by finding a solution, instead of being present with their emotions. 
    [16:10] As long as you’re oblivious to the pain you’ve been through, you will also be oblivious to the pain you’re causing others. 
    [18:35] How do you work through your issues if you can’t afford therapy? 
    [21:40] Dr. Eddie talks about the current work and programs he’s a part of to help others.
    [24:15] Don’t have the financial resources to go to therapy? Dr. Eddie can help. 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Sex and Relationship Healing
    @RobWeissMSW
    Sex Addiction 101 
    Seeking Integrity
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
    Abundantlifecounselingga.com
    Dr. Eddie on LinkedIn
    Strugglingmen.org
     
    QUOTES:
    “Anyone who has struggled with addiction has some strong narcissistic tendencies.” “Your kids are watching everything. Whether they’re 4 or 14. That’s one of the ways we don’t get an understanding of what we need.” “It’s never too late to start making changes.” “Even in the most troubled families, they are oblivious, even if they don’t mean to be.”

    • 26 min
    Addicts are Emotionally Undeveloped Adults with Dr. Eddie Capparuccii - Part 1

    Addicts are Emotionally Undeveloped Adults with Dr. Eddie Capparuccii - Part 1

    Dr. Eddie Capparucciis the creator of the unique Inner Child Model for the treatment of Problematic Sexual Behaviors. He believes at the heart of most Problematic Sexual Behaviors are unresolved childhood pain points. Dr. Eddie specializes in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors including pornography. Among his many clients, they have been professional athletes including NFL and MLB players and television personalities. In this episode, Dr. Eddie explains why sex addicts are really emotionally undeveloped adults, and how they can break old patterns and build intimacy.  
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [1:55] A little bit about Dr. Eddie Capparucci.
    [3:20] Trauma plays a major part in addiction. 
    [5:10] Sex addiction goes further than just sex. Men with this issue are emotionally undeveloped. 
    [6:10] Addicts aren’t bad people, they’re broken people. 
    [6:20] Are therapists just making bad excuses for an addict's poor behavior? 
    [9:10] My addict is sober, but they’re still a jerk. What’s going on? 
    [11:25] What do you call someone who cheats? Are they considered ill? 
    [15:00] Addicts are used to running away from their pain and they will take whatever distraction presents itself. 
    [16:55] How can you help an addict take accountability? 
    [17:50] Someone struggling with addiction needs to begin to think about their legacy and to tap into a bigger purpose.  
    [20:00] What happens if someone is just not motivated to get better? 
    [22:45] Dr. Eddie shares how he works with betrayed spouses who feel unlistened to. 
    [25:50] Emotional intimacy vs. physical intimacy. What’s the difference? 
    [28:15] So many people aren’t taught what emotional intimacy is.
    [30:40] Dr. Eddie understands he has an avoidant attachment style. But, by understanding his childhood, this makes perfect sense! 
    [32:30] At the end of the day, Dr. Rob and Dr. Eddie are here to help people break patterns and build intimacy. 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Sex and Relationship Healing
    @RobWeissMSW
    Sex Addiction 101 
    Seeking Integrity
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
    Abundantlifecounselingga.com
    Dr. Eddie on LinkedIn
     
    QUOTES:
    “What do I get? I get very frightened and scared people who can’t sit with pain and have found a coping mechanism of escaping.” “The addiction isn’t the only piece. It’s the whole presentation that you’ve been giving to the world.” “People who deal with addiction do not know how to sit with emotional discomfort or distress.” “I can tell you all the ways I’m a jerk, but learning how to be different is more of a commitment.”

    • 33 min
    Ambushed by Betrayal - The Survival Guide for Betrayed Partners

    Ambushed by Betrayal - The Survival Guide for Betrayed Partners

    In today’s episode, Dr. Rob talks with Michele Saffier and Allan Katz about their book, Ambushed by Betrayal: The Survival Guide for Betrayed Partners on Their Heroes' Journey to Healthy Intimacy, which was written after the two met in a psycho trauma workshop. Michele has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 1993. She was trained with Dr. Rob in the field of Sexual Addiction and went on to private practice and began using the trauma model after three years. Allan is a licensed Professional Counselor (LPC/MHSP) in the states of Tennessee and Mississippi and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. With over 30 years of experience as an entrepreneur and marketing consultant, he, later on, shifted to become a professional therapist to help others in the field of sex addiction. They share how their book can help betrayed partners heal from their trauma and learn healthy intimacy.
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [1:55] A little introduction of Michelle and how Dr. Rob knows her.
    [3:15] Michelle didn’t work in the field of addiction before and recalls the young couple she worked with that inspired her journey.
    [4:25] A little bit about Allan as well and how he became a therapist.
    [6:50] Michelle sees herself as a trauma therapist. She explains why.
    [8:40] How does Allan work with the spouses to empathize with their addict partners who don't see it from a trauma perspective?
    [11:00] Allan shares how he transitioned from helping people non-professionally and the difference with being a professional therapist.
    [13:00] Michelle recommends partners to watch comedy shows and shares how this helps their recovery.
    [14:20] Betrayed partners take on the personal responsibility of causing their addict partner to act out. Allan shares his thoughts on this.
    [16:50] Michelle sees from the betrayed partner an attachment trauma and explains why. 
    [18:30] How does Michelle help a spouse learn that empathy may not be forthcoming?
    [21:25] Dr. Rob asks Michelle and Allan about the book they wrote called, Ambush By Betrayal. How did they come up with the title?
    [23:35] Dr. Rob shares the subtitle of their book and asks how their hero’s journey evolved.
    [24:45] Michelle realized that in the same spirit of prodependency, they want their readers to be empowered. She shares how there can be beauty in this broken life.
    [25:50] Michelle and Allan met in a psycho trauma workshop. Allan shares what psycho trauma is and how that relates to their book.
    [30:00] What they want to achieve with their book is to provide a release from all the hurt, pain, and unworthiness and physically do something with it. Michelle talks through this process further.
    [33:20] For the betrayed person, anger is the only way they can protect their heart from their perpetrator. Michelle shares how they can help them see the wounded person underneath.
     
    RESOURCES:
    Sex and Relationship Healing
    @RobWeissMSW
    Sex Addiction 101 
    Seeking Integrity
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
    Ambush By Betrayal by Michele Saffier and Allan Katz
    Allanjkatz.com
    Traumahealingpa.com
     
    QUOTES:
    “The behavior is the behavior but really, they’re these little wounded boys and girls trying to survive.” “If you’ve been in a good relationship, then there’s obviously another reason why somebody would do these things and go off and be with somebody else or look at pornography or whatever. I’m not condoning it or saying it’s right; it was a choice but there is such a thing as addiction and that’s what we have to look at.” “You’ve got to be empathic rather than defensive because the main thing your spouse or partner wants to know is that you really do understand what you’ve put her through.” “The primary attachment is the person that has my back, my beloved and the one that wherever I am in the world, is my home.”

    • 37 min
    Eight Steps Toward Restoring Love, Sex and Intimacy  with Dr. Janis Rozler

    Eight Steps Toward Restoring Love, Sex and Intimacy  with Dr. Janis Rozler

    Dr. Janis Roszler is a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified sex therapist, registered/licensed dietitian, master-level addiction professional (MCAP), and award-winning medical media producer. She is currently an instructor at the International Institute of Clinical Sexology and has a private therapy practice in Miami, Florida. In this episode, she talks about intimacy more than just being sexual. She shares seven different types of intimacy that don’t necessarily lead into the bedroom and the value of taking time off from being sexual with your partner.
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [1:50] A little bit about Dr. Janice and where she and Dr. Rob got connected.
    [3:35] Intimacy is not only sexual. Dr. Janice talks about the other seven types of intimacy.
    [5:40] How can affection be different from the affection you have for a friend? 
    [7:25] Dr. Janice also shares what physical activities partners can do together that are not sexual.
    [10:45] What is spiritual connection?
    [11:30] Dr. Rob shares what intellectual connection means for him and his husband. 
    [12:25] Another way to connect is social. Dr. Janice explains further.
    [13:20] Emotional connection is when you share your feelings about something. Dr. Janice talks about “I” statements when sharing your feelings.
    [16:05] These other areas of intimacy can help you grow your sex life. Dr. Janice explains how.
    [19:20] Can people with differences come together in a passionate way without disagreement? 
    [23:20] Relationships are not magic. Dr. Janice shares the ups and downs of her 40-year marriage.
    [26:15] Sensuality vs sexuality. Dr. Janice tells the difference. 
    [29:45] How do you get to sex by not having sex? Dr. Janice talks about the value of couples not being sexual for a period of time.
    [30:33] Addiction vs yearning. How do you differentiate the two?
    [35:33] Dr. Janice summarizes the eight types of intimacy and how to use them to connect with your partner.
     
    RESOURCES:
    Sex and Relationship Healing
    @RobWeissMSW
    Sex Addiction 101 
    Seeking Integrity
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
    Dearjanis.com
    Dr. Janis’ Books
     
    QUOTES:
    “Intimacy is not only sexual.” “We’re talking about building the wealth of friendship, not just sexual partners. But we hope that the person you are involved with is also a friend with whom you have a deep connection with.” “Esthetic connection means that you view something of beauty together. You experience it at the same time.” “You’re not blaming, you’re not saying ‘Look what you did’, you’re just sharing your feelings. And the thing with feelings is that they are never wrong.”

    • 40 min
    What Is Trauma, Really? And How Is It Related to Addiction?

    What Is Trauma, Really? And How Is It Related to Addiction?

    Lynne Friedman-gell and Dr. Joanne Barron are both the Founders of Trauma and Beyond Center, based in Los Angeles. They provide outpatient trauma programs for trauma, mental health, and co-existing disorders. They have written a book, Intergenerational Trauma Workbook, to help people ask reflective questions that allow them to go deeper to heal some of their trauma. In this episode, Lynne and Dr. Joanne go deeper on the impacts trauma really has, how it shows up in addiction, and so much more. 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [2:55] Why did Lynne and Dr. Joanne start a trauma center? 
    [5:50] How do you define trauma? 
    [8:40] Our first relationships set up a template of what we’re going to expect in the world. 
    [10:40] Dr. Rob has seen a lot of trauma survivors who have taken on addiction as a way to cope with their past. 
    [11:40] One of the best defense mechanisms a child has is to numb themselves and disassociate from their feelings.
    [13:10] Children end up blaming themselves, instead of their parents. They feel like they’re responsible for ‘all the bad things’ happening to them. 
    [14:10] What type of therapists should trauma survivors be looking for? 
    [16:35] How can people heal their past when they don’t even remember? 
    [21:30] Whenever we are dealing with pain, it compounds because we use the past as a reference. 
    [27:20] We unconsciously match with other people who have similar attributes to our own dysfunctional families.
    [30:35] Lynne and Dr. Joanne talk about their book, Intergenerational Trauma Workbook. 
    [33:10] If we have unprocessed trauma, we will unknowingly pass it on to our children. 
    [37:10] We all make mistakes and learning how to apologize, forgive, and recover from those mistakes is an important part of life. 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Sex and Relationship Healing
    @RobWeissMSW
    Sex Addiction 101 
    Seeking Integrity
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
    Traumaandbeyondcenter.com
    Drjoannebarron.com
    Recoverypsychology.com
    Intergenerational Trauma Workbook by Lynne Friedman-gell and Dr. Joanne Barron
     
    QUOTES:
    “So many clients suffer from developmental trauma and they don’t even know it, and there’s no place for them to go.” “Our earliest relationships set up a template of what we’re going to expect in the world. We develop a tolerance for [bad] behavior and see it as love.” “As you get older, the way you respond to life and the problems you have, are causing more and more pain.”

    • 42 min
    Marry Yourself First with Ken Donaldson

    Marry Yourself First with Ken Donaldson

    Ken Donaldson has been one of Tampa Bay's leading change specialists since 1987. With a 25 year background as a mental health and relationship counselor, he has a unique perspective in winning in the game of change. Ken's credentials include: Licensed mental health counselor; board certified as an addictions professional and clinical hypnotherapist; and certified as a master relationship coach. In this episode, Ken talks about his book, Marry Yourself First, and the proud change it can bring when you live by your purpose and values.  
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [4:20] Ken shares why he wrote the book, Marry Yourself First. 
    [8:15] How do you ‘marry’ yourself? 
    [14:30] What areas of your life do you currently feel disappointed in?
    [18:05] Sometimes we get frustrated because we unknowingly have expectations surrounding that situations and we’re leaving ourselves disappointed. 
    [21:20] Your reaction is a reflection of you, not a reflection of the person who is triggering you. 
    [25:40] Ken explains what the MVP and VIP acronyms stand for and how you can live within your values and purpose. 
    [31:20] How do you know what your priorities are when trying to maintain your values? 
    [34:55] What happens if you never really do find the partner of your dreams? 
    [39:00] You have to figure out your own drum beat and march to that beat. 
    [41:35] Ken has created a structure to help people find inner happiness. 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Sex and Relationship Healing
    @RobWeissMSW
    Sex Addiction 101 
    Seeking Integrity
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
    Kendonaldson.com
    Marry Yourself First by Ken Donaldson



    QUOTES:
    “Usually frustration comes from an expectation.” “When you have a reaction to somebody else, go look in the mirror first.” “We go back to know, like, and trust yourself. Well, you said you knew yourself, but apparently you didn’t trust yourself because you broke your own rules, and by doing that, what does that say about liking yourself?”

    • 44 min

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5
209 Ratings

209 Ratings

Dmytexas ,

An aha moment

My husband, unfortunately, refused to go treatment for SA.

I’m listening to the episode with Dr Eddie and he and Dr Rob are talking about emotionally intimacy. It brought forth a memory of a conversation with my husband ( actually more than one) when I asked him to talk to me more, tell me what’s going on in his life, just be closer to me. His answer to me was “ I’m not going to talk with you like I’m one of your girlfriends “. I didn’t know what he meant but now -aha- my friends and I are emotionally intimate. We talk about life, feelings, disappointments. We support each other and are trustworthy. My husband can’t do that. I wish I would have seen this as a RED FLAG. The first time he said this to me was before marriage and the last time was after the SA discovery.

Sad really, he threw away his family because he couldn’t commit to the journey of addressing his intimacy disorder.

But we know how these guys roll- he will begin a new relationship, if he already hasn’t , and the cycle will begin again. If the women is healthier than I was years ago, she will run for the hills.

kosmo8 ,

Outstanding

Dr. Rob is a wealth of knowledge and every episode shows how much he cares. This is the go to podcast for addicts and partners and covers so much needed group. I respect Dr. Rob giving out so much knowledge and helping us by making so much of it free of charge.

podster50 ,

Thank you!

Dr Rob Your podcast is so amazing. You are helping me to deal with my husbands porn addiction. Thank you so much for this. You saved my life! I feel so validated when I listen to you.

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