Insights with Joe Pane Joe Pane

In episode 84, I highlight the importance of the quality of our relationships and how it can amplify all of our experiences. 

I share that courtesy, which is also referred to as significance, attention, kindness, and respect, is the golden ingredient that serves as the glue for all relationships.

Small acts of kindness, such as thanking your partner for cooking dinner or giving them your full attention during morning greetings, can accumulate to form a beautiful connection between two people. I concluded that having core relationships filled with courtesy and care can help us handle life's uncertainties more efficiently.

Thank you for tuning in!
Love, Joe



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So many people remained trapped prisoners of their mind. They may spend years living on someday isle. Someday I’ll start my own business, someday I’II relocate, some I’ll learn guitar, some I’ll get fit, someday I’ll commit…

Have you noticed that life does not have a pause button. Time passes, regardless of whether we ever leave ‘someday I’II’ or not. Lots of people live their lives like they have another in the bank. Whilst there may be an array of reasons and explanations as to why most will never leave someday I’ll, one of those explanations is that we all have an unconscious addiction to certainty.

There is nothing wrong with certainty, in fact it is a significant component of our psychological survival. The irony here is that we also need healthy doses of uncertainty. Growth is a perpetual need of the human spirit, and the precursor to all growth is uncertainty.

Most people would rather stay on Someday Isle because they prefer the continual predictable (boring) nature of the known, even though it sinks their spirit over time, than exploring the possibilities of something new.

If my “someday I’ll” ‘dream’ comes alive then doesn’t that change everything? Well…..yes it could! Yet so many would rather stay with the familiarity of any ordinary certainty than risk trying something new.

Breaking out of ‘someday I’ll” starts with one decision. The problem is that most don’t know what or which decision to activate or say yes to. The simple solution to this is to say yes to any opportunity present right now in front of you. What happens is by saying yes and actioning that one opportunity, it creates a another opportunity. This second opportunity could not exist without the first!

For example, when I was in my fourth year at uni (college), I was wondering (more like worried) about how I was to make the transition into the workforce in a job that was related to my qualifications. A doctor at Monash Uni where I was studying, was looking for researchers to help carry out some data collection for his thesis. This work wasn’t terribly exciting but nevertheless it was an opportunity.

I applied for the position and myself and a handful of other researchers got the gig. I could have easily said to myself that this is not what I want to do and that I could do better ‘out there’. I certainly didn’t see myself as a researcher!!

This job was only for a few months but it ended lasting 6 months. During these 6 months another opportunity arrived – an interview at Ford Motor Company as a rehab counsellor. My work as a researcher was what got me the interview!!!

In a strange connected way my work into researching work related fatalities (looking and reading about death all day), got the attention of my future employer because the main decision maker (as I later discovered) had some kind of weird addiction to reading the obituaries from A-Z every day in the newspaper!!! He had a fascination with death….my research job, along with my qualifications was enough (just) to land the interview!!!

I didn’t get the job first up because deservedly someone else (his name was Ken…I’ll tell u why that matters in a moment)...

Visit the Insights blog to read more on www.joepane.com.au/blog 

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It has been years since I have set ‘goals.’ The thought of setting another income goal, or health goal, or business goal I find draining, repetitive and boring. Goals are often confused with targets. Nothing wrong with targets if they help you focus, so go for it if it works for you.

What if instead we did this ONE new thing? This ONE new thing beautifully fulfils one our most important needs: our need for growth. This is our perpetual need. Without growth we die. Nothing stays still for very long. Everything in the universe without exception is expanding or shrinking, breathing out or breathing in, green and growing or ripe and rotting.

The precursor to growth is uncertainty. Uncertainty is presented to us in various forms. It can be experienced in an array of flavours and colours.

It can be experienced by embracing (instead of resisting) challenges presented to us. It can be invited into our lives as a form of adventure, or for some of us in the form of variety and  the wide choices and experiences this brings.

The richer our lives are in uncertainty, or challenge or adventure or variety the more we grow. The more we grow, the more we are fulfilled, the deeper the fulfilment the fuller we live. Life lived fuller does not mean faster, it means deeper.

Now, what is the ONE THING which can massively impact 2023 and take us to places we don’t even know exist? (Sounds more exciting than a weight goal or a money goal….)

Before we get to that, we need to embrace something important. We need to embrace courage. The courage to be loyal to our values, the courage to love, the courage to be vulnerable, the courage to live life deep, the courage to step into your truth, the courage to be you.

Wow…this sounds like a lot! Well, it may seem that way but if we do this ONE THING we automatically take care of all these various expressions of courage.

Here’s the ONE THING😊I warn you…do not allow the simplicity of what I am about to share to minimise this message in any way. THIS I know will make a big difference!

What if in 2023 we embrace the courage to follow our intuitive hits, our hearts, and our emotional compass down NEW paths? That’s it! Follow the wisdom of your heart instead of the certainty seeking nature of our ego centric minds? What if we all just did this for one year!!! Follow the swirl of your souls instead of the mess of our minds.

This WORKS! I know this because we did this ONE thing in 2021! Any opportunity which led down a new path we embraced. This ended up with our big move with our family to Noosa in the Sunshine Coast of Queensland Australia, from Melbourne 2000km down south where we lived all of our 50 years of life. This decision was based on a spirit / heart level. It most certainly was not a decision based on our linear logical minds.

On a logical level it made no sense to leave everyone we know and everything we know to move to place we knew little about and had nobody we knew. We had no idea if it would work out! Turns out to be one of best decisions we have ever made! This then led to one of my most profoundly successful years I have ever had in my life, on all levels.

The problem with goals is that we can only see from where we are at, whereas following our intuitive hits, our hearts down new paths brings us to a completely different vantage point which we could not see from where we are trying to set goals from.

Imagine your 2010 version of you trying to set goals for you in 2023….it would place huge limits to what may have been possible in 2022. My 2021 version of me COULD not even begin to imagine what 2022 introduced our family to...

Visit the Insights blog to read more on www.joepane.com.au/blog

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Register for the upcoming FREE training Go to www.JoePane.com.au 

Many people waste a lot of energy on aspects of life that is outside of their control. Life in general is outside our control. We have no control over what can happen from moment to moment let alone the journey over a lifetime.

We can’t control how others will respond to us and in what manner. We can’t control our outcomes. Outcomes are unique echoes of our actions. Anything can happen.

We have no control over all the automated functions of our body. We have no control over the weather, the economy, the markets, our teams, our children.

We have no control as to how our business or career will go next year.

We have no control over how long it will take to renovate that house.

We have no control over most things!

In fact almost everything in our lives is out of our hands.

The ego though, holds on for dear life, trying to convince us that we are in control.

However, there are 3 crucial choice points within which we have control.

1. Our character. In the midst of navigating our out of control lives, we have a choice and control over who we want to be and who we are on the way to becoming. For example, we can react angrily, or take a measured response. The choice is always ours.

2. Our actions are within our control. The results of our actions are out of our hands. Actions with no attachment to outcome can bring us a sense of peace. Anxiety tends to manifest when we are attached the an outcome and dissipates when that focus is shifted to only the action. What if in 2023 we were to give our actions all we’ve got, with a focus on who we want to be whilst taking those actions, without attachment to outcome?

3. How we treat others. The most important controllable we have. Patience, understanding, compassion, care and kindness are key parts of being a person who creates positive ripples effects out onto the world. What matters most here is how we treat someone when nobody is watching, and how we treat the waiter at the restaurant.

If all we did was embrace the awareness of who we want to become, immerse completely in our actions with no attachment to outcome and we do our best to treat everyone we meet well, I dare say a lot of your new year will be taken care of in meaningful and fulfilling ways you can’t imagine.

Thank you for reading, always in appreciation,

Love

Joe

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To understand this we need to first look at the nature of emotions. Emotions are fluid. They move. They don’t stay still. Very much like the waves at the beach. There is a clue inside the word ‘emotion’ (e-motion). Motion, to motor along, or move along. Emotion is also an energy. We know that energy is ALWAYS moving. Because energy is ALWAYS moving, it is always transforming from one form to another.

Energy never stays still. Like energy, emotions don’t stay still. They need to be released so they can be transformed into some other kind of energy. Sometimes these unexpressed emotions (energy) are released as anger or its direct opposite as uncontrollable laughter. Either way, this is a spontaneous combustion of energy being released all in one hit.

Emotions are either expressed consciously or projected unconsciously. The more unexpressed (trying to keep the energy still) the emotion is, the more likely it will be projected onto someone else at some other point in time.

Another way of putting it, is that emotions are either expressed or suppressed. When emotions are suppressed, they sink deep into the sea of consciousness. Which essentially means that these emotions become buried beneath the surface of awareness.

If we continue to suppress emotions rather than expressing them, we build layers and layers of unconscious memory, which at some point needs to be released. If it's not released consciously, that is, in healthy resourceful ways it will find a way to release itself in the most inappropriate moments.

The two combustive ways which suppressed emotion can be released, is via anger or intense out of control laughter.  For example, at the age of 10, I had my first experience of someone close to me dying. My grandmother had suddenly passed. This was the first time my parents were having to try to explain death to a 10 year old and my then 8 year old sister. They didn’t do a great job because it all was clouded with shrouds of secrecy or vague platitudes.

I had no idea how to feel, or how to respond. It was the first time I had seen my mother cry. Didn’t see my father cry until decades later at the loss of his brother. So as a child these swirling confusing emotions had nowhere to go because there didn’t seem to be a person or place to talk about how I was feeling.

What followed was an unconscious release! During the wake I was playing with my cousins and something just set me off into crazily intense fits of laughter like I have never experienced. I was blinded by my stream of tears….from my laughter!!! I remember feeling strange that we were laughing together so hard and at the same time feeling strange that this was happening at my grandmother’s funeral!

On the other hand, I have also experienced the opposite of this, namely anger. It had been months and months into our renovation journey, as our new home was being created before us. My wife Silvana was not a fan of embarking on this journey, but at the same time could see the significant benefits.

She had expressed to me at the beginning of this journey that, she could not handle multiple simultaneous chunks of uncertainty. This meant that she could only handle one piece of news or development at the one time when it came to the house.

As you may appreciate, the renovation journey is indeed an emotional rollercoaster, and on some days, there were multiple decisions to be made. There was also the emotional component, especially when the money surprises kept coming, and suddenly our budget gets blown out of the water!



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Episode 79 of Insights is about creating self trust and self respect.

Emotional fitness is about becoming a professional giver of significance. This matters because most people have very little self respect. Self respect can be one of the most powerful and important gifts we can give ourselves. This is because self-respect provides us with clarity of boundaries, clarity of priorities and clarity of where we stand in our relationships.

Respect may also be known as significance. By embracing the notion of being a giver of significance we lay down the psychological pathway for someone to begin respecting themselves. Naturally self-respect can be defined in many ways, in this instance it is defined as valuing oneself as much as you may value anybody else you have respect for.

Self-respect matters immensely because it is a precursor to self-love. It is very difficult to be emotionally fit and well if we lack both these qualities. The next question may well be…”how do I discover, create and embrace self respect?” A great question and a very important one.

1. Becoming a professional giver of significance is most definitely one of the paths to self respect. We need to bring into the world what we would like to see in the world and in ourselves. Being a giver of significance means we, in almost all instances give respect to others. For example, allowing people in front of you in traffic or in a supermarket isle. It is uncanny how the more we take care of those around us the more our world takes care of us.

Being a giver of significance also means that when you are chatting with someone you know very well, at work or at play, that you remember what matters to them and what little joys you may be able to bring into their lives. For example, remembering how they have their coffee or juice etc. 

When it comes to people we deeply care for and love, whether that be a partner, a son, daughter best friend etc we can be givers of significance by being completely present when they are speaking with us. By being completely present we make them feel significant and thus respected. 

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Free Introduction to EDISC training on www.joepane.com.au

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Email: joe@joepane.com.au