69 episodes

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

    • Health & Fitness
    • 5.0 • 19 Ratings

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

    Addicts Chase the Perception of Fun, but This is Not Fun

    Addicts Chase the Perception of Fun, but This is Not Fun

    Dr. Rob and Tami talk about why affair partners don’t ever feel the same as ‘normal’ and ‘stable’ partners. You’re living in a fantasy world with your affair partner, and it can only end badly because you’re simply not living in the present. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about the reason why addicts chase a high; they’re constantly chasing the illusion of fun and the price they pay is often in shame and guilt, which then continues their cycle. Find out more in this week’s episode.
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] I found out my husband has been acting out for 40 years. What do I even do now?
    [7:00] My husband is bi-polar. Is he a sex addict or is it because he has this condition?
    [11:00] I recently ended an affair and I’m struggling to reconnect with my spouse again. Do I even want to be with this person?
    [15:20] Dr. Rob asks a personal question. His husband just gave him some water in a sippy cup. What does this mean?
    [19:15] My husband seems to be compartmentalizing his recovery. Is he taking this seriously?
    [22:55] If sex addicts are looking for pleasure to avoid intimacy, then how is it not about sex?
    [26:55] As an addict, you’re always chasing the illusion of what it could be.
     
    RESOURCES:
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

    • 28 min
    Do Child Sexual Abuse Survivors End up With Sex Issues?

    Do Child Sexual Abuse Survivors End up With Sex Issues?

    Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what happens after someone has been molested as a child, and some of the traumatizing effects it can have on a person in older life. They also talk about why addicts are constantly running away from home while simultaneously trying to create/seek one.
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:20] If a child has been molested, will they always end up with sex issues?
    [3:20] People who are molested often are not in environments where they can talk about it.
    [3:40] Sex offenders don’t harm healthy children.
    [4:40] As a sex addict, do I have the right to ask for more support from my partner?
    [8:40] As a betrayed partner, I’m struggling with trust and intimacy. How do I trust him?
    [11:50] It takes time to regain trust again after being betrayed.
    [15:15] My ex-husband and current partner are both sex addicts. I found porn on my daughter’s computer. How do I talk to her about the dangers of these things?
    [20:00] My partner has ED, would that be fixed in recovery?
    [23:00] My SA has been sober for 9 months. Do sex addicts ever get enough sex?
    [25:55] What can hold an addict back? My addict slips/relapses every 3-4 months. He just can’t seem to stay sober.
    [30:15] Healthy people create healthy homes. Addicts try to create stability from their chaotic past, and then run away from it. Addicts run away from home.
     
    RESOURCES:
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

    • 33 min
    What’s the Difference Between a ‘Slip’ and a Relapse?

    What’s the Difference Between a ‘Slip’ and a Relapse?

    Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether it’s true that all addicts eventually relapse, they also talk about the difference between a slip and a relapse, and why relapses tend to happen in addiction. People in recovery can find joy and fun again when they’re living a sober life. It’s a myth that you’ll ‘become boring’ the moment you get sober. All this and more on today’s episode! 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] Does my SA really love me? Is there such a thing as restitution/amends? 
    [6:45] I’ve been in recovery since early April. I am trying my best to not relapse. Is it true that all addicts will relapse? 
    [9:10] What’s the difference between a ‘slip’ and a relapse? 
    [11:05] People in sobriety think life is just not going to be fun. That’s just not true. 
    [13:15] I need a therapist, who do you recommend? 
    [13:40] Are addicts usually void of emotions and empathy? 
    [17:10] Is the intimacy with a sex addict real or is it the same ‘feeling’ as when they’re with a prostitute? 
    [19:50] Is there a difference between limerence and love addiction? 
    [25:00] Can addiction be ‘functional’ or does it eventually manifest to a point where it gets out of control? 
    [27:25] We are adaptable and we can live endlessly with a lot of misery. However, that’s not what life’s about. 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

    • 28 min
    My Betrayed Spouse Wants Me to ‘Fix Things’. How Can I?

    My Betrayed Spouse Wants Me to ‘Fix Things’. How Can I?

    Dr. Rob and Tami go a little bit deeper on why addicts seek intensity over meaning. They also offer insight into why a man goes from one night stand to one night stand and then ‘suddenly’ decides to give it all up for an 18 month long affair. Dr. Rob and Tami also understand the frustration betrayed partners have when it comes to their addict’s journey, and answers a question from a listener on how he can better support his betrayed partner. 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] My addict doesn’t want to have sex. What’s going on? 
    [3:50] Sex addiction is based on intensity. It’s based on the ‘new’. A wife of 10+ years is not new. 
    [5:10] How could my SA partner go from one night stands to an 18 month affair? 
    [10:05] She is constantly watching my every move to protect herself from further trauma. Is there anything I can do to help her? 
    [12:50] How long does it take a recovering SA to feel comfortable with sex? 
    [16:55] I’m in a crisis. I don’t think I can be the man she wants me to be. 
    [22:25] You can't read one book and think everything is ‘fixed’. 
    [26:30] My wife is burning out as she walks this recovery journey with me. How can I support her? 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

    • 28 min
    What is Intimacy When In Sex Addiction Recovery, Really?

    What is Intimacy When In Sex Addiction Recovery, Really?

    Dr. Rob and Tami dive into why a treatment center is sometimes more encompassing than going to an addiction therapist specialist in this week’s episode. What do you do when your spouse is still so hurt in her anger two years after being in recovery? And, as a betrayed spouse, will my addict ever experience intimacy? Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice, extra information, and hope on this week’s episode! 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:25] My SA spouse keeps objectifying people in public. He says he’s not aware of this. Is this common? 
    [3:50] As a partner, if you’re uncomfortable, you need to tell him at the moment. 
    [4:40] My SA partner is both the best person and the worst person. I’m not sure if I can get past this. How can I reconcile these two versions of my partner? 
    [7:15] I am 90 days past discovery. I have so-so memories about all the betrayals. How worried should I be about this when I talk to my partner about what I’ve done?  
    [11:35] So many people have a therapist, but they don't understand the stories behind addiction, grief, relapse, and more. 
    [13:00] Is addiction to porn a sign of love addiction or is it something else? 
    [14:45] Will my SA ever feel comfortable with intimacy? 
    [20:55] My wife has expressed her anger at my betrayals for the last 2 years. I feel ashamed. How can I work through her on this? 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

    • 29 min
    Can I Take Psychedelics to Cure My Addiction?

    Can I Take Psychedelics to Cure My Addiction?

    Dr. Rob and Tami dive right into today’s burning questions. What do you do when your addict starts setting hard boundaries and threats to leave if the betrayed partner doesn’t follow through? Can psychedelics work towards bettering you as a person and your addiction? All these questions and more on this week’s episode! 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] Are sex offenders also sex addicts? 
    [2:40] I’m afraid of pushing my partner’s boundaries. How do I get better at this?
    [6:30] How do I know if my addict is actually working on his addiction?
    [11:10] I have tinnitus, is this due to my chronic stress and what’s been going on with my addict? 
    [12:25] How does a betrayed partner deal with their own sexual needs during their partner’s recovery?
    [15:10] Do psychedelics work to help your addiction? 
    [17:20] How do I make progress if my spouse doesn’t believe in my addiction? 
    [20:35] My addict keeps pushing back. What do I do? 
    [24:05] My addict was arrested for sex trafficing. I can’t believe I still care! How do I get over it? 
    [25:30] My SA husband sees setting boundaries as ‘ultimatums’. 
     
    RESOURCES:
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

    • 29 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
19 Ratings

19 Ratings

Stronger Today 2021 ,

Informative & Straightforward

As a betrayed spouse, I have scoured for a podcast that I can relate to and that actually speaks to me. This is the first one. I LOVE how straightforward and no-nonsense Dr. Weiss is.

Mine craft 10253 ,

Honest information! Thank you!!

Working up the nerve to e-mail
You and ask questions that seem to be unique to our situation.

WarRiorGaHdis ,

Every Episode is therapeutic

I love your podcast! It is helping me on my healing journey. I look forward to using your podcast as a main tool in my healing. Thank you both.

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