20 episodes

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

    • Sexuality
    • 5.0 • 4 Ratings

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

    My Sex Addict has Sex with Everyone But Me

    My Sex Addict has Sex with Everyone But Me

    Rob and Tami discuss what goes into the mind of an addict when they have a close bond or relationship with their partner, yet strays and look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs. They also discuss how a spouse can explore sex again after a betrayal, and so much more on this week’s episode! 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] How can I get my sex addict to stop threatening divorce? 
    [3:35] Why is my sex addict not interested in sex with me? 
    [6:20] Addicts are afraid of intimacy, they don’t want to be vulnerable in that way.
    [12:05] My addict is coming home in two weeks. How do I reintroduce sex into our relationship? 
    [17:20] Discovered my husband’s sex addiction for younger women. Should I forgive him? 
    [19:25] It’s normal for men to be attracted to younger women, but that doesn’t mean you act on it. 
    [23:05] Can a partner of a sex addict contribute to their addiction? 
     
    RESOURCES: 
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

    • 29 min
    My Addict Blames Me For His Recovery Journey

    My Addict Blames Me For His Recovery Journey

    Rob and Tami get some really insightful questions this week. They answer everything from if it makes sense to get a pet to help with trauma and recovery, when enough is enough and it’s time to walk away, and how to be healthy adults and think about the future of your children and grandchildren.
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] Can an affair lead onto a more serious sex addiction?
    [1:45] Is he an addict or just a jerk?
    [4:25] I think my best friend is a sex addict. What do I do?
    [6:30] My husband still talks to his best friend after lying that he doesn’t. Should I talk to his friend about this?
    [7:35] My husband has an unwillingness to commit to recovery and I don’t know how to talk to him about it.
    [9:15] My husband is an addict, how will it take for him to stop being a narcissist?
    [12:25] I’m in a 12 step program, how do I have healthy sex that goes beyond abstinence?
    [14:30] Would getting a pet help my wife heal?
    [18:55] My husband relapsed after 8 years and blames me for putting him into recovery. What’s going on?
    [24:55] My husband stopped seeing a therapist and now has relapsed. I feel so emotionally done. How do I trust him again?
     
    RESOURCES: 
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

    • 29 min
    I Want to Meet The Women My Husband Cheated on Me With

    I Want to Meet The Women My Husband Cheated on Me With

    Rob and Tami dive right into how a betrayed spouse can work with their addict during times of close quarters and covid, how should a CSAT therapist interact with a betrayed spouse and addict, and whether or not a betrayed spouse should meet with her husband’s past affair partners. 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] Is there a way to co-exist without feeling triggered? 
    [3:00] Would talking to a lawyer about our marriage be helpful or hurtful? 
    [5:10] I feel like my partner is blaming me, when I call him out on this, he says I’m not listening. What should I do? 
    [7:30] I want to meet some of my husband’s affair partners. Would this make this worse or better? 
    [11:25] My husband speaks about the prostitute as if she was his wife. What should I do? 
    [14:35] When should my addict and I go into couple’s counseling? 
    [16:00] I developed an unhealthy bond with my mother. How do I regain control as an adult? 
    [19:45] What are Dr. Rob’s thoughts when an addict makes excuses and does not take his therapy seriously? 
    [23:05] How do I create a dating plan? 
    [27:05] Should my CSAT therapist talk to my addict about my codependency?
     
    RESOURCES: 
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss
    Overcomingenmeshment.com

    • 31 min
    When Is It Time To Stop Loving Your Addict and Move on?

    When Is It Time To Stop Loving Your Addict and Move on?

    Rob and Tami answer questions about when it makes sense to keep fighting for a relationship with your addict vs. walking away for good. It can be a hard journey filled with grief, but you have every right to be angry and upset about the betrayal they’ve done to you. In this week’s episode, your hosts discuss how you can best manage this pain.
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:35] I’m a betrayed spouse that wants to stay together. My partner thinks it’ll be easier to walk away. What do I do?
    [4:05] My husband has difficulty discussing his sex addiction. What’s happening here?
    [9:05] If your addict pursued their recovery with the same amount of energy as their addiction, they’d do great.
    [12:40] I’m struggling to stop trying to prove that my betrayed partner is in the wrong.
    [16:15] How can I find resources to help my betrayed partner?
    [19:25] How can I build empathy and stop causing my partner pain?
    [22:20] Men are not the only people who cheat. Tami and Rob will have more resources for women addicts coming soon.
    [23:25] What are some self-care responses when your addict breaks boundaries?
    [27:15] My husband didn’t get better, so I left. Should I keep hoping he’ll change or should I finally leave him?
     
    RESOURCES: 
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

    • 30 min
    You Can’t Fix Your Partner. You Can Only Work on Your Addiction and Your Healing

    You Can’t Fix Your Partner. You Can Only Work on Your Addiction and Your Healing

    Rob and Tami discuss how to best keep boundaries with your mother, how to work through betrayal as a betrayed spouse in a way that encourages your addict to be honest with you, and Rob explains how sexuality works and why you might be attracted to men vs. not. 
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:45] How can I communicate my boundaries without making it into a threat?
    [7:25] There’s three rules you want to keep in mind when you want to make it work and there’s been a betrayal in the relationship. Dr. Rob explains. 
    [9:50] How do I sent boundaries with my mother who subjected me to covert incest? 
    [15:05] Can a man be bi or gay without being sexually arrosed by male bodies?
    [21:45] My wife caught me and is now hypersensitive to stress. How long will this last? 
    [28:20] My boyfriend has a porn addiction. What’s next? 
     
    RESOURCES: 
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

    • 32 min
    When Should We Tell Family About Our Addictions?

    When Should We Tell Family About Our Addictions?

    Rob and Tami dive into whether you can rewire your sexual tastes after being exposed to hardcore porn. They also discuss how to have a successful open relationship (when you’re not an addict) and so much more on this week’s episode!
     
    TAKEAWAYS:
    [0:30] Can I rewire my sexual tastes?
    [6:10] I don’t think I can handle my partner relapsing. What can I do?
    [10:45] How can we have a successful open relationship?
    [13:45] Should addicts reveal their addiction to their family members?
    [18:00] I stumbled upon child porn and I felt guilty ever since watching it. How do I get over this?
    [19:45] How do you create healthy boundaries as a sex addict?
    [24:15] My husband of 28 years has paid for prostitutes for the last 8 years. Will this pain ever end?
     
    RESOURCES: 
    Seekingintegrity.com
    Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
    Sexandrelationshiphealing.com
    Intherooms.com
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
    Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
    Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss
    Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss

    • 31 min

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