The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast is hosted by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., clinical expert on the narcissistic personality, psychotherapist and author. I offer in-depth analysis, strategies and practices for those psychologically and emotionally harmed and abused by toxic, predatory narcissistic personalities through my books: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist and Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, international telephone consultations and global podcasts. I put the emphasis on helping individuals to access the calming, restorative parts of the parasympathetic body/mind systems that lead to healing, recovery, personal transformation and the evolution of your true, authentic self and your unique creative gifts.
High Level Narcissist - Exploiter Extraordinaire
High level narcissists spend their days exploiting others. This is their style and their deep need to take advantage of every relationship: spouses, partners, ex-spouses, children.
When you are partnered with a high level narcissist this individual interferes with the expression of your individuality and creativity.
1. You become part of the Image that defines them as special and superior to others. The narcissist expects you to mirror his/her perfection. For the narcissist image is reality. This insistence interferes with the development of your individuality.
2. With your fine character you make the high level narcissist look very good. .The high level uses your character as a vehicle for twining with you.
3. High levels are often attracted to empaths. Empaths are highly intuitive and experience a deep understanding and appreciation for the feelings of others. Again, the empath is often very forgiving and will stay with the high level despite how badly they are treated..
4. High level narcissists ride high on your unique creativity and some of them exploit your creativity ideas. They are unwilling to give your many creative gifts.
AT a point of awakening you recognize that you can no longer be manipulated and controlled by the high level narcissist. You have done the research about the true nature of the narcissistic personality. . Your wisdom and deep insights have brought you to the recognition and decision that you are moving forward to separate from the level narcissist and put yourself first.
Give yourself so much credit for appreciating who you are as an authentic, empathic, creative, individual. You are persevering, grounded, have many gifts and are moving along the pathways of the authentic original self.
Married to a High Level Narcissist - Revisiting Your Childhood of Desolation
The word "desolation" is from the French going back hundreds of years. It means a state of emptiness or destruction.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent(s) you suffered from the beginning. Some of you sensed there was something wrong and frightening about your family. Some children of narcissistic parents wonder if they were switched at birth. Of course you knew that this was not literally the case.
From earliest childhood you felt a deep need to please your narcissistic parent. You made constant efforts to be accepted and loved by mother or father. These children are emotionally starving for attention and care.
You suffered greatly from the humiliations, accusations, punishments, guilt induction, extreme control placed on you by the narcissist.
Those who stay married to the high level narcissist are under tremendous stress, day and night. There is no respite, your nervous system is constantly in fight or flight survival mode.
There is a time of awakening when you step forward to ground yourself in your unique individuality. This is your pathway of psychological grounding and transformation. Give yourself tremendous credit for your journey of the rediscovery of your wholeness, uniqueness and creativity.
Never Underestimate the High Level Narcissist's Cunning
The high level narcissist is a restless human being. He/she is always seeking narcissistic supplies--those psychological foods that he must have in order to keep his ego sense of self fully inflated....
Those who marry high level narcissists are unaware of their cunning and secrecy.
You have been betrayed too many times and treated with disrespect---This is a non-relationship.
Now you are awakening to self care: rest and sleep, nourishing food, hydration, movement and exercise, Nature, beautiful music, your form of spiritual practice.
High Level Narcissists - Vicious Exploitation
High level narcissists cause multiple psychological and emotional traumas in the lives of others, particularly their spouses, ex-spouses, children, in-laws. Always on the hunt for narcissistic supplies which includes a feverish search for people they can exploit, the high level can deleteriously affect a wide swath of people including close family members. Exploitive, duplicitous, high manipulative, secretive, the high level never stops his hunt for the ultimate narcissistic supplies: praise, adulation, social status, wealth, spouses and partners that will enhance his/her image of perfection.
I have seen families decimated in the aftermath of the narcissist's vicious, repeated dark deeds. Having neither shame nor conscience, a high level narcissist, thinks absolutely nothing of leaving an ex-spose and his children with no financial support or security while he or she moves on with a new fresh partner to marry again and begin a new family. Narcissists don't stop. Just when you think that they have mellowed, changed or slowed down, they will surprise you with finding another way to obstruct you.
High level narcissists want everything for themselves. They will never take responsibility ever for the damage that they do. Never wait for an apology or reparations from them. They view themselves as perfect---they have the problem.
Become highly informed about the narcissistic personality. This is a powerful tool for you.
You are moving forward along your pathways of the original self. You deserve tremendous credit for all of your research, insights, intuitions and great wisdom
High Level Narcissists Eclipse Your Psychological, Emotional and Creative Options
You cannot be the spouse of a high level narcissist and be free to be yourself. The narcissist takes space in certain crevices of your mind and heart that cannot be overlooked.
High level narcissists nibble away at our hope, creativity and optimism. They pick at you here and there. For spouses who are more dependent and vulnerable, they can leave this person helpless, unable to make their own decisions, immobilized psychologically.
High level narcissists weaken, deride and humiliate the ones This is delusional on their part.
After research, study, insights and many efforts you reach an awakening to the truth about the true nature of the high level narcissist.
Practice self care each day: rest, sleep, nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you,.
Expanding and Deepening Your Individuality
Qualities of Individuality
Independence of Mind- Respecting your thought processes but remaining flexible to changing your perceptions when research and insight individuates your movement to a new direction.
Trusting your intuition - Flashes of wisdom that move taster than thought.
Appreciate the forces that created you and how you survived and who you are becoming as a unique individual.
Appreciating you sense of humor - Humor is magic and distinguishes us as individuals.
A scene from a camping site near the ocean describes the beauty and simplicity of family and friend gatherings overlooking the ocean. Campers have set ups that move from motor homes to trucks to small campers.
This is a lovely scene of people enjoying the cooking and eating of homemade food, children playing games, scooters, bikes; adults talking with one another with warmth, small fires that create warmth and friendship.
Recall your memories of times you spent in beautiful natural places: ocean, lakes, mountains. These experiences are calming, enjoyable, hopeful, restorative
Appreciate yourself as an individual, immerse yourself in beauty every day, get the rest and sleep that you need and deserve, hydration, nourishing food, movement and exercise, listen to beautiful music.
Healing And Helpful
I have listened to Dr Martinez-Loui daily for over two years . I don’t think I could have handled much more than the soothing reassurances she constantly delivered . I have learned and grown so much . Thank you for being a daily part of my healing. I have been going through a divorce for two years to a highly narcissistic person.
Her podcast has helped me through.
Much love and thank you .
Love your posts
I just love to listen to all you have to say...and the way you articulate it...just listening to your podcast has helped me come to grips with so many things from my relationships, the depression and devastation I’ve experienced and my childhood which unfortunately set me up for all the terrible things which occurred in my life because I accepted it as “normal” until I knew better...
I Like Mushrooms and Bacon on My Pizza
I am really enjoying these podcasts. I am the narcissist, and am working on myself now. The hurt I feel as a listen brings me to the world of hurt I created for those who allowed me to be a part of their lives. Thank you for what you do. This is of tremendous help for the reverse engineering of my healing.