The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast is hosted by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.,, LMFT, specializing in the narcissistic personality, She offers in-depth information about the origins and psychodynamics of the narcissistic personality and strategies and practices for those psychologically and emotionally abused by narcissistic personalities through her global podcasts (The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast) her books:: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist and Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Calming, Strengthening Practices for Child Inside the Empath
The small child inside the empath needs and is entitled to special attention. Here are some of the ways that you activate kindness, appreciation and understanding. You become calmer, stronger and increase your physical, mental and psychological stamina as well as moving into the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems.
Get comfortable when you rest. Wear easy fitting clothing that moves with you and is soft and easy against your skin. Res knowing that you are entitled to calming, quiet unscheduled time.
Basic yoga poses put you in the parasympathetic body/mind systems where you are free and untethered, no demands are made, you are floating in a quiet sea.
Child' pose is especially fine for rest and restoration.
Take naps without judgment.
Listen to beautiful music that calms and restores you.
Enjoy Nature each day.
Listen to a book narrator that puts you into the story, characters, sense of place.
Do everything at your pace. No rushing. Walk and do a firm of meditation on Nature in each moment.
Empaths - Embrace the Dance of Your Individuality
As a child you were the peacemaker, child servant, invisible child, the quiet one in your family. As a child you didn't fit in with your family. They had an image of themselves that was developed and highly polished, especially if you had a narcissistic parent or narcissistic mother and father.
Everything had to be perfect at all times including the children. You remember the strict routines, the multiple layers of external perfection, the grand show. The image was all that mattered: what you wore, your grades, schools you attended, important friends and contacts. This was emphasized. This is the false reality of the narcissistic family.
You are not part of your family's fairy tale. You are not in the chorus - following the steps by rote.
You choreograph your own dance. You dream it up, work it out and perform it. beautifully. You are a gifted soloist.
Follow your intuitive wisdom and listen to the winds of your creativity.
Special Message to Empaths Married to High Level Narcissists II
Empaths are high ly perceptive, exquisitely sensitive individuals. They are attuned to their external and internal environments. Tehy feel deeply and are often misunderstood by spouses, family members and the world at large.
Empaths who are married or partnered with high level narcissists have a particularly difficult journey.
In this situation with a high level narcissist the empath is accumulating tremendous amounts of oxidative stress.
Many of you grew up as children of a narcissistic parent or both mother and father. Demands and reprimands were daily occurrences. Narcissistic mother and fathers gave you the message that you didn't and couldn't measure up to lowest expectations. You felt irredeemably flawed. For making great efforts to obtain any real attention, warmth, attachment, acceptance never work. You were looked upon with scorn and disgust. No one in your family understood you.
Married to a high level narcissist you are at the mercy of their recriminations, criticisms, projections. There is a time of awakening when you can no longer tolerate being controlled by the high level narcissist.
You come to a time of awakening, an opening to your authentic original self. You practice self care, explore your creativity, learn to access the calming, parasympathetic body/mind systems. I give you so much credit for restoring your original sense of self and now stand tall: grounded, gifted, going strong.
Creativity Heals, Soothes and Grounds the Empath
Quotes from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: "Creativity is occurring every moment, whether we are awakening, asleep or dreaming. It is a transpersonal experience that redeems us from our life histories."
""Imagination is our creative engine. Like a sense of humor imagination is unique to each person, our creative DNA.
"Encourage the flow of your imagination Be open---there are no rules, limits or boundaries. Follow where your imagination leads you."
Dreams are a great gift of the unconscious and remain mysterious. Some record their dreams and analyze them. Dreams are the secret to the unconscious.
Intuitive Sight - Intuition is always with us. It moves faster than the speed of thought. Intuition always reveals the truth. Honor and pay close attention to your intuitions.
Nature is our home - the epitome of beauty. We are observers and participants in Nature.
Each season, each day, each moment is unique and beautiful.
What are your fondest memories of Nature as an adult, a teen, a child: Each tree is an individual yet they communicate with one another.
Remember the Moon at night and the glorious presence of the Milky Way.
Notice the magnificence of the colors of flowers - their unique shape and relationship to one another.
Remembering weather of all kinds: Cold, dark, windy winter, Remembering the heat of Summer - Coping with high humidity,
Remember falling asleep outside on an autumn afternoon .
Being at the shore - sky and sea met. Each day watch the life throughout the year
Here comes the Winter's shift with snow, ice storms, torrents of rain, thunder and lightening. We feel comfort and soothing when we put on comfortable clothing when we have been cold.
Spring comes with the multitudes of birds, profusion of flowers -- magnificent experience. Color is a great blessing and Nature keeps us in the present.
We are part of Nature and over hundreds of thousands of years Nature has been our companion, source of necessary sustenance, beauty, creativity, a great companion and friend.
Empaths - Choosing Simplicity
Empaths are often informal. They don't have a retinue of followers or adorers, those that do their bidding. There are certain qualities that empaths possess. They are sensitive to their external and internal environments and have been this way since babyhood. Empaths have very keen perceptions.
Empaths tend to savor their solitude; these times offer them a freedom in which they are not required to deal with the psychodynamics and dramas of others.
Empaths have wonderful rich imaginations.
Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life:
"In his interactions with the other person who embraces simplicity is straightforward. There are no hidden agendas, no psychological ploys, no manipulative histrionics.
Simplicity is like the purest waters of an azure lagoon, where a swimmer views the white sandy bottom thirty feet down. They put no finger to the wind to gauge if they are liked or accepted.
The individual who practices simplicity uses his gifs fully and willingly gives them back to the world."
The High Level Narcissist Can't Stop Lying to You
Lying for the narcissist is as predictable and natural as the sun rising i the East. High level narcissists lie through commission and omission and by intricate combinations of the two. They pile one lie on top of the other with great "skill" and insouciance. Remember, narcissists unlike you and me do not have a fully developed conscience.
High levels are shameless with their lies. They tell huge ones without blinking or blanching or having the slightest prick of conscience.
The high level focuses on his primary goals:
Keeping his /her ego fully inflated at all times.
Seeking power over others within his occupational and societal orbit.
Keeping his eyes on the prize - material largesse, getting rid of competitors and if this involves smear campaigns the high level is gifted at ruining reputations through lies, accusations and insinuations.
The consequences of their multiple lies, misdeeds, cruelties, betrayals never enters their minds. In fact they blame everything that goes wrong on their victims and other innocents that are handy. Spreading lies and rumors are all part of their playbook. :
When things get touch the lying high level leaves you behind. You have worn thin - they are looking and finding a new shiny replacement. You are exhausted and no longer attractive to them. So they are off to create another delusion with someone who is naive, compliant, even worshipful of them.
You have awakened to the true nature of the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward despite your history with this dreadful personality.
You have persevered - through your knowledge, psychological stamina, inner wisdom, intuition. This is your time of transformation, healing, restoration.
Healing And Helpful
I have listened to Dr Martinez-Loui daily for over two years . I don’t think I could have handled much more than the soothing reassurances she constantly delivered . I have learned and grown so much . Thank you for being a daily part of my healing. I have been going through a divorce for two years to a highly narcissistic person.
Her podcast has helped me through.
Much love and thank you .
I feel like there’s very little motivation and actually healing and being done with healing throughout this podcast. Using healing modalities as a way of life I am interested in. I want to be done -get on with the rest of my forever
While I think there’s a lot of good information here and sometimes I feel like a bitterness comes through on the doctors behalf and it doesn’t quite seem like she has healed I’m around narcissistic abuse. Peace be with all of you -but I spent so much time suffer and I don’t want to spend any extra time than necessary healing.
Love your posts
I just love to listen to all you have to say...and the way you articulate it...just listening to your podcast has helped me come to grips with so many things from my relationships, the depression and devastation I’ve experienced and my childhood which unfortunately set me up for all the terrible things which occurred in my life because I accepted it as “normal” until I knew better...