The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT

The covert narcissist is "gifted" at re-victimizing his/her human targets. Whether you are partnered with or married to a covert narcissist you are riddled with fear and dread much of the time. You are stuck in the fight or flight mode, the sympathetic nervous system. The covert is skilled at concealing his/her multiple cruelties, manipulations and deceptions. Lies roll off of their tongues automatically and everyone believes them. Lies are automatic to the covert. In some instances your own family may not believe that you know and are telling the truth about this covert viper. 
Their act deceives so many including highly trained therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, attorneys and the list goes on. Don't be surprised if you have been compromised by the covert narcissistic man or woman who makes you believe that he/she is genuine and deeply cares about you. 
Learn to recognize the seductions of sweetness, soft persuasion, their vulnerability act, guilt induction and promises of special treatment that are designed by the covert narcissist to pull you back into their delusonal world of manipulation and deception. 
There are steps you can take to maintain your psychological boundaries and strong sense of self:
Identify the covert narcissist with your research, knowledge and the full use of your intuition.
Put yourself first. Get the sleep you need and deserve. Eat pure food and hydrate, spend time with Nature, do movement and exercise that works you, form relationships with individuals you can trust.  Do expressive writing that is unedited and uses your imagination. 
You have turned on to a new pathway of renewal, health, beauty and a source of continued healing, evolution and transformation.
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The narcissist is a projection machine. Rather than internalizing, introspecting or encouraging insight, the narcissist is always in the process of externalization. He/she is either basking in his perfection or plotting the next move that will weaken, topple or destroy a real or imagined enemy.
Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism an individual uses to protect himself/herself from intolerable feelings of worthlessness, self loathing and forbidden impulses. The narcisssist is continually projecting his/her venom on to others. This is particularly painful and harmful to his family---spouses, partners and children. 
Learn to deflect the narcissist's projections. You cannot control the narcissist's impulses but you can be in command of yourself. 
Practice self care: rest, sleep, hydration, movement/exercise, a form of mindfulness that works for you. Learn to access the parasympathetic nervous system, tht part of yourself that is calm, relaxed and grounded. 
Tap into your creativity --an invaluable resource. 
Honor your wisdom.
"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."---Lao-tsu
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As the high level narcissist becomes more successful in the world, he/she activates greater and greater grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and ruthlessness. If he is at the top of his/her profession---finance, science, medicine, academia, entertainment, entrepreneurship, politics, media, etc, he is surrounded by a circle of people who believe that he is superior. This protective golden circle provides the high level narcissist with a continuous circulation of narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, accolades, multiple perks, high monetary compensation. 
As high level narcissists move to higher tiers of power and influence of great reach, they become untouchable in terms of being held accountable for their personal misdeeds and cruelties. 
Does it matter to him/her if he decimates someone else's career. Absolutely not! This is business hardball. Those who side with him (not knowing that they too are disposable) will vanquish his enemies. The narcissist becomes more and more ruthless and inhumane as he grabs more power and becomes more maniacally delusional.
If this narcissist is a waking nightmare at work, he is hellish at home. In the private space there is no need to wear his/her false facade. It is ripped off by the time he reaches the front door. He screams, taunts, threatens, demeans, humiliates his spouse and children. The reign of narcissistic terror is endless. He has his spouse in a psychological stranglehold.  If the marriage is going badly and the spouse suggests a divorce, the decree of threat comes down---"You will be left with nothing." "I will get full custody of the kidns." "Everyone will know that you have instigated the divorce and take my side." "I will hire attorney who will defeat you at every turn."
Some spouses of high level narcissists reach a breaking point---They are in severe distress---They cannot sleep; they are on red alert with free floating anxiety and chronic insomnia.  
Don't wait for the narcissist to change course. He/she knowes he can control and manipulate you at any time. 
Some spouses take the step to sever their relationship from these highlydisturbed individuals. They strrengthen themselves physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually. Begin with self care: get the rest and sleep that you deserve, good nutrition and hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, restoration through Nature, doing expressive writing with edit or judgment, rediscovering your many unique creative gifts. 
Click on the link below for my books on Amazon:
https://tinyurl.com/2p92ymam
Click the link below for the Mental Health News Radio Network, a global network of Shows by Podcasters on every facet of Mental Health: 
www.mhnrnetwork.com
 
 
 

The outer image, the persona of the high level narcissist is irresistible: beauty, handsomeness, magnetism, pseudo empathy, extreme self confidence, brightness. These are some of the qualities of  high flying narcissists who are extraordinarily successful in our world today. 
The number of high level narcissists is increasing faster than we can count. Our current society rewards them for their worldly success. Having integrity and a fine character matter less now than it did in the past. 
Our current society rewards them for their worldly success despite the number of people they have psychologically abused; those they have left in financial ruin. Some individuals have become physically ill from the stress of living with them decade after decade.
When you are at your lowest emotional ebb the narcissistic spouse/partner will verbally pounce on you without mercy. They are determined to bring you down. They assume the role of victim which they play to the hilt.
High level narcissists lead secret lives which they compartmentalize. They are known for their affiars, clandestine meetings, seductive acting out behaviors. 
After years, even decades of psychological abuse you can tolerate these cruelties of mind and heart no longer. You are exhausted, experience oxidative stress, chronic anxiety and insomnia. 
After making your decision to leave the narcissist you go through the ordeal of divorcing the high level narcissist. They hires attorneys to intimidate you into complete capitulation. They seek to wear you down with their dirty fighting. 
Despite it all, you come through the divorce process. You have re-activated your strong, grounded sense of self. You folllow the pathways that lead to healing and transformation, putting yourself first. Self care each day is your routine. Getting the rest and sleep that you deserve; eating quality food, good hydration, movement and exercise, you strengthen yourself and develop a powerful stamina of mind, body and heart. Your self entitlement blooms and grows. You embrace your full identity, individuality and creativity. 
Click on the link below for my books on Amazon:
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Click on the link below for the Mental Health News Radio Network, a global network of Shows by Podcasters on every facet of Mental Health:
www.mhnrnetwork.com
 

If you have been married to or partnered with a high level narcissist for decades or a short time, remember that your "relationship" with this person is expendable. High level narcissists are ruthlessly wanton and careless about the feelings of others, even their own children. 
Children are often used as attractive props that enhance the narcissist's image and status. After all, if your child is very attractive and has a myriad of talents and capacities, the narcissistic mother or father will have endless bragging rights. 
This person is incapable of actually loving his/her child. Authentic feelings are not part of the narcissist's vocabulary. They tell great stories about their devotion to their spouses and children but this makes for great drama and image enhancement. 
Spouses who get out of line by psychologically working to become individuals and separate from the narcissist become the enemy. After all, they are no longer servile--the one who gives the king or queen his crown and scepter. 
Even before the divorce it is not unlikely that the narcissistic spouse has found your replacement. He or she has already drifted to new sources of psychological supply that will keep his ego fully inflated. 
There is no sadness or regret from the narcissist about all of those years together. You are shocked and distraught. The high level narcissist pivots quickly to his/her next exciting supply. One partner or spouse is interchangeable with the other. 
Protect yourself from the high level narcissist. Research this personality structure. Understand their strategies, the way they think--about themselves only--, their ruthlessness, horrendous lack of empathy, chronic lying, ducplicity, manipulations, empty promises. 
Pay attention to your psychological, emotional and creative needs and wishes. Don't blame yourself for becoming involved in a marriage with a narcissist. They fool most people all the time. 
Focus on your self, your talents, your well being and sense of inner peace. Now you will be lighter, simpler, more creative as you rediscover your authentic, grounded, original self. 
Click on the link below for my book on Amazon: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist
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Click on the link below for the Mental Health News Radio Network, a global network of shows by podcasters on every facet of mental health:
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There are a growing number of "spiritual teachers" who are narcissists. They are among the most magnetic and charismatic of individuals.
We are in a time of many uncertainties, a kind of roller coaster ride. Many are seeking a sense of peace and groundedness. 
Coming to the rescue are "narcissistic gurus" who have all the answers.  Charismatic, charming, excellent communicators and story tellers, these individual are offering courses that promise to reshape  your life, to calm you down, even to make you rich. Many of these "spiritual teachers" are covert narcissists who convincingly pretend to be humble and unmaterialistic. . 
Narcissistic gurus often come with fine academic credentials. Others call themselves holistic healers and medical intuitives.  
Often attractive physically with excellent communications skills, they can captivate any audience within a short period of time. Many spiritual gurus travel the world, peddling their packages which cost thousands of dollars. The goal is enlightenment---the expensive way. 
There are extravagent seminars to exotic, exciting locations with different levels of membership. The more you pay, the greater the access to the "guru" which could mean a seat at his/her inner  golden circle. 
Narcissistic spiritual gurus are confidence men and women. They don't give a damn about your psychological or spiritual welfare. They live only for themselves, their godlike images and the fruits of their labors---becoming more wealthy and controlling the minds, emotional and psyches of others. 
There is a time of insight and awakening to the true nature of these narcissistic spiritual gurus who lack conscience and integrity.
This is the time to put the emphasis on your self healing and restoration: Get the rest and sleep that you deserve; healthy pure food, good hydration, spend time with Nature, the great healer, access your many creative gifts, grow in wisdom with you intuition. 
Click on the link below for my books on Amazon:
https://tinyurl.com/2p92ymam
Click on the link below for the Mental Health News Radio Network, a great global network of Shows by Podcasters on every facet of Mental Health 
www.mhnrnetwork.com