112 episodes

"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!

Waking Up to Narcissism The Virtual Couch Network

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.9 • 591 Ratings

"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!

    Death By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature!

    Death By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature!

    In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' phenomenon—a metaphor highlighting the cumulative effect of repeated emotional injuries from narcissistic and emotionally immature partners.Addressing key issues such as emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, sexual abuse within the relationship, manipulation, boundaries vs. ultimatums, and the critical need for self-validation, Tony provides listeners with practical coping strategies. These strategies underscore the importance of self-reflection, seeking professional guidance, and engaging with supportive communities as vital steps in shedding the lingering effects of controlling relationships.This episode aims to reassure listeners that they are not isolated in their experiences of unhealthy relationships. It also serves as a resource for those seeking to support family members entangled in abusive dynamics, offering insight into effective ways to provide meaningful support beyond mere words of encouragement. Tony seeks to empower listeners to recognize their inherent worth and foster healthy, mature connections by advocating for relationships grounded in respect and empathy.00:00 Welcome to the Crossover Episode: Unpacking Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity00:37 Why Today's Episode Matters: Exploring 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'01:58 Moving Week and Virtual Client Opportunities03:58 Understanding Emotional Cuts and Their Impact05:58 The Challenge of Seeking Validation and Understanding09:24 Creating Supportive Spaces for Emotional Growth12:36 Diving into Real-Life Stories of Emotional Immaturity23:49 The Frustrating Dynamics of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships33:57 Navigating the Complexities of Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism34:54 The Emotional Toll of Unvalidated Feelings36:07 Navigating Emotional Safety in Relationships36:19 The Subtle Manipulations of Emotional Abuse37:00 Parenting Amidst Emotional Manipulation38:29 Understanding the Impact of Emotional Abuse Through Stories46:33 The Role of Pornography in Emotionally Immature Relationships01:00:43 Financial Control and Emotional Abuse01:07:45 Finding Healing and Empowerment

    • 1 hr 15 min
    Part 2 - From Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles

    Part 2 - From Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles

    Part 2 of Tony’s dive into how narcissism and emotional immaturity contribute to the different attachment styles that we show up with in adulthood. Continuing to read from the article “Nar...

    • 1 hr 2 min
    Transforming or Transgressing? The Thin Line Between Emotional Growth and Weaponization

    Transforming or Transgressing? The Thin Line Between Emotional Growth and Weaponization

    Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the misuse of self-help and philosophical principles by the narcissist and the emotionally immature. Tony uses Stoicism and the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca as a backdrop to show how seemingly safe topics like self-care, hobbies, and reasons to focus on the here and now can be weaponized and used as manipulation tactics by the emotionally immature and those who exhibit strong narcissistic traits and tendencies. Tony also provides examples of addressing these misinterpretations and outlines the importance of personal growth, self-reflection, and accepting one's imperfections to achieve a healthier mindset and better relationships.00:00 Introduction and Welcome00:20 The Importance of Newsletters and Updates00:39 Exploring Narcissistic Traits and Self-Help Books01:42 The Power of Self-Reflection and Emotional Maturity02:48 The Misuse of Self-Help Tools and Philosophies03:24 The Dangers of Misinterpreting Therapeutic Advice04:24 Exploring the Interactions of Narcissistic Traits with Philosophies04:36 The Role of Stoicism in Self-Improvement05:04 The Fine Line Between Self-Improvement and Weaponizing Teachings06:15 The Power of Self-Confrontation and Growth07:57 The Concept of Muse in Personal Growth08:26 The Importance of Listening and Self-Improvement14:15 The Role of Stoicism in Personal Growth25:13 Embracing Imperfections and Learning from Mistakes26:02 The Story of Epictetus and His Teachings27:23 Applying Stoic Philosophy in Real Life: Chris and Morgan's Dance Lessons28:48 The Dangers of Weaponizing Stoic Philosophy31:16 The Wisdom of Marcus Aurelius and Letting Go of Unnecessary Opinions39:35 Applying Marcus Aurelius' Advice in Relationships: Jordan and Alex's Story41:58 Understanding and Navigating Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism44:55 Final Thoughts and Encouragement for Personal GrowthFind all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy,

    • 46 min
    From Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles Pt1 of 2

    From Grandiose to Vulnerable With a Touch of Emotional Immaturity - Exploring Attachment Styles Pt1 of 2

    Tony zooms in on emotional immaturity, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, and how they affect relationships. He illustrates these concepts with hypothetical scenarios and emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between healthy ego and pathological defensive narcissism. He also briefly highlights how developing a healthy ego can contribute to personal growth and better relationships. Part two of this episode will dig deeper into the origin stories of narcissistic personality disorder and further explore the different attachment styles.00:00 Introduction and Welcome to the Show00:21 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism00:43 Exploring Attachment Styles and Narcissism01:41 Real-Life Scenarios: Planning a Weekend Getaway03:20 The Impact of Narcissism on Relationships08:39 Introduction to Narcissism and Healthy Ego12:28 Real-Life Scenarios: The Stay-at-Home Mom and the Emotionally Immature Husband17:28 Healthy Ego vs Pathological Defensive Narcissism22:16 Understanding the Healthy Ego22:43 Pathological Defensive Narcissism23:37 Personal Journey: From Software Marketing to Therapy24:10 Finding Purpose and Building a Healthy Ego25:40 Embracing Criticism and Personal Growth27:06 The Role of Relationships in Personal Development27:34 Reflecting on Past Experiences and Growth30:44 Understanding Narcissism: Vulnerable and Grandiose32:11 The Impact of Narcissism on Relationships35:00 Differentiating Between Vulnerable Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity44:31 Understanding the Origins of Narcissistic Personality Disorder44:52 Closing Remarks and Preview of Part TwoAvailable NOW Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course (https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course)Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.

    • 46 min
    Embracing Popcorn Moments: Finding Strength in Non-Reaction

    Embracing Popcorn Moments: Finding Strength in Non-Reaction

    Tony discusses "Popcorn Moments" - those crucial instances where choosing not to react to narcissistic or emotionally immature behavior can be the most powerful response. This episode dive...

    • 47 min
    Unmasking Family Roles in a Narcissistic/Emotionally Immature Household

    Unmasking Family Roles in a Narcissistic/Emotionally Immature Household

    Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the hidden dynamics and assigned roles within dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems. The podcast outlines the roles of the Enabler, the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot, all of whom are developed as coping mechanisms to manage family stress and chaos. Each role is reviewed in depth, including the implications for the individual's development, identity, and potential for later life challenges and relationships. The episode also emphasizes the importance of recognizing these roles, seeking therapeutic support, and redefining one's identity beyond these imposed familial expectations.00:00 Introduction and Riddle01:07 Understanding the Role You Play01:15 Welcome to Episode 106: Uncovering Narcissistic Family Dynamics01:42 The Concept of a Perfect Family04:08 The Impact of Dysfunctional Families on Children11:49 The Role of the Enabler in Dysfunctional Families12:13 Denise's Story: A Case Study15:22 Understanding Family Roles and Dynamics16:19 The Enabler: A Deep Dive21:07 The Concept of an Old Soul in Psychology22:01 The Bittersweet Compliment: Acknowledging Resilience and Sacrifice22:21 The Hero: The Lead Actor in a Dysfunctional Family23:50 The Golden Child: The Hero's Struggle27:01 The Scapegoat: The Misunderstood Hero29:58 The Lost Child: The Unseen and Unheard36:31 The Mascot: The Family's Beacon of Light and Laughter39:02 Reflections: Understanding the Complex Roles in Dysfunctional Families43:24 The Journey Towards Healing and Change44:48 Conclusion: Transcending the Roles and Writing Your Own NarrativeFind all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAnd follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

    • 45 min

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5
591 Ratings

591 Ratings

New mom 33 ,

Life Changing

This podcast is helping me so much. I have recently realized that I have been in toxic relationships my whole life and this podcast and other materials have helped me to discover WHY. Something I have been wondering my whole life! I listen to this podcast when I feel myself getting back into unhealthy thinking patterns.

JenTris4Water ,

Emotional whiplash

The emotional whiplash episode was so validating. It really hit home.

JesseSVA ,

This podcast has changed my life for the better

Listening to this podcast has opened up my eyes to the narcissists in my family. It has been like a guidebook & helped me learn. Learn how to communicate with them & how to avoid confrontation. I don’t take a lot of things as personally as I used to.

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