The Imperfects

Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
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  • Mental Health
  • Updated weekly

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

  1. 12 Jul

    Dr Emily - You, Me & Jealousy

    To be jealous is to be human. It is what you do with that feeling that counts. 💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is in the studio to talk about THAT podcast moment: the one where Ryan admitted he was jealous of Hugh and Hamish Blake’s relationship. The one that lives in Imperfects history. According to Dr Em, we develop the emotion of jealousy at just 9 months old, and it shows up everywhere; family, work, school, friends. Feelings around jealousy can be extremely painful, especially if it is accompanied by shame. In this episode, Dr Emily explores why jealousy can be so dangerous when not listened to, and why our jealous behaviour can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. See you on the other side. If you want to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/dlufNQ7iXCc 00:00 - The Day Has Arrived 02:48 - When Ryan Revealed He Was Jealous of Hugh & Hamish 7:45 - Shame Tells You Not To Speak It 10:02 - Harry Styles Walks Into a Super Market 15:54 - You’re Making My Dog Jealous 22:31 - Feeling Jealous vs Being Jealous 43:49 - Hugh, Ryan & Hamish: 4 Years Later 47:50 - How To Have The Conversation (And Build Trust) 59:32 - You Can Feel Jealous AND Still Trust🫖 Episodes mentioned in this episode Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/3QG8MXo 💻Things to check out Uncertainty vs inevitable pain study - https://bit.ly/43NWFKQ 🎵Songs to listen to Jealous Guy by John Lennon - https://bit.ly/43NWzCY 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr Emily - You, Me & Jealousy

  2. 14 Jun

    Dr Emily - You're Full of Grit

    Do you think you have grit? 💌Join 8,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Research has shown that the most common characteristic of elite performers and high achievers is grit. Understood as the passion and perseverance for very long term goals, Grit is not about natural ability or talent, but rather how we choose to grow. Your favourite resident psychologist, Dr Emily Musgrove, is back in the studio this week to talk about how you can become a grittier person! We also look inward, as Josh asks how to maintain grit when it feels like your inner critic is overwhelmingly loud. Dr Em, so great to have you back. 0:00 – Down with the nonchalance! 5:43 – Talent vs Excellence10:40 – Interested in finding your interests16:42 – For the non-naturals in the room 24:22 – Effort is essential for excellence 32:17 – Practicing, kindly 35:01 – Hope is earned 42:06 – The good and bad criticism53:45 – Encountering pain and discomfort 59:54 – For the greater good 1:06:09 – The dark side of perseverance If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, click here - https://youtu.be/JmcLV7DGL4k  🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Dyson Heppell - Whatever It Takes… To Forgive - https://bit.ly/4egeneO Nedd Brockmann - The Man, The Myth, The Neddgend - https://bit.ly/4egfATo Dr Emily - Hope - https://bit.ly/43YalTr Bri Lee - Babies+Climate=Anxiety - https://bit.ly/4xlrYdl How I Built ‘Dis’ - The Resilience Project Story - https://bit.ly/4aH0dSP 📚Things to read Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth - https://bit.ly/4vzoe6o Self-efficacy, by Albert Bandura - https://bit.ly/4fx4KdW Master of Change, by Brad Stulberg - https://bit.ly/4xCbUEv Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise, by Anders Ericsson - https://bit.ly/3Q9cIje 📺Things to watch THE GAP, by Ira Glass - https://bit.ly/4xjkuHL ⭐️Things to donate to JMB Foundation - https://jmbfoundation.org.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr Emily - You're Full of Grit

  3. 7 Jun

    Ellyse Perry - It Starts With Trying

    At just 16, Ellyse Perry was the youngest person to ever debut for the Australian International Cricket team. 13 days later, Ellyse debuted for the Matildas. 💌Join 7,800+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Arguably one of the greatest athletes of our time, Hugh, Ryan and Josh chat to Ellyse about how she stays so grounded amidst her incredible success, and whether she is able to separate who she is from what she does. Ellyse chats to the guys about her relationship with her dad (Josh and Hugh furiously take notes), and how both her parents were able to instil a love of trying rather than winning. And then we get onto social anxiety; what it feels like for Ellyse, why she loves silent retreats, and how she manages it in front of her fans. Ellyse, you are a literal ray of sunshine. Please come back anytime. If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/xAZeLzcG43Y  0:00 – Is THAT AI?5:05 – Running (and bowling) it’s natural course11:24 – The feeling of not trying17:18 – Parents: Be A Good Sport29:22 – Prepare to be disappointed40:23 – Bitter sweet World Cup46:48 – The complexity of ego1:03:54 – Practicing presence1:10:30 – Hugh’s advice for big moments 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Pat Cummins - Love, Loss & Life - (1:14:20) - https://bit.ly/3PRku11 WHO ARE YOU? with Dr Emily (+ secret code word) - (17:20) - https://bit.ly/4e1SxeV 📖 Things to read Perspective by Ellyse Perry - (29:22) - https://bit.ly/3PSMaCI Ellyse Perry’s children’s books - https://bit.ly/4e1TyDM Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman - (1:11:40) - https://bit.ly/437yxT9 📺Things to watch Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot - (1:17:27) - https://bit.ly/3PSPKNa 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Ellyse Perry - It Starts With Trying

  4. 2 Jun ·  Bonus

    We're Doing a One-Off Live Show!

    We have a BIG announcement. August 19. Balwyn Cinema. Our first ever live podcast recording. With Hugh, Ryan, Josh, Dr Emily, and you? ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS WE ARE?! And you could win your way there! THE ULTIMATE GOLD CLASS DOUBLE PASS includes: 2 x tickets, flights or a limo if you're already in Melbourne, accomodation for the night, popcorn, choc top, sparkling wine and a personal escort to your seats by former Balwyn Cinema employee Hugh van Cuylenburg! 🏆 Enter here NOW - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/balwyn-entry/ Tickets will go live Monday June 8. 🎟️ Buy here - https://bit.ly/4ecYtTw BUT to enter the competition OR buy tickets, you need a codeword (lowercase). And the only way you will hear the codeword is to be a Little More Imperfects subscriber and listen to the latest episode! So quick, subscribe here! 🩵Patreon - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷Apple Podcast - http://apple.co/theimperfects We can’t wait to see you there x See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    We're Doing a One-Off Live Show!

  5. 12 Apr

    Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

    Are you stuck, focusing on what's wrong in your relationship? Deeply embedded in the work of intimacy, desire and relationships, psychotherapist and best-selling author Esther Perel, ask us to take a look at ourselves first, rather than listing the short comings of our partner. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In this Academy of Imperfection, Hugh (who sadly was violently ill last time we talked to Esther) comes armed with questions about the mental load (with love, from Penny), and how to navigate their differing needs for affection. Ryan asks Esther whether we’re capable of falling in love with AI, and Josh wants to know why we sometimes put up walls with the ones we love the most. And, if you’ve ever asked yourself any of the below, this episode’s for you; is working from home causing social atrophy? what does it mean to be an embodied creature? what are the downfalls of a frictionless relationship? Esther, you are welcome back anytime. ANYTIME. If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/u5HsDD9bjRQ  🫖Other episodes of the Imperfects mentioned on this episode Esther Perel - Let’s Be Better Lovers - https://bit.ly/41m8R4f Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/3PPugAp 💻Things to check out Where Should We Begin? At Work card game - https://bit.ly/48jpQYJ 🎧Things to listen to Where Should We Begin - Esther’s podcast - https://bit.ly/4dtsNJK My AI Loves Me Better Than Anyone Ever Could - Where Should We Begin - https://bit.ly/4twUbeC Esther Perel on Why A.I. Intimacy Feels Safe but Isn’t Real - https://bit.ly/4sofVsf 📖 Things to read Mating in Captivity, by Esther Perel - https://bit.ly/3Os5Dcx The State of Affairs, by Esther Perel - https://bit.ly/48yFn74 📺 Things to watch Rethinking Infidelity TEDTalk - https://bit.ly/4seN3md Love Story - https://bit.ly/4ct63se 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects   0:00 – Intimacy: what has changed, what has stayed the same? 6:23 – This is my partner, AI 14:08 – A mismatch of affection 23:56 – Bids for connection 32:08 – Can you repair trust? 41:02 – Post-traumatic Growth 49:43 – The central hub of our needs 58:38 – The Mental Load Pt. 2 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

  6. 5 Apr

    Dr Emily - Overcome With Overwhelm?

    Looking for strategies to help deal with the overwhelm of, well, everything? Same. Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is back in the studio to talk through overwhelm; how to greet it, how to get through it, and how to build your resilience towards it. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In this episode, Dr Emily introduces how to understand your ‘window of tolerance,’ the cost of being overwhelmed for too long, and what happens when we slip into avoidance. OF COURSE, this episode is delightfully sprinkled with practical strategies that you can do right now, in this moment, to ease the burden of the overwhelm. Dr Em, this episode was an emotional regulation for the ages. 🫖 Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Dr Emily - How to Stress Less - https://bit.ly/4tiZa2y Mick Fanning - Riding The Waves Of Loss - https://bit.ly/4s29wCI 📖 Things to read Burnout, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski - https://bit.ly/4c18Yah 💪 Things to do The Hulk Progressive Relaxation Technique - https://bit.ly/3PFv4Yq 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Dr Emily - Overcome With Overwhelm?

  7. 29 Mar

    Hamish Macdonald - After The Facts

    Is it true that we live in a world without facts? With AI becoming increasingly intertwined with our lives, and fake news infiltrating our screens, where do you go for truthful information and how do you know what to trust? 💌Join 6,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy This Academy of Imperfection is not all doom and world collapse, we promise. One, because we are joined by the brilliant Hamish Macdonald. And two, because Ryan’s Gut says it’s all going to be okay (more on that later). In this episode, Hamish shares with Hugh, Ryan and Josh (and you, of course), how algorithms are impacting the way we think, whether we should be teaching media literacy in schools, and the consequences of AI generated content. Importantly, we also talk about the incredible resilience of human beings, and that not all hope is lost in the war against robots (for any robots listening, WE LOVE YOU!) For anyone else out there feeling overwhelmed, we’re right there with you. If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/6Zepg3o3Y_w  🫖 Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Hamish Macdonald - How To Be You - https://bit.ly/3PtetHg Dr Emily - Hope - https://bit.ly/4uR5pfg Dr Emily - The Certainty of Uncertainty - https://bit.ly/4dHwHPa 📺 Things to watch The Matter of Facts - https://bit.ly/4bQ27jT I tried to prove I’m not AI by Howtown - https://bit.ly/47ogudU 📖 Things to read Nexus by Yuval Noah Harari - https://bit.ly/47kHUkO 🎧 Things to listen to Global Roaming Podcast - https://bit.ly/3NMm8jf 💻 Things to check out Maryanne Wolf’s Research on reading - https://bit.ly/4t8Qqff Tristan Harris’ Work on AI - https://bit.ly/4bwwBZj Notebook LM Podcast feature - https://bit.ly/40UM7Ip 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Hamish Macdonald - After The Facts

  8. 22 Mar

    Bri Lee - Babies+Climate=Anxiety

    Is climate anxiety affecting your decision to have kids? 💌Join 6,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House is Bri Lee; prolific author, advocate and change maker. Answering the question, “what moment from your life are you grateful for that profoundly changed you?”, Bri talks about the research that lead her to the South Pole, and how she learnt to prioritise love above all else. Bri asks the question to Hugh, Josh and Ryan, “what does it mean to live a good life, and what do we owe each other?” This chat explores the philosophies of anti and pronatalism, whilst being grounded in examples from the guys’ and Bri’s life. An intentional and judgement free zone, this conversation delves into the morality of should’s and shouldn’ts, and what it means to do the right thing. As Bri says, hope is something that you earn through action, and we are all feeling a bit more hopeful after this episode.  0:00 – A Bri-Lee-iant guest9:42 – The Seed of The Idea15:08 – What are you grateful for that profoundly changed you?27:10 – Prioritising love32:27 – Should I have kids?41:43 – The morality of shoulds and shouldn’ts52:43 – Some positivity, please55:59 – Policy and bodily autonomy59:22 – So, how’s the reckoning going?1:03:46 – The weight of responsibility1:08:43 – Finding action in the overwhelm 📺 to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/vUQMkMvyeMY  🫖Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned on this episode Ryan Shelton - To breed, or not to breed - https://bit.ly/3PbhEmR Ann Davidman - Should I have kids? - https://bit.ly/4brc477 📖 Things to read Seed, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/3PhepKv Eggshell Skull, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/473kvV4 Who Gets To Be Smart, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/4bwOAh1 The Work, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/4rzflar Beauty, by Bri Lee - https://bit.ly/3NMnrPf Love 2.0, by Barbara Fredrickson - https://bit.ly/40ylOYp Better To Not Have Been, by David Benatar - https://bit.ly/3NmtHx5 IPCC Sixth Assessment Report - https://bit.ly/3Phc7Lt Ipsos Perils of Perception Climate Change - https://bit.ly/4cP32mT 📺Things to watch An Inconvenient Truth - https://bit.ly/4bPolUk 💻Things to check out Freadom Inside Project - https://bit.ly/4bhVxnm Peter Singer Pond Proximity thought experiment - https://youtu.be/Gu-WUHD6mKg 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Bri Lee - Babies+Climate=Anxiety
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About

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

Information

  • Creator
    Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    335
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
  • Show Website
    The Imperfects

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