Love Inside Out with Adele Testa

Adele The Coach
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What if the way we've been thinking about love is keeping us from actually having it? Whether you're happily partnered, struggling to connect, or somewhere in the messy middle—pull up a chair. Let's figure this out together. Love Inside Out is for anyone who's ever felt like they're performing in their relationship instead of living in it. For people who wonder if compromise has turned into playing small. For those asking: Why was this easier in my twenties? I'm Adele—coach, and curious human. Thank you for joining me in this journey!

  1. 4 DAYS AGO

    17. Three communication secrets no one told you before

    This episode is for anyone who's ever felt stuck in the same argument, said something they didn't mean, or walked out of a conversation wondering how it went sideways so fast. No jargon. No "use I-statements." Just three things happening beneath the surface of your love life that most of us were never taught to notice. But here's what happened. Three coaching sessions in one week. Three completely different people. Same hidden patterns showing up in all of them.If three people bumped into this in seven days, chances are you have too. I never thought I'd record an episode with a title like this either. It sounds like one of those ads promising a masterclass at £27. Don't worry — we're not there yet. Press play if you want: Secret 1 — To finally understand why your partner keeps repeating the same thing (it's not what you think). Plus the Harvard neuroscience that explains why being listened to feels so good — and the line between social intelligence and manipulation. Secret 2 — To catch the invisible voice in your head that's been rewriting every sentence your partner says before you even answer them. Secret 3 — To learn the most unromantic sentence in the English language — and why it will save more relationships than "I love you" ever has. Heart Work of the week: how to make into practice what we hear in this episode. Twenty-one minutes. One cup of tea. Maybe one small shift in how you show up tonight. Let's stay in touch. I'd love to hear which secret landed most for you. Get in touch! 📩 DM me on Instagram: @adele_thecoach✍️ Read my weekly articles on Substack: https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove Research referenced in this episode: Tamir & Mitchell (Harvard fMRI study) — Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2012)Episodes mentioned: Episode 12 — Why We Rage at the People We Love

    19 min

  2. 3 APR

    16.The gated bridge: how to protect your peace at family gatherings

    You know that moment at a family gathering when someone asks about your love life, your choices or your body and your chest tightens? This episode is your preparation. Easter is close. You'll want this before you walk through that door. In this episode of Love Inside Out, I'm giving you the gated bridge — a way to protect your peace at family events without shutting anyone out, building walls, or spending the whole afternoon in defence mode. We cover: Why the standard "set a firm boundary" advice keeps you braced for a fight that never actually comesThe neuroscience behind why redirecting a conversation is one of the most effective social tools you haveExact phrases for every scenario — the love life questions, the timeline pressure, the "you're not getting any younger"How to walk into a gathering as a team if you're bringing a partnerAnd if you haven't listened to Episode 2 yet — go back. I go deep on couple dynamics and communication there, and it pairs directly with today. Link right here on the feed. https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826778 No walls. No courtroom scripts. Just warmth, clarity, and your peace — intact. Follow me on Instagram @adele_thecoach for more. 🤎 Adele, the coach

    29 min

  3. 29 MAR

    15. Why you shouldn't make love decision when life has shaken you

    Making a big decision about your love life when everything is falling apart is like grocery shopping when you're starving. You grab whatever's closest. You don't read the label. You just want the empty feeling to stop. That's not clarity — that's compensation. This episode might save you from the wrong call. Love Inside Out — out now.

    21 min

  4. 22 MAR

    14. What primary school kids know about Love -that most adults have forgotten

    Last Sunday, I spotted a poster on a classroom wall in a primary school. Five rules. Handwritten in coloured marker. For children aged six. And I stood there thinking — if adults of my generation learnt and applied these five rules in their romantic relationships, half the heartbreak out there simply would not exist. We teach children these things before they can tie their shoelaces. Then somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we collectively forget every single one. In this episode, I go through all five rules — one by one — and show you how each of them is a masterclass in how to love another person well. We talk about why we stop listening the moment we start preparing our defence. Why we confuse intimacy with agreement. Why we stop being curious about the person we love — and start relating to a version of them that no longer exists. Why we deliver emotional verdicts without ever explaining ourselves. And why changing your mind in a relationship feels like losing — when it's actually the bravest thing you can do. Whether you're in a relationship, dating, or single and doing the inner work — this one is for you. Chapters: — Welcome & the story behind the poster— Rule 1: Proof of listening (not just the intention)— Rule 2: It's ok to think differently (no, really) — Rule 3: Stay curious — what Gottman found about couples who last— Rule 4: The power of "because"— Rule 5: Changing your mind is not losing— Heart Work: Your challenge for this week— Closing Referenced in this episode:John Gottman — decades of research on long-term couple satisfaction, including the concept of "love maps" and curiosity as a predictor of lasting relationships. Key works: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999), The Science of Trust (2011). Love Inside Out — new episodes on Spotify & Apple PodcastsDMs always open: @adele_thecoach

    15 min

  5. 15 MAR

    13. The invisible contract: what we expect from love

    You've never sat someone down and handed them a list of your assumptions and expectations for how to love you. But you have that list. And when someone breaks a rule they were never told about — it feels like betrayal. If this hit close home, DM @adele_thecoach Love Inside Out is back with an episode about the thing underneath most relationship frustration: the invisible contract. The unspoken expectations, unconscious assumptions, inherited rules, and silent scorecards that run in the background of every connection — and the damage they cause when they're never brought into the open. This one is for you whether you're in a relationship wondering why the same friction keeps showing up, dating and feeling let down by someone who's actually trying, or single and starting to question whether your standards are too high — or just too quiet. Hit play if you've ever been furious with someone for breaking a promise they never made. . In this episode of Love Inside Out: 📋 The difference between assumptions, standards, and expectations — and why confusing them creates most of the friction in your love life 🧊 Why the person sitting across from you carries a completely different blueprint for love — and neither of you knows it 🪞 The most dangerous mental shortcut in relationships: "they did X, so it must mean Y about us" 🔇 Why most of us were never taught to express what we want without it sounding like an attack 🗝️ How to make the invisible visible — the four areas where every couple and every person dating should start having honest conversations 🔥 The parallel love story: how two people can be in the same relationship and describe it as two entirely different experiences . Chapters: 00:00 — Introduction01:30 — What Is an Invisible Contract?04:30 — Where Do These Contracts Come From?07:30 — What Happens When Contracts Clash11:00 — The "If I Do This, You Should Do That" Trap14:00 — How to Make the Contract Visible17:00 — The Heart Work18:30 — Closing References: 1. Dr Robert Glover — No More Mr Nice Guy. 2. Gottman Institute. 3.Denise Rousseau — psychological contract theory. Terri Cole. . New episodes every Sunday. Follow Love Inside Out so you never miss one. 📩 DMs always open: @adele_thecoach

    23 min

  6. 8 MAR

    12. Why we rage at the people we love

    That moment you became someone you don't recognise. The text you sent. The silence you weaponised. The fury that came out of nowhere — and the shame that followed. Love Inside Out is back with an episode about the emotion nobody wants to admit they can't control: RAGE. Not frustration. Not irritation. The kind of anger that bypasses your brain entirely and leaves you wondering who just spoke with your voice. This one is for you whether you're in a relationship, navigating something undefined, or single and realising the same anger pattern keeps showing up no matter who you're with. Hit play if you've ever looked back at a moment and thought: that wasn't me. In this episode of Love Inside Out: 🧠The neuroscience of why you literally can't think straight when rage hits — and what's actually happening in your brain 🧊 Why anger is almost always protecting a deeper emotion you haven't named yet 🌋 Why your explosion is rarely about this moment — it's about every moment before it that was never addressed 🔇 The difference between managing anger and preventing it from building in the first place 💣 Why screaming louder doesn't make people listen — it teaches them to survive you 😶 The shame hangover nobody talks about — and what it's trying to tell you 🔬 What the research says about rage rooms, pillow punching, and why "getting it out" makes it worse . New episodes every Sunday . Follow Love Inside Out so you never miss one. 📩 DMs on Instagram always open: @adele_thecoach . Chapters: - Introduction- What is rage, actually?- The Iceberg: anger as a secondary emotion- The space between: why rage is not the Real You- Why we Rage at the people we love (and the people we're starting to love)- Why your rage is disproportionate- From anger management to anger prevention- The illusion of power, the shame, and the morning After- The Heart Work for this week- Closing

    35 min

  7. 1 MAR

    11. How to recover - and actually grow - after an argument

    That heavy silence after a fight. The forced cheerfulness. The pretending everything is fine when it very much is not. We have all been there — and most of us have no idea what to do next. Recovering well from a clash is one of the most underrated skills in love — and almost nobody is teaching it, yet it is an essential skill because it is impossible to never ever have a disagreement. Love Inside Out is back with an episode that tackles the part of conflict nobody wants to talk about: the aftermath. Not the shouting — what comes after. The repair, the misreading, the patterns we keep repeating without realising why. If you have ever walked away from a disagreement thinking are we even right for each other? — this episode might change how you see that question entirely. What's waiting for you when you hit play: Six reasons why people clash — and how to spot which one keeps showing up for youA scale to measure how serious a conflict really is — because not all of them deserve the same energyThe one mistake that ends more relationships than it should — and how to stop making itWhy being understanding and being a doormat are not the same thingThe uncomfortable truth about apologies — and what actually needs to happen after oneConcrete steps for wherever you are: settled relationship, undefined situation, or flying soloNew episodes every Sunday. 🔄 Follow Love Inside Out so you never miss one. 📩 DMs open on Instagram: @adele_thecoach

    39 min

  8. 22 FEB

    10. Overthinking in relationships & dating: Why your brain won't let you love in peace

    You replayed the conversation. You analysed the text. You stayed up at 2AM building an argument about something that hasn't happened yet. And now your stomach hurts. This episode unpacks why overthinking takes over in relationships and dating — and what's actually going on underneath it. We explore horror vacui (the brain's refusal to sit with uncertainty), the cognitive distortions that make you react to a story instead of reality, and the self-fulfilling prophecy where the fear of losing someone becomes the very thing that pushes them away. You'll also learn the five rumination cycles — blame, control, doubt, worry, and self-pity — and discover which one runs your mind. Plus, a practical framework called the SLOW method to interrupt the loop in real time. Whether you're in a relationship or navigating modern dating, this one's for you. Especially if you've ever lost an entire Sunday to a one-word text.

    32 min
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About

What if the way we've been thinking about love is keeping us from actually having it? Whether you're happily partnered, struggling to connect, or somewhere in the messy middle—pull up a chair. Let's figure this out together. Love Inside Out is for anyone who's ever felt like they're performing in their relationship instead of living in it. For people who wonder if compromise has turned into playing small. For those asking: Why was this easier in my twenties? I'm Adele—coach, and curious human. Thank you for joining me in this journey!

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