Love Inside Out with Adele Testa

Adele The Coach
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What if the way we've been thinking about love is keeping us from actually having it? Whether you're happily partnered, struggling to connect, or somewhere in the messy middle—pull up a chair. Let's figure this out together. Love Inside Out is for anyone who's ever felt like they're performing in their relationship instead of living in it. For people who wonder if compromise has turned into playing small. For those asking: Why was this easier in my twenties? I'm Adele—coach, and curious human. Thank you for joining me in this journey!

  1. 1 DAY AGO

    21. How to strengthen your relationship

    We've all been sold that fixing our relationship takes a weekend retreat, a couples therapist, or a three-hour conversation at midnight that leaves both parties both wrung out and staring at the ceiling. It doesn't. In this episode, I'm giving you part one of my coaching framework — three small, ordinary acts, done together every day, in five minutes total. The kind of acts you used to do for each other when you were trying to win them over, and somewhere along the way quietly stopped. This episode is for you whether you're: In a crisis, actually wondering if you're going to make itIn the apathy, years in, gone flat, no drama but no fireIn the post-butterflies lull, where the early spark has worn off and nobody warned you about what comes nexIn the post-move-in settle, where the giddy first-flat energy has cooled into something far more domestic than you thought it would Chapters: 00:00 Rekindling relationships with amall acts02:14 Understanding relationship dynamics04:39 The power of appreciation07:05 Small gestures matter09:15 The challenge of non-escalation10:42 Building connection through consistency12:22 The importance of daily efforts14:28 Transforming relationship dynamics16:42 Practical steps for change19:01 Commitment to improvementIf this episode lands for you, I'd love to hear about it. And if you're curious about parts two and three of the coaching framework — message me. I'll walk you through them. 🤎 Instagram — @adele_thecoach✍️ Substack — https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove Ciao.

    21 min

  2. 3 MAY

    20. Retroactive jealousy: the ghost in your relationship

    Your partner's ex. The one you've never met but can't stop thinking about. That's the ghost in your relationship — and in this episode, we're talking about why someone who is no longer part of the story has more power over your peace of mind than the person sleeping next to you. Today we focus on retroactive jealousy. In this episode, I break down what retroactive jealousy actually is, why it takes hold so deeply, who keeps the ghost alive without realising it, and what you can do — practically, honestly — to stop it from running your relationship. If you've ever stalked your partner's ex on social media, asked a question you didn't actually want the answer to, or felt your stomach drop at a name from their past — this episode was made for you. Press play. CHAPTERS 00:00 Understanding retroactive jealousy — what it is, how it differs from reactive and possessive jealousy, and why we're only covering this type today. The others get their own episode.03:11 The emotional impact of retroactive jealousy — what it actually feels like from the inside, the obsessive cycle of digging and spiralling, and how friends, family, and even your partner can keep the ghost alive without meaning to.10:34 Identifying the root causes — low self-worth, anxious attachment, and the imagination problem that turns your partner's past into a film that's always worse than reality.18:23 Strategies for managing retroactive jealousy — six practical steps, from stopping the detective work to building the relationship instead of investigating it.19:33 Heart Work of the week — three questions to carry with you this week. The kind that change things if you sit with them honestly.21:10 Conclusion — the past is where stories go when they're finished. Yours is still being written.If this episode landed — or if you want to tell me which part hit hardest — send me a DM on Instagram @adelethecoach. I read every single one.🤎 I also write a weekly newsletter on Substack where I go deeper into the topics behind each episode — standalone articles you can read in two minutes with your morning coffee. https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove Don't let a ghost run your love life. Ciao, Adele 🤎

    22 min

  3. 26 APR

    19. Be careful who you talk to about your Love life

    This episode is for anyone who's ever left a coffee, a dinner, or a group chat feeling quietly worse about their relationship — without being able to say exactly why. For anyone who's compared their love life to a friend's highlight reel and come up short. For anyone who vents to the same person every time and wonders why nothing ever shifts. But here's what happened. This Sunday I accidentally ran a mini group coaching session about love. With three strangers. On a park bench. Before brunch. I did not sign up for this. I watched one woman's sense of her own marriage swing from relief to shame in ninety seconds — based entirely on two sentences from two people she'd just met. And I couldn't stay quiet about it. Because what happened on that bench happens to all of us. We just don't notice it. Press play if you want: The comparison trap — To understand why casual conversations about other people's relationships quietly sabotage how you feel about your own. Standards, not comparisons — A three-column framework for deciding what is okay, what is negotiable, and what is a no-no in your relationship — so you stop outsourcing your compass to strangers on park benches. Choose your person on purpose — The difference between a sounding board that calibrates you and one that just cheers you on. Why co-rumination — the thing that feels like support — actually embeds the hurt deeper. And how to pick the right person before you need them. Heart Work of the week: three things to do this week to turn what you heard into what you practise. This episode is less theory, more story. I think you'll recognise yourself somewhere in it. Chapters: Introduction: 0:00 - 0:49- 1:32The Park Bench Story: 1:32 - 5:56Comparison in Relationships: 5:56 - 9:20The Concept of Standards: 9:20 - 15:23Sounding Board and Support: 15:23 - 21:39Heart Work and Conclusion: 21:39 - 27:57Let's stay in touch. I'd love to hear which part landed most for you. 📩 DM me on Instagram: @adele_thecoach✍️ Read my weekly articles on Substack: https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove Love Inside Out is available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — wherever you listen to podcasts.

    28 min

  4. 19 APR

    18. The imaginary race & FOMO in love: why you're comparing your love life to a timeline that doesn't exist

    You're not behind. You're scrolling and play a lose-lose game with endless comparisons. Nobody tells you this, so I will: the most damaging thing you can do in love is measure your real life against someone else's highlight reel. That knot in your stomach when a friend gets engaged. That restless ache when you see a couple on holiday and yours feels quieter. That voice saying you should be further along by now. That's not intuition. That's FOMO. And it's running more of your love decisions than you think. FOMO in love is not jealousy. It's not envy. It's a fear — the fear that your love life is falling behind a timeline nobody actually agreed to. And it doesn't just hit single people. It hits those in relationships, those in situationships, and those who've been through divorce hardest of all. In this episode, I go deeper into FOMO than I've gone on any topic so far. And I think it might change how you see your own love life. 🤎 WHAT'S INSIDE THIS EPISODE 🤎 The Imaginary Timeline — where your love roadmap came from, and why it was never yours to begin with. 🤎 The Comparison Trap — how social media hijacks your nervous system. 🤎 The Grief Nobody Recognises — FOMO often masks grief for a life that didn't happen. Until you mourn the imaginary version, you keep chasing it. 🤎 FOMO and Your Attachment Style — why anxious attachment turbocharges FOMO, and why avoidant attachment uses it as a costume. 🤎 The Sunk Cost Trap — why people stay in wrong relationships because leaving feels like wasting the years they invested. 🤎 The "What If" Loop — and a practical tool called the What If Audit to break the spiral. 🤎 Heart Work — three questions to sit with this week. If something in this episode landed — or if you want to tell me which chapter hit hardest — send me a DM on Instagram @adelethecoach. I read every single one. Your pace is yours. Always has been. — Adele 🤎 REFERENCES I also reference our episode on The Power Couple Myth - everyone wants to be the Obamas (but no one wants to do the work) — because the pressure to look like you're winning at love is FOMO's older, louder sibling. Listen https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826924.Leon Festinger — Social Comparison Theory (1954). The foundational research on why humans evaluate themselves by comparing to others. Barry Schwartz — The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less (2004). Research showing that too many options lead to paralysis and dissatisfaction. His distinction between "maximisers" and "satisficers" applies directly to modern dating and relationship decisions.

    22 min

  5. 12 APR

    17. Three communication secrets no one told you before

    This episode is for anyone who's ever felt stuck in the same argument, said something they didn't mean, or walked out of a conversation wondering how it went sideways so fast. No jargon. No "use I-statements." Just three things happening beneath the surface of your love life that most of us were never taught to notice. But here's what happened. Three coaching sessions in one week. Three completely different people. Same hidden patterns showing up in all of them.If three people bumped into this in seven days, chances are you have too. I never thought I'd record an episode with a title like this either. It sounds like one of those ads promising a masterclass at £27. Don't worry — we're not there yet. Press play if you want: Secret 1 — To finally understand why your partner keeps repeating the same thing (it's not what you think). Plus the Harvard neuroscience that explains why being listened to feels so good — and the line between social intelligence and manipulation. Secret 2 — To catch the invisible voice in your head that's been rewriting every sentence your partner says before you even answer them. Secret 3 — To learn the most unromantic sentence in the English language — and why it will save more relationships than "I love you" ever has. Heart Work of the week: how to make into practice what we hear in this episode. Twenty-one minutes. One cup of tea. Maybe one small shift in how you show up tonight. Let's stay in touch. I'd love to hear which secret landed most for you. Get in touch! 📩 DM me on Instagram: @adele_thecoach✍️ Read my weekly articles on Substack: https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove Research referenced in this episode: Tamir & Mitchell (Harvard fMRI study) — Disclosing information about the self is intrinsically rewarding (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2012)Episodes mentioned: Episode 12 — Why We Rage at the People We Love

    19 min

  6. 3 APR

    16.The gated bridge: how to protect your peace at family gatherings

    You know that moment at a family gathering when someone asks about your love life, your choices or your body and your chest tightens? This episode is your preparation. Easter is close. You'll want this before you walk through that door. In this episode of Love Inside Out, I'm giving you the gated bridge — a way to protect your peace at family events without shutting anyone out, building walls, or spending the whole afternoon in defence mode. We cover: Why the standard "set a firm boundary" advice keeps you braced for a fight that never actually comesThe neuroscience behind why redirecting a conversation is one of the most effective social tools you haveExact phrases for every scenario — the love life questions, the timeline pressure, the "you're not getting any younger"How to walk into a gathering as a team if you're bringing a partnerAnd if you haven't listened to Episode 2 yet — go back. I go deep on couple dynamics and communication there, and it pairs directly with today. Link right here on the feed. https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826778 No walls. No courtroom scripts. Just warmth, clarity, and your peace — intact. Follow me on Instagram @adele_thecoach for more. 🤎 Adele, the coach

    29 min

  7. 29 MAR

    15. Why you shouldn't make love decision when life has shaken you

    Making a big decision about your love life when everything is falling apart is like grocery shopping when you're starving. You grab whatever's closest. You don't read the label. You just want the empty feeling to stop. That's not clarity — that's compensation. This episode might save you from the wrong call. Love Inside Out — out now.

    21 min

  8. 22 MAR

    14. What primary school kids know about Love -that most adults have forgotten

    Last Sunday, I spotted a poster on a classroom wall in a primary school. Five rules. Handwritten in coloured marker. For children aged six. And I stood there thinking — if adults of my generation learnt and applied these five rules in their romantic relationships, half the heartbreak out there simply would not exist. We teach children these things before they can tie their shoelaces. Then somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we collectively forget every single one. In this episode, I go through all five rules — one by one — and show you how each of them is a masterclass in how to love another person well. We talk about why we stop listening the moment we start preparing our defence. Why we confuse intimacy with agreement. Why we stop being curious about the person we love — and start relating to a version of them that no longer exists. Why we deliver emotional verdicts without ever explaining ourselves. And why changing your mind in a relationship feels like losing — when it's actually the bravest thing you can do. Whether you're in a relationship, dating, or single and doing the inner work — this one is for you. Chapters: — Welcome & the story behind the poster— Rule 1: Proof of listening (not just the intention)— Rule 2: It's ok to think differently (no, really) — Rule 3: Stay curious — what Gottman found about couples who last— Rule 4: The power of "because"— Rule 5: Changing your mind is not losing— Heart Work: Your challenge for this week— Closing Referenced in this episode:John Gottman — decades of research on long-term couple satisfaction, including the concept of "love maps" and curiosity as a predictor of lasting relationships. Key works: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999), The Science of Trust (2011). Love Inside Out — new episodes on Spotify & Apple PodcastsDMs always open: @adele_thecoach

    15 min
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What if the way we've been thinking about love is keeping us from actually having it? Whether you're happily partnered, struggling to connect, or somewhere in the messy middle—pull up a chair. Let's figure this out together. Love Inside Out is for anyone who's ever felt like they're performing in their relationship instead of living in it. For people who wonder if compromise has turned into playing small. For those asking: Why was this easier in my twenties? I'm Adele—coach, and curious human. Thank you for joining me in this journey!

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