The Trauma Nerd | The brain of a booked-out trauma therapist

Helen Billows
  • 5.0 (7)
  • Mental Health

You know what they say. I know what they miss. Sorry to say it (am I, though?), but a lot of trauma content online is wildly oversimplified. Possibilities get presented as facts, complicated psychological processes get reduced to neat little explanations, and important distinctions that could completely change how you understand something get left out. Sometimes it's what you've read that's missing something, not you. I'm Helen Billows, a registered psychologist, EMDR therapist and consultant with more than 7,000 trauma and EMDR sessions behind me.  We'll challenge familiar assumptions, unpack misunderstood concepts, and distinguish between experiences that can look frustratingly similar on the surface. Expect clinical honesty, practical takeaways, and a host who thinks she’s funnier than she actually is. New episodes fortnightly.

  1. 20 July

    Bonus Episode: Lessons From Over 7,000 Trauma Therapy Sessions

    Ever wondered what a trauma therapist actually learns after 7,000 sessions? Not the textbook stuff. The stuff that surprises even us. Like the fact that 90% of what I treat isn't what you'd picture. It's not the big, stereotypical events. It's emotional neglect and emotional abuse. The quiet experiences of feeling rejected, ignored, or unimportant that shape everything, and that the research shows respond remarkably well to treatment. I also share why the brain's capacity to heal still astonishes me after all these years, why the trauma world has an over-pathologising problem, and the most freeing lesson of all: not everything is that deep. That's a wrap on Season 1. Thank you for being here. Genuinely. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  2. 23 June

    From "I'm worthless" to "I'm worthy" — why the opposite of your problem is probably NOT your solution.

    When something hurts, the instinct is obvious: aim for the opposite.  Feel worthless? Aim for worthy.  Can't trust anyone? Commit to trusting everyone. It sounds like progress; like the right step forward. In this episode I unpack why that instinct rarely works — why the healthy version of where you want to be is unlikely the polar opposite of where you are now, and what to aim for instead.  There's a simple ways to determine whether what you're aiming for will actually work, and most of the goals and paths people set for themselves accidentally fail it. If you've been led astray by the promise of the 'opposite', listen now. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  3. 8 June

    5 Surprising Signs You're Being a Crappy Parent to Yourself

    You're probably pretty good at the soft stuff. The kindness, the compassion, the not being too hard on yourself. Good. Keep doing that. But that's only half of good parenting. The other half has a fire to it, and most of us are accidentally skipping it. This episode covers: Why self-discipline is an act of love, not punishmentThe "it's not my fault-itis" problem and why dodging accountability is actually unkind to yourselfWhy shame is a terrible motivator and what the research says to use insteadWhy judging your feelings adds a second layer of distress on top of the firstWhy your environment is a self-parenting issueSpoiler: I saw myself in all five. If you've ever wondered why being kind to yourself isn't quite working, listen to this. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  4. 25 May

    From Road Rage to Sobbing: A Trauma Therapist's Tool for Discharging Anger

    You pull over, hands shaking, absolutely raging. How dare they. What is wrong with that person. You're furious. Except you're not, really. Underneath that rage is something far more vulnerable, and your body knows it before you do. This episode is a simple, fast-acting tool for discharging anger from the body, the kind that flares up after a trauma trigger or a genuine threat. I also tell you about the night a driver tailgated me through the Adelaide Hills, and how I went from raging to sobbing in about 30 seconds flat. This episode covers: How to discharge angry energy using your body, in 30-second burstsWhy anger is so often a protective top layer, and what's usually hiding underneath itA real road rage story and the technique working in real timeWhy this exact emotional trajectory is what we see in EMDR processingWhen to use this tool, and when definitely not toIt's a coping strategy, not a cure (and get medical clearance before going full effort). If you've got anger that feels bigger than the moment, listen now. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  5. 12 May

    Are Your Judgy Thoughts a Defence Mechanism? (Hint: Probably)

    You judge yourself for being judgy. Then you judge yourself for judging your judgeme—ok, we're already exhausted. In this episode Helen discusses how judgements are relevant to trauma work, and how to figure out what your judgy thoughts are actually trying to tell you. Your judgment isn't the enemy. It's pointing to something. This week, follow it. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  6. 28 Apr

    Feeling Worse After EMDR Therapy? It Might Mean It's Working

    “You might feel worse before you feel better”. It sounds like a disclaimer, a therapist butt-covering exercise if you will. I used to think so too.  But after many years of doing trauma and EMDR therapy, I have learned that you can absolutely feel worse before you feel better. It is legit, but it does deserve some attention, because feeling worse and getting worse are not the same thing. That distinction changes everything about how you interpret what's happening when trauma therapy gets difficult. This episode covers: • The difference between feeling worse and actually getting worse • The dust on the mirror effect: what it is, why it happens, and why it's actually a good sign • Why the worst thing you can do when therapy gets hard is stop • What the research actually says about clinical deterioration from EMDR If you've ever had a rough week after a therapy session and wondered whether you should keep going, listen to this. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  7. 14 Apr

    The Subtle Way Well-Intentioned Parents Leave Wounds (And How to Repair It)

    You don't have to be a perfect parent. But there is one thing that makes an enormous difference to what your child thinks about themselves, and it's not whether you lose your temper. It's what you do after. Young children can't separate what happens around them from what it means about them. When a rupture goes unaddressed, a child's brain doesn't file it under "mum was stressed." It files it somewhere far more personal. Repeated enough, that filing system can shape how they move through the world as adults. This episode covers: • Why unaddressed conflict becomes the story a child tells about themselves, not about you • What a genuine repair actually sounds like (and what it doesn't) • Why the gap between rupture and repair is where the damage actually lives • Why it's not too late if you're only hearing this now If you've been losing sleep over the moments you got it wrong, those moments aren't the whole story. What comes next is. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  8. 31 Mar

    You Know It's Not True. So Why Does It Still Feel True?

    You've had the insight. Someone laid out a completely airtight case for why the belief you hold about yourself is wrong. You saw it, you agreed, it made total sense. And then absolutely nothing changed.  This is not a you problem.  It's actually a clue, and it's telling you something specific about what kind of belief you're dealing with. Because not all beliefs work the same way, and if you don't know which one you're up against, you can spend years doing the right work in the wrong place.  Some beliefs live in the body and the nervous system. Some live in the intellect. They formed differently, they feel different, and they need completely different things to shift. Throwing logic at a trauma-encoded belief is like trying to argue someone out of a panic attack (completely useless, FYI).  This episode covers:  • Why you can have perfect insight and still feel exactly the same, and what that's actually telling you  • The difference between trauma encoded beliefs and learned worldview beliefs  • Why some people can do 50 sessions of therapy, understand everything, and still feel like their irrational beliefs are true  • How to tell which layer you're working with  • Why the gap between knowing and feeling isn't a flaw in your thinking, it's diagnostic information  If you've ever wondered why you keep arriving at the same realisation without anything actually shifting, listen now. Get The Reality Audit Here — a free resource listing the most common distorted beliefs from dysfunctional environments, with the accurate version alongside each one. https://www.helenbillows.com/the-reality-audit 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
7 Ratings

About

You know what they say. I know what they miss. Sorry to say it (am I, though?), but a lot of trauma content online is wildly oversimplified. Possibilities get presented as facts, complicated psychological processes get reduced to neat little explanations, and important distinctions that could completely change how you understand something get left out. Sometimes it's what you've read that's missing something, not you. I'm Helen Billows, a registered psychologist, EMDR therapist and consultant with more than 7,000 trauma and EMDR sessions behind me.  We'll challenge familiar assumptions, unpack misunderstood concepts, and distinguish between experiences that can look frustratingly similar on the surface. Expect clinical honesty, practical takeaways, and a host who thinks she’s funnier than she actually is. New episodes fortnightly.

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