Learning How To Be Old

Rachel McAlpine

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This is Learning How To Be Old, a guide to the pleasures and possibilities of your future old age. I'm Rachel McAlpine and I'm in my 80s. I used to be aware of old people but I never dreamed I might become one myself. They were like an alien species. Well, here I am and so far it’s been pretty interesting. Listen if you think you might be old one day.

27 JAN

40. New Year resolutions as you age

I asked about New Year resolutions (if any) from strangers from 24 to 50. I find that we all do this thing (or don't do it) our own way. Your goals may be big or small, general or specific, and you may or may not achieve them. That's fine! New Year is an excellent time to think about your life and what you might like to change. That's valuable, regardless of whether you manage to achieve those changes. Yours is not the unexamined life that Socrates so despised. But I forgot to ask old people! If you're nearly 70s or older, have you noticed changes in your New Year resolutions as you age? Are your aims and values different? Please do tell! The easiest places to comment on this podcast: on the YouTube video version on my website: writeintolife.com/podcast on Substack, where I HOPE to remember to post a link to the podcast ... soon!

21 min
11 JAN

Senior diaries enrich your life

Teenage diaries tend to be brave, passionate, exploratory, funny and heartbreaking. Senior diaries enrich your life with the clarity, compassion, and wisdom you have gathered over the decades. Writing a diary in old age is a chance to stretch your mind, express yourself, record events, have fun, and make sense of your life. Writer-podcaster Tracy Farr co-founded the Bad Diaries Salon and is the author of three novels, including the brilliant Wonderland in 2025. She knows a lot about diaries and aging. You kept your teenage diary secret for good reason: but a diary at any age brings many rewards. It's a trusted confidant, a creative outlet and a close friend. You wrote it as a strictly one-way communication, but when you're older, you can look back and see that your life has had a shape, a direction. That you have learned a great deal over the decades. And that your young self was not exceptionally foolish, but just, well, young! You'll hear about Tracy's own long-lived grandparents who were her role models for old age. She talks about eight years of Bad Diaries Salons, where writers read bits from their early diaries. What's the difference between diaries or journals and social media? Who are you writing for and what happens to your diaries when you die? We talk about Dr James Pennebaker's influential work on expressive writing and how it relates to diary writing. Why and how does this simple 3- or 4-step process help so many people to function well and stay healthy? Pennebaker unpicks the process of writing (as opposed to thinking) for some fascinating answers. Writing a diary or journal when you're older can help you make sense of your life. You can see development, change, patterns. Perhaps you will see that your life is not just a patchwork of random events, but a story with a theme. And it's not over: senior diaries enrich your life, and it's never too late to start! Bad Diaries Salon Am I too old to start a diary? Debunking Age Myths All the reasons and encouragement you need. Tracy Farr Author Review of Wonderland by Paula Morris on NZ Review of Books Expressive writing can help your mental health, with James Pennebaker, PhD (interview on podcast Speaking of Psychology) Therapeutic Journaling University of Wisconsin, Madison

26 min
16/12/2025

38. Christmas here, now and everywhere

Christmas is here now — and almost everywhere around the world. But how have your own celebrations changed over the years? How has your role changed and has your attitude towards Christmas changed? Are you more religious or spiritual now than you were 20 years ago? Why has this particular religious festival gone viral? Why do various non-Christian nations celebrate Christmas with a public holiday? How does Christmas vary in different countries? Above all, what does Christmas here and now mean to you? I asked random people this question on Cuba Street, Wellington, and they were mostly in agreement — but with some surprises. And of course I have my own opinions. Observance of Christmas by country (Wikipedia) An old-person Christmas tree (Writeintolife.com) Home alone on Christmas Day, 2015 (Writeintolife.com)

17 min
17/11/2025

A joyful working life — Jill Nuthall

My big sister Jill Nuthall learned skills as a child that were invaluable in her career as a social worker. To realise just how damn good you were in your long working life: write about it! She talks about the people-skills she learned as a child, particularly leadership and team work. These big-sister skills were the foundation for what became a fascinating career as a social worker. Why did Jill enjoy her working life so much? After marrying young, having four children, and living in a stimulating environment in Urbana Illinois, in 1966 Jill became an at-home suburban wife back in Christchurch, Aotearoa New Zealand. Her husband went off to his wonderful job every day and Jill felt stifled and was longing to have her own career. To get a qualification, use her talents, be with grown-ups again. (By the way, that certainly didn't stop her from being a terrific mother and homemaker.) When her youngest started school, she was delighted to be able to start on a long working life. It was by writing a memoir that Jill calls "A Joyful Working Life" that Jill spotted certain themes that ran through her life. At the time, her career seemed like a patchwork, a crazy quilt. But in retrospect, it had a definite shape. She recommends that others do the same thing. If you look back and write about your working life, this can help you to understand what skills you have accumulated and to appreciate what you have achieved. It gives your family a record of your working life and can help you to make sense of all those years at work. Win-win! The episode ends with me reading "A poem for my big sister Jill." I still find it hard to read this one without choking up, and this time I almost made it. Thanks for listening! And if you like my podcast, please tell a friend Suburban women in 1960s New Zealand Poetry book that contains the poem for my big sister. And all big sisters.
04/11/2025

36. Love in later life — with Rhonda Pritchard

What springs to mind when you think about love in later life? In this episode, Rhonda Pritchard delivers some salutary truths about love, roles, sex, intimacy, and (especially) commitment as they apply to older people. Rhonda is a Wellington psychologist and counsellor, rather famous for her clear-eyed best seller, Love in the Real World. Her ideas are based on 40 years' experience as a marriage counsellor, and on her personal experience as a 77-year-old in a long-lasting second marriage. Some of her words may seem blunt — even grim — in a culture that's soaked in red roses and myths of "love is all you need." And yet, In the real world, when you think about relationships in old age, they're just plain common sense. This delightful conversation dances around a serious topic. Expect the odd personal revelation and even a rare Dad joke from host Rachel. Older couples who have worked things out for themselves will feel validated — and others will pick up some very useful advice. Rhonda gives Rachel five tips to use in the highly unlikely event that she ever falls in love and contemplates a new long-term relationship. A different kind of realism: Tips on love from the 20th century Queen of romantic fiction.
20/10/2025

35. Check yur balance with Vicki Thirkell

A lively, reassuring chat about how to keep your balance — in body and in life Physiotherapist Vicki Thirkell and I talk about vertigo, dizziness, and that mysterious loss of balance that creeps up as we age. Vicki explains how our inner ear, vision, hearing, pain, and excessive caution all play a part—and how the brain can be retrained to keep us steady. The message? Don’t freeze up: challenge your balance. Wobbling means you’re improving. “Check your balance” applies to more than walking straight: it’s also about how we age, adapt, and stay ourselves. When I got an attack of vertigo, It was Vicki who helped me. Then she tackled another of my problems: feeling unsteady on my feet. Her key message is hopeful and practical: balance can always be improved, at any age, as long as we “do our homework”. That means strengthening our muscles, retraining our brain, and safely challenging our equilibrium—because standing still is no recipe for stability. “Check your balance” is a phrase that resonates well beyond the physical. Balance involves adjusting, and realigning, in body and in life. Getting the wobbles isn’t failure—it’s a starting point for growth. Science, exercise, and humour will help us to keep moving confidently through later life. Do you have problems with your balance? What does that feel like? And how does it affect your life? Live Stronger for Longer Vertigo Balance Clinic, Wellington, New Zealand Cleveland Clinic What is Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy? A lesson in falling safely with Simon Manns
06/10/2025

34. Rethinking creative aging: Jo Randerson on being soft, hard, and invisible when old

In this episode of How To Be Old, I chat with Jo Randerson, playwright, actor, director, and author of Secret Art Powers: How Creative Thinking Can Achieve Radical Change. Through Jo's eyes, we see aging as a continuing creative practice: a chance to notice, laugh, reframe, and stay astonished by the world. Her five secret art powers are all extremely useful as you get older. Jo says, “The creative approach is to accept the reality that we are in and to find a way to work alongside it that is fun, clear, truthful, frame-changing. [...] How do I make the best of where I am right now?” Jo raises some crucial questions. As we age, do we get physically and emotionally softer or harder — or both? Feeling invisible because of our age can hurt, but can we make the most of its new opportunities? Why do we focus on the negative? Why do we need the binary concepts of “old” and “young” when there are so many shades in between? Do the phrases “aging successfully” and “creative aging” make some people feel like failures? And how should I respond to feedback from my children when I start spilling food down my front? Sometimes I feel like I can do a stealth attack. Because people have already written you off in a way and they go, "There's that older grey lady” — of which I am one — and then people are like "Holy heck, what did you see what that old white lady in the corner did?" Hopefully not something very embarrassing. (Jo Randerson) Community arts case study: Sing it to My Face Barbarian. More about Jo Randerson's work
22/09/2025

33. Lois Daish on food, age, and listening to your gut

In this beautifully reflective episode, Rachel McAlpine chats with her distinguished guest Lois Daish on food, aging, and how our relationship with food changes as we grow older. Lois Daish is a legendary New Zealand food writer, cook, and culinary guide. From the humble breakfasts of the 1940s to today’s one-pot pasta hacks, this conversation blends memory, practicality, and a deep respect for the rhythms of the body in later life. Together, Rachel and Lois explore: what it means to cook for yourself as an older person how digestion, dental health, and gut instincts shape food choices in later years the quiet pleasure of preparing a simple meal from scratch the evolution of food culture in Aotearoa—from the Edmonds Cook Book to radishes with butter why Lois never calls herself a chef the power of listening to your body, one meal at a time Plus slimy porridge, an ode to lettuce, a philosophical giggle about farting, and “Jack Sprat” reinterpreted for modern food trends. That's just a taste of Lois Daish on food! If you liked this episode: Follow Learning How to Be Old for more Leave a rating — it helps others to find the show Share it with someone who’s navigating aging (or just loves Lois Daish on food) Links: Lois Daish Cornbread, Nicola Edmonds, February 2021 Brief biography of Lois Daish (Wikipedia) How To Be Old (Poems by Rachel McAlpine)
09/09/2025

32. How we talk about sleep in old age

When we are old, alarming messages about sleep bombard us. My guest Associate Professor Rosie Gibson from Massey University and her colleague Mary Breheny found that "good" sleep in old age is often reported as a magic cure — and "bad" sleep as a terrible risk. In three "Words on Sleep" workshops, 40 people over 75 wrote poems about sleeping that suggest a more pragmatic and positive view of sleeping. Rosie and I toss around ideas and poems and stories. Listen as an antidote to sleep worries, if you have them. Associate Professor Rosie Gibson Sleep perfectionists: the exhausting rise of orthosomnia Sleep Hygiene by Jill Khoury My bed is a boat by RL Stevenson
25/08/2025

Memento Mori: Simon Sweetman's wakeup call

Have you had a memento mori, a reminder of death, an OMG-I'm-gonna-die-one-day moment? Or perhaps a memento senesci, and OMG-I'm-gonna-be-old-one-day moment? This can happen at any age, and is just as authentic when a very young person feels it. Sometimes it prompts us to change or die. This podcast episode is a chat with Simon Sweetman, a writer, music afficionado and podcaster who knows far too much about popular music. He talks about waking up to his own mortality, making big changes in his life to prevent an early death, and some favourite songs that are (sort of) about old age. Simon Sweetman got a brutal wake-up call around the age of 40. After that turning point he began making a few big changes in his life, one at a time. He tells us what changed after a nurse spoke to him bluntly at a crossroads in his life. Simon and I also talk about changes in our thinking and our approach to life, changes that happen almost inevitably in the process of growing older. Massive molecular shifts occur in our 40s and 60s, Stanford Medicine researchers find Simon Sweetman's Substack publication Your wake-up birthday: when and why?

10 Episodes

This is Learning How To Be Old, a guide to the pleasures and possibilities of your future old age. I'm Rachel McAlpine and I'm in my 80s. I used to be aware of old people but I never dreamed I might become one myself. They were like an alien species. Well, here I am and so far it’s been pretty interesting. Listen if you think you might be old one day.

Creator

Rachel McAlpine
Years Active

2019 - 2026
Episodes

10
Rating

Clean
Copyright

© (c) Rachel McAlpine
Show Website

Learning How To Be Old