Simplify Cancer

Joe Bakhmoutski

How to lead a happier, more fulfilled life after cancer

  1. 20/11/2022

    Patient to Patient Movement: A discussion with Trevor Maxwell [CANCER CAN GIVE]

    Hello, my friend, and welcome to Cancer Can Give! in this special series of the Simplify Cancer Podcast, we share inspirational stories of people who went on a grueling journey through cancer and yet, they found their own way to live, grow and give in a way that helps others. Today, it is my absolute pleasure to speak to Trevor Maxwell, a proud man, men’s health champion founder of the incredible Man Up To Cancer. Links MAN UP TO CANCER Man Up to Cancer Podcast Man Up to Cancer – The Howling Place – Facebook Man Up To Cancer (@cancerwolves) • Instagram Video   Full Transcript Glad you can be here. Let’s talk to Trevor. Great seeing you. Thank you. again, thanks for your patience and willingness to speak with me. The cancer journey is full of bumps and crazy turns. Then when you become an advocate, things kind of like the map to cancer movement has kind of been taken off. Just kept me super busy. I appreciate it.   I was so thrilled to have you so thrilled to talk about you and your story. I really want to I first of all, I want to go back in time. I want to go back in time, what was life like? What was life like before cancer? Life was great. I was 41 years old. My wife and I live here in Maine, on the on the Atlantic Ocean, basically, about a couple hours north of Boston, and been here most of my life. We have two daughters. sage, and Elsie, they were 12 and 10, at the time of my diagnosis, and everything was just trucking along. Before cancer, I was a pretty healthy guy very active. just enjoyed all the outdoors. Living here in Maine is a great place for the outdoors. I was a journalist for many years. Then, at the time of my diagnosis, I was doing my own public relations, consulting, just like a one-man company. My wife was a teacher, and the girls were just going through school, and it was like prime of life. It was good.   You’re on a kind of trajectory through life. Things are going your way. Then it just hits you, so tell me the moment. How did you find out? You’re right, you’re just kind of going along, and you have all these like illusions in your head, you tell these stories yourself. I’m going to live till I’m 80. I’m going to see my grandkids you just have this imagination of what the steps are. Then cancer comes along. I say, sometimes I use the phrase life asteroid, because it’s an asteroid has hit you and your family. It’s like my God, I went from a 41-year-old mid middle of life, dad and husband and worker to “a cancer patient” facing metastatic colorectal cancer at age 41. With young children, and boom, life asteroid.   That’s a beautiful way of putting it because exactly. It is like an asteroid that just blows up into your world. What was what was the biggest change for you, Trevor? I mean, I think at first it was just real physiological shock. People don’t talk about that enough. The shock to your system. It’s like you’re in the matrix. Then one day you realize oh my gosh, this might kill me like and soon so there’s the shock. I went into a period, a period of deep mental health struggle so I think the biggest change was like I’d always been a pretty positive person, outward person I struggled before cancer a little bit with typical depression, anxiety so many others do. When cancer hit, and the idea of possibly dying at a young age and leaving my kids behind, and my wife behind, it just crushed me emotionally. I went into a pit of despair man, clinical anxiety, depression, the whole works like I was on the floor. There was a lot of days when I would just be even functioning. It was that bad. I thought I was going to have to go into the hospital for my mental health, not even my cancer. Right. For the first thinking like six to eight months of my journey. It was it was like a pit, and it was crushing. It was just emotional turmoil.   I’m so glad that you brought this up, man, because it’s something that does not get talked about. Mental health, with cancer, my God, I’ve gone through five major surgeries, more than 50 rounds of chemo and immunotherapy. All this stuff, like countless blood draws the whole physical stuff, and none of that, that all of that is minor, compared to the emotional challenge that I faced as being a relatively young dad and father going through cancer and you’re right. That’s one of the reasons why Man Up to Cancer exists and why I am a patient advocate is that mental health and those challenges are not talked about nearly enough and especially among men.   It goes straight to the core of your identity as a man as a father. It just throws everything up. We’re going to talk about man. I want to know you went into that pit. I know what it’s man. You stand on the edge? You look down into the abyss. What was it like and what’s helped? It was it was hell; it was like literally being in hell. I am. Here’s what helped, love. My family. For a guy who got stage four cancer at 41. I’m honestly the luckiest guy in the world. I have a wife and two daughters who just loved me through it, I wanted to go away. I didn’t want to be a burden to them anymore. I’m leaving, I’m going into the woods. I just I can’t. My identity was just destroyed. I just wanted to protect them. I didn’t want to be a burden anymore. I’m leaving. They’re like, “Hell you are.” My wife really was they all gave me that like that love. My wife gave me that tough love of being like hey, you need to get help. Like I don’t care if you live another year or another 40. Like we need you to be back engaged with us, we need you. You can’t just check out. That was tough to hear. It was what I needed to hear. that’s really when I got over the first barrier, which is usually the barrier for men, when they’re facing this type of life asteroid, which is accepting help accepting that you can do it on your own. Like I reached that point where I realized my anxiety, my depression, the cancer stuff, I could not do it on my own. That’s the point, probably about six months in when I really started reaching out for the supports that I needed to get out of that pit. That pit is huge man., I know that people try to climb out of there on their own, but it doesn’t, it usually doesn’t happen.   That’s one of the things that I certainly regret not doing going through cancer is not getting that help. Not getting it early enough. It’s because it’s like its cancer. It’s like supposed to be tough. We’re taught not to need help. Most of us are raised kind of as men to that that rugged individualism like I can handle this, I can handle my business, I got this. In some things in life, that’s not bad like home projects, etc. I will say like with cancer, I cancer just crushed me in a way that no other challenge had. I reached out for counseling. I reached I went to group counseling, individual counseling, I started meeting people online, who were going through the same challenges I was with the same cancer type, kids with cancer. That’s where I found kind of the magic of that patient-to-patient movement and learning and because I was totally isolated. Then through online social media and through my counseling, which is here locally. I wasn’t isolated anymore. that’s when I started to be able to climb out of the pit.   You’re talking about counseling. I think one of the things that scares people away, I know it certainly scared me away that counseling or working with a psychologist. It’s because you don’t know what to expect. can you talk a little about what’s that’s like? Totally. I mean, fortunately for me, I actually had a background like I had gone to counseling prior to cancer for just life and anxiety and relationships with my family. I kind of had a sense of what it was going to be like. You’re right, a lot of the guys in my group have that resistance are hesitant to talk about it. You know what, and I will say, if that’s not your thing, fine. there’s plenty of tools in the toolbox. Counseling is just one of them. I mean, there’s fitness, there’s exercise, there’s nutrition, there’s meditation, there’s, there’s all kinds of tools that you can use and, and the online communities. There are all kinds of tools that you can use to avoid isolation, counseling just happened to be one that really, really worked for me. Honestly, you just go in there and you’re, you’re the one doing the work. You’re the one like sorting through, you’re the counselor’s job is to just absorb it, and like maybe give you prompts, maybe give you some ideas, some homework, just to move the process along. You’re the one sitting down in that judgment, free space, just being able to say all the stuff like so for me, I didn’t want to sit here at night and talk to my spouse or my close friends about the real shit that I was feeling about cancer. I could go to this person who’s a total neutral party and say the things that I was terrified to say, I feel like I’m going to die. I’m my will to live is pretty low right now that stuff that is like really vulnerable. That’s where I would do it is there, and I felt like to get that out. Sometimes even just getting that out, getting those emotions out and just being able to process them in a safe place. I know, that’s like a trigger word. For some people. That’s the safe place to do it. Counseling for me, it was that and still is that place where, and sometimes I didn’t even know what I was going to say? I get to counseling. This is stupid. I don’t know what to talk about. I don’t have anything to talk about. I’m done. Then five minutes later, I’d be summoning up my like deepest fears and anxieties and stuff and like working through it. I mean, it’s not for everyone, but it’s a tool.   I love that you I love that you bring up the fact that in essence, you’re in control. It’s not like somebody did t

    55 min
  2. 06/11/2022

    Popping the Bubble of Cancer: A discussion with Olivia Clarke [CANCER CAN GIVE]

    Hello, my friend, and welcome to Cancer Can Give! in this special series of the Simplify Cancer Podcast, we share inspirational stories of people who went on a grueling journey through cancer and yet, they found their own way to live, grow and give in a way that helps others. Today, it’s my absolute pleasure to introduce Olivia Clarke and we talk about being young adult with cancer and finding the humour where you least expect it. Olivia’s got this incredible message of making sense of your experience, through cancer, through humor, and stories and connect and she started Humor Beats Cancer, and she’s just this magnificent ray of light out in the world. Links Humor Beats Cancer | Chicago | Young Adult Cancer Humor Beats Cancer | Chicago IL – Facebook Humor Beats Cancer (@humorbeatscancer) • Instagram Humor Beats Cancer (@Humorbeatcancer) / Twitter Video     Full Transcript Olivia. Well, so good to have you.   Thank you. It’s always been so good working with you on different things and stuff. You talked that at our last event about a year ago. Really, your story was funny, but also very moving to and so people really walked away from it feeling so many emotions and stuff. I heard it was especially with yours too, your just your story that you shared about cancer and about just it just made people laugh, but also made them cry too. You hit all of the emotions. It’s really nice to be able to be on your podcast.   Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words. I remember you opening that fundraiser for humor beats cancer. I think it’s been during COVID because we were all online, but it’s just been such a beautiful thing to be there and to see all these amazing people there for this great cause. You put so much care, love into everything that you do like you really you really pour your heart into all of this. It really comes across. It obviously makes a difference for your incredible because, but I want to ask you how does it feel for you? I think it’s a big part of it is how does it also make you feel on the inside?   A little bit about me, I had cancer first, breast cancer stage two in 2015. Then in 2017, created Humor Beats Cancer, which is a nonprofit, that encourages using humor and writing as coping tools to deal with cancer. We have to do funny care packages for people going through cancer, we have a grant program, and we do open mics, where people read their funny stories, either virtually or in person. Then we also tried to think of interesting ways on social media to get people’s attention and to get them to share funny stories and to connect, so they feel less alone. For me, when I had cancer the first time and so then I was diagnosed again in last fall, in 2021. This time, it’s stage four, and it’s metastasized to different organs and such. It has different meanings depending on where I’m at in my cancer journey. When I was in remission, it really was about how can I take my experience and try to find ways to make people feel less alone and to feel and to get them to laugh when that’s the last thing they could possibly think about doing? Usually that’s through crude humor and just like having a good time is showing the real point of it is to show two things to show people feeling that they can feel alive while having cancer that they’re not gone and they’re still you’re living and to just to connect people who feel alone. For me, that’s what it’s done for me is it really has reminded me, I’m going through the beginning stages of stage four. It’s interesting to learn about people who’ve been going through it for years, and it gives me hope. If someone would have told me stage four cancer, I would have been freaking out and thinking. You can live with it. It can be like something that you live with. Sometimes it’s not, sometimes it hits you; you find out you have stage four, and you have a few months to live. It shows that there’s more than just one way of cancer happening to a person, and there’s and it can affect you in different ways. It makes me understand it a little bit better, and also feel less alone and feel like there’s a chance that I can keep fighting and keep doing what I can to stay alive. I really believe that this group of people ages like 20 to 45, for example, people don’t focus on them and their cancer enough. There’s a lot of support for childhood cancer, as well as a lot of for the for the elderly and older people who are going through cancer, but this middle group seems to get lost sometimes in the middle of everything. It seems that they don’t really know how to deal with this group of people when they have cancer, because these are people who are still working, and who need to work, they haven’t built up a savings or built up a lot of ways to pay for the their treatment, and they still have to work, they maybe want to have kids or a date, and it’s all happening at the same time that they have cancer. That too has been helpful to me to know that while the medical community may not be looking at this group of people as closely as they can, our nonprofit, at least can bring everybody together to talk about things that upset them things that they wish were different, or to ask questions this is happening to me what should I do? People provide their own just perspective. I mean we’re not doctors, but like to say when, when my feet started peeling, this is the stuff I did. There are so many things I didn’t realize with cancer. It’s been supportive to me, and also just makes me happy to know that I can help people in some tiny way. It makes me feel like my life, I did something good for people. That’s always been my goal. I just really want to help people in some way, and, and help people feel less alone, because I’ve felt alone times through my life. That’s really what it’s done for me.   That’s beautiful love, it just speaks to my heart. I’m so glad you brought up that this whole young adult going through cancer and experience in the sense of being alone, because oftentimes, when cancer hits you at this time, it’s like you say it’s life interrupted, because you’re going on some a journey. As if something just throws you off, and all of a sudden, you have to completely change things around. You’re not in a place where people around you. Maybe when you’re older, you’re in a place where people around you they understand how to deal with grief, they understand how to deal with difficult times that it’s a different situation. What do you think because, obviously, you’ve seen a lot of folks, young adults in their 20s and 30s and 40s go through cancer, what do you think that we have in common?   What we have in common is we have so many more dreams ahead of us, we have so many more life stages ahead of us. Just as you said, that’s a great way of putting it, it’s like life interrupted. It’s just really, there’s just a lot of like sadness, honestly. There are people who maybe went to college and you’re like, I’m going to be this when I when I’m done College, and then boom, you get hit with cancer. Then you have to put that on hold while all of your friends are advancing during the highlights of life having kids, dating, marriage, promotions at work, things like that. All of that gets put on hold, and we’re living in this limbo of should I date? No, or yes? Should we have children? Yes or no. Even like if they get married whether going through cancer treatment, it’s probably you didn’t want to be bald, if you’re a woman at your wedding. I think for these other groups particularly the older, those who get cancer older in life, have had a chance to have do all those things and have that chance to see their children grow up or even meet their grandchildren, where there’s. There are so many families who lose one of their loved ones when maybe their kids are two or three or four. They will know a totally different situation and, and the kids will miss out on stuff and the parents will miss out on things. I just think what connects us all together is that limbo, not knowing how our life is going to be. I know that nobody knows what’s going to happen with them, or if they’re going to get hit by a car or whatever. You are immobile almost, because it’s hard to make decisions. It’s like, at the start, when I found out I had stage four cancer, one of the doctors said, I was like, so how serious is this? They unkindly said that, well, maybe you should start working on that bucket list. I felt like that was such a horrible thing to say to someone, but people don’t think that that’s what they should say or not say and like. I think that that’s what it is, is that we’re just all in this time of indecision where we could just keep trying to stay alive, but also want to be living life our family and friends are.   You described it beautifully because you are stuck in this in between land, you’re constantly in between things. I think the other thing that I just remember coming home, I’ve done like my operation and chemo, and I remember feeling so overwhelmed and things that really made sense before, they certainly don’t make sense now. You have to reinvent yourself at least once. Under this reinvention process you have to find something again, that you can be connected to something that you’re passionate about. That’s why I want to ask you though, because you went through this process and you. You found your way to create humor beats cancer, but how did you how did you lead up to it? What made you think about what to do next?   After I was diagnosed the first time, I started I started thinking about my life and how I didn’t feel like I wasn’t doing enough. I started first just volunteering, and not cancer related volunteering, but just working with people who are poor or need food, or people who are tr

    44 min
  3. 15/10/2022

    Doing What Matters Most: A discussion with Rod Ritchie [CANCER CAN GIVE]

    Hello, my friend, and welcome to Cancer Can Give! in this special series of the Simplify Cancer Podcast, we share inspirational stories of people who went on a grueling journey through cancer and yet, they found their own way to live, grow and give in a way that helps others. Today, it is my absolute pleasure to be talking to Rod Ritchie who is a health activist and a beautiful soul who brings a unique voice in the world of cancer as health activist speaking for male breast cancer. Links Male Breast Cancer (malebc.org) Male Breast Cancer – awareness and beyond Video   Full Transcript Rod, I stumbled upon your manifesto on your website and the work that you’re doing. What really struck me is your dying for change, we’re dying for change and the urgency that you have in this manifesto, tell me, how did it come about?   When I was diagnosed in 2014, obviously, that’s a shock. You are pretty much concentrating on getting treatment, as you know very well for cancer. Then I suddenly started realizing when I am looking around websites, that it’s a sort of pretty pink disease, and how does it cater for men.  Obviously, I got to the conclusion that it wasn’t catering very well for men. I have to say, in the last eight years, there’s been a lot of changes. That manifesto, which, by the way, was written by me and the late Rob Fincher, who was stage four breast cancer patients from Wollongong.   That manifesto has made a difference. When I look at the list of quite a few points, probably half of them we’ve made progress on and things like the de-gendering websites, adding a bit of blue for the pink and sort of making it more inclusive, making the text more inclusive. If a guy gets over there on the site starting to hear stuff that doesn’t really apply to blokes, I don’t think that’s good. The stigma attached to this disease, for a man, I mean, you, you could probably talk about stigma as well with your particular cancer, testicular cancer, but for a man to have breast cancer, it seems gee, what’s wrong? Are you a bit effeminate or what’s the problem?   Absolutely. I couldn’t agree with you more that the stigma, these cancers, they go to the root of who we are as men. I think that’s the root of all cancers, they affect us at the at such a deep level that affects our body, it affects how we think about ourselves, it affects how we are around people. I’m just inspired by the bold vision that that you guys had around this manifesto, and to see that progress is being made around it. Let’s get back to your steroid because I really want to talk about that and your story with breast cancer. I mean, because we all kind of have this moment when we when you kind of find out that you have cancer. What was it like for you?   Pretty surreal but not unexpected. I had a lump behind my left nipple for a little while. I presented to the general practitioner, and we both agreed, maybe it was nothing. A month later was still not nothing. I came back and anyway, long story short, the third time I turned up, I said, I need a scan or some sort of and she said, but none of those times that you do a clinical examination and I just sort of wondered if I presented with breast problems as a woman, I think I probably would have been seen a bit earlier. That made the diagnosis at a little bit of a later stage than I would have liked. I had excellent treatment, just locally up here, and I couldn’t really complain about anything. I have to say, as a guy, there’s a lot of women out there as breast surgeons, oncologists, radiation oncologist, and we’re lucky in a way, as guy having this disease, we’re lucky that we can just slip into a system that’s really geared up maybe for women, but a lot of the treatments really are just as effective on guys.   That’s fantastic. Rod, I love how you talk about that you were even at those were very early stages you were the advocate for let’s get it checked out, let’s get it looked at. Sometimes, you’re going to have to put your hand up and kind of look after yourself, be your own champion, if you will. It’s such a tough time, because as you said, there is stigma. It’s like you described there is this radiation causes the different specialists. It’s kind of kind of like almost you have to learn this new language, isn’t it? It’s challenging time on so many different levels, and it just throws everything up in the air. Would you go in on your kind of journey through cancer? Was the time when you kind of felt like you almost wanted to give up because it was just getting too hard?   No, honestly, Joe, I didn’t ever feel like I wanted to give up. I felt like I really wanted to take the treatment on offer. It is quite invasive, and it’s quite lengthy. In my case, it was starting with surgery, because the chest, I started with chemo because the breast surgeon didn’t want to operate. The skin was inflamed, etc. That chemo over a few months is quite tiring. I read somewhere that you’re meant to keep active and keep doing things. That’s what I did, I took on a building project. Whereas the first day, I flopped into the lounge chair. After that, I thought, bugger this, I’m just going to keep going and I did, and I and I got through the chemo quite well. The surgery, of course, is a different matter, your cut, and there was quite extensive, including lymph nodes under the arm whole lymph nodes removed, and there’s a drain that you were. I thought that was perhaps the hardest part of the treatment. After that was radiation, which is 33 treatments every day, except the weekend. Bingo, you’re sort of done. Tip you out the door. That’s when it gets a bit like oh dear, I quite liked treatment because I felt quite secure of it. I think you got to get over that.   When you find yourself in this new reality of cancer, you can think that you go through this treatment and everything and sometimes we feel even perhaps even more lost when it’s done. All of a sudden you don’t know; you’re waiting for results. You don’t know how things might turn out. You don’t have that support. Tell me what kept you going in that time? What supported you?   I had good support from my partner. She was around when things needed to be done and changed. Obviously, that was a big thing. I’ve got three brothers with their own families, they were supportive. Two kids, my daughter and a son in their 40s, they were very supportive. I never felt unsupported. Of course, with social media and the internet, particularly, there’s some very good sites, and not just social media actually, Breastcancer.org, which is a big site. Again, it’s full of mostly women, but I’ve stuck around there for all the time and talked to other men. As soon as I realized that I was going to be I was pretty keen to get a bit trained up one, as a telephone counselor, two, helping in the infusion room at the local hospital. At the time, I was getting over treatment, if you like, I was also learning about learning some new skills. I had skills as an internet person, as a writer and a marketer. I thought, I’ll just switch over and I was sort of ready for a challenge. I sold my business, and I was thinking patient advocacy and I sort of thought that evolved into patient activism. I like that term as well. I mean, it’s a next step. I’ve never stopped all that time. I’m still going.   I’m so inspired to hear that story that you volunteered; you’re out there helping people. You decided, I’m just going to go into this this world of advocacy and activism. Rod, what is what is the distinction between patient advocacy and patient activism?   Patient advocacy, I think is working to promote aspects of the disease, in my case with the men who have it, and helping them go through the same things that I went through. You get a bit of knowledge. They say, a bit of a bit of knowledge is not bad, too much knowledge might not be good, but you really do learn a lot. A lot of the time, it’s listening, listening, what’s the problem? It’s not trying to put anything on anybody and nobody that contacted me, my number was out there to be contacted. It’s always the person that you’re working with contacts you, you’re not chasing anybody. You’re ready to terminate the conversation whenever you feel it’s getting too tough for them. Advocates, they sort of prolong and do or do the hard work. Activists, I think have sort of gone a stage further and like the manifesto that’s an activist thing. Also, you’re not afraid to take the debate up to the medical establishment, pharmacological people. You reach the stage, I think the advocacy might last for a couple of years, and before the activism takes over. I have to say that you don’t feel comfortable until you really know your disease, you really know what you’re dealing with, and you really know what’s wrong with the way that it’s being handled.   Exactly. It’s going to sounds like it’s almost challenging the status quo, right? Like, there’s this established view of the world and you kind of painting a vision of what’s possible, right?   That’s it.   That’s fantastic. Good on you for doing that, because that’s really, in my mind, is that the way of progress. You have to be able to challenge the existing view. That comes from put putting out bold visions of how things might be, and it comes from real people going through this experience. Like yourself going, we could do better, right?   We could. I also think it’s not a matter of going into battle with the medical profession, they’re very busy people, no more so than the last couple of years. You do really understand their point of view, you’re sitting in an appointment, and they’re listening to you, but there’s sort of also thinking perhaps about the next patient or about an operation they have to do. I th

    43 min
  4. 01/10/2022

    Choose Your Own Adventure: A discussion with Heather Hawkins [CANCER CAN GIVE]

    Hello, my friend, and welcome to Cancer Can Give! in this special series of the Simplify Cancer Podcast, we share inspirational stories of people who went on a grueling journey through cancer and yet, they found their own way to live, grow and give in a way that helps others. Today, it is my absolute pleasure to be talking to Heather Hawkins, ovarian cancer survivor, she is a health advocate, the most adventurous spirit I know, a beautiful person doing good out in the world that advocated for health, for hope, and living beyond your comfort zone! In this conversation, we talk about hope, choosing adventurous life after cancer and making a positive difference out in the world. Links Heather Hawkins: Adventurous Spirit on Facebook Heather Hawkins: Adventurous Spirit on Instagram Adventurous Spirit by Heather Hawkins on Audible Adventurous Spirit by Heather Hawkins on Amazon Video Full Transcript Heather, I have a bit of a thing for a first sentence in the book. In your book, the first sentence is: Sometimes our paths in life take us in completely unexpected directions. It’s certainly true, right?   It is.   For yourself as well, and I think when cancer makes an entrance into your life, and for you Heather, a decade ago, your life really took this really unexpected turn, right? Tell us how did all of that play out?   Yes, my goodness, it was 2006, December 2006. I was a busy working mom, I had a 14-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son, and life just is so full of school after school activities, dropping kids off, working hard at the office. I did start to notice this fatigue creeping in and then also a little bit of abdominal bloating, and I was 41 at that stage. I remember thinking, this is probably either menopause creeping in, or I’m overdoing things. Or maybe it’s middle age has spread that I need to get a little bit more fit, a bit more active. Then throughout that Christmas time of December 2006, and then going into 2007, there was some more symptoms that then started to occur. I was off to the toilet more often than not with frequency with urination. I’d eat small amounts and start to feel really full quickly. My abdominal bloating just continued to grow. It also continued — for every woman at that particular time of month, you do get bloating, tiredness, but when it persisted between periods, that’s when that intuition kicks in. You think, this is not right. This is not normally how my body operates. I thought, I need to go and have a chat with my GP. I’m so glad we have a great relationship with our GP, that I could feel confident to go and talk with him. I didn’t feel embarrassed. I knew that he would take me seriously just talking about a raft of very general symptoms. Then he would take me seriously and also seek to find answers and have that investigated. That was really the beginning of my fear that this massive shift in my life going from a completely normal world, to suddenly hearing those two words in the same sentence as my name those two words of ovarian cancer.   So many interesting things you said that I want to pick up on, you talked about watching out and listening to your body, things that you knew what not right, and you picked up on those patterns. Then it is about having that courage to speak to your treating doctor, and to bring those things up and to get those things looked into. It’s so vital, isn’t it?   It certainly is and it’s about understanding that this is not how my body normally operates and to sit down with your doctor and to go through all those things that you’re concerned about. I found it really helpful. I wrote out a list so I could go in there. You’re so emotional at that time. If you can refer back to your list, you’re not missing out on things that perhaps are going to be really important with helpful with your diagnosis. Talking that through, he said, “Yes, that does sound serious, I’m going to send you straight off to have a CT scan.” I was fortunate enough to get into the radiology clinic that afternoon and had that CT scan. I found that really quite confronting that I was taking off my normal clothes, and putting on that white hospital gown, suddenly transforming from this normal life into being vulnerable and raw, and just thinking, wow, I did not expect to be here. Just so anxious, what that scan was going to reveal. A massive shift. Then getting the results that afternoon back in the doctor surgery. Hearing him say those words, then thinking, wow, where does this lead to? What is the prognosis here? How are we going to manage this? With all those questions, as just racing up inside, don’t they?   Absolutely, Heather. I was so also touched by what you brought up as this transition into a different life. You’re exactly right, you put on this gown. It’s like your pathway into a totally different universe where all of a sudden you have to learn this new language and everything that you know changes. To touch on the fact that you said, you went in prepared you made the list of questions because you knew that it’s a crazy time, and you’re likely to get emotional. I think that’s such a great tip as right for whenever you go into the unknown, and whether that’s being of course, around cancer, just health in general is to go in with the list of questions so that you don’t forget in the heat of a moment, which is so easy to do, right?   It is, it’s very easy to do and even also to take someone with you, your loved one or a friend, and that they’re able to ask those questions, perhaps that you forget, or and maybe if you get really emotional and find it very difficult to ask those questions, they can step in and help as well. It is, there’s just so much to sift through, to digest isn’t there. I find perhaps writing notes from that consultation as well. I know with the perhaps my first meeting that I had with my gynecological surgeon that I was referred to after that initial consultation with my GP, you come away and your head is spinning because you’re thinking okay, this now means surgery. How extensive would that surgery be? Yes. What day are we booked in? Being able to just write down all those things. I love having like a plan in place when, when things are uncertain. You’re not quite sure how they’re going to play out. If you know that you’ve got a plan in place a structure that just helps you cope emotionally so much better, doesn’t it?   Exactly, because you got something to fall back on. It’s so true what you say about not forgetting the little things, because I know, I remember speaking to my urologist. We were talking just about the same, the very same thing about forgetting or just missing a little detail. He told me about a study which I don’t have the details for, but apparently there were studies done around and I believe it’s not to be quoted here, but it was suddenly like that we forget about 80% of what we hear on that first visit to specialists treating you for cancer, because you’re just in that you’re frazzled and you’re in that state of mind. It’s so vital. As you say, take someone with you to take notes so that you have something to fall back on because it’s just such a difficult time, isn’t it?   It really is because you’re you’ve just been taken off in your day-to-day pathway into some new pathway and that it isn’t a very confronting time and I think if you can surround yourself with that support some real clarity. I know our when our imagination gets the better of us that’s when we become so anxious, don’t we and overthink things and think worst case scenario at times. If we’re able to get that clear explanation and that knowledge and understanding of what the treatment is going to be, what surgery will entail that will help us cope so much better. Also, you don’t feel alone do you if you’ve got somebody with you in those consultations and also in the lead up to surgery. I just remember being so grateful that my family came in on that morning of surgery to have them there, that I could give them get to that last little hug and then be wheeled off to surgery. That just meant so much. It gave me a lot of strength to face that because that is a big day, isn’t it? When you you’re heading off to surgery, you’re relieved that the day is here, aren’t you, but you’re also just quite worried about what the surgery is going to reveal. I remember feeling very torn between those two things.   Absolutely. It’s so beautifully put in the sense that you want that little bit of normality. It’s that waiting. I find one of the most challenging things for me was that constant waiting. You’re waiting to be called up to the oncologist, or you’re waiting to go up to your specialist, so you’re in between things. That’s when you want someone with you, so you can talk about something other than cancer. You can talk about your just normal, everyday life. Heather, when it comes to those difficult moments, because we all have them, right? I want to check in with you, when you look at your cancer journey, you think back on that, what was the most difficult or one of the most difficult moments for you?   I probably have about four difficult moments hearing. Hearing that initial diagnosis that is tough stuff, digesting that. The second hardest thing I think was telling my parents and also telling our children that evening. Trying to find the right words to say, trying to keep it together and not cry too much knowing that that would really upset my parents and my children. Also wanting to share in very practical terms about my diagnosis and what the plan was so that they could hold some positive things to take away from that phone call or that that sit-down time with the family. The other time was as I was recovering, and I would be going for my checkups quite regularly, going into the waiting ro

    45 min
  5. 11/09/2022

    Serving with Spirit with Peter Anthony

    I was lucky to guest on Men With Spirit radio show – Peter and Steve are doing an amazing job in inspiring men to live a spirited life. Turns out, Peter has been going through prostate cancer so I knew he’s going to bring his unique way of seeing things – and we have got that in spades! Tune in to the episode as we discuss: How living a spirited life can help us cope Getting your priorities to serve you in a time of need Making a difference that supports you, your values and your way of life Links Men With Spirit on Facebook Men With Spirit on Instagram Episode 072: The Magnifying Glass of Adversity with Lee Silverstein     Don't Forget To Sign Up for Your 7 Day Challenge to Take Your Life Back After Cancer!People expect you to bounce back after cancer, but it’s not easy – you’ve got to deal with changes, fatigue and worry that it might come back… Over seven days, I am sharing practical ideas that helped me get the life I want after cancer – sign up free today: #btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .text {font-size:16px;color:#ffffff;font-weight:bold;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 {padding:5px 25px;border-color:#000000;border-width:1px;-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;background:#38b6ff;background:-webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, color-stop(0%, #38b6ff), color-stop(100%, #38b6ff));background:-webkit-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-moz-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-ms-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-o-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:linear-gradient(to bottom, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);filter:progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.gradient(startColorstr=#38b6ff, endColorstr=#38b6ff, GradientType=0);box-shadow:0px 1px 1px 0px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .gradient {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .shine {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .active {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .hover {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}Sign Up Today I will never give out your email - view my Privacy Policy

    37 min
  6. 02/02/2022

    Episode 082: Five Insights on Life After Cancer with Lee Silverstein

    This is a conversation I have been looking forward to for a long time: My friend Lee Silverstein, cancer veteran and a beautiful soul! It’s hard to make sense of our life after cancer experience, but the way Lee can distil the essence of our shared experience is a joy to behold! Every time we speak, I learn something new and get a valuable lesson. Here is what we cover on this week’s episode: The Whac-A-Mole of Cancer What it takes to be an informed patient How to live in the moment Taking your power back after cancer Another way to be mindful each day How people respond to you after cancer Links Episode 077: How To Apply Mindfulness After Cancer with Dr Ronald Siegel Episode 075: Meaning of Life After Cancer with Dr William Breitbart Episode 072: The Magnifying Glass of Adversity with Lee Silverstein     Don't Forget To Sign Up for Your 7 Day Challenge to Take Your Life Back After Cancer!People expect you to bounce back after cancer, but it’s not easy – you’ve got to deal with changes, fatigue and worry that it might come back… Over seven days, I am sharing practical ideas that helped me get the life I want after cancer – sign up free today: #btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .text {font-size:16px;color:#ffffff;font-weight:bold;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 {padding:5px 25px;border-color:#000000;border-width:1px;-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;background:#38b6ff;background:-webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, color-stop(0%, #38b6ff), color-stop(100%, #38b6ff));background:-webkit-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-moz-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-ms-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-o-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:linear-gradient(to bottom, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);filter:progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.gradient(startColorstr=#38b6ff, endColorstr=#38b6ff, GradientType=0);box-shadow:0px 1px 1px 0px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .gradient {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .shine {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .active {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .hover {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}Sign Up Today I will never give out your email - view my Privacy Policy

    56 min
  7. 27/12/2021

    Episode 081: 5 Ways To Liberate Yourself From Worry

    This is the worst part about cancer – the nameless worries that creep into your life, tugging behind you wherever you go… But it doesn’t have to be that way! We can put worry in its place where you can enjoy the things that you love with people that you care about the most. And it’s critical that you do it NOW. Because how you deal with worry right now will determine the quality of life from this point on. I had no one talk to about it and it seemed like nothing would ever even change… But it can, and it does! This is why I want to share the five big strategies that can help you lead a happier, more fulfilled life after cancer that you deserve to feel more calm and in control of what is going on around you. Here is what we cover on this week’s episode: How to bring your worries out into the open so they lose control over you Clawing back your sense of control How to make sense of what is going on to find greater clarity Set clear boundaries to stop worrying from taking over your life How to take focus away from worry Video Links Episode 039: Exercise Boost Through Treatment and Recovery Episode 002: How Exercise Helps Crush Cancer Register for Stable and Predictable Life After Cancer Webinar     Don't Forget To Sign Up for Your 7 Day Challenge to Take Your Life Back After Cancer!People expect you to bounce back after cancer, but it’s not easy – you’ve got to deal with changes, fatigue and worry that it might come back… Over seven days, I am sharing practical ideas that helped me get the life I want after cancer – sign up free today: #btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .text {font-size:16px;color:#ffffff;font-weight:bold;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 {padding:5px 25px;border-color:#000000;border-width:1px;-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;background:#38b6ff;background:-webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, color-stop(0%, #38b6ff), color-stop(100%, #38b6ff));background:-webkit-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-moz-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-ms-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-o-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:linear-gradient(to bottom, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);filter:progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.gradient(startColorstr=#38b6ff, endColorstr=#38b6ff, GradientType=0);box-shadow:0px 1px 1px 0px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .gradient {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .shine {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .active {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .hover {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}Sign Up Today I will never give out your email - view my Privacy Policy

    37 min
  8. 06/11/2021

    Episode 080: Roadmap to Thrive After Cancer

    It is only when I look back at life after I finished treatment that I realise how much of a struggle it’s really been. I had no one talk to about it and it seemed like nothing would ever even change… But it can, and it does! Having spent three years of deep work to get on top of worry and stress I am here to share with you five big things that can help you get there that much FASTER. In each of the big five, I give you practical tools and mindset to make these come to life. Because you don’t need theory, but real world implementation! Here are the top five ideas we go through on the roadmap to thrive after cancer in this week’s episode: Get your energy levels up Redirect your worry Recharge your relationships Set yourself up to win Make giving a way of life Video Links Episode 039: Exercise Boost Through Treatment and Recovery Episode 002: How Exercise Helps Crush Cancer Register for Stable and Predictable Life After Cancer Webinar     Don't Forget To Sign Up for Your 7 Day Challenge to Take Your Life Back After Cancer!People expect you to bounce back after cancer, but it’s not easy – you’ve got to deal with changes, fatigue and worry that it might come back… Over seven days, I am sharing practical ideas that helped me get the life I want after cancer – sign up free today: #btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .text {font-size:16px;color:#ffffff;font-weight:bold;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 {padding:5px 25px;border-color:#000000;border-width:1px;-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;background:#38b6ff;background:-webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, color-stop(0%, #38b6ff), color-stop(100%, #38b6ff));background:-webkit-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-moz-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-ms-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:-o-linear-gradient(top, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);background:linear-gradient(to bottom, #38b6ff 0%, #38b6ff 100%);filter:progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.gradient(startColorstr=#38b6ff, endColorstr=#38b6ff, GradientType=0);box-shadow:0px 1px 1px 0px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .gradient {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .shine {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .active {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}#btn_1_5095f450e13754607e74fd13894c14a2 .hover {-moz-border-radius:6px;-webkit-border-radius:6px;border-radius:6px;}Sign Up Today I will never give out your email - view my Privacy Policy

    52 min

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How to lead a happier, more fulfilled life after cancer