The Dad Mindset Show Rich Bolus

Hi there,
This episode, author, and father, Scott H Young is back to help us get better at anything and help create environments to help our children do the same.
His new book is a master class in accelerated, effective learning which helps you identify what you might be missing which has stalled learning in a particular area—and how to turn it around.
Scott is such a living example of applying a growth mindset to parenting that I hope you take a lot out of this chat.
Big Hug
Rich

I strongly recommend you check out Scott’s book, ‘Get Better At Anything’ as it’s an amazing handbook for getting better at the things that matter to you.
Here is a link to Scott’s website as well.




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Hi there,
Have you ever worried about your trousers falling down whilst giving a public talk?
Well I have, and it turns out that worrying about something happening can actually be worse for us that the actual thing happening…we’re such weird and wonderful creatures, aren’t we?
Anyway, where am I going with this? Ah, yes, ‘trauma and shame’. These two interrelated things can have such a powerful impact on how we show up in the world that I wanted to learn more about them.
So this week I chat with Behavioural Scientist from Deakin University, Hannah Bereznicki, about those very topics.
I really hope you enjoy this conversation with Hannah.
Big hug
Rich

PS here’s the link to check out the free course on Trauma, Neurodiversity and Shame that Hannah mentions (remember to select the limited access 4-week version so you don’t have to pay).


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If I could show you how to:
* Help your children think and act independently
* Build better resilience in them, and
* Improve your relationship with them.
How much would that be worth to you?
Well, I might not be able to do the above, but this week’s podcast guest can.
Ned Johnson (who co-authored the fantastic book, The Self-Driven Child, with William Stixrud) and I discuss what we as parents can do to achieve all of the above list.
It’s a fun conversation and has given me a new lens to view parenting through as well as some really actionable approaches.
“I love you too much to fight with you about your homework but is there a way I can help”
If you’d like to find out more about Ned and read his books visit his website here.
You can also find Ned on Instagram here and here is a link to the viral TikTok post that he mentioned.
On his website, Ned has listed out insights from the Self-Driven Child. Here are just a few:
* Say “It’s your call’ whenever you can
* Foster a sense of control in your child
* Be a non-anxious presence in your family
* Be a consultant
* Encourage flow
* Take the long view
I believe, and hope, this episode will really help your family build motivation, stress tolerance, and above all, a happy home.
Big hug
Rich


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Hello, how are you doing?
I hope you’re well.
I’ve got a treat for you this week. My friend Nick Parker, who I interviewed in episode #75, mentioned a reading retreat that he went on and suggested I interview the guy who set it up, because that person cares very deeply about fatherhood too.
That guy, Rob Poynton, turned out to be the author of a book I’d read on improvisation, and is the person I talk with in this week’s podcast.
* We dive into how improvisation can help all aspects of your life, especially parenting
* We discuss the need for pausing in today’s hectic world
* And we also explore how to have a good conversation.
As well as many other things.
I love Rob’s approach to improv and as it turns out, parenting:
* Notice more
* Let go
* Use Everything
I think this way of thinking has so much to offer and I’m going to lean into it more myself.
I really hope you enjoy this conversation with Rob.
Big hug
Rich
If you’d like to find out more about Rob, visit his website and check out his books.
P.S. If you’re wondering about the photo, Rob had just cleaned the chimney.

Takeaways
* Improvisation is a valuable skill in everyday life, particularly in parenting and organisational contexts.
* Pausing and embracing uncertainty are essential for navigating change and responding effectively to unexpected situations.
* Improvisation is about being present, paying attention, and using everything that comes your way.
* Creating the conditions for collaboration and inclusivity is crucial in both parenting and organisational settings.
* Shifting from seeking the 'right' way to embracing 'good' ways of doing things can lead to more creativity and flexibility. Allow conversations to flow naturally and don't be constrained by rigid time limits.
* Be present in conversations and avoid wasting people's time.
* Use practices from improv, such as being physically present and creating action, to improve conversations.
* Embrace vulnerability in conversations and create space for yourself to nourish your well-being.
* Prioritise quality conversations and recognise their impact on relationships and personal growth.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
01:13 Book Release and Background
04:09 The Importance of Pausing
05:09 The Power of Improvisation in Everyday Life
06:08 The Difference Between Improv and Stand-Up
08:00 The Audience's Response to Improv
09:31 The Application of Improv in Parenting
10:25 The Messiness of Parenting and Organizational Life
11:50 Creating the Conditions for Collaboration
15:12 The Rules of Improv
20:22 Slowing Down and Letting Go
22:45 Shifting from the Right Way to Good Ways
24:38 Being a Facilitator in Parenting
27:04 Creating the Conditions for Conversations
29:52 Using Objects as Conversation Tools
35:37 Including Outlier Perspectives
37:33 Setting Up Family Meetings
40:21 Knowing When to End a Conversation
41:15 The Importance of Allowing Conversations to Flow Naturally
42:44 Leadership and Sensing When a Conversation is Done
44:08 Creating Quality Time and Being Present in Conversations
45:33 Practices from Improv for Better Conversations
48:48 Using Physical Practices to Improve Conversations
49:43 Action vs Activity in Conversations
51:31 Interrupting Routines to Create Action in Conversations
55:53 The Essence of Good Conversation
59:43 The Importance of Vulnerability in Conversations
01:07:07 The Reading Retreat and Creating Space for Yourself
01:12:14 Setting Healthy Boundaries for Yourself
01:19:25 Taking Time for Reflection and Prioritising What Matters


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I’m curious…
How do you talk to yourself? Would you be happy for someone to speak to your kids in the same way? Do you often find yourself speaking to the ones you love the worst?
Self-talk has such a massive impact on your sense of wellbeing (and those around you) yet it’s easy to overlook when it’s not aligned with the type of parent or person we aspire to be.
Family and child counsellor, Jacintha Field, shares the importance of healing, self-reflection, and taking responsibility for one's actions as well as the power of self-opinion and setting boundaries for self-care in this week’s conversation. She highlights the significance of self-talk and the impact it has on our relationships, especially with our children.
And if you ever struggle with ‘people pleasing’ tendencies, Jacintha can set you straight.
“The only opinion that matters is the one you have of yourself”
If you’d like to find out more about Jacintha’s work or get in touch with her, you can find her at: www.happysoulskids.com

Main Takeaways
* Teach children about self-awareness, standing in their power, and not taking on other people's opinions of them
* Healing and self-reflection are essential for personal growth and becoming a better parent
* Set boundaries and prioritise self-care to avoid burnout and be present for your children
* Practice self-love and speak kindly to yourself, as it sets the standard for your relationships with others. Self-love and putting yourself first are essential for single moms to navigate the challenges of parenting
* Supporting children through transitions requires patience, understanding, and being present for them
* Effective communication in co-parenting can be helped with tools like Chat GPT to maintain kindness and clarity
* Accepting change and growth in relationships is important, and it's essential to have boundaries and inner circles for support
* Teaching children self-regulation techniques, such as breathwork, can help them manage their emotions.

Chapters
00:00 Teaching Children Self-Awareness
01:03 Personal Growth Journey
03:18 Taking Responsibility and Forgiveness
05:02 Helping Kids and Starting a Business
06:01 The Joy of Helping Kids
08:22 The Power of Self-Opinion
09:45 Setting Boundaries and Prioritising Self-Care
11:12 Starting the Practice of Self-Love
12:06 Being Honest with Yourself
13:30 The Importance of Self-Talk
15:20 Speaking Kindly to Ourselves and Others
16:14 Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Integration
19:40 Acknowledging and Supporting Children's Emotions
22:03 Creating a Safe Space for Children
23:27 Recognising the Impact of Daily Experiences on Children
25:23 Open Communication and Compassion
26:47 Avoiding Emotions and Procrastination
27:45 The Importance of Self-Love and Putting Yourself First
28:30 The Challenges and Growth of Being a Single Mum
29:11 Supporting Children Through Transitions
32:05 Co-Parenting and Communication
34:49 Navigating Dietary Restrictions in Co-Parenting
36:21 Using Chat GPT for Effective Communication
40:21 Accepting Change and Growth in Relationships
43:13 Navigating Relationships and Loss During Separation
44:12 The Importance of Boundaries and Inner Circles
48:48 Teaching Children Self-Regulation Techniques


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Hi there,
This week I want to talk about you. How are you really doing? I really want to know.
I've been reflecting lately, and while I've shared a lot about my experiences, I realise I don't know much, if anything, about yours. 
I hope this podcast has been helpful to you in some small way, but I want it to do more.
If you're open to it, I'd love for you to share something you're struggling with as a parent. Whether it's a challenge with your kids, balancing work and family, finances, relationships or anything else, I'm here to listen.
Then, over the next few months we can dive deep into those topics. I’ll track down experts in those fields with the specific goal of helping with your struggles.
So please reach out to me through your preferred channel. Email, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram.
And tell me what you are struggling with the most as a parent.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Big hug.
Rich


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