⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, child loss, grief, and substance use. Please proceed with care. In this episode, Jennifer sits down with Barb Higgins — educator, CrossFit coach, author, podcaster, and mother — inside her home in Concord, New Hampshire, the very town where her story began. Barb’s life has been shaped by a series of extraordinary events: childhood sexual abuse, a 20-year teaching career that ended in a forced resignation, the devastating loss of her daughter Molly to a brain tumor in 2016 after being repeatedly denied medical care, her own battle with brain tumors, and, against every odd, giving birth to her son Jack at age 57 through IVF. With unflinching candor and a gift for seeing the invisible threads that connect even the most painful chapters of life, Barb shares what it means to keep going when grief feels like straddling a picket fence. This is a conversation about survival, meaning, the quiet miracle of loving acceptance, and why telling our whole truth is the only thing that truly sets us free. 📍 This episode was recorded in Concord, New Hampshire. MEET BARB HIGGINSBarb Higgins is a Concord, New Hampshire native, mother to Gordy, Gracie, Molly, and Jack, and a lifelong educator whose approach to healing has always been rooted in movement, story, and radical honesty. After surviving childhood sexual abuse, navigating complex family dynamics, and building a 20-year career in public education, Barb faced the unimaginable loss of her daughter Molly to a brain tumor in 2016 — a death that might have been prevented had her symptoms been taken seriously. In the years that followed, Barb battled her own brain tumors, walked through grief’s darkest corridors, and — fueled by recurring dreams and sheer determination — gave birth to her son Jack at age 57 through IVF. With advanced degrees in Educational Leadership through the Arts and Adaptive and Corrective Physical Education, she now coaches CrossFit, runs youth camps, hosts the podcast A Thousand Tiny Steps, writes a blog, and has authored the book Motherland. Through it all, Barb remains one of the most courageously open voices for anyone who has ever been told to be quiet about the things that hurt them most. CONNECT WITH BARB📚 Book: Motherland — available wherever books are sold🎧 Podcast: A Thousand Tiny Steps🌐 Website: athousandtinysteps.com🌐 Foundation: mollybfoundation.org📸 Instagram: @a_thousand_tiny_steps | @purposefulfilled13 | @barb_444👍 Facebook: @Barb Higgins KEY TAKEAWAYSHere’s what stayed with us long after this conversation ended: Telling your whole truth is the antidote to a lifetime of silence. Barb spent her childhood being told to keep secrets. The adult reckoning with all of that secrecy became a defining force: she refuses to tell only the comfortable parts, because the uncomfortable parts are exactly what help people feel less alone.When things get good, the body braces for impact. Barb describes a deeply common pattern in abuse survivors: the hypervigilance that causes us to create chaos when life gets too stable. Recognizing that pattern - through therapy, podcasting, and years of self-reflection - was a turning point in breaking it.Grief doesn’t resolve, it reshapes. Barb’s “picket fence theory” of child loss is one of the most honest frameworks for grief you’ll hear: for the rest of her life, she walks with one foot in despair and one in happiness. On good days the fence is low. On hard days her feet don’t reach the ground. The goal isn’t to get off the fence — it’s to learn how to straddle it with less suffering.Life is full of connections that defy explanation. From the cardiologist who once worked with baby Gordy’s heart appearing at Jack’s fetal echocardiogram, to Molly’s dance partner’s kidney saving Kenny’s life, Barb’s story is threaded with moments that feel like the veil between this world and the next is very, very thin. She doesn’t try to explain it, she just lives close to it.Loss demands an outlet, and the outlet matters. After Molly died, Barb fell into two years of daily drug use. She doesn’t hide from that. She says there were days it may have kept her alive. But she also credits CrossFit, therapy, the lawsuit process, her podcast, and ultimately, the dream of Jack, as the things that gave her pain somewhere to go.We are too hard on the imperfect victim. Barb was put on trial - figuratively and literally - for her choices as a mother during the malpractice suit. Her response was clear: a child’s life is not contingent on her mother’s perfection. Our cultural discomfort with complicated victims is a failure of compassion, not a judgment of truth.Compassion is loving acceptance even when it costs you something. When asked what compassion means to her, Barb didn’t hesitate: it’s loving acceptance. It’s showing up again and again for someone whose experience you don’t share, don’t understand, or maybe even disagree with. The people who have held her most steadily, she says, are the ones who let nothing become a barrier to showing up.__________________________ STAY CONNECTEDThe Human Experience Podcast | Instagram | Facebook The Human Experience Legacies | Instagram Connect with Jennifer on Substack | LinkedIn Support the Podcast
