This Complex Life

Marie Vakakis
  • 5.0 (48)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Got questions about parenting, teenagers, or relationships? Ever wonder why your teen won’t talk to you, or why your relationship feels like hard work lately? Hi, I’m Marie Vakakis—a therapist, mental health educator, and someone who’s been behind the scenes with countless families and couples navigating the ups and downs of real life. This Complex Life is your go-to for relatable insights, practical advice, and real talk about parenting, raising teenagers, and navigating relationships. I’ll share what I’ve learned from years of sitting in the therapist’s chair—helping parents understand their teens, supporting couples through tough times, and figuring out what actually works when life feels overwhelming. Whether it’s understanding your teen’s moods, handling family drama, or reconnecting in your relationship, I’m here to give you practical advice, relatable insights and a little humour to keep it real. Parenting and relationships aren’t easy, but they don’t have to feel impossible. Subscribe to This Complex Life for honest advice and actionable tips to make life’s messiness more manageable.

  1. Bad marriage advice with Monica Tanner

    2 DAYS AGO

    Bad marriage advice with Monica Tanner

    You've probably received the same relationship advice everyone gets. Never go to bed angry. Just communicate more. Send them the link. Some of it sounds reasonable and most of it gets misapplied in ways that create more problems than they solve. Monica Tanner is a Relational Life Therapy certified relationship coach, podcast host and author of the Amazon bestselling book Bad Marriage Advice, and she joins me to talk about what couples have been taught that isn't actually helping them, and what works instead. What this episode covers Why never going to bed angry is one of the most misunderstood pieces of relationship advice and what it was actually meant to meanThe HALTS acronym and why timing matters more than most couples realise when trying to work through conflictMonica's thought download exercise: how to separate what's actually happened from the story you're telling yourself about itWhy an outsized reaction from your partner is almost never about what's happening right in front of youWhat Relational Life Therapy is and how the three phase approach works with couplesThe wise adult versus the adaptive child and what bringing yourself back online actually looks like in a heated momentWhy understanding your partner doesn't mean agreeing with themHow to share something you've learned with your partner without it turning into another argumentWhat to do when one partner is unhappy and the other thinks everything is fineMonica's through line: if advice dampens communication, it's bad advice Timestamps 0:00 Introduction 1:00 How Bad Marriage Advice came about 2:30 Never go to bed angry: what it actually means 5:00 Monica's personal experience and what changed 7:30 HALTS and responsible distance taking 9:00 The thought download exercise 12:00 Empathy for deeply ingrained beliefs 13:00 What Relational Life Therapy is 15:30 How Monica and her husband navigate things now 17:00 If it's hysterical it's historical 18:00 Understanding does not equal agreement 19:30 Being curious without being condescending 20:00 Walking on eggshells and when to get help 21:30 How to introduce this to your partner without it backfiring 24:00 Sending 30 reels and what it really means 27:00 When one partner wants to work on things and the other doesn't 30:00 Why going to therapy alone can still shift a dynamic Resources and Links Monica Tanner's website: monicatanner.com Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast: monicatanner.com Bad Marriage Advice by Monica Tanner: available on Amazon Relationship Reset course: marievakakis.com.au Keep the Conversation Going Got a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 Instagram: @marievakakis Website: marievakakis.com.au Monica Tanner is a Relational Life Therapy certified relationship coach, podcast host of Secrets of Happily Ever After and author of Bad Marriage Advice. Find her at monicatanner.com. website: https://monicatanner.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/monitalksmarriage Youtube: https://youtube.com/@secretsofhappilyeverafter

    32 min
  2. The Fawn Response: What It Is and how to change it

    27 APR

    The Fawn Response: What It Is and how to change it

    If you've ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it, apologised for something that wasn't your fault, or changed your opinion halfway through a conversation just to keep the peace, this episode is for you. The fawn response is one of the least understood nervous system patterns and one of the most invisible. It looks like being easygoing, warm and accommodating. From the outside it can be indistinguishable from kindness. The cost of it is paid quietly, and over time. What this episode covers What the fawn response is and how it sits alongside fight, flight and freeze as a distinct nervous system patternThe research behind it including Pete Walker's clinical work and what polyvagal theory adds to our understandingHow fawning shows up day to day: constant apologising, abandoning your opinions mid-conversation, shape shifting between social groups, and checking behaviours in relationshipsWhy fawning gets mistaken for being a good person and how it gets culturally rewarded, particularly for womenWhere the fawn response comes from and why it almost always starts in childhoodWhat fawning is actually costing you: chronic low-level resentment, disconnection, and a gradual loss of your own sense of self and preferencesThe difference between fawning and genuine kindness, and the body test that tells you which one you're doingWhether fawning is always a trauma responseWhat to actually do about it, starting with low-stakes moments and one phrase that changes everythingWhether the fawn response goes away once you recognise it Timestamps 0:00 Introduction 1:00 What the fawn response is and where the research comes from 3:00 Fight, flight, freeze and fawn explained 4:30 How fawning shows up in everyday life 10:00 Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person 12:00 Where the fawn response comes from 16:00 Why fawning rather than fight or flight 19:00 What it's actually costing you 22:00 How fawning creates distance not closeness 23:00 What to actually do about it 26:00 Low-stakes practice 30:00 When to seek support 31:00 Q&A: Is fawning the same as people pleasing? 32:00 Q&A: Is fawning always a trauma response? 33:00 Q&A: How do I know if I'm fawning or just being nice? 35:00 Q&A: Can fawning develop in adulthood? 36:30 Q&A: Does fawning go away once you recognise it? Keep the Conversation Going Got a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 Instagram: @marievakakis Website: marievakakis.com.au

    39 min
  3. Help, We Keep Fighting About Money

    19 APR

    Help, We Keep Fighting About Money

    Most couples have had the same money argument dozens of times without ever having the real conversation underneath it. Research shows that 58% of Australian couples report finances as a major source of conflict, and a study of over 5,500 couples found the pattern of the conversation predicted the outcome, not the financial situation. This episode covers: Why money fights are almost never about the moneyThe money stories we carry from childhood and how they shape every conversation about financesHow money becomes about power, identity and influence in a relationshipThe gendered lens we bring to money conversations and why it mattersQuestions to ask your partner to open the conversation rather than shut it downWhy curiosity before problem solving is the thing that actually changes things ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    27 min
  4. Sex and Disability: Pleasure Is for Everyone

    8 APR

    Sex and Disability: Pleasure Is for Everyone

    Sex and disability. Two words most people still find uncomfortable in the same sentence. I sat down with sexologist Casey Payne to talk about what we get wrong, why pleasure belongs to everyone regardless of how their body works, and what it actually looks like to reclaim intimacy after disability, illness, or a body that's changed. Things Discussed Why disability and sexuality are both taboo and what happens when you put them togetherRedefining sex beyond intercourse and why that matters for anyone whose body has changedThe orgasm gap and why around 90 per cent of women can't orgasm through penetration aloneHow carers and parents can support sexual autonomy without having every conversation themselvesPractical ways to start reclaiming pleasure after illness, injury, or chronic health conditionsHow to find a sexologist in Australia and what to expect Chapter Timestamps [00:00] Sex and disability: why this conversation matters[03:00] Redefining what sex actually is[06:30] Body image and who sex is for[09:00] The orgasm gap and sex toys as tools[13:00] Carers, parents and adult sexuality[18:30] How sex education lowers abuse risk[22:00] Reclaiming sexuality after disability[26:00] Starting with pleasure, not sex[28:00] What sex education should look like[29:30] How to find a sexologist in Australia Resources and Links The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, includes a workbookThe Orgasm Gap by Karen GurneySex Education on Netflix, seasons 1 and 2 recommendedSociety of Australian Sexologists: sexologist.org.auPleasure Pixel professional development course for support workers: pleasurepixel.com.auFree resource on getting comfortable talking about sex: marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sex Keep the Conversation Going Download the free resource at marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sexGot a question about sex, intimacy, or relationships? Submit it at forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 and it might feature in a future Ask Marie episode.If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need it. A rating on Apple Podcasts helps more people find the show. Guest Information Casey Payne is a sexologist specialising in sexual health, disability, and intimacy, with a professional development course for support workers and other resources for adults at pleasurepixel.com.au. About the Show https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/marievakakis/ https://www.youtube.com/@marievakakis facebook.com/marievakakisconsulting

    31 min
  5. The Psychology of the Ick — and What It Says About You

    30 MAR

    The Psychology of the Ick — and What It Says About You

    The ick in dating, it’s that moment where someone does something completely normal, and your whole body just shuts down. A 2025 study found that 64% of people have felt it, and about a quarter ended the relationship because of it. It is a real psychological phenomenon, and it might be telling you more about yourself than the person across the table. This episode covers: What the ick actually is and why it happensRed flags versus superficial triggersHow shame, projection and avoidant attachment show up as the ickWhether we are being too picky in the wrong ways and not picky enough in the right onesWhat to do when the ick shows up in your relationship Resources: If you want to move from reacting to reflecting, download my Conflict & Connection Guide to help you navigate those moments of disconnect. https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-things-women-do-ick_l_65fdc42fe4b087dad305664b

    20 min
  6. Is Your Wounded Child Ruining Your Relationship?

    18 FEB

    Is Your Wounded Child Ruining Your Relationship?

    Have you ever had a reaction to your partner that felt huge? Like a ten out of ten response to something small? You are crying over coffee. They are confused. You are both thinking, what just happened? It makes sense that this feels confusing. Most couples are not fighting about the present moment. They are reacting from something older. In this episode, I explore how your wounded child shows up in adult relationships, why conflict can feel bigger than the situation and how attachment patterns keep couples stuck in the same loop. This is not about blame. It is about understanding the pattern. In this episode I cover:• Why small arguments turn into big emotional reactions • How childhood needs for safety, soothing and validation shape adult conflict • What anxious and avoidant attachment can look like in a fight • Why you get louder and they shut down • What secure conflict actually feels like • Practical steps to pause, name your needs and respond rather than react You are not broken for reacting strongly. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that. Often, if it feels hysterical, it is historical. The goal is not to erase your wounds. The goal is to make sure they are not driving your adult intimacy. Resources: If you want more support, download the Conflict Guide and start noticing your patterns with compassion and clarity. https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/ ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    12 min
  7. Attachment Styles in Conflict: Breaking the Cycle

    9 FEB

    Attachment Styles in Conflict: Breaking the Cycle

    If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it. Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over. In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle. In this episode you will learn: • Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over • How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other • What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict • Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other • The difference between taking a break and stonewalling • How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments • Practical scripts to help repair after conflict • Why repair is more important than getting it right Resources mentioned: Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/ Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/ Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub If this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation. ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    12 min
  8. 5 Conversations Couples Should Have Before It’s Too Late

    2 FEB

    5 Conversations Couples Should Have Before It’s Too Late

    So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside. In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other. What we cover The conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnectionWhat to talk about before starting study or changing routinesWhy money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them togetherHow to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of youExpectations around parenting, roles and who does whatHow fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentment Mentioned in this episode Relationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter GuideTherapy sessions at The Therapy Hub ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026 https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Connect with Marie https://thetherapyhub.com.au/ https://marievakakis.com.au/ https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/ Submit a question to the Podcast https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

    18 min
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5
out of 5
48 Ratings

About

Got questions about parenting, teenagers, or relationships? Ever wonder why your teen won’t talk to you, or why your relationship feels like hard work lately? Hi, I’m Marie Vakakis—a therapist, mental health educator, and someone who’s been behind the scenes with countless families and couples navigating the ups and downs of real life. This Complex Life is your go-to for relatable insights, practical advice, and real talk about parenting, raising teenagers, and navigating relationships. I’ll share what I’ve learned from years of sitting in the therapist’s chair—helping parents understand their teens, supporting couples through tough times, and figuring out what actually works when life feels overwhelming. Whether it’s understanding your teen’s moods, handling family drama, or reconnecting in your relationship, I’m here to give you practical advice, relatable insights and a little humour to keep it real. Parenting and relationships aren’t easy, but they don’t have to feel impossible. Subscribe to This Complex Life for honest advice and actionable tips to make life’s messiness more manageable.

Information

  • Creator
    Marie Vakakis
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    107
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Marie Vakakis
  • Show Website
    This Complex Life

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