Trailing Rainbows Bethany Jean

I never knew life could be this beautiful and full. It seems impossible in every way that I could be this happy in a world with you gone, but I am. Improbably, dangerously happy.

"...I have spent the last year curved in around the shards of my heart, my hands clenched around every memory and moment I had with you, afraid of losing what little I possess. It’s time to straighten my shoulders, take a deep breath, and unclench my fists. Allow the fear to leave, so hope has a place to stay."

I wonder if the darkness of this past year will make the brightness in my future shine more than it would have otherwise. If having been through the valley makes the mountaintop that much better. Silver linings don’t make the clouds disappear, they just help make them more palatable, right?

I can't wait to see you again. Only a few more weeks and we'll be traveling together. I haven't traveled with anyone in so long, and I'm not sure how I'll acclimate.

I'll try not to be too selfish.

The aching emptiness where you should be has been decorated with flowers, words carved in the walls, each a memento of the time we had or should have had. It doesn't carry quite the sting it used to, and somehow I also don't feel guilty.

Someday I hope this kindness I'm treasuring up will be able to come back out of me and touch another life of another person who is struggling to make it through the day.