Vanity Project

Ross Floate and Helen Razer
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Join elderly lifestyle unfluencers Ross and Helen on the regular as an alternative to cutting and other popular acts of violent self-harm. Listen as these sexy seniors take you on a journey of self-discovery: chiefly, that you could be doing worse. Learn from the pair that late midlife doesn’t have to be a time for ambition and self-development because now, there’s Ozempic™.

  1. 20/07/2025

    Episode 26: Things of a Fleshly Nature That You Might Not Otherwise See; or, The Best Debut on Broadway Since Streisand

    The contradictions inherent in the movement of capitalist society impress themselves upon the practical bourgeois most strikingly in the changes of the periodic cycle, through which modern industry runs, and whose crowning point is the universal crisis. That crisis is once again approaching, although as yet but in its preliminary stage; and by the universality of its theatre and the intensity of its action it will drum dialectics even into the heads of the mushroom-podcast listeners of the new, holy Prusso-German empire. – Karl Marx, London, January 24, 1873.

    34 min

  2. 13/07/2025

    Episode 25: Thus Spaced Zarathustra; or, Artichoke on That!

    Kids today are doing it wrong, or not enough, or something When you say that we should bump uglies, could you be more specific? Home Affairs set to crack down on MyColes Marriages If you gaze for long into The Abyss, honorary blackbelt James Cameron gazes also into you Serotonin-Nonrefundable Reuptake Inhibitors Ross’s eyesight hasn’t been the same since he was found in that Spencer Street Station locker in 1986 The correct way to receive a compliment is to blush and sweat excessively while exiting at pace And I Nietzsche more than wantzsche The National Construction Workers’ Catcall Code (NCWCC) 2025 Bitsy announces latest venture: ‘Imagine silent films but they’re podcasts’ Recording pubes with Tchad Blake: ‘The Neumann KU 100 is my go-to for crotch work’ New frontiers in heterodox economics: the television theory of value I do wonder where those bodyworkers keep your intestines while they’re manipulating your psoas muscle It was nine worse than 1984 They fart in his general direction Nope, the advice offered here absolutely cannot be ‘Just Do It’

  3. 06/07/2025

    Episode 24: Neither Twelve nor Seventy-Five; or, Quote Investigator, Listener Novemberr, Ayn

    This week, join Beautiful Fairy Princess and Captain Handsome as they effortlessly relate to the non-Facebook demographic by establishing a terrible nickname for the show that a mirtazapine prescription pairs best with an ice cream subscription that anhedonia isn’t that Welsh band from the ’90s a perverse rubric with which to deem chia seeds better than cocaine that men don’t read novels because at least one of those two things is no damn good that women are leading unions because at least one of those two things is no damn good that reading is (still) for suckers that being contactable is the worst that Napoleon would have been 5’10” on Tinder that you should probably consider drawing a beauty mark just above the corner of your mouth while you’re at it

    27 min

  4. 29/06/2025

    Episode 23: A Preventive Humanitarian Intervention Into the Responsibility to Euphemise (R2E) Doctrine; or, There’s a Reason Why They Poison Philosophers

    An episode description in which I once again take some of my discarded episode titles and list them as bullet points in lieu of writing a proper thingy: Dream snorkel, come rescue me Nopin’ talkin’ ’bout rootin’ Experimentieren mit Fleischstäben Don’t do you! Just acknowledging feelings all day The quirkiest of bugbears Massive Ordnance Penetrator-Intermodulator Please welcome to the stage Buster Bunking! 28 years of phallophotic retinopathy Ralph Plaines The Epstein [no relation] files Team The Netherlands: World Police

    32 min

  5. 22/06/2025

    Episode 22: Single’s Toddler Cancer Nightmare; or, A Trent in the Henhouse

    Self-explanatory, as always: I’m bad with names but I could identify that service set anywhere Hitch: the elite private schooldog born with a silver bone in his mouth The nose Mohs Calling the Cancer Council helpful would be the real charity Do you even stairlift, bro? Helen loses a dress size by not exercising and Ross loses 103cm of height on the Peterson Diet Swedish nutballs The X axis represents time, the Y axis represents pleasure, and the Z axis represents evil What we’ve got here is an epic fail to communicate Ross Zombie Heavy is the sex that wears the studded leather glove Which came first: the chicken or the industrial rock artist?

  6. 15/06/2025

    Episode 21: The Good, The Bad, and the Foley; or, A Rough Diamond Jubilee

    In honour of Dr Gary Foley’s recent 75th birthday, Beautiful Fairy Princess continues with her dastardly plan to publish his complete biography in podcast form before Tony Birch has the chance to write any of it down. Besides, reading is for suckers, which is why I’m just going to trail off …… Ugh, fine. Stories included feature the likes of John Webster, Marcia Langton, Germaine Greer, Bob Bellear, Paul Coe, Gary Williams, Pat O’Shane, Chicka Dixon, Bob Maza, Ken and Sacha Horler, Ray Peckham, Joe Strummer, and more! Plus, Bird Ferguson briefly steals the show.

    1h 12m

  7. 02/06/2025

    Episode 20: Conspicuous Theft Auto; or, Personal Space Invaders

    See, kids? I know video games. Oh, and it’s a true crime podcast now, so that's all the listener demographics covered. Also: Ross Thee Stallion Achtung! Unverhohlener Volkswagen-Diebe! But first, Clive James A potato disc by any other name Hustle & Flowchart Rösse Car Abuse Me Elmo Spam Harris Who’s bad? I thought Dr Peter McGraw was married to Oprah or something Neuroblobology (it’s how the Predator sees your feelings) It was all Glenfiddich and elbow patches in my day Adorno: The 50-year-old Virgo Temple of the Cow The way to a rat’s heart is through its tickle-hole Kill the spiders in John Butler’s hair with the knife he forged In terms of running it to ground His lovely crimey lumps Neuroblobology II (it’s how the Predator sees your racism) Sociobiology: hard-wired for untestable hypotheses

    45 min

  8. 25/05/2025

    Episode 19: Not Another Gore PowerPoint; or, The Revolution Will Not Be Caffeinated

    Lured by the undeniable architectural triumph that is the newly unveiled Feminist Wing at Floate Library—it didn’t take very long, either—our prodigal heroes return to say things directly at each other’s faces. Some of those things: Inclu-Size Me Learning to fly (choice of socks is the hardest thing) Talk of circadian rhythm Buckminster: Full of it? The Great Biographer Theory of History Stone Temple Co-passengers Poor person’s business class Irredeemable: One framed portrait of the monarch’s consort, please Consciously uncoupling from news It’s the pantyhose women that give her, give her, give her the pantyhose blues MobLandia On not growing up to be Helen Mirren and/or Christina Hendricks Is it possible that Guy Ritchie isn’t actually shit? You gotta partition your magisteria The Naivety Spectrum Brown Eye for the Brown Owl

    51 min
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5
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

Join elderly lifestyle unfluencers Ross and Helen on the regular as an alternative to cutting and other popular acts of violent self-harm. Listen as these sexy seniors take you on a journey of self-discovery: chiefly, that you could be doing worse. Learn from the pair that late midlife doesn’t have to be a time for ambition and self-development because now, there’s Ozempic™.

Information

  • Creator
    Ross Floate and Helen Razer
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    26
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Ross Floate and Helen Razer
  • Show Website
    Vanity Project