Welcome To Patchwork

Christian, Dion and Josh
  • 4.8 (366)
  • IMPROV
  • UPDATED FORTNIGHTLY

**Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards 2018 & 2019** Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then you’re in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we're more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie.

  1. 16/09/2025

    Patch #150 Livestream - Is This How You Celebrate 150 Episodes?

    After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they’ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by watching rather than listening. Here's a link to the YouTube livestream recording. How have three friends managed to keep a podcast going for nearly a decade without ever truly learning how to knit, sew, or grow as people? Can a single WhatsApp message — “So we record tomorrow night?” — spark eight years of overthinking? And is it possible to look back fondly on a show that has spent more time debating calendars, microwaves and recycling etiquette than producing anything of real value? Across Patch 150, Christian, Dion and Josh: Look back on their early days — dodging vacuum cleaners in borrowed boardrooms, dreaming up terrible theme songs, and accidentally almost making a current affairs show. Revisit iconic segments like Oh Wow, complete with a very special surprise cameo. Discover that some opinions can change (you probably shouldn’t throw a full jar of kimchi straight into the bin) while others remain uncomfortably fixed (like how to microwave leftovers without scorching your fingertips). Play a chaotic round of Patchwork Trivia Reflect on eight years of shared milestones: house moves, breakups, pandemics, and the strange intimacy of a community built entirely on dissecting the minutiae of life. Listen to Patch 150 and find out whether we crossed the line from nostalgia into self-indulgence. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1h 12m

  2. 05/08/2025

    Patch #149 – Do You Know How Loudly You Chew?

    We begin with Josh’s so-called “worst idea ever”: a heated debate about monitor timeout settings that morphs into a discussion about energy saving, screen burn, and whether you can feel your password in your fingers. Then Dion unveils a mysterious crack on his phone’s screen protector—but can’t recall how it happened. Josh is appalled. Christian is strangely sympathetic. Later, we find ourselves in a crowded venue with Josh, hyper-aware he’s blocking a walkway but too polite to say anything. Do you instinctively manage group positioning in public spaces, or would you rather blend in and suffer silently? Finally, Dion tries to eat a chip. But how loud is too loud? We ask: can you tell how noisy your own chewing is? Do you pace your bites? Would you buy concert-proof lolly wrappers? Plus: silent ten-pin bowling, mismatched perceptions of sporting ability, and a surprise theory about crowd flow and height. Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    35 min

  3. 22/07/2025

    Patch #148 - Do You Panic When A Ball Rolls Your Way?

    With Dion back on the mic, we begin by questioning his curious choice to take place his call in another room but on speaker. This quickly turns into a debate about phone etiquette, hands-free habits, and whether Dion’s long-standing fear of mobile radiation is paranoia or just good prep. We also examine the strange acoustics of speaker mics, the performance of whispering taxi drivers, and the phone-in-bra technique favoured by certain mums. Next, we tackle the strange panic that sets in when a rogue soccer ball rolls your way at the park. Josh recounts a high-pressure moment in Princes Park where he had to choose between a casual pass or a full-blown toe-bash. Do you prioritise style or accuracy? Should you stick to the sport’s rules when returning the ball? And is there a small part of all of us that hopes we’ll be immediately recruited? Finally, we chew over one of life’s most quietly stressful conundrums: where do you throw away chewing gum when there’s no bin around? Flick it, wrap it, or pocket it for later disposal? Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    38 min

  4. 08/07/2025

    Patch #147 - Patch Full O' Scraps

    From coughing fits to crusty sourdoughs, this episode is made entirely of scraps - old notes, fleeting thoughts, and the kinds of ponderings that once felt too small, too odd, or too unworthy to make the cut. But today, they shine. In this rapid-fire, patchwork-style patch, we discuss: The weird intimacy of bringing a list of topics to dinner Why Christian thinks fridges have made us forget the meaning of "fresh" Is putting found items higher really helping the original owner? Emojis vs. "haha" - which carries more social weight? Nonno throws out a brand new phone, but keeps 1997 soft drinks The stress of coughing while trying to finish a story Walking past a housemate: acknowledge? ignore? perform? The violent pain of sourdough and how to eat it safely “Myriad” reasons to hate people who know they're using “myriad” correctly So grab your blunt knife, lift that lost glove to eye level, and join us as we stitch together a new patch - out of scraps. Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    40 min

  5. 24/06/2025

    Patch #146 - Do You Bring Your Bins In On Time?

    Christian finally gets his ear pierced — but what does it mean to permanently alter your body? Is it self-expression, a longing for transformation, or simply an overdue homage to a bodybuilding uncle from childhood? Meanwhile, Josh is quietly seething at his neighbours who refuse to bring their bins in — but is it really about the bins, or about the unspoken social contract we all silently agree to uphold? When is it okay to make a fuss? Why do some people seem completely unaware of the space they take up in the world? And is there such a thing as a “gateway piercing”? We also ask: do we secretly believe there’s virtue in pain? Are people with spatial awareness just more evolved? And at what age does it become acceptable to accept candy from a stranger? Whether you’re lying down clutching your partner’s hand before a piercing, or gently nudging your neighbour toward a more aesthetically cohesive streetscape — join us as we sew a new patch into our quilt of friendship. Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    33 min

  6. 10/06/2025

    Patch #145 - Do You Trust Friends To Look After Your Pets?

    With Dion away, Christian and Josh settle in for a two-hander that begins with Christian’s recent holiday — and the logistical challenge of who would feed the cats. Christian reveals he enlisted six different friends (including Josh) and provided an extensive PDF detailing every aspect of Moe and Gus’s care. We unpack the line between thoughtful preparation and over-engineering. Is it helpful or excessive to include things like backstories, indexes, and optional enrichment activities? Should you instruct friends to “play with the cats”? And why do pets seem to get more detailed care notes than actual children? We also explore how people interpret instructions differently and what makes a favour feel like a burden versus a shared act of community. Is it overkill to create a video walkthrough of how to reach your lockbox? Or is it actually a kindness? Later, we shift into kitchen territory to tackle one surprisingly divisive question: should you stir your drinks with a fork or a spoon? Christian swears by the fork for Metamucil, Josh agrees (in this one case), and the debate expands. Does the utensil depend on the drink? Should we be rinsing and reusing, or are we just transferring wet teaspoons into dry coffee jars? Along the way, we challenge the usefulness of whisks, praise the versatility of silicon spatulas, and call for an overhaul of salad tongs — especially when time spent tonging for capsicum might be socially judged. Also in this patch: talcum powder confusion, Pyrex nostalgia, and a cat who may now have a job. Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    35 min

  7. 27/05/2025

    Patch #144 - Are You Confident Licking An Ice-cream?

    We begin this patch with Josh recounting a recent trip to the Great Australian Beer Spectacular and Dion arriving at the wrong venue, shitting himself. Which kicks off a discussion about lateness, accountability, and how best to communicate when you're running behind. Should you send an ETA, or photographic proof of your position? Is sharing a live location too passive? And do you owe other people in the queue an explanation when a friend joins you at the front? Christian posits whether his favourite ice cream flavour should be buried at the bottom of a cone, and whether we should be given more agency when ordering ice-cream - from scoop order to portion size. Christian also shares his short-lived stint as an ice cream attendant. We also consider when it’s acceptable for Josh to trust a student dentist with the care of his teeth, and where we draw the line between acceptable cost-cutting and unnecessary risk.  And what actually defines a “professional”? Is it skill, training, pay, or just human with a pair of scissors? Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    45 min

  8. 13/05/2025

    Patch #143 - Should You Answer An Unknown Number?

    How do you answer a phone call from someone you know? Christian insists on full name protocol, Josh still lives in landline times, and Dion’s trying to avoid getting deepfaked by AI. We discuss phone etiquette, voicemail anxiety, and the emotional scars of group chats that never end. Then it’s off to Plenty Gorge, where Christian wears sensible activewear and Josh casually turns up in jeans. We question what counts as a hike, how many hills justify a sweat, and whether bringing water on a “walk” is ever truly necessary. From there, it’s bags, where Josh’s military-grade backpack becomes the fourth guest on the show! Follow us on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook to see clips from the show: linktr.ee/welcometopatchwork For a couple of dollars a month you can sign up to our Patreon page and get a bonus Patch every off week! Check out: www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    42 min
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4.8
out of 5
366 Ratings

About

**Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards 2018 & 2019** Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then you’re in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we're more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie.

Information

  • Creator
    Christian, Dion and Josh
  • Years Active
    2017 - 2025
  • Episodes
    171
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Welcome To Patchwork
  • Show Website
    Welcome To Patchwork

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