On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg
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Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships. 

  1. #228: When You Want More Words of Affirmation — But Don’t Want to Ask (Ask Steph)

    19 HR AGO

    #228: When You Want More Words of Affirmation — But Don’t Want to Ask (Ask Steph)

    In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about wanting more words of affirmation from a partner — but not wanting to feel like you're constantly asking for it. This is a really common tension, especially for people with anxious attachment. On one hand, words of affirmation genuinely matter. On the other, asking for them can feel exposing, needy, or like you’re trying to force something that should come naturally. In this episode, I unpack why this dynamic is rarely about someone “withholding” affection, and how the way we ask (or don’t ask) can either make it feel safer or riskier for our partner to express verbally. Rather than offering scripts or communication hacks, this conversation focuses on the deeper relational pieces that often get missed — including how we receive affirmation, how defensiveness shuts down vulnerability, and what it means to take responsibility for your needs without self-abandoning.

    8 min
  2. #227: The Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage After a Break-Up

    3 DAYS AGO

    #227: The Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage After a Break-Up

    Break-ups are painful — but often, the way we try to cope with that pain can quietly keep us stuck in it for much longer than necessary. In this episode of On Attachment, I walk through five of the most common ways people unknowingly self-sabotage after a break-up, particularly those with anxious attachment patterns. These behaviours aren’t a sign that you’re doing healing “wrong.” They’re understandable coping strategies that make sense in the context of loss, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm — but they don’t always serve us in the long run. Rather than shaming or pushing yourself to “move on faster,” this episode invites you to bring awareness to where your energy is going after a break-up, and how to gently redirect it in ways that actually support healing. In this episode, we explore: Why obsessively replaying the relationship can keep you emotionally tetheredThe belief that you need closure from your ex in order to move onHow romanticising the relationship in hindsight distorts realityWhy comparing your healing to your ex’s is a losing gameThe cost of continuing to be each other’s emotional support personAt the heart of all of this is a simple but challenging truth: healing after a break-up requires turning towards your own pain, rather than trying to solve, analyse, or bypass it. This episode is for you if you’re going through a break-up and feel stuck in rumination, comparison, or hope that’s keeping you anchored to the past — and you want a more grounded, self-compassionate way forward. Resources Click here to register for my free breakup training

    20 min
  3. #226: “If They Wanted To, They Would” (Ask Steph)

    22 JAN

    #226: “If They Wanted To, They Would” (Ask Steph)

    In this Ask Steph episode, I share my perspective on the phrase “if they wanted to, they would” — and why it’s sometimes helpful, but often oversimplified. I talk about the difference between basic effort and genuine capacity, and why assuming someone’s behaviour always reflects a lack of care or love can miss what’s really going on. We explore how attachment patterns, protective strategies, and stress responses shape how people show up in relationships — often in ways that can’t be changed through willpower alone. This episode is about shifting the focus from judging someone’s intentions to getting clear on your own boundaries, non-negotiables, and whether a relationship works for you as it is — or not.

    6 min
  4. #225: How to Know Whether to Keep Trying or Walk Away from a Relationship

    20 JAN

    #225: How to Know Whether to Keep Trying or Walk Away from a Relationship

    Few decisions feel as emotionally loaded as deciding whether to keep trying in a relationship or to walk away. There is no universal right answer — and for many people, especially those with anxious attachment, this question can feel endlessly destabilising. In this episode, I share 10 reflective questions designed to support clearer, more grounded decision-making. These questions aren’t a checklist or a formula to tell you what to do. They’re an invitation to slow down, step out of fear-based urgency, and reconnect with your own values, needs, and capacity. If you’ve been stuck going back and forth, waiting for certainty, or hoping something will finally make the choice clear for you, this episode offers a compassionate framework to help you find your own way forward.

    20 min
  5. #224: I Drunk Texted My Ex and Feel So Much Shame — Help! (Ask Steph)

    15 JAN

    #224: I Drunk Texted My Ex and Feel So Much Shame — Help! (Ask Steph)

    In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question that many people can relate to: drunk texting an ex, waking up full of shame, and not knowing what to do next. I talk about why this happens, especially in the aftermath of a breakup when loneliness, lowered inhibitions, and longing collide — and why beating yourself up afterwards only makes things worse. I explore how to respond in a grounded way, including whether you need to follow up with your ex at all, how to keep it simple if you do, and why the real work isn’t undoing the message but making sure you don’t end up in the same position again. This episode focuses on creating practical guardrails — around drinking, contact, and temptation — so you’re not relying on willpower alone when you’re in a tender place. I also talk about how learning from moments like this, rather than spiralling in shame, is a powerful way to rebuild self-trust, self-respect, and self-worth after a breakup. If you’re feeling embarrassed or disappointed in yourself right now, you’re not alone — and you’re not beyond repair. I hope this episode helps you meet yourself with compassion while still supporting yourself to make better choices next time.

    5 min
  6. #223: What It Really Takes to Make an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship Work

    13 JAN

    #223: What It Really Takes to Make an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship Work

    Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail. In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients. I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and how safety, responsibility, and discernment determine which way it goes. In this episode, I cover: Why anxious–avoidant relationships can feel both magnetic and destabilisingThe difference between understanding attachment styles and doing the relational workWhy commitment is essential — and how “one foot out the door” undermines safetyThe role of humility in breaking defensive patterns and power strugglesWhy self-awareness isn’t enough without nervous system and relational capacityHow to discern whether a relationship can actually support mutual growth and securityThis episode is not about forcing a relationship to work at all costs. It’s about honestly assessing whether the conditions required for safety, repair, and growth are present — and whether both partners have the willingness and capacity to do the work. Explore my free resources here

    15 min
  7. #222: Can a Fearful Avoidant Change After Cheating? (Ask Steph)

    8 JAN

    #222: Can a Fearful Avoidant Change After Cheating? (Ask Steph)

    In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change. Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal? In this episode, I explore: How someone takes responsibility for cheating, and whether their remorse goes beyond guilt or shame.Why understanding why the cheating happened matters more than promises alone.How fearful-avoidant patterns and unresolved shame can drive self-sabotage.What it takes to rebuild trust, including the capacity to stay present with your pain rather than rushing to move on.When repair after infidelity can lead to growth — and when the conditions for real repair may not be there.If you’re navigating betrayal, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope this episode helps you clarify what to look for and whether meaningful repair is possible.

    9 min
  8. #221: How to Let Go of Someone You Love (For Anxious Attachers)

    6 JAN

    #221: How to Let Go of Someone You Love (For Anxious Attachers)

    Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nervous system equates connection with safety, walking away can feel more intolerable than staying in pain. In this episode, I explore why letting go is so difficult, and what actually helps when love, attachment, and fear are all tangled together. I talk about: Why anxious attachment makes holding on feel safer than letting goHow we often confuse feelings with instructions for actionWhy waiting to “feel ready” or to stop loving someone keeps us stuckThe crucial distinction between love and compatibilityWhy letting go isn’t a feeling — it’s a choice you make again and againHow grief, discomfort, and longing are part of the process, not signs you’ve made a mistakeThis episode is both a pep talk and a reality check — an invitation to trust yourself enough to choose what’s right for you, even when it hurts, and even when you still love them. If you’re navigating a breakup or struggling to let go, be sure to check out my free breakup training: https://www.stephanierigg.com/break-up-webinar

    14 min
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About

Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships. 

Information

  • Creator
    Stephanie Rigg
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    228
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Stephanie Rigg
  • Show Website
    On Attachment

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