It was so bizarre. When I searched iTunes for the Sheologians podcast, the ground began trembling. Books flew off the bookshelves and elderly ladies stumbled in the hallways. "No big deal, " I thought, trying to catch my balance as the building shook. "This kind of thing happens — right?"
The iTunes query loaded one resul. It was Sheologians. A hawk screamed in the distance. "A HAWK?!", I asked, talking to myself. Even the old ladies on the floor couldn't believe it. There haven't been hawks here in forever! I was starting to feel uneasy. But I assumed American politics was to blame for that.
Then came the moment of truth: I clicked on the Sheologians icon to load the episodes. It technically wasn't a click, as I used my finger which made more of a fat, sticky sound. And BOOM. It was like a celestial mic drop: lightning, tidal waves and bears OH MY! The giant waves lapped at my office window (I work on the 3rd floor of this building guys!). It was ridiculous. I think I saw a shark. You can't make this stuff up.
Everyone in the building was terrified. "What's going on?!, they screamed. "I've never seen a storm like this!", they yelled. "What's the password to the wifi?", asked uncle Jerry.
Really Jerry?
Well anyways — to make a long story short. The cops seized my iPad and said I may be charged with harboring a tablet of mass destruction. Whatever. Seems the storm really messed with my city, leaving fallen trees & grandmas in the wake.
"It's just a podcast!" I whined, trying to reason with officer Terry.
"False, son. It's the Sheologians podcast," he retorted, placing a finger on my lips as if to say "Shush". It felt weird, so I shushed.
So, to the producer of this podcast: you owe me an iPad. To the city zoo: I'm sorry the hawk got out. I'm also sorry the shark was hungry. To uncle Jerry: Get a grip dude, you need to disconnect.
And to everyone else: buckle in before hitting "play".
Although — technically — it's not hitting, since you're using your finger tip. Pressing maybe, touching kinda, but hitting?
Yeah, whatever.
