Broadcaster and author Dee Salmin on how her parents' epic love story and dramatic relationship shaped her understanding of love and men; and how she eventually found healthy romance in life. When Dee was growing up in Perth, her father, a great Russian ballet dancer, was ‘the man of the house’. Life at home, and every choice that Dee, her siblings, and her mum made revolved around his whims and his moods. Dee worshipped her parents and all the opportunities they fought for her to have, so she grew up thinking that is what healthy love looked like. She sought out a similar dynamic in her own relationships as she got older. Dee had just moved to Melbourne for her dream job, working on Triple J’s sex and relationships program The Hook Up, when she found herself living alone in lockdown. During that time, Dee got to know herself outside romantic relationships and began the process of dismantling what she thought she knew about love and hook-up culture. For three years, she went ‘boy sober’ and spent time getting to know herself, instead of another Lothario who played guitar. She fell in love with her friends, and the life she’d made for herself. And then, her father, who had done his own self-reflection, suggested the whole family sit down together so he could apologise and heal. It's Not Love, Actually is published by Pan Macmillan. This episode of Conversations was produced by Meggie Morris. Executive Producer is Nicola Harrison. It explores sex, love, relationships, dating apps, hook-up culture, intergenerational trauma, parenting, healing relationship with parents, self love, self worth, self esteem, modern dating, boy sober, abstinence, books, writing, ballet, Russia, Soviet Union, Berlin, Germany, shot gun wedding, falling in love fast, red flags, green flags, dating slowly, car crash, friendship, romance, hopeless romantic, self-help books, Darcy Moore, Collingwood, AFL, dads and daughters. To binge even more great episodes of the Conversations podcast with Richard Fidler and Sarah Kanowski go the ABC listen app (Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. There you’ll find hundreds of the best thought-provoking interviews with authors, writers, artists, politicians, psychologists, musicians, and celebrities.