I loved hearing about a side of RSD that I never heard before, and that was a woman’s point of view when she reacted when she wasn’t wasn’t listened to, or opinion wasn’t trusted, or wasn’t felt appreciated enough.
My wasted life of RSD has always been to live in people-pleasing mod, to be kind, and to not say anything hurtful to anyone because I wouldn’t want anyone to feel this way.
My wife, however, can fly off the handle; and, I thought maybe she had borderline personality disorder or something twisted because the words that come out of her mouth can be deadly venom. But, now I see that RSD does not have to include people-pleasing. RSD could be when my wife feels unheard, or unappreciated, or not communicated to in what she perceives is the right way. When I try to people, please, my wife perceives it as weakness and self-serving to me as I’m trying to change her behavior to make me feel better, and she has said she will never change her behavior because of what I say.
How strange it is that RSD could come in two flavors! I honestly believe I could live with another RSD person if they never blew up, spoke softly and kindly, and told me how much they were hurt, or maybe even withdrew and cried.
But when my wife comes at me, all I see is a red attack.
It’s sad that even though now I now understand that she has RSD in a completely different form than I have, after 31 years of marriage, I can’t possibly see us living together another month.
I can’t stand being demeaned anymore, utterly dismissed anymore, and what feels to me like I am despised anymore; and she can’t stand being immersed in the feelings of unappreciation and feeling unheard.
Understanding this RSD isn’t enough, because I can’t cope with the venom anymore. But, at least I know that the venom is RSD and not some horrible mental disease; not that RSD isn’t horrible in itself.
Keep up the good work!!
