Canadian Border Patrol

Jordan Rhea; Ryan Oldford

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SOCIETY & CULTURE

Totally fake border agency, absolutely real Canadian culture

2019-09-02

Canadian Summer Part 1

Jordan and Ryan investigate Canadian summer, and talk about the weather (of course), ball hockey, cottage country, and why nature beats neo-Nazis. The Insider has a timeline of this summer’s manhunt(http://tinyurl.com/y4d7t7o5). Here’s more on Dildo’s new fame, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel(http://tinyurl.com/y6ma9424). If you go to Newfoundland, I recommend going to the Dildo Brewing Company(http://dildobrewingco.com/) and Dildo Cove Coffee and Krafts(http://tinyurl.com/y2m7ope7). Lovely folks! Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

49 min
2019-07-15

Canadian Sports Part 1

Jordan and Ryan investigate Canadian sports, and find Olympic gold, grueling feats done for the good of humanity, and a loudmouth with louder suits. (Also, We still The North!) The CBC’s “Biggest Moments in Canadian Sports History” list (https://tinyurl.com/y6dedyqw) was a great source of info for this episode. You can see every Hockey Night In Canada opening in this video (https://youtu.be/Y6WE3z_—HU, or https://youtu.be/Y6WE3z_—HU?t=348 if you just want the one we played on the show). For more on The Hockey Theme, check out its Wikipedia article (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hockey_Theme). For more on the Donovan Bailey Fastest Man controversy, check out the related section of Bailey’s Wikipedia article (https://tinyurl.com/yyoz2u59) and the Bailey-Johnson 150m race article (https://tinyurl.com/y5n6cmky). This CBC article (https://tinyurl.com/y4g75s2r) revisits the Gushue rink’s win. Apparently, Mark Nichols didn’t have a 100% accuracy, but he did have a 97% accuracy, so let’s call it a rounding error. This video (https://youtu.be/lMf2fAXPS1Q) shows Henderson’s Summit Series winning goal and the (very 70s) reaction. Don’t forget to check out the Coach’s Corner Transcribed videos we used, “No Time Left” (https://youtu.be/4FFq6bblau0) and “Tyler Toffoli” (https://youtu.be/9bZkONoi15E). If you liked them, here’s the channel page (https://tinyurl.com/y2f48ezs). Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

49 min
2019-07-03

Canadian Superheroes

Jordan and Ryan investigate Canadian superheroes, and find wartime heroism, propose Marvel’s next Netflix series, and find out what happens when you have a pile of money, a penchant for New Age thinking and absolutely no editorial oversight. Canada, Explain Yourself: Canada Gooses (https://youtu.be/MWQAJxQfayo) Most of the list was taken from “7 Most Canadian Superheroes Ever” by Mental Floss (https://tinyurl.com/yyyrr8j6). The “Guardians of the North” article from Library and Archives Canada (https://tinyurl.com/d4ha3b) provided a lot of details on various Canadian heroes, especially on the history of superheroes in Canadian comics. Here’s Ryan’s City of Heroes character, True North (TM do not steal) (https://tinyurl.com/y2umhfv4) The “Joe Shuster” article on Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Shuster) has details on his time in Canada, but this CBC article (https://tinyurl.com/y3sndql7) and this Superman Homepage article (https://tinyurl.com/y2zkla2g) have more detail on the Canadian influences on the comic. Here’s a picture of Captain Canuck from his first comic (https://tinyurl.com/y6zwhfr6) and here he is in the new Chapterhouse Comics series (https://tinyurl.com/yxhe3epg). This story talks about how groundbreaking Alpha Flight was for its time.(https://tinyurl.com/y85tjsfj) And as for Geoff Stirling’s Captain Canada, you can read more about the Atlantis graphic novel from this Comic Book Daily article(https://tinyurl.com/y3uk6f3c), and… just read this. Trust me.(https://tinyurl.com/y6c39mod) Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

1h 20m
2019-05-20

Canadian 90s Playlist (Part 3)

Jordan and Ryan are still investigating Spotify’s Canadian 90s playlist. You oughta know about it! Moment of Canadianness: Waiting for the pileup to clear (https://tinyurl.com/y2gzrcak) The SNC-Lavalin affair explained (https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/trudeau-wilson-raybould-attorney-general-snc-lavalin-1.5014271) Check out Spotify’s Canadian ’90s playlist(https://tinyurl.com/y2lhtjnq) Band facts sourced from the Wikipedia articles for each group. (You know how to get them.) Snow - Informer Lyrics (https://genius.com/Snow-informer-lyrics) Lilith Fair (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith_Fair) Alanis Morisette and Dave Coulier (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/you-oughta-know/) Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

54 min
2019-05-06

Canadian Snack Food

Jordan and Ryan investigate Canadian snack food, and almost give themselves diabetes. (We’re eating food all episode, so consider yourselves warned!) Canada Roundup: Indigenous anti-pipeline protesters call police presence ‘act of war’ (I think this is what I was talking about?; https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jan/07/canada-indigenous-anti-pipeline-protesters) Calgary Stampede (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calgary_Stampede) Athabasca oil sands (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Athabasca_oil_sands) George HW Bush in Labrador (fishing, not hunting; https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/bush-death-labrador-1.4929048) Canadian Snack Foods! Kraft Dinner (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kraft_Dinner) All-dressed (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All-dressed) Hostess Potato Chips (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostess_Potato_Chips) Humpty Dumpty Snack Foods (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty_Snack_Foods) The Crunchy History of Ketchup Chips (https://www.foodnetwork.ca/shows/great-canadian-cookbook/blog/the-crunchy-history-of-ketchup-chips/) Hawkins Cheezies (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheezies) Crush Cream Soda (http://www.crushcanada.ca/en/products/crush-cream-soda) Jos Louis (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos_Louis) Purity Factories (makers of Jam Jams; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purity_Factories) Big Turk (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Turk) Coffee Crisp (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_Crisp) Mr Big (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Mr._Big) Crispy Crunch (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crispy_Crunch) Caramilk (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadbury_Caramilk) Crunchie (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crunchie) Smarties (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smarties) Crush Pineapple Soda (https://www.thetelegram.com/business/a-pineapple-crush-newfoundland-and-labradors-flavour-fascination-133471/) Poutine (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine) Serious Eats: How to Make the Ultimate Poutine (https://www.seriouseats.com/2015/03/how-to-make-the-best-ultimate-poutine-french-fries-cheese-gravy.html) Montreal-style smoked meat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montreal-style_smoked_meat) Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

1h 5m
2019-04-22

Canadian 90s Playlist (Part 2)

Jordan and Ryan continue investigating Spotify’s Canadian 90s playlist, finding a true Canadian treasure, a real Subway fan, and a whole lot of feelings. Moment of Canadianness: Canada in Civilization VI expansion (https://youtu.be/eg0PYsWK1dc) Check out Spotify’s Canadian ’90s playlist(https://tinyurl.com/y2lhtjnq) Band facts sourced from the Wikipedia articles for each group. (You know how to get them.) Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

56 min
2019-04-08

Canadian 90s Playlist (Part 1)

Jordan and Ryan investigate Spotify’s Canadian 90s playlist, and go deep in the grunge mines. Moment of Canadianness: Refugee children enjoying snow for 1st time(https://tinyurl.com/ya3ogc5l) Check out Spotify’s Canadian ’90s playlist(https://tinyurl.com/y2lhtjnq) Band facts: Details about Great Big Sea’s cover of “End of the World” taken from the Wikipedia article about the original song. (https://tinyurl.com/yyvb3qre) Other band facts sourced from the Wikipedia articles for each group. (You know how to get them.) Check out Punch Up The Jam at https://punchupthejam.com/ ! Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

57 min
2019-03-25

Heritage Minutes (Part 2)

Jordan and Ryan continue investigating the Heritage Minute PSAs, and Jordan discovers the true nature of Canadian history. I built my Heritage Minute Playlist(https://tinyurl.com/y4qm7nov) using these articles by Justin McElroy (not the one from https://www.themcelroy.family/) The 10 Best Canadian Heritage Minutes of All Time(https://tinyurl.com/y5vmtzyv) Ranking Every Canadian Heritage Minute: #25-11(https://tinyurl.com/y5wjvjvw) Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

53 min
2019-03-11

Heritage Minutes (Part 1)

Jordan and Ryan are investigating Canada’s televised nuggets of history, the Heritage Minute PSAs. Moment of Canadianness: Safest Street in The World(https://tinyurl.com/y429kj7c) I built my Heritage Minute Playlist(https://tinyurl.com/y4qm7nov) using these articles by Justin McElroy (not the one from https://www.themcelroy.family/) The 10 Best Canadian Heritage Minutes of All Time(https://tinyurl.com/y5vmtzyv) Ranking Every Canadian Heritage Minute: #25-11(https://tinyurl.com/y5wjvjvw) Thanks to The Motorleague(https://www.themotorleague.ca/) for our theme song “North America”!

55 min

9 Episodes

Totally fake border agency, absolutely real Canadian culture

Creator

Jordan Rhea; Ryan Oldford
Years Active

2K
Episodes

9
Rating

Explicit
Copyright

© 2019 Canadian Border Patrol
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Canadian Border Patrol