Couples Therapy

A sweet couple who keep $h!t real about themselves and when answering the letters seeking advice! Intelligent humour with some good ole silliness! My bad date submission that I can’t pick which one… I’m sober and don’t have anyone else not drink or 420 because of me. I just make that clear when I first start chatting. Guy 1: I met at a concert for a not so famous but really good blues musician, in an old theater with row seating. I got there on time to where he meets me out front, walking up with an unsteady kind of stroll. To the point I wanted to ask if he’d hurt his ankle or something.. but quickly forgot all about it when I got a very strong smell of beer. As he was slurring his words he explained how he unexpectedly got off work early so went to a local dive bar for a pint. The next thing he knew it was time to come to the show so he came to the venue 30 min early and continued having “A pint”. The slurring progressed that made him hard to understand but laid the grown work. I said to him “I’m sorry if I seem distracted. It’s just that I have a close family member in the ICU at the hospital so I’m keeping my phone close by just in case”. We went to enter the venue with the tickets he’d said he’d but my ticket in advance. With the loose alcohol lips he told me he’d won the tickets on the radio and had no idea who or what the act was.. even after I’d told him in our chats that I really liked this performer. During the opening act he’d loudly hoot and howler at inappropriate times, annoying everyone around us. I just sat trying to hide my face with my hand. During the break before the main act he’d left to get another round, without asking if I wanted a bottle of water. A woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder after he was gone and asked if I was ok? He came back and as the main act started.. so did he start.. burping. He couldn’t go more than 30 seconds without this paint peeling eye watering noxious gas escaping his body, that hung in the air like the dirt cloud around Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. During the main act by the second song the yelling had stopped, just burohing. Bit was during the 4th song is when his chin started to drop to his chest with the gradually slowing head popping up response to falling asleep. He was out cold at the end of the 6th song so I took my cue to slide out my seat, exiting the other end of the row. The woman behind me caught my eye, smiled, nodded her head giving me a thumbs up while mouthing the words “GO!!” I hoofed it to my car yo grab the door handle I hear my name yelled down the street “CRYSTALLLLLLLL YOU GO WHERE?” I yelled back while holding up my phone “NOT HERE I GOT TO GO!” Before I could block him I got a sloppy poor grammar text saying “hey I sad you went. Its to bad. Hope things ok at hospital”. I’ll save guy 2 for my next admission if I do not get selected!!

I found Couples Therapy this year and have BINGED the whole catalogue. These two are keeping me sane in the ongoing pandemmy and slow collapse of society as we know it! Thank you Naomi and Andy! Worst date: art school, late 90’s, a boy asked me if he could draw me for life drawing practice and I fell for it! (Clothed though - I was chaste!). Cut to going to sleep over at his place and I still cannot rid myself of the image and smell of his shared apartment after 25 years! It was a ground floor apartment but somehow felt like it was in the deepest of basements. Dirty bed up on a weird platform on one side of the open living situation, a bathroom that I can only describe as gooey and, in the absolutely filthy kitchen, a weeks old bowl of cheerios, bloated and moldy, sitting on the open door of the grease-laden oven. Also he wore so much Old Spice! Bye art school boy!

This show makes me proper laugh out loud. That’s amazing therapy in itself. This show isn’t what I expected (it doesn’t feel designed for people to work through their current couple issues) but actually does offer useful insights that can be applied to your current couple.. it just does that in a different ‘package’.

:)