Five-a-side

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This is the Five-a-side pod, essentially a futbol podcast although once in a while we will delve into other topics such as lifestyle, social/political issues, history etc

  1. Slot Machine: Broken, City Fading, and Chelsea on Life Support

    6 HRS AGO

    Slot Machine: Broken, City Fading, and Chelsea on Life Support

    The Five Aside crew — Dalu, AK, Ini, and Nnamdi — break down a big weekend of Premier League action and preview the Champions League second legs. They debate whether Carrick deserves the permanent Man United job, why Slot is losing the plot at Liverpool, and how Arsenal are grinding their way to the title. AK delivers an impassioned rant about Liam Rosenior's half-baked tactics at Chelsea, while the gang marvels at the joy of young stars Ngumoha, Dowman and Yamal — before debating which of the 3-0 down sides can pull off a UCL miracle. Timestamps 00:00 Intro & AK's mystery illness 00:32 Chelsea vs Newcastle — Liam Rosenior debate kicks off 01:38 Man United 3-1 win — should Carrick get the permanent job? 05:10 Bruno Fernandes record assists season breakdown 09:00 Interim manager philosophy — Carrick vs ideology-driven coaches 17:40 The Pep effect — ideology coaches and why it's failing 19:20 Liverpool's collapse — is Slot the problem? 31:52 Drop Salah? The bold take that divides the pod 38:35 Young stars — Ngumoha, Dowman, Yamal & the joy of uncoached football 46:37 Arsenal's title march — Calafiori scorpion kick & Dowman's goal 48:57 Declan Rice — most important Arsenal player debate 01:04:37 Man City fading — is Pep hitting the Mourinho curve? 01:11:04 Chelsea vs Newcastle breakdown — Rosenior tactics rant (AK special) 01:20:30 Caicedo's lost dog mentality — where did it go? 01:33:27 Champions League preview — who can overturn a 3-0 deficit? 01:42:35 Bodo Glimt dark horse warning + Arsenal UCL outlook 01:44:07 Outro

    1h 45m
  2. “He Can’t Even Save a Microsoft Word File” 😂 | Keeper Chaos & UCL Reactions

    4D AGO

    “He Can’t Even Save a Microsoft Word File” 😂 | Keeper Chaos & UCL Reactions

    Champions League chaos and the Five Aside boys are back with another heated football debate. Chelsea’s goalkeeper situation explodes after a disastrous performance against PSG — leading to one of the funniest lines of the pod: “He can’t even save a Microsoft Word file.” We break down the keeper blunders, tactical decisions, and whether Chelsea’s issues go deeper than just the man in goal. We also dive into: • Real Madrid vs Manchester City – Valverde masterclass and Pep’s tactics under scrutiny • Chelsea vs PSG – goalkeeping chaos and tactical debates • Arsenal vs Leverkusen – was the draw fair? • Liverpool’s chaotic performance and game management problems • Igor Tudor and Spurs’ crisis – should Tottenham sack him and go survival mode? • Bayern’s dominance and Michael Olise’s rise • Yamal vs Olise debate – who’s actually been better this season? Unfiltered football debates, hilarious moments, and honest opinions from the Five Aside crew. Subscribe for weekly football discussions, Champions League reactions, and Premier League debates. ⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters) 00:00 Intro 00:42 Real Madrid vs Manchester City – Valverde masterclass 03:20 Is Pep Guardiola’s system getting exposed? 07:20 Courtois save & playing out from the back debate 12:00 Chelsea vs PSG – wild Champions League game 13:10 Chelsea goalkeeper disaster begins 17:00 Playing out from the back vs long ball debate 19:00 Chelsea ownership and recruitment problems 23:50 “He can’t even save a Microsoft Word file” moment 😂 28:00 Is Chelsea’s board the real problem? 32:00 Arsenal vs Leverkusen breakdown 40:00 Did Arsenal deserve the draw? 48:00 Bayern dominance & Michael Olise discussion 52:00 Yamal vs Olise debate begins 1:00:00 Ballon d'Or debate 1:13:20 Barcelona vs Newcastle preview 1:15:20 Tottenham crisis discussion 1:20:00 Should Spurs sack Igor Tudor? 1:31:00 Liverpool vs Galatasaray reaction 1:34:00 Victor Osimhen performance 1:37:40 Closing thoughts

    1h 39m
  3. Aura First 11: Madrid Cabals, Xabi Alonso’s Aura Crash & Football’s Coldest XI

    MAR 8

    Aura First 11: Madrid Cabals, Xabi Alonso’s Aura Crash & Football’s Coldest XI

    This episode starts as a Madrid therapy session and somehow turns into a full-blown aura tribunal. The boys debate why Xabi Alonso’s Madrid move was basically “system coach meets superstar cabal,” argue over player power, dressing-room politics, and whether Madrid need vibes or structure, then finish by building an all-time Aura First 11 full of football royalty, menace, elegance, and pure presence. Timestamps: 00:00 Intro and opening banter 00:04 Real Madrid, pressure, Slot and early season talk 02:22 Why Xabi Alonso did not really change Madrid 04:46 Was Madrid the wrong job for Alonso? 07:10 Madrid need man-management, not just tactics 10:51 Board backing, player power and modern football 13:15 Why superstar power may not be sustainable 15:36 Alonso, respect and earning stripes at Madrid 20:26 Mbappe, Vinicius and Madrid’s aura politics 24:59 AVB comparison and why big dressing rooms can swallow coaches 27:17 Cabals in football and how smart managers survive them 35:03 Where Alonso goes next and whether his aura dropped 37:28 What aura in football actually means 44:40 Pirlo, Beckham, Balotelli and other aura monsters 48:00 Building the all-time Aura First 11 01:01:39 Outro

    1h 3m
  4. Haram Ball & Hot Takes: Chelsea Cooking, Arsenal Bus Parking

    MAR 5

    Haram Ball & Hot Takes: Chelsea Cooking, Arsenal Bus Parking

    The lads return with chaos on the menu. Chelsea fans declare João Pedro the best striker alive (calm down lads), Arsenal allegedly discover the art of haram ball, and Manchester United spark a heated Carrick debate. Meanwhile Spurs might actually be flirting with relegation and nobody can decide if that’s tragic or hilarious. From wild tactical takes to pure Premier League banter, this episode is football therapy… with extra smoke. Timestamps 0:00 Intro & Pod Kickoff 0:30 Chelsea vs Aston Villa Reaction 1:35 What’s Going Wrong With Aston Villa? 3:20 Chelsea Tactical Changes (James in Midfield, Benchings) 5:15 João Pedro “Best Striker in the League?” Debate 6:30 Chelsea Top 5 Chances Discussion 8:20 Villa’s Season Falling Apart 10:00 Chelsea vs Manchester City Preview 11:00 Manchester City vs Forest Reaction 12:45 Haaland Form & City’s Attack 13:30 Arsenal Transfer Debate (Semenyo, Madueke, Eze) 15:00 Arsenal Squad Depth & Recruitment Discussion 18:00 Arsenal Transfer Strategy Debate Continues 20:00 Manchester City Penalty Controversy 21:10 Manchester United vs Newcastle Reaction 23:30 Is Carrick Actually Good Enough? 25:00 United Tactical Problems Discussion 27:30 Should Man United Give Carrick the Job? 31:00 Carrick vs Other Manager Options 33:00 United Long-Term Direction Debate 35:00 Interim Managers vs Permanent Managers 38:20 Brighton Manager Comments on Arsenal 39:30 Arsenal’s “Haram Ball” vs Brighton Debate 42:00 Mourinho Bus Parking vs Arteta Debate 45:00 Arsenal Title Race Discussion 47:00 Arsenal vs Brighton Tactical Breakdown 50:00 Arsenal Defensive Performance Praise 51:40 Liverpool vs Wolves Reaction 54:00 Wolves Survival Fight & Relegation Battle 56:00 Spurs Relegation Talk Begins 58:00 Tottenham Manager Criticism 1:01:00 Spurs Squad Confidence Issues 1:04:00 Relegation Pressure & Financial Consequences 1:07:00 Should Spurs Fans Want Relegation? 😂 1:10:00 Best Relegation Managers Debate 1:12:00 Who Are The Modern Big Sam’s? 1:15:00 Scott Parker & Other Survival Specialists 1:17:00 Future of Elite Managers Discussion 1:19:00 Eddie Howe Debate 1:21:00 Next Generation Managers 1:24:00 Football Media & Manager Expectations 1:27:00 Final Premier League Thoughts 1:39:30 Final Takes & Wrap Up

    1h 42m
  5. Arsenal keep up title charge through the Corners!

    MAR 2

    Arsenal keep up title charge through the Corners!

    This week on Five Aside, Arsenal squeeze past Chelsea in a game that had everything: red cards, referee conspiracies, emotional damage, and AK threatening to terminate contracts mid-season. We break down: Chelsea’s 7-red-card identity crisis Whether Arsenal are grinding like champions… or surviving like frauds The never-ending Man City vs Real Madrid UCL saga Yamal vs PR debate (AK was cooking here 😭) And why Pickford might actually be a psychopath in gloves It’s therapy, football analysis, and group chat chaos rolled into one. ⏱️ Timestamps 00:00 – Intro & AK’s Emotional Breakdown Bet losses, AI conspiracies, and 7 red cards in one season. 09:30 – Dalu’s Traffic Ticket & Bad Omens Wrong right turn → bad vibes → Arsenal win. Coincidence? 12:30 – Arsenal vs Chelsea Deep Dive First-half nerves Neto red card madness Raya masterclass Are Arsenal grinding like champions? 21:50 – Referee War Room Rice handballs? Saliba wrestling? Chelsea robbed or coping? 45:00 – United’s Run & Bruno Agenda Are they legit or just surviving? 50:30 – Liverpool’s Unconvincing 5-2 Convincing scoreline. Unconvincing performance. 1:05:00 – UCL Draw Breakdown PSG vs Chelsea City vs Madrid (again 😭) Arsenal’s path Barca & Yamal debate 1:21:00 – Player of the Week Raya, Pickford, and Gakpo shoutouts. 1:23:00 – Salah Fall From Grace? Has the aura faded? 1:24:00 – FanFest Tampa Announcement

    1h 25m
  6. From UCL Drama to Derby Tension: Bottle Bets & Emirates Pressure

    FEB 27

    From UCL Drama to Derby Tension: Bottle Bets & Emirates Pressure

    he crew kicks off arguing about branding (why we’re drinking from random cups like amateurs), then jumps into Champions League playoff chaos—Italian giants wobbling, Madrid doing “scripted” things, and away trips to icy Bodo sounding like football’s haunted house. After that, it’s full London derby energy: Arsenal vs Chelsea preview, why Arsenal get jittery late in games, who controls the midfield, Rice’s best role, Martinelli catching heat, and a spicy combined XI debate that turns into score predictions… and a dangerous bottle bet if Arsenal “bottle” the league. Timestamps 01:22 – Intro chaos + “where’s the winner?” 02:31 – Cup talk → branding idea (Five Aside mug) 05:00 – Welcome + jerseys/banter + Champions League playoff chat 06:38 – Italian league panic, Madrid “script,” Galatasaray madness 09:28 – Bodo away terror stories (weather, cursed stadium vibes) 12:11 – New UCL format debate (and why dropping to Europa was trash) 16:16 – Arsenal wishlist + Martinelli debate starts heating up 19:55 – Arsenal vs Chelsea preview officially begins 25:02 – “Don’t play the occasion” + Arsenal late-game nerves 35:15 – Where the game is won (midfield vs attack) 42:11 – Rice/Zubi workload + playing through the middle + Eze impact 47:01 – Rice: 6 vs box-to-box argument 50:40 – Combined XI picks (keeper → backline → midfield) 57:31 – Front three debate (Neto/Trossard/Palmer/Saka etc.) 01:04:58 – Score predictions + arguing over pressing/defending 01:11:05 – Drinks on the line + “Arsenal has to give” 01:12:34 – Bottle bet punchline + outro promo

    1h 10m
  7. Tottenham On The Menu Again 🍽️ | EPL Weekend Review

    FEB 22

    Tottenham On The Menu Again 🍽️ | EPL Weekend Review

    Akan nearly blocks Dalu’s number because the iPhone ringtone is louder than his peace of mind, then Chelsea do what Chelsea do: score early, refuse to “kill the game,” and turn Burnley into prime Barcelona for 10 minutes. Palmer gets put on “thinkers” for chasing YouTube goals, the “do you even care?” debate explodes after a red-card smirk, and Arsenal meanwhile show the one thing you can’t train: mentality. Plus: City vs Newcastle turns into a cagey title-race stress test, and Arsenal fans get served Tottenham buffet—fully paid, no refund. Timestamps (key moments) 00:01 Akan almost blocks Dalu’s number / “leave me alone” intro 01:29 Welcome + weekend agenda 01:56 Chelsea vs Burnley: “kill the game” rant begins 06:39 Conte-era standards + why 2–0 isn’t safe 08:06 Chelsea dropped points math (painful receipts) 10:41 Palmer “forcing it” + YouTube-goal allegations 14:28 Red card + smirk/laugh debate (no to racism) 19:06 Set-piece danger + JWP “whip it in” 30:34 Arsenal vs Spurs review begins 33:46 Rice mistake + reaction/mentality 40:46 Spurs = “30 Yams” buffet banter 48:57 City vs Newcastle: “don’t hate-watch, just enjoy” 53:10 Newcastle at Etihad history + O’Reilly shoutout 54:26 Haaland vs Dan Burn “battle of the titans” 01:00:40 Top 4 predictions + Chelsea big-game theory 01:03:38 Player of the week: Eze 01:09:10 Outro / vibes

    1h 10m
  8. North London Derby? More like Nerve London Derby —EPL Weekend Preview

    FEB 21

    North London Derby? More like Nerve London Derby —EPL Weekend Preview

    This preview episode is basically four fixtures and one big Arsenal therapy session. Arsenal fans are fighting flashbacks after that Wolves collapse (2–0 up… ends 2–2), and the big question becomes: are Arsenal actually title-ready, or just elite at turning comfortable wins into stress tests? From there, the lads run through the weekend slate: Spurs vs Arsenal: injuries, “new manager bounce,” and whether Arsenal’s midfield has forgotten how to control games. City vs Newcastle: history says Newcastle are walking into a Pep cooking session. Chelsea vs Burnley: Chelsea fans are dreaming of a stat-padding feast. Liverpool vs Forest + Everton vs United: mental fragility, relegation chaos, and Goodison Park tax. Then the episode hits its real main event: “Arteta out if no league trophy?” One of the hosts gives a blunt YES, and suddenly the derby preview turns into a season-defining ultimatum. Wrap it up with a watchalong tease… and a random detour into Atlanta shawarma lore. Timestamps 00:00 Intro + “Dubai trip” felt like international weekend 00:31 Arsenal frustration: the extra game + City game-in-hand stress 02:02 Wolves PTSD: confidence gone after the collapse 03:39 The real issue: Arsenal can’t close games + “8 conceded already this year” 05:55 “We don’t hate Arsenal—just delusional fans” + Hope University joke 07:00 Gyökeres debate: does a traditional 9 fit Arsenal DNA? 10:44 Arsenal clapback: “best in Europe at times” + goals/CL stats 12:14 Arsenal identity flip: from pretty XG to efficiency 14:20 Defense slump: Raya/Timber heat + “Arteta has to hold this” 15:51 Midfield control problem: why it’s all falling apart 18:16 Fixes: winger need, Ben White RB, Timber rest, Rice/Zubi combo 21:33 Odegaard dilemma: captain/control vs current form 23:20 Pressure talk + Newcastle’s awful City record gets brought up 24:44 Spurs injuries + “new manager bounce” warning 26:22 Spurs vs Arsenal predictions: both lean Arsenal 2–1 30:50 City vs Newcastle preview: both expect City win 36:36 Chelsea vs Burnley: sponsor talk + confident win predictions 41:39 Chelsea prediction: 3–1 43:47 Liverpool vs Forest: mentality talk + Liverpool still tipped 50:31 Everton vs United: split predictions (United 2–1 vs Everton win) 57:01 Closing theme: Arsenal mental strength + Arteta’s touchline energy 01:01:11 The big moment: “Arteta out if no league?” — YES 01:04:16 Watchalong tease + shawarma outro

    1h 6m
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About

This is the Five-a-side pod, essentially a futbol podcast although once in a while we will delve into other topics such as lifestyle, social/political issues, history etc

Information

  • Creator
    Five-aside
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    89
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Chukwudalu Fab-Ukozor 2022
  • Show Website
    Five-a-side