Asking For A Friend - Timely Issues. Timeless Torah.

Kehillas Federation
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Asking For A Friend is a podcast where real life dilemmas meet clear, thoughtful Torah perspective. Hosted by Mena Reisner, each episode features conversations with Rabbi Zimmerman, Dayan Hool, or Dayan Posen, Rabbonim with decades of experience in mediation, dinei Torah, shidduchim, family dynamics, business disputes, and the complex situations people face every day. It’s not personal psak and it’s not a shiur. Just honest, grounded discussion on the issues people grapple with behind closed doors, and how timeless Torah principles guide us through them. New episodes every two weeks. Questions or suggestions: podcast@federation.org.uk.

  1. 2d ago

    #16: Electric Scooters: "In My Opinion, It's Absolutely Ossur" - with Rabbi Zimmerman

    Electric scooters have become a familiar sight in many communities. For some, they're a convenient way to get to school, shiurim, friends' houses and local activities. For others, they're a growing source of concern. In this special mini episode, Rabbi S F Zimmerman addresses one of the most discussed topics affecting children, teenagers and parents today. Are electric scooters simply a modern convenience, or is there a deeper issue at stake? How should parents respond when "everyone in the class has one"? Who bears responsibility – parents, schools, rabbonim, or the wider community? And what should a family do if a child has already spent hundreds of pounds of Bar Mitzvah money on a scooter? A concise but important discussion offering Daas Torah and practical guidance on a topic generating debate across the UK, the USA and beyond. Sponsored anonymously by someone who believes this episode could save lives.

    11 min

  2. 3d ago

    #15: The King's Visit: A Torah Perspective - With Dayan Hool

    When King Charles III recently visited Golders Green, hundreds of members of the local Jewish community lined the streets to catch a glimpse of the monarch. The visit sparked widespread discussion: why does Yiddishkeit place such importance on kings and royalty, and what is the Torah perspective on monarchy in the modern world? In this special episode, Dayan Hool explores the halachic and hashkafic questions raised by the King's visit. Can one make a brachah upon seeing King Charles? Should a person make a special effort to see a king? What is the concept of כבוד מלכות? Can one shake the King's hand? And why is Hashem so often described throughout our tefillos as a King? Drawing on sources from Chazal, Halachah and Jewish history, this fascinating discussion sheds light on a topic that captured the attention of so many in the community and reveals what earthly kingship can teach us about מלכות שמים.   Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro: King Charles visits Golders Green   01:09 – Why frum Jews are excited to see a king  03:17 – The brocha on seeing Jewish and non‑Jewish monarchs   06:03 – Does the brocha apply to King Charles III and presidents?  09:50 – Can a monarchy be abolished? Acceptance by the people   16:14 – Seeing the king from afar: entourage, cars, and the brocha   22:31 – How often can you say the brocha on a king?  23:33 – Must you go out to see a king? Bitul Torah and mitzvah  29:30 – Kavod malchus: honoring even non‑Jewish and wicked kings   36:13 – Shaking hands with royalty: halacha and real‑world strategies   43:28 – Praying for the welfare of the kingdom in golus 50:29 – Queen Wilhelmina and the Munkatcher Rebbe 54:23 – Dutch royalty, Rav Katz, and modern royal brachos 1:00:00 – Why we call Hashem “Melech”: kindness and authority  1:04:06 – Dina de’malchusa dina and UK land law 1:05:20 – Closing: Malchus shel chesed and Malchus Shamayim

    1h 6m

  3. Jun 7

    #14: Nisyonos (II): When the Nisoyon Never Ends - with Rabbi Zimmerman

    In Part 2 of our discussion on nisyonos, Rabbi Zimmerman explores some of the most relevant and challenging questions facing people today. Can pressure from family, school or community become a nisayon in its own right? Is questioning Hashem always a weakness in emunah, or can honest struggle sometimes deepen a person's relationship with Him? We discuss whether wealth and success can be as great a test as poverty and hardship, how to cope with challenges that feel constant and never-ending, and whether shielding children from difficulty truly protects them or leaves them unprepared for life. We also examine whether people should search for reasons behind suffering, and how to navigate uncertainty, responsibility, mental health, and personal growth through a Torah perspective.   Timestamps: 0:00:00 – Introduction, recap of Part 1, framing Part 2 (modern struggles) 0:01:05 – Expectations, spiritual burden, joy vs obligation in mitzvos 0:05:04 – Personal enjoyment in avodas Hashem; “cog in the system” and individuality 0:08:19 – Each person’s unique purpose and contribution 0:08:46 – Balancing bitachon with hishtadlus; avoiding denial / toxic positivity 0:12:34 – Questioning Hashem, anger, and honest relationship with Hashem 0:19:10 – Modern nisyonos vs previous generations; changing Yetzer Hara 0:24:38 – Wealth and poverty as different tests; emotional equilibrium 0:27:32 – Never-ending struggles (e.g., shemiras einayim); value of the battle itself 0:30:09 – Children and chinuch; sharing struggles with kids appropriately 0:38:11 – Emotional/psychological struggles vs mental health conditions; seeking help 0:41:37 – Destigmatizing mental health; communal responsibility 0:44:26 – How much we’re responsible for others’ suffering; healthy boundaries 0:47:20 – Searching for “reasons” for suffering; middah k’neged middah and introspection 0:52:00 – Uncertainty in major life decisions; advice vs personal responsibility 0:58:15 – Finding meaning in nisyonos; Avraham’s legacy and our spiritual DNA 1:02:12 – Closing remarks and podcast wrap-up

    1h 3m

  4. May 24

    #13: Nisyonos (I): Why Are Some Lives Harder Than Others? - with Rabbi Zimmerman

    In Part One of this two part series on Nisyonos, we explore one of life’s biggest questions: why does Hashem test people? Together they discuss whether all suffering is considered a nisayon, why some people appear to face greater hardships than others, the struggle of unanswered tefillos, and why bitachon can feel strong in some areas of life yet weak in others. A thoughtful and honest conversation on faith, struggle and spiritual growth.    Timestamps: - 0:00:00 — Intro and episode topic: Nisyonas (suffering/tests)   - 0:01:31 — Three categories of hardship introduced: Aynish, Tafkid, Nisyonas   - 0:05:13 — Discussion on how to discern type of hardship; common default = punishment   - 0:08:00 — Purposes of Nisyonas: reward, reveal potential, show faith to others (Akedah example)   - 0:11:00 — Physical vs. spiritual tests; hardest are choices between two good options   - 0:18:05 — Prioritizing long-term mitzvah “investments” (learning with children, shalom bayit)   - 0:26:18 — Role of tefilah: praise, gratitude, requests; different views on effects of prayer   - 0:29:30 — Emotional processing of seemingly unanswered prayers; “not yet” and stored credit ideas   - 0:35:00 — Why some suffer more: gilgulim, tikkun, soul capacities; tailored tests   - 0:44:00 — Importance of community/support vs. suffering alone   - 0:47:55 — Free will vs. divine foreknowledge: different frameworks and implications   - 0:52:48 — Human cruelty within divine orchestration and moral accountability   - 0:55:14 — Closing and preview of Part Two

    56 min

  5. May 10

    #12: Bikur Cholim: What It Really Means to Show Up - With Dayan Posen

    A wide-ranging conversation with Dayan Posen exploring the mitzvah of bikur cholim in today’s world, from the halachic foundations of visiting the sick to mental health, trauma response, community support, and the balance between practical help and genuine human presence. The discussion covers what meaningful care really looks like in an age of constant communication, and how small actions can make a profound difference to patients and their families.   Timestamps: - 0:00:00 – Intro, technical note about previous episode; episode focus announced (Bikur Cholim with Daim Posen)   - 0:01:47 – Guest (Daim Posen) greeting   - 0:01:49–0:06:10 – Core halachic sources and purpose of Bikur Cholim; best times to visit (avoid first/last 3 hours)   - 0:06:10–0:11:57 – Scope of the mitzvah, limits, reading the room, and risks of causing distress   - 0:11:57–0:16:00 – Contagious illness, enemies visiting, and modern communications (phone/video/text) as partial substitutes   - 0:16:00–0:21:57 – Benefits of in-person visits; impact on hospital care and staff perception   - 0:21:57–0:31:08 – How to speak with patients, defensive attribution, and aim to uplift/encourage (Gemilas Chesed)   - 0:31:08–0:38:54 – Respecting patient/family wishes, privacy, and when to prioritize next-of-kin support   - 0:38:54–0:46:58 – Community vs. individual responsibility; kehillah rotas and organized welfare support   - 0:46:58–0:50:27 – Gender considerations and modesty when visiting; emotional boundaries   - 0:50:27–1:00:30 – Mental health as Bikur Cholim: parity with physical illness, emotional support, stigma reduction   - 1:00:30–1:09:01 – Practical guidance for supporting those with mental health struggles (boundaries, presence)   - 1:09:01–1:16:42 – Crisis/trauma response overview; SITS crisis teams and trained volunteers (Rabbi Dr. Fox training)   - 1:16:42–1:24:09 – Handling children, age‑appropriate explanations, and preparing for hospital visits   - 1:24:09–1:31:08 – Role and timing of Tehillim (in-person vs. remote); WhatsApp Tehillim groups’ impact   - 1:31:08–1:35:31 – Authenticity in performing the mitzvah (anonymity, intention) and differences from tzedakah   - 1:35:31–1:36:40 – Closing thoughts: presence, empathy, Miriam/Moshe story, final blessings and thanks

    1h 37m

  6. Apr 26

    #11: Tzedokah (II): The Way We Give Has Changed - For Better or Worse? With Rabbi Zimmerman

    Tzedakah today looks very different to how it once did. But has that change improved the way we give, or complicated it? This episode addresses real-world dilemmas: If your child has a negative experience with an institution, can you redirect your support elsewhere? Do you need to verify every collector, or can you rely on communal trust? Is giving smaller amounts to many causes a practical solution, or does it dilute the impact of the mitzvah? The discussion also tackles prioritisation, how to choose between multiple urgent needs and whether family always comes first. Are fundraising commissions a necessary part of modern charity, or a distortion of its purpose? A clear and nuanced look at how tzedakah is evolving and how to navigate it responsibly.   Timestamps: - 0:00 Intro & series overview   - 0:27 Difference: tzedokah (reactive) vs Ma'aser (proactive)   - 2:08 Affordability & basic needs (poskim discussion)   - 3:50 Rambam, Shulchan Aruch, Vilna Gaon on status/limits   - 6:00 Hazaka/makirah and long-term support   - 9:05 Hakarat hatov (gratitude) and prioritization   - 10:00 Spousal decisions & whose money rules   - 13:10 School fees vs. charity; tuition as obligation vs donation   - 16:04 Education obligations (v’shinan/v’limachem) and tutors   - 17:21 Sponsor: AAC mention   - 19:44 Vetting collectors; small vs large gifts   - 21:38 Small donations (matanah mu’attas) & token amounts   - 23:45 Priorities: Talmud Torah, shul/mikvah, poor; communal obligations   - 27:37 Recommendation: personal priority spreadsheet   - 31:03 Yisachar/Support for Torah learners discussion   - 41:03 Fundraising anecdotes & approach to donors   - 42:04 Fundraiser commissions and admin-cost norms   - 45:00 New charities vs established ones — assess like investments   - 46:10 Parents on holiday & unpaid school debts guidance   - 47:30 Debtors should prioritize repayment over giving maaser   - 48:57 School enrollment pledges: private vs communal difference   - 50:00 Closing reflection on communal chesed and lasting value

    57 min

  7. Apr 12

    #10: Tzedokah (I): So Many Requests - But Who Do You Give To? With Rabbi Zimmerman

    In a world of constant appeals, how should a person approach tzedakah with clarity and integrity? This episode explores the practical and ethical tensions behind everyday giving. Is anonymous giving always ideal, or can public donations play an important communal role? Can time, effort, and influence be considered true forms of tzedakah alongside money? Where is the line between legitimate encouragement and uncomfortable pressure? The conversation also examines modern fundraising realities, from luxury dinners to reciprocal giving, and asks whether these practices enhance or undermine the values of tzedakah. Finally, what place, if any, do segulah-based donations have within a Torah framework? A grounded discussion on how to give thoughtfully when the requests never stop.   Timestamps: Timestamps: 0:00:00 —  Introduction/podcast purpose 0:02:26 —  Core purpose of tzedakah (Torah/Gemara/Rambam) 0:10:42 —  Misconceptions about tzedakah today 0:11:09–0:13:02 —  Action vs. intention in giving 0:13:10–0:15:47 —  Anonymous vs. public giving / communal example-setting 0:15:47–0:16:57 —  Give many small gifts vs. fewer large gifts 0:16:57–0:21:07 — Time/expertise as tzedakah (including electrician example) 0:21:07–0:24:05 —  Cost-saving/bulk-buy example (schools, Pesach supplies) 0:24:05–0:29:55 — Modern campaign pressures, follow-ups, appeals history 0:29:55–0:30:13 — Online campaign mechanics / raffles / “pick a number” comment 0:31:25–0:33:14 — Dinners, luxury fundraising events, and how to apportion personal benefit 0:33:14–0:35:47 — Young families & long-term pledges / cautions about pledging 0:35:47–0:37:00 — Matching campaigns and transparency/norms 0:37:00–0:39:32 — General donor motivations, reciprocity, and not over-scrutinizing 0:39:35–0:41:12 — Using prominent rabbis/roshei yeshiva to increase pressure 0:41:45–0:45:04 — Giving linked to segulot/yeshuah and authenticity of scholars 0:45:04–0:48:39 — Organizations promising yeshuah / transactional tzedakah concerns 0:48:39–0:49:40 — Closing / outro

    50 min

  8. Mar 26

    #9: Special Episode: Under Attack - How Should We Respond? With Dayan Hool

    In the early hours of Monday morning, four Hatzolah ambulances were deliberately set on fire in Golders Green. B''H no one was injured. But the impact has been profound. An attack on Hatzolah, an organisation built entirely on chesed, responding to emergencies for anyone in need, has left the kehilla shaken. In North West London, across the UK, and around the world, people are asking the same questions: how should we process this, how concerned should we be, and what does the Torah expect from us in a moment like this? In this special episode, Dayan Hool addresses the fear, the confusion, and the wider context of rising antisemitism. He explores how to balance hishtadlus with bitochon, whether we are meant to see a message in events like these, and how to respond without being pulled into panic or paralysis. A timely conversation offering clarity, perspective, and a grounded approach to a deeply unsettling moment.   Timestamps: 00:00:00 — Intro & incident overview 00:01:27 — Rambam: communal obligation to alert/respond 00:03:25 — Torah guidance on fear (Gulf War anecdote) 00:10:55 — Emunah vs. bitachon 00:18:54 — Balancing precautions with bitachon 00:21:40 — Talking to children / media guidance 00:27:03 — On antisemitism and causes 00:31:39 — Personal & communal teshuvah; security/government role 00:36:06 — Discussion on aliyah / “we’re in golus” 00:40:38 — Message to Hatzala, chesed, unity; closing remarks

    45 min
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Asking For A Friend is a podcast where real life dilemmas meet clear, thoughtful Torah perspective. Hosted by Mena Reisner, each episode features conversations with Rabbi Zimmerman, Dayan Hool, or Dayan Posen, Rabbonim with decades of experience in mediation, dinei Torah, shidduchim, family dynamics, business disputes, and the complex situations people face every day. It’s not personal psak and it’s not a shiur. Just honest, grounded discussion on the issues people grapple with behind closed doors, and how timeless Torah principles guide us through them. New episodes every two weeks. Questions or suggestions: podcast@federation.org.uk.

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