Tom Kelly Show

Tom Kelly
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  • Stand-Up Comedy
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"Get Back To The Fun" . . . Tom Kelly is a stand-up comedian who has worked with almost every celebrity imaginable. He's a man of a certain age asking deep questions while also sharing unsolicited opinions about news and world events. He refuses to niche down. He's on a quest to be real. But the reality is he's also learned, it's time to be silly, loosen up and get "Back To The Fun."

  1. 10 Aug

    482: Perez Hilton And What I Hate About Lindenhurst - Plus Dog Poop

    Tom Kelly goes from celebrity culture to Long Island problems and then ends with a tribute to one of the people who helped shape his life. Tom reacts to the troubling news surrounding Perez Hilton and reflects on fame, career reinvention, getting older, and the difficulty of trying to recreate an earlier high point in your career. It leads Tom to an important realization: sometimes the people who matter most aren't in show business — they're simply the people who love you. Then, a neighborhood debate: Is it wrong to put your dog's poop in somebody else's garbage can? Tom has a definite opinion. Next, we're going to Lindenhurst, Long Island. Tom asked Lindenhurst residents what they hate about their own town. Parking apps, fishing permits, disappearing landmarks, confusing streets, yard-sale rules, the town's legendary reputation for bars — and why Tom actually loves Lindenhurst. Finally, Tom remembers Gary Proce, his former Long Island Lutheran High School athletic director and mentor. Gary helped a shy teenage Tom come out of his shell, nominated him for a Christian Service Award, encouraged his sense of humor and helped give him some of his earliest opportunities. Tom reflects on Gary's life, his many careers, and the importance of telling people they made a difference while you still have the chance. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Coming Up: Perez Hilton, Dog Poop & Lindenhurst 00:52 — The Tom Kelly Show 01:14 — What Is The Tom Kelly Show? 02:13 — Magic Mirror & Listener Shout-Outs 02:57 — Good Morning America & Tom's TV Career 03:52 — What's The Next Chapter? 04:09 — Who Moved My Cheese? & Reinventing Yourself 06:00 — Perez Hilton & The Early Internet Era 06:47 — Perez Hilton's Troubling Livestream 07:03 — Fame, Midlife & Trying To Recapture Success 08:06 — Appreciating The People Who Love You 08:33 — Is It Wrong To Put Dog Poop In Someone Else's Garbage? 09:28 — The Neighborhood Dog-Poop Wars 10:26 — Why Tom Says It's Wrong 11:41 — It's Your Dog. It's Your Poop. 12:33 — Leaving The Apartment & Taking The Podcast On The Road 13:22 — What People From Lindenhurst Hate About Lindenhurst 14:02 — The Lindenhurst Vibe 14:55 — "Swindlehurst" vs. "Lindy" 15:27 — Why Do The Sidewalks Suddenly End? 15:49 — Lindenhurst Parking & Parking Apps 16:57 — Paying To Fish From The Lindenhurst Docks 17:29 — Lost Lindenhurst Landmarks 18:05 — Lindenhurst's Confusing Streets 18:48 — Only One Yard Sale A Year? 19:50 — Does Lindenhurst Really Have The Most Bars? 20:46 — The Football Stadium Problem 20:58 — Missing The Lindenhurst You Grew Up In 21:13 — Why Tom Loves Lindenhurst 21:42 — Remembering Gary Proce 22:21 — How Gary Helped A Shy Tom Kelly 22:54 — The Christian Service Award That Changed Tom 23:31 — Gary Helped Give Tom His First Paid Video Work 24:17 — "Scoop Kelly" & The Adults Who Notice The Quiet Kids 25:08 — Tell People The Impact They Had On You 25:45 — Gary Proce's Remarkable Life & Many Careers 26:30 — A Real Long Island Hustler 26:52 — Remembering One Of The Greats 27:09 — Your Homework: Tell Someone They Made A Difference - Most Importantly - Tom remembers a mentor: former Long Island Lutheran High School athletic director Gary Proce. -

  2. 27 Jul ·  Video

    481a: Long Island's Unwritten Rules Part 2 | Live From Lucharitos in Melville

    Now posting this as video.  Please text if you get it. - Editing Error - Had To Repost The Long Island debate continues! After receiving more than 1,000 Facebook comments, Tom Kelly and producer Steve Burger return to Lucharitos on Walt Whitman Road in Melville for Part 2 of the funniest, strangest, and most relatable Long Island Unwritten Rules. This episode dives into Long Island driving habits, bagel etiquette, diners, disco fries, beach behavior, deli traditions, parking wars, the Long Island Railroad, Dairy Barn memories, pizza debates, and dozens of local customs that every Long Islander seems to know. Plus, Tom goes on a hilarious rant about Long Island copycats, debates whether you should ever toast a fresh bagel, explains why nobody should park in a fire lane, and wraps up with a spirited discussion about whether tacos belong on a first date. Recorded live at Lucharitos, a Long Island original with great tacos, margaritas, family-friendly events, and bingo nights. If you stop by, tell them The Tom Kelly Show sent you! Follow Lucharitos on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lucharitos Timestamps 00:00 Welcome back to Lucharitos 00:20 Follow Lucharitos & subscribe to The Tom Kelly Show 00:53 Long Island Unwritten Rules – Part 2 begins 01:21 Why this is the "B List" of rules 01:47 Tom jokes about Long Island podcast copycats 02:25 Avoid the Long Island Expressway whenever possible 03:17 Long Island traffic survival strategies 04:17 When did ATVs start driving on parkways? 04:33 Sunday bagels and bakery traditions 04:57 Eat All American hamburgers in the parking lot 05:07 Green light etiquette & immediate honking 05:31 Long Island diners after movies and date nights 06:05 Late-night Long Island food: disco fries & White Castle 06:38 Should you ever toast a fresh bagel? 07:22 Right turns on red and camera anxiety 08:13 Beach etiquette: don't set up on top of strangers 08:31 Boar's Head should be sliced paper thin 08:47 Snow parking spot etiquette 09:13 Keep your lawn looking good 09:31 Never show up empty-handed to someone's house 10:18 Talking to strangers on the Long Island Railroad 11:07 Return your shopping cart (and Tom's church parking rant) 13:00 Long Island pronunciations & local sayings 14:10 Dairy Barn memories and handing over cash 14:42 Breakfast sandwiches belong on hard rolls 14:55 Ranch dressing on pizza? 15:27 Sicilian vs. Grandma slices 15:47 Egg creams, mustard, and deli traditions 16:23 Sweet'N Low is the official Long Island sweetener 17:00 Pizza parlors vs. pizza places 17:37 Jones Beach tunnel tradition & teaser for Part 3 17:49 Why Lucharitos is worth a visit 18:19 Would you take a first date to Lucharitos? 19:24 Final thoughts and thanks to Lucharitos Topics Covered Long Island unwritten rules Long Island Expressway Bagels & bacon, egg and cheese All American Burger Long Island diners Disco fries Long Island Railroad Dairy Barn Pizza debates Jones Beach Lucharitos Melville Long Island culture #TomKellyShow #LongIsland #LongIslandPodcast #Lucharitos #Melville #LongIslandComedy #Bagels #Pizza #LongIslandLife #JonesBeach #BaconEggAndCheese #Podcast---------------- Socials: @TomKellyShow Website And Podcast: https://tomkellyshow.com

  3. 20 Jul

    480: Unwritten Long Island Rules at Lucharito's of Melville (Part 1)

    What are the unwritten rules of Long Island? Tom Kelly and video producer Steve Burger take over Lucharitos on Walt Whitman Road in Melville to debate the rules every real Long Islander seems to know—even though nobody ever wrote them down. After asking Facebook for answers and getting more than 1,000 responses, Tom breaks down the biggest Long Island rules: never park in front of someone else's house, always say you live on Long Island, order your bacon, egg and cheese correctly, move out of the left lane, know your deli order before reaching the counter, and never question Long Island pizza, bagels, or Billy Joel. The conversation also covers Long Island accents, Jamaica Station anxiety, pizza-folding etiquette, buttered rolls, the Southern State, "going out east," and why Queens and Brooklyn may be geographically on the same island—but are not considered Long Island. This is Part 1 of the Long Island Unwritten Rules series, recorded live at Lucharitos in Melville. Follow: Lucharitos on Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/lucharitos/?hl=en Timestamps 00:00 Podcasting from Lucharitos in Melville 00:59 Welcome to The Tom Kelly Show 01:22 Help Lucharitos reach 30,000 followers 01:45 Introducing Long Island's unwritten rules 02:17 More than 1,000 Facebook responses 02:58 Bacon, egg and cheese: salt, pepper, ketchup 03:48 Don't park in front of someone else's house 05:00 Lucharitos food arrives 05:19 You live on Long Island—not in Long Island 05:53 Bacon, egg and cheese belongs on a Kaiser roll 06:54 The left lane is for faster traffic 07:29 The Long Island accent 08:01 It's a hero—not a sub, hoagie, or grinder 08:27 Pizza is a pie and a plain slice is a regular slice 08:45 Should you fold your pizza? 09:15 Never change trains at Jamaica 10:06 Are Queens and Brooklyn part of Long Island? 11:00 Stop signs and turn signals are apparently optional 11:17 Manhattan is simply "the city" 11:51 Every Long Islander must respect Billy Joel 12:13 Billy Joel drove into a house—and people blamed the house 12:42 Why this topic needs a Part 2 13:20 Southern State—not Southern State Parkway 13:46 Parkways versus expressways 14:17 What does "regular coffee" mean? 14:52 The Hamptons versus "out east" 15:24 Know your deli or bagel order before reaching the counter 16:37 Long Island has the best pizza and bagels 17:43 Stay off other people's lawns 18:00 Massapequa neighborhood drama 19:24 A buttered roll counts as breakfast 20:07 Long Island merging etiquette 20:20 Pineapple—and other fruit—on pizza 21:06 Place your deli order and step aside 21:15 A yellow light means speed up 21:54 Part 1 wraps up 22:26 Subscribe and good night from Walt Whitman Road

  4. 12 Jul

    479: Long Island Pizza Wars At Autospa of Williston Park With Fat Jay

    The Tom Kelly Show goes on location to Auto Spa of Williston Park on Willis Avenue for a sponsored podcast with Tom Kelly, Steve Burger behind the camera, and special guest Fat Jay. While Tom's "Massapequa Mobile" gets an oil change, Tom and Fat Jay riff about Auto Spa, Christmas in July, Long Island car maintenance, and why this shop doesn't hit you with the old-school mechanic upsell. Then the conversation turns into a full Long Island pizza debate: viral pizza feuds, influencer drama, underrated slices, old-school Italian spots, dangerous parking lots, and the pizza places that deserve more attention. Fat Jay gives his takes on the Long Island pizza wars, bromate drama, Three Brothers of Rockville Centre, Dario's, Phil's, Lombardo's of Seaford, Anona of Valley Stream, Little Vincent's, Mama's, Umberto's, Carmela's, Galleria of Merrick, and more. Auto Spa employees even jump in with their own underrated pizza picks, including Enzo's of Williston Park, Mama Theresa's, and Frantony's. It's part podcast, part local business shout-out, part Long Island food fight — all from inside Auto Spa while the oil change is actually happening. Watch The Tom Kelly Show on YouTube and listen on all podcast apps. Follow Auto Spa of Williston Park on Instagram and tell them Tom Kelly sent you.

  5. 7 Jul

    478: Massapequa Bullying and 40th Birthday Lessons

    Does the Massapequa School District have a bullying problem? On this episode of **The Tom Kelly Show**, Tom talks honestly — and still somehow comedically — about bullying in Massapequa, his own experience being bullied, and why communities need to do better. Then Tom pivots into the life lessons he learned on his very recent "40th" birthday. Don't argue with the number. From friendship and gratitude to getting older in entertainment, health, relationships, faith, money, and the fear of not being enough, this episode goes from local Long Island frustration to personal reflection… with sponsors, jokes, and belly slaps along the way. **Content note:** This episode includes discussion of bullying and suicide. Like, comment, subscribe, and share if you're part of the little Tom Kelly Show community. And please comment: Happy 40th Birthday, Tom Kelly. 00:45 — Massapequa bullying and why Tom wanted to talk about it 03:06 — Tom's own experience being bullied 09:39 — Why communities need to stand up to bullying 10:31 — Lessons from Tom's "40th" birthday 13:53 — Friends for a reason, season, or life 19:06 — The fear of not being enough 20:36 — Sponsor mentions

  6. 15 Jun ·  Video

    Long Island Crimes And Naming Every Town On Long Island

    Tom Kelly and Steve Burgerer riff on Long Island "victimless crimes," fake service dogs, loud motorcycles, e-bikes, bad parking etiquette, walkable towns, and whether naming every town on Long Island could somehow become viral content. The episode eventually turns into a full-on Long Island town naming marathon inspired by Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jimmy Fallon — with debates over which towns are real, which ones sound fake, and why every Long Islander secretly wants to hear their hometown mentioned. Tom also talks about comedy, podcasting, audience behavior, Andy Kaufman-style performance art, and an awkward comedy dating show featuring 9/11 jokes gone wrong. If you love Long Island culture, local humor, Massapequa references, Eisenhower Park, Nassau County chaos, and two comedians arguing about whether "Village of the Branch" is a real place… this episode is for you.

  7. 8 Jun

    476: Ralphs Italian Ice Of Farmingdale - Robberies, Mistakes and Fun

    made a video claiming there was no Ralph's Italian Ice in Farmingdale. Long Island was not happy. The town came after me! 😅 After getting flooded with corrections (and a few messages that were a little too passionate), I visited Jill and Kathy of Ralph's Italian Ice in Farmingdale to apologize in person and meet the people behind one of Long Island's favorite institutions. Along the way we discuss: The Great Farmingdale Ralph's Controversy Why Long Islanders take frozen desserts VERY seriously A wild attempted robbery story involving a ransom note and a punch across the counter Training teenagers to count change in 2026 The devastating fire affecting Ralph's Franklin Square location Why Long Islanders from Brooklyn are a special breed Special thanks to Jill, Kathy, and the entire Ralph's team for being good sports and setting the record straight. 🍧 Support Ralph's Italian Ice   / ralphs_farmingdale   📍 Farmingdale, Long Island 🎙️ Subscribe for more Long Island stories, local legends, comedians, business owners, and everyday characters. #LongIsland #Farmingdale #RalphsItalianIce #TomKellyShow #LongIslandLife #Podcast #Comedy #newyorkcomedy Suggested Thumbnail Text I WAS WRONG THEY MADE ME APOLOGIZE LONG ISLAND WAS MAD THERE IS A RALPH'S! ICE CREAM CONTROVERSY FARMINGDALE FACT-CHECKED ME YouTube Chapter Markers 00:00 I Was Wrong About Farmingdale 00:43 The Ralph's Controversy Explained 02:04 Why Everyone Was Mad 05:39 The Attempted Robbery Story 07:10 Kathy Chases the Robber 08:25 Can Kids Still Count Change? 10:50 The Franklin Square Fire 12:36 A Plea to Reopen Before Summer 14:01 The Official Apology 15:10 Sponsor Shout-Outs from Maine

  8. 1 Jun

    Audio Only: Riverhead Town Board Drama / Massapequa School Board Election Results

    ong Island Comedian Tom Kelly and producer Steve hit the road for another chaotic in-the-car episode of The Tom Kelly Show — recorded while driving through Long Island and ranting about everything from Riverhead drama to the controversial Massapequa school board election. Tom reacts to a Riverhead town councilwoman calling him a "wannabe comedian" during a public meeting after one of his Long Island comedy videos sparked controversy online. Tom explains why he believes he was actually celebrating Riverhead, why he only "punches up" in his comedy, and how the backlash accidentally made the original video even more popular. - ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 0:00 – Tom reacts to people "bashing Riverhead" 0:22 – Sponsor shoutouts: ABC Home Outlet & AutoSpa Williston Park 1:12 – Long Island Science Center discussion begins 1:53 – Podcasting from the Jeep at Bay Park Eastway 2:27 – Classic Long Island roadside observations 3:15 – Tom explains the Riverhead controversy 3:38 – "I punch up, I don't punch down" 4:17 – Why Tom actually likes Riverhead 4:52 – A Riverhead councilwoman calls Tom a "wannabe comedian" 5:21 – Full clip from the Riverhead town meeting 6:17 – Riverhead's downtown redevelopment frustrations 6:48 – The Long Island Aquarium & Riverhead tourism jokes 7:41 – "I'm not a wannabe comedian. I'm a washed-up comedian." 8:08 – Tom says the Riverhead video was meant lovingly 8:44 – Railroad crossing interruption & Long Island chaos 9:14 – Tom reacts to the backlash video going viral 10:00 – "If I were REALLY bashing Riverhead…" 10:42 – Trying to rename the LIRR the "Long Island Choo Choo" 10:58 – Long Island Science Center controversy explained 11:58 – Tom discusses charging appearance/meeting fees 12:16 – Why Tom skipped the Riverhead town board meeting 13:00 – Tom softens toward Councilwoman Joanne Waski 14:29 – Breaking down the Science Center land dispute 15:28 – The Science Center's move to Tanger Outlets 16:02 – Tom asks listeners to leave positive reviews 17:09 – Transition into Massapequa school board politics 17:23 – Reaction to the controversial Massapequa election 17:42 – "The Save The Chief candidates won" 18:08 – Tom says he would have split his vote 18:15 – "How much do we spend to save the logo?" 18:34 – Long Island Railroad strike frustrations 19:08 – Overtime pay controversy & Newsday article discussion 20:03 – Tom's fantasy LIRR labor negotiation plan 20:37 – Strange LIRR overtime rules explained 21:04 – Triple turnout in the school board election 21:12 – "All because of a Chief and transgender bathrooms" 21:46 – Wrapping up another Long Island road episode 22:00 – "If you came for school board politics, stay for the funny"---------------- Socials: @TomKellyShow

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About

"Get Back To The Fun" . . . Tom Kelly is a stand-up comedian who has worked with almost every celebrity imaginable. He's a man of a certain age asking deep questions while also sharing unsolicited opinions about news and world events. He refuses to niche down. He's on a quest to be real. But the reality is he's also learned, it's time to be silly, loosen up and get "Back To The Fun."

Information

  • Creator
    Tom Kelly
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    300
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2024 and beyond! All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Tom Kelly Show

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