How We Navigate Grief with Blair

Blair | How We Navigate Grief

How We Navigate Grief is where we name what’s hard, share what helps, and move forward without erasing the past. howwenavigategrief.substack.com

  1. HACE 4 DÍAS

    Kintsugi Healing: How Grief, Loss, and Love Rebuild a Broken Heart

    Kintsugi Healing: Learning to Feel Again After Grief Five and a half years ago, I made a quiet decision that would change everything. I was going to put my heart back together. Not to return to who I was, but to become someone who could feel again. To crack it open and let love back in. I couldn’t feel it. Not love. Not gratitude. Not joy. I was numb. If you’ve ever experienced deep grief or trauma, you may know this feeling. It is not dramatic or loud. It is quiet. It is the absence of feeling. It is moving through your life like you are watching it happen instead of living it. So I created a visual in my mind. I imagined my heart shattered into pieces. And instead of trying to hide the cracks, I imagined them being filled with gold. This is the philosophy of Kintsugi. The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The belief that the break is not something to fix or erase, but something to honour. The history becomes part of the beauty. I decided my heart would be rebuilt this way. Not despite what I had been through, but because of it. Healing, Expansion, and the Moment Everything Changed When I entered my second healing journey, I could feel the difference immediately. I was more grounded. More aware. I had done the integration work. I was not trying to escape my pain this time. I was ready to meet it. And something shifted. On the final day, I experienced a level of emotion I did not know was available to me. I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, heart wide open, arms stretched out, completely surrendered. Below me was a lush jungle, alive and vibrant. And from my heart, something extraordinary happened. Butterflies. Light. Color. Joy. It felt like pure love radiating out of me. Like the most powerful version of a Care Bear stare you could imagine. I was not chasing happiness. I was inside of it. For the first time in a long time, I felt alive. Fully. And in that moment, I understood something important. This is what is possible. Grief and Joy Can Exist at the Same Time That night, everything changed. My intuition told me to turn my phone on and call my sister. And that is when I found out my dad was about to die. Within hours of experiencing the highest emotional state of my life, I was on a plane to say goodbye to my father. There was no time to integrate what I had just experienced. No time to process the expansion. My heart was wide open, and life met me there with loss. I held his hand as he took his final breath. There are moments in life that split you open. This was one of them. To feel that level of joy and that depth of grief so close together is something I still do not have words for. It was intense. It was disorienting. It was human. This is the duality of grief. We are capable of holding both. Rebuilding a Heart Through Grief and Resilience Healing is not about going back to who you were before the loss. It is about becoming someone new. This is the essence of what I teach through the Navigating Grief Framework. A process that supports people in moving through grief while strengthening their resilience muscle. Grief is not linear. Healing is not a checklist. But there are ways to support yourself through it. Grounding yourself in the present moment.Creating rituals that allow your emotions to move.Reflecting on what you have lost and what still matters.Leaning into support instead of isolating.Taking small steps forward, even when it feels impossible. This is how we rebuild. Not all at once. Piece by piece. Feeling Again: Where I Find Love Now Over time, something began to change. I started to feel again. Not all at once. Not in a big, cinematic moment. But in small, quiet ways. At concerts, when the music moves through my body.At festivals, surrounded by energy and connection.With my cats, in the stillness of being present.At our summer home, where time feels softer.On any beach, by any body of water, where I can breathe deeper.On hikes, where nature reminds me that everything continues. These moments became my proof. Proof that love was still accessible to me. Proof that my heart was healing. The Gold Is in the Cracks Today, I can feel it. The love. The gratitude. The connection. And I can also feel the grief. Both exist. Both are true. That is the beauty of Kintsugi. The cracks do not disappear. They become part of the story. They are filled with something stronger. I can feel the gold filling the spaces where my heart once broke. And maybe that is the point. Not to be unbroken. But to be beautifully rebuilt. Let’s navigate your grief and first last breath together, XX Blair P.S. I offer a complimentary call. If you want to see what it’s like to work with me as a Grief and Resilience Coach, book a time here. Where’s Blair? May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th! May 11-14, 2025, Vancouver, BC I’ll be attending Web Summit Vancouver so that I can sharpen my skills and spread our mission. August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thanks for reading How We Navigate Grief! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    6 min

  2. 6 ABR

    Confessions of a Treasure Hunter: How Collecting Rocks, Shells, and Sticks Became My Way Through Grief

    I’ve always been a treasure hunter. Not the kind with a map and an X marking the spot, but the kind who walks slowly along a shoreline, eyes scanning the ground like something sacred might be waiting to be found. Because it is. Give me a beach, any beach. Ocean, river, lake. Give me a forest floor scattered with stories, and I will find magic. A speckled rock that looks like it was painted by hand. A shell shaped like it was handcrafted. A stick that makes the best walking stick. Coral broken off into a heart shape, like it has been quietly waiting for someone to notice it. I don’t just see these things, I feel them. There is something in me that softens when I’m collecting. Something that exhales. It is like my nervous system finally says, this is what we are doing now. We are safe. We are here. How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. People sometimes laugh and ask what I am going to do with all those rocks and shells. And the answer is always the same. Keep them. Not because I need them, but because something in me recognizes them. Because each one feels like proof that beauty exists without trying. That time, pressure, water, and wind, all the things that can break us, can also shape us into something worth holding. I am not alone in this instinct. The more I pay attention, the more I realize that nature is filled with collectors. Sea otters have their favourite rocks, carefully chosen and carried with them, tucked into little pockets under their arms. They use them to crack open food, yes, but it is hard not to feel like there is something more there. A preference. A familiarity. Maybe even a quiet attachment. Octopuses gather shells and build little fortresses, creating safety out of what they find around them. Decorator crabs turn themselves into walking pieces of art, attaching shells and fragments to their bodies to blend in and protect themselves. Penguins search for the perfect pebble to build their nests, sometimes stealing from one another because even they know that some things are worth fighting for. And then there are crows. Brilliant, curious, wildly intelligent beings that collect shiny objects and little trinkets. Sometimes it is curiosity, sometimes play, and sometimes something deeper. Crows have been known to leave gifts for humans they trust. Buttons, beads, pieces of glass, small treasures offered like tokens of connection. A wild animal choosing you and leaving something behind as if to say, I see you. If that does not feel like magic, I don’t know what does. So maybe what I am doing when I collect rocks and shells is not random. Maybe it is ancient. Maybe it is instinct. Maybe it is a deeply human way of making sense of a world that can feel overwhelming, heavy, and sharp. And now, I also collect for my mom. I will bring pieces of each magical adventure from around the world to her headstone in Winnipeg. Wait, am I a crow? LOL. When you have experienced loss, when grief has moved through your life and changed you, you begin to look for anchors. Small things. Grounding things. Things you can hold in your hands when everything else feels like it is slipping through your fingers. This is something I have come to understand not just personally, but through my work. Grounding does not have to be complicated. It does not have to be a perfect morning routine or a long meditation practice. Sometimes it looks like standing barefoot on a beach, letting the water kiss your ankles, and picking up something that catches your eye. That is it. That is the work. In my world, we call this grounding in the present. It is one of the core ways we begin to move through grief, not around it. It is about coming back into your body, into the moment, into something tangible when your thoughts and emotions feel anything but. When you are collecting treasures from nature, you are not just gathering objects. You are gathering moments. You are collecting proof that you were here. That you paused long enough to notice something beautiful. That even in a world that can break your heart, there are still tiny, perfect things waiting to be found. Each rock, each shell, each piece of driftwood carries a story. Not just of where it came from, but of where you were when you found it. Who you were in that moment. What you were feeling. What you were moving through. They become markers, little breadcrumbs of your life, reminders that you kept going, that you kept looking, that you kept finding. So yes, I will always be a treasure hunter. My pockets will always be a little too full. My suitcase will always be a little too heavy. My home will always have collections of rocks, shells, sticks, and stories tucked into corners and displayed on shelves. Because every piece I collect reminds me of something I never want to forget. We are shaped by the elements. We are softened by time. And even after everything we have been through, even after loss and heartbreak and change, we are still here. And we are still worth finding. Let’s navigate your grief and first last breath together, XX Blair P.S. I offer a complimentary call. If you want to see what it’s like to work with me as a Grief and Resilience Coach, book a time here. Where’s Blair? May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th! May 11-14, 2025, Vancouver, BC I’ll be attending Web Summit Vancouver so that I can sharpen my skills and spread our mission. August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    6 min

  3. 27 MAR

    The First Last Breath I Ever Witnessed: What Death Taught Me About Grief

    The first last breath I ever witnessed was hers. Auntie Heather. I was 20 years old, standing in a hospital room that felt too quiet, too still, as if the world had paused without asking permission. No one prepares you for that moment. No one sits you down and says, this is what it looks like when a life ends. And yet, there I was, watching, listening, trying to understand something my body somehow already knew. The sound came first. The death rattle. If you have heard it, you know. It is a sound that bypasses logic and lands straight in your nervous system. It tells you, without words, that the body is shutting down. And then came the stillness. A kind of stillness that feels sacred. Heavy. Final. And then it happened. Her last breath. You do not miss it. Even if you do not know what you are looking for, you feel it. It is like the air shifts. Like something invisible leaves the room. The body is still there, but the person is not. That was the first last breath I ever witnessed. And something inside me changed. At the time, I did not have the language for it. I did not understand grief. No one explained it to me. No one helped me process what I had just experienced. So I did what so many of us do when something is too big to hold. I carried on. I packed it away. I got on a plane to Greece. I distracted myself. I told myself I was fine. But here is what I know now, both from lived experience and from the work I do in grief and resilience. When you witness a last breath, your body remembers. Even if your mind tries to move on. Even if your life gets busy. Even if you become really good at pretending it did not affect you. The body keeps the score of those moments. They do not disappear just because you decide not to look at them. Because that moment is not just about death. It is about love. It is about connection. It is about the undeniable truth that we are here, and then we are not. Auntie Heather’s last breath was my first. But it was not my last. I was there when my mom took her final breath. I was there when my dad took his. I have held space for my pets as they left this world too. Each time, it was different. Each time, it was the same. The room shifts. Time slows down. Everything that matters becomes painfully, beautifully clear. And every single time, I am reminded that being there is a privilege. A heartbreaking, soul-shaking, life-altering privilege. Because not everyone gets that moment. Not everyone gets to witness the exact second a life completes its cycle. Sitting at the edge of life strips everything away. The noise. The distractions. The things we think matter. What is left is love. Pure, undeniable love. But, witnessing death does not mean you have processed it. For years, I did not process Auntie Heather’s death. I watched her take her last breath, but I did not allow myself to feel the weight of what that meant. I did not allow myself to experience her absence in a meaningful way. Grief does not operate on logic or proximity. You can be present for someone’s final moment and still avoid the grief that follows. You can witness death and still not understand loss. It took me years to come back to that first last breath. Years to sit with it. Years to feel what I did not let myself feel at 20. And what I understand now is this. Grief is not in the moment. Grief is in what comes after. It lives in the quiet. In the memories that resurface when you least expect them. In the space you finally allow yourself to give to the person who is no longer here. This is why the work I do exists. Because no one taught me how to navigate those moments. No one showed me how to integrate what I witnessed. No one explained that being there is one thing, but making meaning of it is another. So I built a way through it. A framework that helps people ground themselves in the present moment, create rituals to process their emotions, reflect on what their loss means, connect with support, and continue moving forward without pretending it did not happen. Because if you have ever witnessed a last breath, you carry that moment with you. Not as something to fear. But as something that connects you more deeply to being alive. So if you are reading this and you have been there too, standing in that room, feeling that shift, watching someone you love take their final breath, I want you to hear this clearly. You are not alone in what you felt. You are not broken for how it stayed with you. And you are allowed to grieve it, even if it happened years ago. My first last breath was hers. And in many ways, it was the beginning of everything I now understand about life, love, and resilience. Not because it was easy. But because it cracked me open in a way that nothing else could. Let’s navigate your grief and first last breath together, XX Blair P.S. I offer a complimentary call. If you want to see what it’s like to work with me as a Grief and Resilience Coach, book a time here. Where’s Blair? April 5-11, Bali, Indonesia I will be co-facilitating the Bali Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There are still a few spaces if you want to join us. May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th! May 11-14, 2025, Vancouver, BC I’ll be attending Web Summit Vancouver so that I can sharpen my skills and spread our mission. August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  4. 23 MAR

    From Broken Pieces to Times Square: How a Resilience Movement Took Over NYC

    On March 7th, something remarkable happened in New York City. Not just a book launch.Not just a billboard in Times Square. It was a celebration of human resilience. At 31 minutes past the hour, every hour for 24 hours, the cover of RESILIENT A.F. Stories of Resilience Volume 3 appeared on a Times Square billboard. That means the message of resilience showed up 24 times in one of the busiest places on Earth, where roughly 78,000 people pass through Times Square every hour on Saturdays in March. Pause and imagine that for a moment. Thousands of strangers walking through the chaos of New York City… looking up… and seeing a message about resilience. Behind that message were not celebrities or actors. Behind that message were real people sharing real stories of healing. What Is RESILIENT A.F. Stories of Resilience? RESILIENT A.F. Stories of Resilience is a global storytelling project that shares real experiences of people who have navigated grief, trauma, illness, loss, and life’s hardest moments. What started as one book has grown into something much bigger: • Five books• More than 200 stories of resilience• Three Times Square billboards• Conversations happening across Ghana, Costa Rica, Mexico, Canada, the United States, Australia, Bali, the Maldives, and online. The project has expanded into: • Podcasts• A clothing line• Global community events• Strategic partnerships• Speaking engagements and workshops And my sister Alana and I are just getting started. There are more creative projects on the way. But the heart of this movement will always be the stories. How One Personal Story Started a Global Resilience Movement This entire journey started with something most people are afraid to talk about. Mental health.Addiction.Family struggles.Grief. Years ago, I shared something publicly that felt terrifying at the time. My dad was living with addiction and was terminally ill. We had only recently repaired our relationship. Talking about it felt like the unthinkable. But something unexpected happened. People began sharing their stories with me. One story became ten.Ten became hundreds. This phenomenon happens because storytelling builds empathy and connection between people, a process neuroscience calls neural coupling, where listeners’ brains synchronize with the storyteller. Stories don’t just entertain us. They help us understand each other. They help us heal. What Happened at the Times Square Book Launch For the launch of Volume 3, 20 authors travelled to New York City from Canada, the United States, and Australia. Many of them had never met before. Yet the moment they stood together under the billboard in Times Square, something powerful happened. People hugged. Some cried. Phones came out to capture the moment. Because for many of these authors, sharing their story meant telling the truth about things like: • grief• illness• trauma• addiction• loss• rebuilding life after everything falls apart Standing there together was proof of something important: Healing does not have to happen alone. Celebrating the Launch at Oscar Wilde NYC After the first Times Square meetup, we walked to Oscar Wilde NYC for brunch. If you have never been there, picture ornate ceilings, velvet seating, warm lighting, and an atmosphere that makes you want to stay all afternoon. Which we did. The brunch was not just about celebrating a book. It was about celebrating the humans behind the stories. Conversations flowed about healing journeys, business ideas, life lessons, and the surreal experience of seeing a book you helped create appear on a giant Times Square billboard. Some people had met only hours earlier and already felt like lifelong friends. That is the power of vulnerability. Watching the Billboard Light Up Times Square Throughout the day, we kept returning to Times Square. Every time the clock hit 31 minutes past the hour, people gathered to watch the billboard again. Phones went up.Cheers broke out.More photos were taken. Watching a project that started from pain turn into a public celebration in the middle of New York City felt surreal. Meanwhile, our Book Launch WhatsApp group and social media feeds were buzzing with messages from around the world. People who could not be in New York were celebrating from different time zones. Because this book belongs to a community. The Book’s Early Success on the Charts Within days of launch, RESILIENT A.F. Stories of Resilience Volume 3 reached: #1 Hot New Releases in Biography Reference & Collections in • Australia• Canada• The United States Plus many additional rankings across Amazon categories. But honestly? The charts are exciting.The billboard is cool. What matters most are the stories. The Moment in Times Square I Will Never Forget Standing in Times Square with authors from around the world, watching our message light up the city, I had one overwhelming thought. This all started with one story. One painful truth. One decision to stop hiding what was happening behind closed doors. You never know what sharing your story might create. Sometimes it creates healing. Sometimes it creates community. And sometimes… It ends up on a billboard in Times Square. What Is Next For Us? Waitlist open, special projects, clothing line, speaking, podcast…. Let’s navigate your grief together, XX Blair P.S. Please buy the book and leave us a review. It will help us get our message out to the world. Thank you for helping us spread the love! P.P.S. Get on the waitlist for Skin Deep Stories and Stories of Resilience Vol. 4. Where’s Blair? April 5-11, Bali, Indonesia I will be co-facilitating the Bali Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There are still a few spaces if you want to join us. May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th! May 11-14, 2025, Vancouver, BC I’ll be attending Web Summit Vancouver so that I can sharpen my skills and spread our mission. August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    7 min

  5. 7 MAR

    Five Books Later: 5 Lessons in Resilience

    Five books.200+ stories of resilience.Three billboards.Conversations across Ghana, Costa Rica, Mexico, Canada, the USA, Australia, Bali, the Maldives, and online rooms filled with humans who simply wanted to feel less alone. A clothing line.Podcasts.Strategic partnerships.Live events.Creative projects, my sister Alana and I are quietly building behind the scenes. And it all started with something that felt unthinkable at the time: Talking about my mental health and talking about what was happening behind closed doors. Talking about my dad, who was terminally ill and living with addiction. We had only recently repaired our relationship when everything shifted. I could have kept it private. I could have stayed silent. I could have protected my image. Instead, I chose honesty. That choice became a ripple.That ripple became a book.That book became a movement. And this weekend, as we launch RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3, I want to share five lessons I’ve learned about resilience, community, grief, and what it truly means to bounce forward. If you’re searching for inspiration during hard times, wondering how to build resilience, or trying to understand how storytelling can transform pain into purpose, this is for you. Before you keep reading, please buy the book and leave us a review. This will help us spread our message far and wide! What Is Resilience, Really? Resilience is not toxic positivity. It is not pretending everything is fine. It is not being unaffected by grief, illness, betrayal, addiction, or loss. Resilience is your nervous system’s natural reflex to survive and adapt. It is the mechanism that helps you keep breathing when your world changes overnight. It is the quiet decision to try again tomorrow. Resilience is bouncing forward from a challenging experience. And here are five things building RESILIENT A.F. has taught me about it. 1. You Are Not Meant to Do This Alone Community is not a luxury. It is a survival strategy. More than 200 people have shared their stories across our five anthologies. Every single one of them thought, at some point, that they were the only one. They were not. When we speak our truth, we create a bridge. When we listen to someone else’s story, we cross it. The growth of The Global Resilience Project has proven one thing over and over again: healing accelerates in community. If you are struggling right now, your next step is not to be stronger.It is to reach out. 2. When Something Needs to Change, Change It Resilience is not passive. It is awareness followed by action. There was a moment when I realized staying silent about my dad’s addiction, my mental health, and our complicated family dynamics was costing me more than speaking ever could. Something needed to change. So I did something about it. Resilience often looks like therapy.Or setting a boundary.Or launching the book you’re afraid to write.Or leaving the job that is crushing your spirit.Or having the hard conversation. Clarity without action keeps you stuck.Clarity with action builds strength. 3. Your Story Is Not a Liability. It Is Leverage. For years, I believed that sharing the messy parts of my life would weaken my credibility. The opposite happened. The moment I spoke honestly about grief, addiction, reconciliation, and loss, everything aligned. The right collaborators appeared. The right partnerships formed. The right readers found us. Authenticity is magnetic. When you stop hiding the chapters that shaped you, you give others permission to do the same. That is how movements are built. Not through perfection, but through truth. 4. We Are Not Immune to Hard Things Publishing five books does not make me immune to grief. Speaking on stages does not protect me from illness or injury. Building a global community does not prevent life from life-ing. Resilience is not a one-time achievement. It is a muscle that requires ongoing training. Grief will revisit you.Illness may interrupt you.Plans will fall apart. The question is not whether hard things will happen. They will. The question is: will you have the tools, the support, and the awareness to respond instead of collapse? That is the work. 5. You Were Born Resilient This might be the most important lesson of all. You do not need to earn resilience. You do not need to unlock it. You do not need to become someone else to access it. You were born with it. It is a natural reflex. A protective mechanism. A biological and emotional system designed to help you adapt. Sometimes it looks like surviving.Sometimes it looks like rebuilding.Sometimes it looks like laughing again when you thought you never would. But it is there. Always. Why RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 Matters This third volume is not just another book. It is proof. Proof that people from every background, country, and circumstance can face the unimaginable and still find their way forward. Inside, you will find: • Real stories of overcoming loss and adversity• Reflections that help you navigate grief and mental health challenges• Global voices united by one universal truth: we are stronger together If you are looking for stories of resilience that feel honest, not polished, this book is for you. If you need inspiration during a difficult season, this book is for you. If you want to understand how community transforms pain into purpose, this book is for you. Five books ago, I was simply a daughter trying to make sense of my father’s illness and addiction. Today, we are a global movement. And we are just getting started. If these stories move you, support you, or strengthen your resilience muscle, I invite you to grab a copy of RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 and leave an honest review. Reviews help these stories reach the people who need them most. Because life does not break us. It shapes us. And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is tell the truth about what shaped you. Let’s navigate your grief together, XX Blair P.S. Please buy the book and leave us a review. It will help us get our message out to the world. Thank you for helping us spread the love! Where’s Blair? March 5-10, New York City, NY Resilient A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 book launch with a billboard in Times Square on Saturday, March 7th. Want to tune in? We will have a link to the livestream and details COMING SOON. March 10-13, Los Angelas, CA I will be putting on my Public Relations hat and working with Heather Marianna at ‘A Toast to Hollywood’, the premier celebrity gifting lounge of Oscar Awards Week. If you are in LA and want to connect, please reach out to me personally. April 5-11, Bali, Indonesia I will be co-facilitating the Bali Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There are still a few spaces if you want to join us. May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th! August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    7 min

  6. 4 MAR

    What Is Aphantasia and is it fixable?

    For most of my life, I thought when people said, “Close your eyes and picture a red apple,” they were being poetic. Apparently… they weren’t. Some people can literally see images in their mind like a movie screen. They can rotate objects, picture faces, and imagine landscapes. I see nothing. Just darkness. This condition is called aphantasia, which simply means the absence of a voluntary “mind’s eye.” Research suggests that roughly 2–4% of people may experience aphantasia, though many don’t realize it until adulthood. Cool, I love being unique. But here’s the twist. Even though I can’t voluntarily visualize things while awake, I have extremely vivid dreams. Like, super realistic and detailed. And sometimes, my mom is there. She died suddenly after being given only two weeks left to live. Three days later, she was gone. Since then, she occasionally visits me in my dreams. When she does, I can see her clearly. Her face. Her smile. The energy she carried. Which means something important. The machinery for imagery exists in my brain. It just isn’t under my conscious control. And that realization made me curious. If my brain can create images while I sleep, can I train it to do that while I’m awake? Because if I could learn to visualize… maybe I could see her again. Even for a moment. How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Why Training Your Brain to Visualize Might Be Possible Neuroscience tells us something hopeful. The brain is neuroplastic, meaning it can reorganize itself and build new neural pathways through repetition and training. Studies show that mental imagery activates many of the same brain regions as actually seeing something. In other words, visualization is a skill. And skills can be practiced. Some people with aphantasia report gradual improvements after consistently practicing imagery exercises over time. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen for everyone. But the fact that I dream vividly is a very good sign. It means the visual cortex can generate images. So my new experiment is simple: Train my brain. Approach it like strengthening my resilience muscle. Because that’s what I believe we’re doing in life anyway. Building invisible muscles that help us carry what we love and what we’ve lost. As I often say in my work with grief and resilience, we all have an invisible resilience muscle that can be strengthened through practice and intention. So now I’m applying that same philosophy to my brain. My Plan to Train My Mind’s Eye Here’s the routine I’m experimenting with. Not perfectly. But consistently. 1. Training at the Edge of Sleep The best time to practice visualization is right as you’re falling asleep or waking up. Your brain is already producing images in that half-dream state. So now, when I’m drifting off to sleep, I try to notice the faint shapes, colours, or flashes that appear behind my eyelids. Instead of forcing a full picture, I gently try to hold whatever shows up. Even if it’s just static. This is where dreams begin, so I’m trying to catch them early. 2. Describing Images Even If I Can’t See Them Another technique is called image streaming. The idea is simple: Close your eyes and try to imagine something basic, like an apple. Even if you see nothing, describe it anyway. Its color.Its weight.Its texture.How would it feel in your hand? By describing sensory details, you activate parts of the brain that may eventually trigger visual imagery. So right now, I’m practicing describing things I love. Our family cat, Zena.Our mom laughing.The way she read the newspaper. Maybe one day those descriptions will turn into pictures. 3. Practicing Afterimages This one feels like a science experiment. You stare at a bright object or simple shape for about 30 seconds. Then close your eyes and try to hold the afterimage that appears. You know that little ghost image that lingers when you look away from something bright? That’s your visual cortex remembering. So the practice becomes holding that image longer. Then, eventually, trying to change it. Rotate it. Shift the colour. Basically, you’re giving your brain visual data and asking it to play with it. 4. Starting Ridiculously Simple Apparently, the biggest mistake people make is trying to visualize complex scenes. So the training starts small. A circle.A triangle.A square. Then maybe a ball. Then maybe a cup. Ten minutes a day. No pressure. Just curiosity. 5. Changing the Story I Tell Myself The most important shift might be psychological. Instead of saying: “I can’t visualize.” I’m practicing saying: “I’m training my brain to visualize.” Because belief shapes how the brain learns and grief has taught me something powerful…healing doesn’t happen by forcing outcomes. It happens by creating space for possibility. Which is actually very aligned with the Navigating Grief Framework, where one of the key stages is Introspection for Understanding and allowing curiosity about our experience rather than fighting it. So this is my new introspection. My new curiosity. Why This Matters More Than Visualization Yes, part of me hopes that one day I might be able to picture my mom. Maybe not perfectly. Maybe just a flash. But this experiment isn’t only about seeing images. It’s about something deeper. Grief doesn’t end when someone dies. It evolves. Sometimes it looks like tears. Sometimes it looks like building a global movement to help people strengthen their resilience muscles. And sometimes it looks like quietly lying in bed at night, trying to train your brain to see someone you love. If I can visualize her one day, that would be beautiful. But even if I can’t, the practice itself is meaningful. Because the act of trying is a form of connection. And grief, at its core, is simply love that no longer has a physical place to land. So we find new ways to hold it. Even if that means training the brain. One neuron at a time. If this topic resonates with you, I write about grief, resilience, neuroscience, and the strange ways we learn to live with loss. You can subscribe to my Substack How We Navigate Grief, where I share short essays and audio reflections a few times a week. Because none of us are meant to navigate grief alone. Let’s navigate your grief together, XX Blair P.S. Did you know that in a few days, on March 7th, our next book is being published? SAVE THE DATE and get ready to be inspired by real humans who shared their journeys of resilience in RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3. Where’s Blair? March 5-10, New York City, NY Resilient A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 book launch with a billboard in Times Square on Saturday, March 7th. Want to tune in? We will have a link to the livestream and details COMING SOON. March 10-13, Los Angelas, CA I will be putting on my Public Relations hat and working with Heather Marianna at ‘A Toast to Hollywood’, the premier celebrity gifting lounge of Oscar Awards Week. If you are in LA and want to connect, please reach out to me personally. April 5-11, Bali, Indonesia I will be co-facilitating the Bali Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There are still a few spaces if you want to join us. May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th! August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  7. 2 MAR

    What a Cartel Flare-Up in Puerto Vallarta Taught Me About Fight or Flight

    I went to Puerto Vallarta for Grief Week from February 16 to 24. This week is to honour our mom and dad and their death anniversaries. Dead Dad Day is February 18th, and Dead Mom Day is February 23rd. It was intentional. Sacred. A container for reflection. The kind of trip where you think, This is where I’ll exhale. Instead, the day before Dead Mom Day, there was a cartel flare-up. Shelter in place.Flights cancelled.Group chats and social media lighting up.That familiar buzz in the chest that says, Something is not right. It was not relaxing. And what struck me most was not the external chaos. It was what happened inside my body. Because even when you teach resilience.Even when you understand nervous system regulation.Even when you have the tools. Your body still responds. What Happens to Your Nervous System During a Crisis? When a threat, real or perceived, appears, your autonomic nervous system activates survival mode. This is commonly known as the fight-or-flight response. The amygdala signals danger.Cortisol and adrenaline surge.Your heart rate increases.Your digestion slows.Your thinking narrows. According to the American Psychological Association, acute stress triggers a cascade of hormonal responses designed to protect you in moments of danger. The problem is not activation. The problem is when activation lingers after the threat has passed. And that is what people rarely talk about. The hangover. The Fight or Flight Hangover Is Real We sheltered in place. We waited. We monitored updates. My flight home was cancelled (and finally rebooked for SEVEN days later - which was unacceptable). On paper, we were fine. But my nervous system did not get the memo. The next morning, I felt wired and exhausted. Snappy and tender. Hyper-aware of every sound. My body was heavy, but my mind would not settle. That is the fight-or-flight hangover. Research published by Harvard Health explains that while the immediate stress response may end, cortisol levels and nervous system activation can remain elevated for hours or days. This is why you can feel shaky, irritable, fatigued, or emotionally raw even after you are technically safe. Your body ran a marathon.It just did not tell you. Grief + Stress = Amplified Response Layer in the fact that this happened the day before Dead Mom Day. Five years without my mom.A day that already holds weight.A nervous system already sensitized by loss. Grief lowers our threshold for stress. Studies from Columbia University have shown that bereavement can dysregulate the stress response system, making us more reactive to future stressors. It’s like I had already broken the emotional regulation seal and was now hyper-responsive to threats. So when the flare-up happened, it was not just about the present moment. It was every past moment my body has stored. This is how trauma works. It stacks. The Unexpected Regulator: Human Kindness What regulated me was not control. It was people. The hotel staff who reassured us.The strangers who shared updates.The friend who checked and found rescue flights for me.The calm voice on the phone.The Oreo cheesecake. Connection is one of the fastest ways to downshift a dysregulated nervous system. Cues of safety through human connection can move us from sympathetic activation and fight-or-flight into ventral vagal safety and social engagement. In plain language? Kindness helps to calm the body. I did not get home because I powered through.I got home because people showed up. How to Regulate After a Crisis If you have ever experienced a stressful event and then felt strangely off afterward, here is what your nervous system needs: * Do not judge the crash. The fatigue, irritability, tears, and brain fog. This is biology, not weakness. * Prioritize basic regulation. Hydrate. Eat consistently. Sleep. Gentle movement. These are not luxuries. They are nervous system repair. * Slow your breathing. Lengthen your exhale. Even five minutes of slow breathing can reduce sympathetic activation. * Seek safe connection. Call someone who feels steady. Co-regulation is powerful. * Name what happened. Your nervous system integrates experience through story. Say it out loud. Write it down. Make meaning. Recovery from acute stress is supported by social support, sleep, and gradual re-engagement with normal routines. In other words, softness helps. Once I made it home after many flights, I slept a lot. I focused on the tools above. I put in the work to bring myself into a “rest and digest” state. Resilience Is Not the Absence of Activation I talk about strengthening your resilience muscle all the time. But resilience does not mean you do not get activated. It means you know how to come back. In Puerto Vallarta, my body did exactly what it was designed to do. It protected me. And when it was time to stand down, it needed care. It needed compassion.It needed community.It needed time. That is nervous system regulation. Not perfection.Not pretending you are fine.Not powering through. It is noticing when your body is still bracing. And gently reminding it, we are safe now (once you are actually safe). If you are in your own fight or flight hangover, I want you to hear this: There is nothing wrong with you.Your nervous system is doing its job.And you are allowed to recover. Especially on the hard anniversaries.Especially when the world feels unpredictable.Especially when you are carrying grief. Resilience is not about never being shaken. It is about learning how to steady yourself, again and again, with support. And sometimes, the most regulating thing in the world is a stranger who helps you get home. Let’s navigate your grief together, XX Blair P.S. Did you know that on March 7th, our next book is being published? SAVE THE DATE and get ready to be inspired by real humans who shared their journeys of resilience in RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3. P.P.S. Looking for grief and resilience support? Book a free 30-minute call with me HERE. Where’s Blair? March 5-10, New York City, NY Resilient A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 book launch with a billboard in Times Square on Saturday, March 7th. Want to tune in? We will have a link to the livestream and details COMING SOON. March 10-13, Los Angelas, CA I will be putting on my Public Relations hat and working with Heather Marianna at 'A Toast to Hollywood, the premier celebrity gifting lounge of Oscar Awards Week. If you are in LA and want to connect, please reach out to me personally. April 5-11, Bali, Indonesia I will be co-facilitating the Bali Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There are still a few spaces if you want to join us. May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! August 23-29, Porto, Portugal I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  8. 23 FEB

    Five Years Without My Mom: Where Does Time Go When You’re Grieving?

    Does time have wings? Because how has it been five years since my mom, Sharon, suddenly died? One moment she was fine.The next, we were told she had two weeks left to live.Three days later, she was gone. Make it make sense. How does a life end that quickly and yet grief stretch on forever?How can five years feel like five minutes and five lifetimes at the same time? Today, February 23, is Dead Mom Day. And today, we honour Sharon. Grief and Time: Why It Feels So Distorted After Loss If you have ever lost someone suddenly, you know this truth: grief bends time. Neuroscience shows us that trauma and intense emotional experiences are encoded differently in the brain. Time stops in moments of shock. Then, somehow, the calendar keeps flipping. You blink and five years have passed. You blink and you are still in that hospital room. Both are true. When my mom died just after turning 62, my nervous system went into survival mode. And when we are in survival mode, we are not tracking time the way we used to. We are tracking safety. We are tracking meaning. We are tracking how to make it through the next hour. That is why anniversaries hit the body before they hit the mind. Your cells remember. Who My Mom Was Sharon was pride and work ethic wrapped up in a petite, powerful human. She was the woman who believed in me when my ideas were big and my bank account was small. She was the one who said, “You’ve got this,” even when I absolutely did not got this. She loved us fiercely. She worked hard for decades as a dental hygienist. She showed up. She hustled. She took care of people. She was funny in that dry, subtle way that catches you off guard. She was proud of her daughters. She made sure we knew it. And then, just like that, she was gone. No long goodbye.No years to prepare.Just a three-week whirlwind and a silence that still echoes. Five Years Later: What We Built From the Broken Pieces Mom, you would be so proud. From the broken pieces of our life, we built something extraordinary. We built a global movement. We created the Navigating Grief Framework to help people move through loss in a structured but flexible way. Because grief is not linear. It never was. We launched podcasts where people tell the stories they were too scared to tell. We created books and a social enterprise. We built a clothing line that reminds people they are resilient. We have helped millions of people strengthen their resilience muscles. This idea of the resilience muscle, the invisible muscle that runs through every fiber of our being, was born out of my own devastation. I spoke about it on the TEDx stage , but I learned it in hospital rooms and funeral homes. I did not bounce back. I bounced forward. That is the difference. How Time Changes Grief In year one, grief was loud.It screamed. It hijacked. It suffocated. In year two, it was heavy.It sat beside me at dinner. In year three, it surprised me.It showed up in grocery stores and sunsets. In year four, it softened.It became more love than panic. In year five, it is woven into me. Grief does not disappear. It integrates. Time does not heal all wounds.But time gives us space to carry them differently. Through the Navigating Grief Framework, I teach five pillars: * Grounding in the present * Resilience muscle rituals and routines * Introspection for understanding * Engagement with support systems * Forward movement Five years later, I can see how I have lived each one. Not perfectly.Not gracefully.But honestly. Why Anniversaries Matter Anniversaries are not about reopening wounds. They are about honouring love. Dead Mom Day is not just about how she died.It is about how she lived. It is about the Bank of Sharon.It is about her pride.It is about her stubborn daughters who turned heartbreak into purpose. When we mark anniversaries, we are telling our nervous systems:This mattered.She mattered.I matter. And that is powerful. If You Are Grieving Today If you are approaching an anniversary and thinking, How has it been this long? You are not broken. Your brain and body are doing exactly what they are wired to do. Here is what I invite you to do today: * Say their name out loud. * Share one story about them. * List three things you are grateful for from the past 24 hours. * Remind yourself that moving forward does not mean leaving them behind. Time may have wings. But love has roots. Deep roots. Five years later, my mom is not physically here. But she is in the framework.She is in the movement.She is in the resilience muscle of every person who strengthens theirs. Today we honour Sharon. And forever, we keep bouncing forward. Let’s navigate your grief together, XX Blair P.S. If someone you loved died, tell me about them. Say their name. Share it in the comments below and tell me what you loved most about them. P.P.S. Looking for grief and resilience support? Book a free 30-minute call with me HERE. Where’s Blair? Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat. I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different. This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset. I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe

    6 min
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How We Navigate Grief is where we name what’s hard, share what helps, and move forward without erasing the past. howwenavigategrief.substack.com

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    Blair | How We Navigate Grief
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