Decoding Attachment Styles

Annalisa Bahadur

Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it. I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse. But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients. This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships. In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.  We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now. We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries. Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do.Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt. This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful. If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place. Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit. 

  1. 7 HR AGO

    Breaking the Protest-Withdrawal Cycle Between Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic

    Social media will tell you that anxious-avoidant relationships are doomed. That avoidants are narcissists. That anxious people are just codependent. I'm here to tell you that's oversimplified BS that keeps people stuck. In this episode, I'm breaking down the anxious-avoidant dynamic with the nuance it actually deserves. After healing my own anxious attachment and being in a relationship with someone who's fearful-avoidant and has been actively working in therapy for over three years, I've learned that this isn't about finding a villain - it's about two nervous systems trying to feel safe in completely different ways. We're covering: The protest-withdrawal cycle: what it actually looks like and why it happens4 damaging myths social media spreads about this dynamic (and why they're wrong)What secure attachment would actually do in these moments - not as theory, but as a real, usable frameworkHow to hold both empathy AND boundaries at the same timeThe real questions to ask yourself if you're in this cycle right nowWhy "just stop chasing" and "just communicate better" aren't solutions -they're oversimplificationsThis episode doesn't tell you to leave or stay. It gives you the tools to make that decision from a grounded, informed place. Because you deserve relationships that feel secure, and you're capable of creating that - but only if you're willing to do your own work. Whether you're anxious, avoidant, or watching this pattern play out in your relationship, this one's for you. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Support the show

    52 min

About

Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it. I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse. But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients. This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships. In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.  We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now. We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries. Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do.Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt. This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful. If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place. Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit. 

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