Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Melanie Curtin
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Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they'll swoon over, c'mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? And if you're ready to do the work, come work with us -- we'd love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply. Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.

  1. 6 DAYS AGO

    399: What if you grew up between a bully and a bystander? (ft. Violet Lange & Sara)

    Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions? Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict? Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard? Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatile parent in your house and a more passive one (or if that's the dynamic you're in as a parent right now, with your own children), you'll want to hear this. This conversation goes beyond obvious abuse and into the invisible wounds: the confusion of not knowing who will protect you, the way your body learns to brace, appease, or disappear, and how those early patterns quietly follow you into adult relationships. We also explore what healing can look like — not through blame, but through awareness. How do you grieve the protection you didn’t receive? What does it take to stop replaying the bully–bystander dynamic in your partnerships, friendships, or inner world? If you’ve ever felt caught between harm and silence, this episode invites you to name the experience — and begin choosing something different. --- Mentioned on this episode: One Million Rising (pro-democracy training): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4496VWDjwS0&t=19svioletlange.com/root -- to sign up & get Zoom link (or replay after Feb 12th). If you have questions, just email violet@violetlange.com. You can also check out her program for women directly at: Love, Integrated

    1h 4m

  2. 30 JAN

    398: 'No other decision has impacted my day-to-day happiness more than this.' (ft. Kubir)

    “This is not something I ever thought I would do.” So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay. “As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship. His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations. Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community. So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more! --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:Supernuclear SubstackCoHoUS (The Cohousing Association of the United States)The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center -- book by Rhaina CohenStepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life -- book by Amy GahranDM 242: Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (with Amy Gahran)LiveNearFriends.com -- You've thought about it. What's stopping you?--- Memorable quotes from this episode:“Even with your best friend, you schedule dinner three weeks out.”“It was like, ‘Cool, that’s for you, but that’s not for people like me.’”“We buy our own loneliness.”“I moved in in the middle of Covid and it… was… awesome.”“I can’t think of any other decision that has impacted my day-to-day happiness in a positive way than moving into Radish.”“The things I was afraid of happening — I wouldn’t have any privacy; I wouldn’t have enough personal space — didn’t happen.”“I’m constantly meeting new people.”“Being in orbit with other people is such a healthy thing from a relational standpoint.”“You get to see yourself reflected in other people.”

    1h 4m

  3. 23 JAN

    397: How to work out for better sex and higher testosterone! (naturally) (ft. Mike Bledsoe)

    “The gym can be a very scary place.” Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure." Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners. We talk about how to naturally boost your T levels (easier than you think!), the specific way our physical bodies store our "stuff" (and how to move it), and how to get started if you're not sure what to do first. We also touch on questions like: Is keto really worth it? (What should you actually pay attention to in nutrition trends?)How do you safely start lifting weights (without injuring yourself), especially if you're over 50?How do you best integrate from deep emotional release work (including psychedelics) in a physical way?What kind of stretches are best?--- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:The ELDOA method (stretching and myofascial release)--- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I started asking, 'Why did I get injured?'“If I’m really fit, then I’ll finally feel loved.”“[My clients] would hide their pain from me.”“If you want to increase your testosterone, squat heavy once a week and get in a cold plunge.”“If you have tightness in your body, you have emotional stuff going on.”“About half of my time spent on my body is stretching … and I don’t get hurt anymore.”“No matter where you’re at, you require mentorship and guidance.”“Pay attention to every single win.”

    1h 36m

  4. 16 JAN

    396: Why your wife doesn't want to have sex with you (anymore) (ft. Jason Lange)

    Do any of these apply to you?: You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlinedYou're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly)You fear never having passionate, connected sex again--- These are all common patterns we see in our practice. Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have vibrant, thriving sex lives. Passion is possible! --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?DM 217: When sex is about more than just the sexDM 358: Do you trust men?DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- you need to know about thisDM 262: Are you lonely?DM 1: What if sex hurts for your partner or she doesn't want it? A woman opens up about her experience--- Memorable quotes from this episode:“Your relationship is flat.”“I’m gonna ask in a way I can’t be rejected.”“‘I tend to wait for the signal.’”“I’ve neglected my partner before.”“For a lot of guys, ejaculation is how they deal with tension in their bodies.”“One of the most painful ways we’ve seen this show up is when this wasn’t clear when they got married.”“'I want to feel your desire to be close to me, to know my heart, to know my feelings.'”“This is her strongest aphrodisiac!”“I’m getting off all the feelings I don’t want to feel.”“It’s not so much what we’re doing, but how we’re being.”“The pathway to the change you want comes from being honest.”“It can change — that’s the good news.”

    1h 4m

  5. 9 JAN

    395: Welcome! Here's how to get the most out of this podcast.

    We've got close to 400 episodes, and with the new year, I felt inspired to categorize Dear Men in order to help you get the most out of it! I've broken it down into six buckets, then listed episodes in an order I believe would be supportive to listen to: 1. Do you identify as a Nice Guy? If you already know about Nice Guy Syndrome (perhaps you've even read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover), you'll love these. If you've not yet heard about it but your spidey sense is going off, it's probably a good time to learn more: 374: The 3 main archetypes of men. Which one are you? (ft. Jason Lange)239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it? (ft. Jason Lange)367: 'For some reason, I tend to attract "projects."' (ft. Jason Lange)289: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange)235: 'I see a beautiful woman and immediately get triggered. Why?' (ft. Jason Lange)340: Top 3 traits we've seen Nice Guys develop to get what they want! (ft. Jason Lange)295: Ever 'fallen into' a relationship? (ft. Jason Lange)284: Is cheating (including emotional affairs) correlated with Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Jason Lange)296: What does it actually mean to step into your power? (ft. Jason Lange)315: What happens once you’ve recovered from Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Dr. Robert Glover)--- 2. Ever been with an emotionally volatile partner? If you've ever been with a partner who scared you, who had a lot of emotional intensity, and around whom you felt you were walking on eggshells, then it's time to understand Borderline Personality Disorder. (This could rock your world!) 319: 'My relationship is war.' (What do I do?) (Ft. Jason Lange)128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (ft. Violet Lange)313: GuyTalk: Life after being with a BPD partner (Borderline Personality Disorder)354: What’s it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder? (Pt. 1) Ft. Setareh Vatan373: What's it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder (pt. 2) (ft. Setareh Vatan)345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder) (ft. Violet Lange)163: Ever had red-hot sex with someone who's bad for you? (ft. Jason Lange)221: What's her feminine storm, and what's abuse? (ft. Violet & Jason Lange)386: GuyTalk: How do you co-parent with a challenging partner? (including Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder)--- 3. Are you curious about sexy time? We have tons of fun episodes on this! Everything from sexual fantasies to episodes with erotica writers. Here's just a taste: 37: Secrets of a Sex Researcher (ft. me!)388: GirlTalk: The reddest, hottest sex we've ever had (as women)318: GirlTalk: Role play in sex. What's it like!?152: GirlTalk: How to go down on a woman so she *loves* it189: GirlTalk: Does size matter?282: Anal sex! Yep, we’re talkin’ about it. (ft. Sara)245: What's it like to be swingers? (ft. John & Jackie Melfi)119: GirlTalk: Blowjobs! What we like and don't like in oral sex on men384: What's the impact of circumcision on a man? (ft. Michael Smith, Intactivist Educator)390: What is foreskin restoration? (ft. Bob Werner)--- 4. Are you dating/wanting to date? Whether you're wanting to "date better," or you're getting back out onto the scene after a major relationship has ended, you'll find a gem in here: 186: GirlTalk: Approaching us in the wild (the "cold approach")220: How do I tell if she likes me? (ft. Jason Lange)136: GuyTalk: Dating after divorce387: GirlTalk: What inspires a woman to deeply trust a man?360: GirlTalk: Striking while the iron is hot!358: Do you trust men? (ft. Jason Lange)335: Ever felt like women had a 'list' in dating & relationships? (ft. Violet Lange)344: 3 dating myths to let go of immediately (ft. Jason Lange)337: GirlTalk: Ever felt like she’s testing you?341: GirlTalk: The most important relationship skill of them all324: What does it mean to open a woman? (ft. Jason Lange)291: Want to get better at dating? Here are 3 ways to practice with women (ft. Violet Lange)138: GirlTalk! When should you text her vs. call her?--- 5. Want to know more about trauma healing? Eventually we all come to realize how messed up we are. ;) It is at that point that it's helpful to learn more about how to un-learn damaging patterns. The good news is that it's never too late, and major breakthroughs are more than just possible when you put in the right effort and get the right support -- they're probable. 320: From breakdown to breakthrough: how to recover from trauma (ft. Jason Lange)123: What exactly IS somatic therapy, and how does it differ from talk therapy? (ft. Z Zoccolante)379: Can ketamine really treat depression (and PTSD and ADHD)? (ft. Sam Mandel)314: Can microdosing help you develop better relationships? (ft. David Romero)300: What's it like to do MDMA therapy with your wife? (ft. Lucas)278: Need a breakthrough? Try breathwork. (ft. Luke Adler)371: GuyTalk: What's it like doing in-person men's work?150: Want a happy, healthy relationship? Ancestral trauma healing. (ft. Ben Goresky & Mark Wolynn)166: Can psychedelics help heal you? (ft. Jason Lange)159: It happens to boys, too. Somatic therapies to heal from sexual abuse (ft. Rahi Chun)155: Overcome anxious/avoidant attachment with somatic therapy modality Network Spinal Analysis (ft. Dr. Matt Kreinheder)223: Sexological bodywork, somatic sex education, and overcoming trauma (ft. Chris Muse & Alyssa Morin)199: Want to overcome trauma quickly? De-armoring can help (ft. Sunny Ju)--- 6. Are you in partnership? Learn about polarity! If you've ever been in a sexless marriage, or a love relationship where you wished there was more sexy time happening, polarity is likely a big part of what's going on. Or even if your relationship is good and you want to take it to GREAT, this is the topic for you. Polarity is a key concept in our work, and it is the balance between masculine and feminine energies, which we often talk about as "alpha" and "omega" energies. 380: What exactly IS polarity? (ft. Violet Lange)394: Why is polarity so critical for attraction? (ft. Jason Lange)292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? Reverse polarity could be the culprit (ft. Violet & Jason Lange)360: GirlTalk: Striking while the iron is hot!357: GirlTalk: What does it mean to “claim” her (and why does she love it)?297: The problems with polarity (ft. Jason Lange)293: Give it to me whining! (Ft. Jason & Violet Lange)277: Want to maximize polarity? Learn to do this well. (ft. Jason Lange)66: GirlTalk: When men do this, we get wet.342: Are you scared of her big feelings? This may help. (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]250: How do you re-polarize a relationship (bring back the spark)? ft. Jason Lange322: 5 ways to polarize a powerful woman (ft. Jason Lange) [Replay]

    16 min

  6. 2 JAN

    394: Why is polarity so critical for attraction? (ft. Jason Lange)

    Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like the spark had died? There's no chemistry but you're going through the motions, wishing there was more heat, more aliveness, more oomph. If so, you might have been bumping up against the principle of polarity. --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:DM 380: What exactly IS polarity?DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a coupleDear Men 297: The problems with polarity--- Memorable quotes:

    1h 2m

  7. 26/12/2025

    393: What's it REALLY like living in community, and how does it impact your relationships?

    “I become a bit of a depresso-goblin when I live alone.” So shares one of my housemates -- an eloquent interpretation, perhaps, of the loneliness episode we're living through, according to the US Surgeon General. We all know that loneliness sucks. Among other things, it elevates risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety (among other health concerns). So what do we do about it? According to the Pew Research Center, around 40% of adults are un-partnered, and a recent CNN article states that close to 30% of all US households are folks living on their own. Add to this the gig economy and an increased prevalence of workplaces that are entirely online, and you've got a major societal issue. Living in community is one way of coming together, having more fun, getting more practical support, and strengthening the overall social fabric of your life. Here, I get personal. I myself live in a coliving situation with six other friends. In this episode we delve into questions like: What was your life like before living in community, and what motivated you to seek out a community living situation?Anything you were hesitant about when it came to living in community?What needs of yours are met by living in community? What challenges have you found in it?How has living in community impacted your love relationship (if you’re in one)? What advice do you have for others who are considering living in community?--- Memorable quotes:“It seemed like a good healthy risk.”“I don’t have coworkers, so the vast majority of my sustaining social connection comes from this house.”“It's special to have built-in friends.”“One hesitation for me was that everything wasn’t going to be accessible to me 100% of the time in exactly the way I’d want.”“Living with people helps me with being open to receiving.”“It’s more isolating when you’re living in a home with just your partner.”“It's great having that space to be received and seen by others.”“It requires vulnerability and communication.”“It’s very lively!”“A better version of me lives when I live in community.” --- Mentioned on this episode:Nesterly: Share a home with someone you can trust for over 1 month stays. Renters can lend a hand for discounted rent.CoHoUS (The Cohousing Institute of the United States): A resource with courses as well as online social gatherings for those interested in cohousing and coliving

    1h 49m

  8. 19/12/2025

    392: Why is it so hard to quit porn!? (ft. Jason Lange)

    How do you know if you're addicted to porn? Instead of addiction language, some mental health specialists use the term Problematic Porn Use to discuss this. The heart of it is the same, however: How do I stop watching porn? (and why is it so freakin' hard to stop using porn??) Here we delve into the topic, but not from a shame-based point of view. Instead we look at the underlying needs that are met by porn use -- and how to move beyond it. The truth is that this is a complex and intricate subject. It's not as simple or easy as "just stop" -- and whether it's an outside force or your own inner critic saying this, it's simply not helpful (and often damaging). As with many things in life, the truth is, as Jason puts it: “You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.” --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 358: Do you trust men?Dear Men 262: Are you lonely?--- Memorable quotes:“When we don’t know how to share what’s inside of us, most men will default to is ejaculating it out.”“Porn is a subset of the attention-hijacking we’re all in the middle of right now.”“It was very disempowering to feel like I didn’t have control.”“You get exactly what you want and you can’t be rejected.”“As our system gets larger, we don’t need certain crutches anymore.”“I hit a certain level of stress, and my body does this.”“I changed my life so I wasn’t hitting that trigger switch.”“You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”

    1h 6m
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About

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they'll swoon over, c'mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? And if you're ready to do the work, come work with us -- we'd love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply. Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.

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