Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Melanie Curtin
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Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they'll swoon over, c'mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? And if you're ready to do the work, come work with us -- we'd love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply. Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.

  1. 3 DAYS AGO

    403: Do you really want to take the next step in your relationship -- or is it just what's expected? (ft. Amy Gahran)

    Ever felt obligated to "take the next step" in a relationship -- for example, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting married, buying a house, having children, etc.? Was it what you really wanted, or was it just what your partner or others thought you should be doing at that point? Millions of people quietly make alternative life choices and relationship choices -- but we rarely talk about them. Enter Amy Gahran and her book, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator. In the world of sex, dating, and love relationships, the cultural norm is the "relationship escalator" -- it's the familiar rom-com plotline where you date, become monogamous, put a ring on it, get married, buy a single-family home in the suburbs (don't forget the white picket fence!), have children, and then only "win" at marriage if you stay together until death parts you. You never get to acknowledge attraction to anyone else, and you both avoid questions around emotional closeness with anyone outside your relationship. Here, we talk about what it looks like to get OFF the relationship escalator.Here are a few concrete examples: You want kids, and your partner doesn't. Instead of breaking up, your partner and their close friend become co-parents. You all cohabitate.You've gotten divorced, but you're still close friends with your ex-spouse. They buy the house across the street and you hang out all the time. You've become close with their new dating partner.After living alone and realizing you feel lonely and isolated, you choose to move back in with housemates -- and you're happier than you've been in a long time Amy Gahran has interviewed hundreds of people who are off the escalator and are engaging in creative relationships of all kinds. If you've ever wondered what else was possible, listen to this. Memorable quotes from this episode:"More is possible.""You have options. And even if you want to keep doing what you're doing, make it a conscious choice.""Cultivate the skill to re-negotiate because I can guarantee that at some point you're going to need to."--- Amy's site: https://offescalator.com/

    1h 11m

  2. 27 FEB

    402: What helps a sexually guarded woman feel safe to open? (ft. Violet Lange)

    “A common pattern we see is that the sex has dried up.” In millions of marriages around the globe, one partner is starving for intimacy, and the other feels confused, frightened, frozen, or all three. The sexually guarded partner doesn't know how to open, and their partner feels stuck, unhappy and alone. So what can they do? Here we explore exactly that, with a focus on a woman partner who may be terrified of engaging in sexual healing. We explore the origins and root causes of this pattern, as well as sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, love, commitment, and connection. We talk about the phenomenon of: “I’m so flooded now that we have kids that it’s really hard for me to have the bandwidth to connect physically with anyone.” And: “Our lack of physical intimacy started bleeding into a lack of emotional intimacy." \We also talk about the prevalence of sexual trauma, whether from childhood or adulthood or both, as well as how to heal from it. Hint: One of the best ways to move through it is as a woman is not with a love relationship partner, but with other women. Sisterhood is powerful medicine. Mentioned on this episode:Violet's program for women: Love Integrated (https://loveandlegacy.circle.so/LoveIntegrated)Violet & Jason & Luke's program for women: Heart of Shadow for Women (https://heartofshadow.com/women/)DM 1: Pain in Pleasure, Pleasure in PainDM 348: ‘I wish we had sex more.’ (ft. Violet Lange)DM 325: What if *every* woman had a self-pleasure practice? DM 265: What if she's got a sexual trauma background? How do you help? (ft. Violet Lange) DM 227: How a woman can reclaim her erotic essence (ft. Violet Lange)Memorable quotes:“It can be very easy for a woman to avoid these conversations.”“Couples are complex systems.”“If you can’t talk about sex and what’s coming up there, you start to close off other conversational doors.”“He’s starving for intimacy, and I don’t just mean physical sex.”“There’s a deeper layer of healing and connection that wants to come forth.”“‘The closer we got, the less interested in sex I became; it was easy to just focus on planning the wedding.’”“I funneled all my energy into work ... and if I’d had kids, I would’ve funneled it into them.”“There’s a leaning in so that you, as a unit, — you and your partner — are generating energy.”“I can’t live a full life and exclude this part of myself.”“I’m ready, and I’m scared.”“It’s about having a partner who expresses herself so that you really trust her.”“We, as humans, and especially women, are incredibly capable of change and healing and growth and renewal.”“Here I am; I’m alive!”

    1h 7m

  3. 20 FEB

    401: ‘I needed to let go of who I was in my marriage.’ (ft. Sara)

    Have you ever felt like you've done everything right — therapy, journaling, the inner work — and yet you were still kind of... stuck? Like you intellectually understood your pain but couldn't actually move it? That's where Sara found herself after a 10-year marriage ended; a year of talk therapy later, she still wasn't where she wanted to be. She felt alone in a battle with the voice inside her that said she was a failure, unlovable, and destined to repeat the past. So she did something most people would never, ever do — and it changed everything. It involved the kink world — but not in the way you might think. Here, we get into how she set it all up, why she chose to do it the way she did, what it felt like in the room, and — most importantly — what shifted as a result. This episode is a reminder that healing doesn't always look the way we expect, and that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is feel it all, all the way through ... in community. --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)--- Memorable quotes from this episode:"It had been about a year of talk therapy, and I was thinking, 'Why am I not where I want to be?'"“What if I meet someone horrible and think they’re amazing?”"These were thoughts like, 'You’re not good enough. You’re not special. You’re never going to find love. Nobody’s ever going to love you. You don’t deserve to find the perfect partner for you.'" "I wanted to be pushed. I wanted to be a bawling mess.""I want to feel like I was letting go to a new extent.""Is this really the idea?? Do I really want to do this?""I did this thing, and I survived, and I was in control."“I chose that pain and I chose to let go of that pain.” "Things just became a little easier — of forgiving myself. Not having to be as perfect. Not having to be completely ready."--- Mentioned on this episode:DM 231: Her journey from vanilla marriage to BDSM and kink! (ft. Sara)Want to get in touch with Sara? Email me: dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com

    1h 11m

  4. 13 FEB

    400: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange) [Replay]

    Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something “wrong,” and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you’ll likely resonate with this episode. If you’re someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you’ve ended up with. In our work with men we’ve often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around … and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows. Fortunately, we’ve also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it. Memorable quotes:“One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”“It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”“If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”“There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone.”“At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”“Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”— Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I’m a nice guy. Now what?Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

    56 min

  5. 6 FEB

    399: What if you grew up between a bully and a bystander? (ft. Violet Lange & Sara)

    Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions? Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict? Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard? Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatile parent in your house and a more passive one (or if that's the dynamic you're in as a parent right now, with your own children), you'll want to hear this. This conversation goes beyond obvious abuse and into the invisible wounds: the confusion of not knowing who will protect you, the way your body learns to brace, appease, or disappear, and how those early patterns quietly follow you into adult relationships. We also explore what healing can look like — not through blame, but through awareness. How do you grieve the protection you didn’t receive? What does it take to stop replaying the bully–bystander dynamic in your partnerships, friendships, or inner world? If you’ve ever felt caught between harm and silence, this episode invites you to name the experience — and begin choosing something different. --- Mentioned on this episode: One Million Rising (pro-democracy training): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4496VWDjwS0&t=19svioletlange.com/root -- to sign up & get Zoom link (or replay after Feb 12th). If you have questions, just email violet@violetlange.com. You can also check out her program for women directly at: Love, Integrated

    1h 4m

  6. 30 JAN

    398: 'No other decision has impacted my day-to-day happiness more than this.' (ft. Kubir)

    “This is not something I ever thought I would do.” So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay. “As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship. His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations. Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community. So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more! --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:Supernuclear SubstackCoHoUS (The Cohousing Association of the United States)The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center -- book by Rhaina CohenStepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life -- book by Amy GahranDM 242: Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (with Amy Gahran)LiveNearFriends.com -- You've thought about it. What's stopping you?--- Memorable quotes from this episode:“Even with your best friend, you schedule dinner three weeks out.”“It was like, ‘Cool, that’s for you, but that’s not for people like me.’”“We buy our own loneliness.”“I moved in in the middle of Covid and it… was… awesome.”“I can’t think of any other decision that has impacted my day-to-day happiness in a positive way than moving into Radish.”“The things I was afraid of happening — I wouldn’t have any privacy; I wouldn’t have enough personal space — didn’t happen.”“I’m constantly meeting new people.”“Being in orbit with other people is such a healthy thing from a relational standpoint.”“You get to see yourself reflected in other people.”

    1h 4m

  7. 23 JAN

    397: How to work out for better sex and higher testosterone! (naturally) (ft. Mike Bledsoe)

    “The gym can be a very scary place.” Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure." Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners. We talk about how to naturally boost your T levels (easier than you think!), the specific way our physical bodies store our "stuff" (and how to move it), and how to get started if you're not sure what to do first. We also touch on questions like: Is keto really worth it? (What should you actually pay attention to in nutrition trends?)How do you safely start lifting weights (without injuring yourself), especially if you're over 50?How do you best integrate from deep emotional release work (including psychedelics) in a physical way?What kind of stretches are best?--- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:The ELDOA method (stretching and myofascial release)--- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I started asking, 'Why did I get injured?'“If I’m really fit, then I’ll finally feel loved.”“[My clients] would hide their pain from me.”“If you want to increase your testosterone, squat heavy once a week and get in a cold plunge.”“If you have tightness in your body, you have emotional stuff going on.”“About half of my time spent on my body is stretching … and I don’t get hurt anymore.”“No matter where you’re at, you require mentorship and guidance.”“Pay attention to every single win.”

    1h 36m

  8. 16 JAN

    396: Why your wife doesn't want to have sex with you (anymore) (ft. Jason Lange)

    Do any of these apply to you?: You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlinedYou're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly)You fear never having passionate, connected sex again--- These are all common patterns we see in our practice. Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have vibrant, thriving sex lives. Passion is possible! --- Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?DM 217: When sex is about more than just the sexDM 358: Do you trust men?DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- you need to know about thisDM 262: Are you lonely?DM 1: What if sex hurts for your partner or she doesn't want it? A woman opens up about her experience--- Memorable quotes from this episode:“Your relationship is flat.”“I’m gonna ask in a way I can’t be rejected.”“‘I tend to wait for the signal.’”“I’ve neglected my partner before.”“For a lot of guys, ejaculation is how they deal with tension in their bodies.”“One of the most painful ways we’ve seen this show up is when this wasn’t clear when they got married.”“'I want to feel your desire to be close to me, to know my heart, to know my feelings.'”“This is her strongest aphrodisiac!”“I’m getting off all the feelings I don’t want to feel.”“It’s not so much what we’re doing, but how we’re being.”“The pathway to the change you want comes from being honest.”“It can change — that’s the good news.”

    1h 4m
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Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they'll swoon over, c'mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? And if you're ready to do the work, come work with us -- we'd love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply. Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.

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