Ultimate Segment

Timothy Knight, Tristan Haze
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Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment.

  1. 14.06.2025

    Episode 18 - The New Contains The Old

    It's the season finale, and good tidings we bring (to you and your kin(g)). We talk about how there's an underbelly to things, how Sonic's spikes are "big chunky monkeys", we establish that parts of any place could be Hog Heaven, we get prematurely amped up for Chrisso, discuss the Hausmannisation of Paris, and how cool NHR was on episode 16. Tim reads a beautiful poem and we learn all about coffee cooling gradients. Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com 'The Fast Lane' (the song played at the end of the episode) was written by Anthony Bartok and Tristan Haze. Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    59 min

  2. 13.06.2025

    Quick Announcement

    In this "nano-episode", Tim tells us a little story about Episode 18 and what that might be like.

    2 min

  3. 27.05.2025

    Episode 17 - Picture This: We Were Both Butt Naked, Bangin' On The Bathroom Floor

    'I want to talk about my fear of aliens, stop bringing up Proust.' Are yoyos having a blast, or are they more of a "silent witness"? Tim has a thing for women in the Navy and Tristan's cat Postie is dubbed an enfant terrible. Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    1 t 12 min

  4. 20.05.2025

    Episode 16 (with Nathan Hugh Robért) - Susan Sontag the Hedgehog

    Stand up comedian Nathan Hugh Robért (NHR) tells us all about how he broke up with his first girlfriend three times. We talk about the time Tristan and a friendlicked a businessman on the way home during their first year at uni. NHR recites a beautiful ham poem about a particular type of ham he's been buying from a local butcher. It features the line 'If the ham was an actor, it would be Ashton Kutcher'.  Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com Nathan Hugh Robért on Instagram. Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    1 t 4 min

  5. 13.05.2025

    Episode 15 - Nobody Puts Piglet in the Corner

    When were you born when you first learned about 'about face'? This week we allude to the podcast, Tim explains New Caledonia, the fact that Piglet wears a pink jumper is pointed out lest anyone mistake that for part of his raw body, and we encounter a robot voice issue around 31 minutes in. I'm Lovin' It! Subway. Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    43 min

  6. 06.05.2025

    Episode 14 (with Freddie Arthur) - Animals on Trial

    Freddie Arthur (stand up comedian, Raw National Finalist 2025) tells us some very interesting things about various legal cases from the olden days involving pigs, a donkey, chickens, and a swarm of insects. We're all entities here. 'When they caught up to him [some man], he was a goat.' Did they really catch up to him then? (I don't think so.) We discuss whether Sonic the Hedgehog is a fox, talk about going in the cupboard, and have a bit of fruit toast. Tim is the biographer and he also tells us a joke about interstate polling centres that is really good.  Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com Freddie on Instagram Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    1 t 6 min

  7. 29.04.2025

    Episode 13 - Just Tink, Jamothy Chalamet!

    We like to find the ultimate segment around here. We finalise the Shoutout Pantheon, Tim's language nerd comes out yet again and we begin to construct a new language. Sah ranch bipbipbip, sah ranch bapbapbap. (You throw around bird, you throw around dog.) No one's holding a gun to your head, get in the goldilocks zone! Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    50 min

  8. 22.04.2025

    Episode 12 - This Is Shopping

    Tim describes a series of crimes he committed as an extremely young boy and then we get to work. Sea-based guns, stopped clocks, a portal between the Gilmore Girls and Sopranos universes—all of these things come up for discussion in this episode if I'm honest. Enjoy! Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com Tim on Instagram Tristan on Instagram

    54 min
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Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment.

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    Timothy Knight, Tristan Haze
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    Ultimate Segment