Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect

The Communication Coach

For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

  1. 17 juil.

    How To Respond When Someone Says They Want To Die

    Someone tells you, “I can’t do this anymore,” and suddenly every sentence you’ve ever known disappears. That freeze is normal, but it’s also the moment where a few simple words and a steady presence can change the direction of a life. We’re sharing what I’ve been teaching across the UK from my work in hostage and crisis negotiation, sparked by a question from GP practice managers after a young person threatened suicide in a surgery. We talk plainly about why you should not be afraid to say the word suicide, how direct questions can create a safer space, and what to keep in mind about risk, support, and your own safety. I also point to the wider ecosystem of good practice around crisis communication, including work aligned with Shout, the Samaritans, and Professor Liz Stokoe’s focus on how language shapes outcomes. Then we break down a framework you can actually remember under stress: OARS from motivational interviewing. We cover Open questions that invite more than yes or no, the TED prompts (Tell me, Explain to me, Describe to me), Affirmations and validation that avoid cliché reassurance, Reflective listening that mirrors back what you see and hear, and Summaries that prevent misunderstandings. We also add one often-missed skill in suicide prevention and mental health support: silence, used with care, to communicate “I’m here” without trying to fix everything. If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone who supports others, and leave a review so more people can find these suicide intervention and de-escalation skills when they need them most. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

  2. 10 juil.

    Surviving Summer With A Teenager

    Your teenager used to want to do everything with you and now they would rather sleep, scroll, or stay in their room and somehow the summer holidays make that shift feel even louder. I talk honestly about the guilt, the internal questions, and the sheer exhaustion that can come with parenting teenagers when routines vanish and the push for independence ramps up.  We look at the summer from both sides: what is happening for us as parents and carers, and what may be happening for young people who feel bored, socially disconnected, or under pressure from school, exams, and expectations. I share what I learned from watching my own teen change over time, and why “getting them involved” can sometimes be more about our needs than theirs. We also explore what teens may actually need in this season: rest, a bit of routine, purpose, and space to grow.  Then I get practical with communication tools you can use today. I walk through “listen before you solve,” asking non-conflict questions like “Tell me more about that,” getting curious instead of reacting, and choosing your battles wisely. We also cover emotional regulation, the 90-second rule, walking away to prevent escalation, and using the power of “because” to explain boundaries around screen time and family expectations in a way that feels more logical and fair.  If you want a calmer, more connected summer with your teenager, hit play, share this with another parent who needs it, and subscribe so you do not miss the next tips. If it helps, please leave a review and tell me: what is the hardest part of summer holidays in your house? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Surviving Summer With A Teenager
  3. 3 juil.

    Parenting Teens Without Losing Yourself

    Teenagers can go from cuddles to closed doors so fast it feels personal, and that’s where many parent-teen conversations start to break down. We dig into what’s really happening during adolescent brain development, why emotions run hotter than logic, and why fitting in can suddenly matter more than our opinion. Along the way, I share the book that helped me make sense of it all, “Blame My Brain,” plus the hard-earned reminder that most of us are doing better than we think, even when it feels messy. I also bring in skills from my background as a hostage and crisis negotiator, because the same foundations work at home: listening without fixing, being present, and using reflective language to show you understand their world before you push your agenda. We talk about how easily we attach meaning to teen pushback, disrespect, authority, “they’re doing this on purpose” and how that story can trigger a reaction that turns a small moment into a full-blown argument. Then we get practical. You’ll hear a simple emotional regulation tool called the 90-second rule, how Batari’s box explains escalating conflict, and why “walking away” can be a parenting strategy rather than avoidance. We also cover calm follow-up conversations, setting boundaries that separate feelings from behaviour, and the question many parents forget to ask: what are you doing to look after you? If you want more support, we mention upcoming community options like a positive parenting summit and a free webinar on surviving the summer holidays. Subscribe, share this with a parent who needs it, and leave a review or a comment with the one trigger you want to handle better next time. To register for the free webinar click here Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Parenting Teens Without Losing Yourself
  4. 26 juin

    The World Cup, The In-Laws, And The Big Pause Button

    There are parts of this podcast where the sound dips a little, this is due to a poor signal whilst recording. Holidays put relationships under a microscope. The same people you adore can become the people you clash with fastest, especially when you’re together 24-7, routines disappear, and everyone brings different needs into the same space. From a real family break with partners, mums, in-laws, pets, and all the logistics that come with them, we talk honestly about why tension shows up and how to stop it from stealing your rest. We get practical with five tools for better communication on family holidays: noticing how you speak to the people you trust most, avoiding the trap of “competitive tiredness”, and using a surprisingly powerful habit from child psychology that works for adults too: 15 minutes of focused time where you simply listen and do what the other person wants. If you want fewer arguments and more connection, this is a low effort, high impact place to start. We also go deeper on boundaries, compromise, and consequences. Before you jump into a difficult conversation, ask what you actually need, what outcome you want, and whether you need to say it right now. Then we introduce the “big pause button” to help you regulate emotion, take a breath, and choose a response rather than a reaction. If you’re searching for conflict resolution tips, emotional regulation strategies, and a healthier way to handle family dynamics on vacation, this one will meet you where you are. If it helps, subscribe, share it with someone who’s heading into a family break, and leave a review so more people can find these tools. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

  5. 19 juin

    What Changes When You Stop Hiding

    In this episode of Let's Talk About, I sit down with Tom Emery, founder of HEX Talent and Development, to explore authenticity, trust, emotional self-awareness, and the conversations many of us avoid. Tom shares his personal journey of growing up queer, hiding parts of himself from the world, and the impact that authenticity has on our confidence, relationships, and leadership. Together, we discuss how understanding our genetics, adaptations, behaviours, and stress responses can help us navigate conflict more effectively and communicate with greater empathy. We also explore why psychological safety matters, how trust becomes the foundation of high-performing teams, and why moving away from "right versus wrong" thinking can transform both personal and professional relationships. During the conversation, Tom introduces his practical OI3C feedback framework: • Observation • Impact • Curious • Change • Continue A simple but powerful approach that makes feedback, boundaries, and difficult conversations feel safer and more productive. In this episode we discuss: • Growing up queer, hiding in the shadows, and the cost of not being yourself • Understanding genetics, adaptations, behaviours, and the stress responses that drive silence and avoidance • Finding joy, confidence, and fulfilment in senior leadership by taking ego less seriously • Moving away from right and wrong thinking to protect relationships and psychological safety • Building trust as the bedrock of effective teams and honest disagreement • Using the OI3C framework to give feedback without judgement • Having smaller conversations earlier to avoid the big "we need to talk" moment • Setting boundaries with time contracts and ending conversations when staying longer cannot help • Recognising triggers and pausing before replying, particularly in written communication • Tom's book People People, the CHRO Impact Framework, and free resources available through HEX Connect with Tom: LinkedIn: Tom Emery | LinkedIn HEX LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/hex-development/ Website: People Performance Consultancy | HEX Talent and Development Instagram: @tomemeryhex Free copy of People People: Request a copy of People People by Tom Emery If today's conversation has raised anything for you, please reach out to somebody you trust and talk about it. Please like, share, and subscribe to help us reach more people with these important conversations. #CourageousConversations #NickyPerfect #Communication #Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #DifficultConversations #Trust #Feedback #AuthenticLeadership #PeoplePeople #TomEmery #HEXDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #WorkplaceCulture #LeadershipDevelopment Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    What Changes When You Stop Hiding
  6. 12 juin

    How To Turn Teen Conflict Into Cooperation

    Your teenager didn’t wake up one morning and decide to become impossible. The shift can feel sudden, but there are real reasons behind the door-slamming, the sarcasm, the “that’s not fair”, and the long stretches of silence from their room. We bring a hostage and crisis negotiator’s lens to one of the most personal challenges there is: negotiating with teenagers while keeping your relationship intact. We talk through what’s changing in the teen brain, why the prefrontal cortex being under construction affects decision-making and risk, and why social status with friends can outweigh any perfect argument you make at home. From there, we get practical. We break down the “red zone” and how to spot it in them and in us, why reacting usually makes everything worse, and how a simple pause can stop a small disagreement from becoming a blow-up. You’ll hear specific communication tools like reflecting back, labelling emotions without sounding patronising, and asking open questions that invite a real answer instead of a shutdown. We also cover boundaries and curfews, screen time, and the non-negotiables that protect safety, plus why timing matters: boundaries land best in calm moments, not mid-conflict. And when things do go wrong, we explain repair conversations, apologising when we mess up, and how trust grows when we create a safe space for tough topics. One idea to hold onto: when your teenager wants to talk, drop what you can and be there, because that window might be brief. Subscribe for more straight-talking tools on hard conversations, share this with a parent who feels alone, and leave a review so more families can find support. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    How To Turn Teen Conflict Into Cooperation
  7. 5 juin

    From Trauma To Tools For Healing

    Silence can feel polite, but it can also be lethal. We sit down with Heather Rose and talk about the subjects many families tiptoe around: bullying, suicide, miscarriage, and the messy reality of living with trauma while still needing to show up for the people you love. Heather shares her personal story with a rare mix of honesty and practicality, from being bullied as a teen to surviving a suicide attempt, and from enduring repeated pregnancy loss to rebuilding her self-worth. We explore why simply saying the word “suicide” matters, why the question “Are you OK?” can open a life-saving door, and how creating a safe space to talk reduces shame instead of “putting ideas in someone’s head.” If you care about mental health, suicide prevention, PTSD, or supporting teenagers through tough emotions, you’ll find grounded insight here. We also dig into parenting and advocacy for neurodivergent young people. Heather explains the long fight to secure ADHD and autism support for her son Isaac, what happened when schools misunderstood his needs, and the practical tools that helped him regulate emotions and regain confidence: mindfulness, affirmations, and journaling. That journey led to resources for other families and to Heather’s podcast, The Truth After Baby Loss, where she opens up conversations about grief, identity, partner dynamics, and the lack of support many people face after miscarriage. You can find out more about Heather at www.heatherrose.uk If this resonates, share the episode with someone who needs a safer way to start a hard conversation, and please subscribe and leave a review so more listeners can find it. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

  8. 29 mai

    Living Alongside Grief

    Grief is not one feeling, it is a total rewrite of your life, your body, and your relationships. We’re joined by Clare, someone who has lived through multiple devastating losses, including the sudden death of her mum from rare gallbladder cancer and the death of her seven-year-old daughter Annaliese after sepsis was not picked up in time. Clare speaks with honesty about shock, anger, brain fog that feels like injury, and the brutal “what could I have done differently?” loop that often returns around anniversaries.  We also talk about what happens inside a partnership when two people grieve in completely different ways. Clare and Matt’s story is a grounded look at marriage after bereavement: learning acceptance, dropping expectations, and finding other safe people when your partner cannot “hold” you in the way you hoped. Clare explains what it means to live alongside grief, how memory can feel warming as well as crushing, and why saying a loved one’s name matters more than most people realise.  If you’ve ever searched for grief support, help for bereaved parents, or how to support someone after a death, you’ll come away with practical ideas that actually land: specific check-ins, small gestures, showing up consistently, and making space for the hard days. Clare also shares the community she’s found through The Compassionate Friends and her book “And Always Annaliese,” written for both bereaved parents and the people trying to care for them.  Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find these conversations, and tell us in the comments: what kind of support helped you most when grief hit? You can visit Clare's website - www.andalwaysannaliese.com and you can find Compassionate Friends here - https://www.tcf.org.uk Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

    Living Alongside Grief

À propos

For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

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