Psychologists Off the Clock Drs. Debbie Sorensen, Yael Schonbrun, & Jill Stoddard

Human beings are evolutionarily hard-wired to compete with one another, and this drive to compete encourages us to compare our standing to that of our fellows and despair when we don’t match up. This “compare and despair” mindset can lead to unworkable or harmful cycles of behavior that leave us feeling worse-than-ordinary. Ron Siegel, author of The Extraordinary Gift of being Ordinary, is faculty at Harvard Medical School and teaches internationally about mind-body medicine and the application of mindfulness and compassion practices in psychotherapy and other fields. On this episode of POTC, Ron talks with Yael about why being ordinary is actually an extraordinary gift! Join us to learn about addiction to self-esteem, what genetic analysis says about social comparison and organization, scientifically-backed practices for embracing and savoring your ordinariness, and more, today!
Listen and Learn:

Yael and Debbie’s thoughts on the connection between being ordinary and belonging

The inescapable cycle of comparing and despairing 

The evolutionary roots of our desire to be extraordinary 

What genetic analysis has to tell us about social comparison and organization 

Evidence-based strategies for responding to natural urges and impulses when they’re not workable

Practical advice for reorienting towards value-aligned actions after you’ve unhooked from addiction to self-esteem

Ron’s favorite practices for embracing and savoring your ordinariness

The importance of embracing impermanence (including your own mortality)

Resources:

Snag your DISCOUNTED copy of Ron’s book, The Extraordinary Gift of being Ordinary. Enter code DFSL2 when item is in shopping cart. Code will be valid through 9/30/22.

Then, come chat with Ron at our book club meeting August 11th at 12pm EST (US)! To join the book club, email us at offtheclockpsych@gmail.com with "book club" in the subject line

Learn more about the differences between Bonobos and Chimpanzees!. 

Read the Cherokee Legend of the Two Wolves 

Grab your copy of all our favorite books at bookshop.org/shop/offtheclockpsych.

Check out Debbie, Diana, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more! 

About Ron Siegel:
Dr. Ron Siegel is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, where he’s taught for over 35 years. A long-time student of mindfulness meditation, he serves on the Board of Directors and faculty of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy and the faculties of the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion at the Cambridge Health Alliance and the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He teaches internationally about mind-body medicine and the application of mindfulness and compassion practices in psychotherapy and other fields. He currently maintains a limited private clinical practice in Lincoln, Massachusetts. He has edited and written several books including the critically acclaimed professional text, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy, 2nd Edition, The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems, Sitting Together: Essential Skills for Mindfulness-Based Psychotherapy, Wisdom and Compassion in Psychotherapy, Back Sense, and his most recent book, The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are! 
Related Episodes:

Episode 161. The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey


Episode 199. Belonging From the Inside Out with Meg McKelvie 

Episode 226. ACT for Perfectionism with Jennifer Kemp

Episode 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer

Episode 254. Cultivating Compassion for a Lasting Connection with Michaela Thomas

Episode 256. Social Justice Parenting with Traci Baxley


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Social justice involves action. In our society which has historically privileged whiteness, many racist and other prejudicial ideas are widely accepted as the standard and are pervasively practiced as the norm. Because of this, allies must engage in anti-racism and take action against racist behaviors. One form of action involves parenting practices. Traci Baxley, author of Social Justice Parenting, is an expert in child development, elementary education, curriculum and instruction, diversity and inclusion, anti-bias curriculum, and social justice education. On this episode of POTC, Debbie and Traci come together to discuss the importance of Social Justice Parenting Practices. Join us in this episode to learn expert-approved strategies for accepting your child for who they are, practical advice for moving from being a “good person” to being an advocate for historically excluded communities, the main qualities of a pro-justice home, and so much more!

Listen and Learn:

Jill and Debbie’s experiences implementing Social Justice Parenting practices

The personal story behind Traci’s work

Traci’s experience with “The Talk” that black families must have with their children in the U.S.

Belonging as a universal, fundamental motivation 

Expert-approved strategies for accepting your children for who they are

Traci’s expert definition of Social Justice Parenting 

Why parents struggle to implement Social Justice Parenting practices (and how to overcome those struggles!)

The importance of Social Justice Parenting practices

Practical advice for moving from being a “good person” to being an advocate for historically excluded communities

The main qualities of a pro justice home

How to start conversations about hard topics with your kids (no matter their age!)

Expert-approved strategies for responding to difficult, scary questions from your kids and bringing others into the conversation of social justice


Resources

Check out Traci’s book, Social Justice Parenting: How to Raise Compassionate, Anti-Racist, Justice-Minded Kids 


Take Traci’s online courses for white mothers who want to be allies to the Black community and raise antiracist children (who will be change agents in the world) and for parents who want to implement Social Justice Parenting practices in their family’s daily lives

Grab your copy of all our favorite books at bookshop.org/shop/offtheclockpsych.

Check out Debbie, Diana, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more! 


​​About Dr. Traci Baxley:
Dr. Traci Baxley is a Associate Professor of education at Florida Atlantic University, consultant, parenting coach, and speaker. An educator for over 30 years with degrees in child development, elementary education, and curriculum and instruction. She specializes in diversity and inclusion, anti-bias curriculum, and social justice education. She teaches two online courses for white mothers who want to be allies to the Black community and raise antiracist children (who will be change agents in the world) and for parents who want to implement Social Justice Parenting practices in their family’s daily lives. Make sure to grab your copy of her book, Social Justice Parenting: How to Raise Compassionate, Anti-Racist, Justice-Minded Kids.

Related Episodes:

Episode 96. Effective Conversations About Diversity with Anatasia Kim and Alicia del Prado


Episode 91. Disability as a Form of Diversity with Erin Andrews 

Episode 185. Good Guys: Allies in the Workplace with Brad Johnson and David Smith


Episode 162. APA Guidelines on Race and Ethnicity in Psychology with Karen Suyemoto  

Special Bonus Episode: Mending Racial Trauma with Carynne Williams and Jennifer Shepard Payne

Episode 19. Keeping Children Safe from Sexual Abuse with Feather Berkower

Episode 83. Courageous Conversations to Prevent Childhood Sexual Abuse with Feather Berkower


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Influence is power, but it’s a power not reserved just for the few. In fact, each of us has the power to impact those around us. Because of this, it’s incredibly important that we meaningfully hold and use that power for good! Dr. Zoe Chance, author of INFLUENCE IS YOUR SUPERPOWER, is a writer, teacher, researcher, and climate philanthropist obsessed with the topic of interpersonal influence. On this episode of POTC, Zoe and Yael discuss how to use your personal values to change the world for the better. Join us in this episode to learn important differences between influence and manipulation, strategies for influencing your child, practical advice for navigating negotiations with difficult people, and more!

Listen and Learn:

How Yael and Jill use their values to change the world for the better

Zoe’s expert definition of influence 

Important differences between influence and manipulation

Expert-approved tips and tricks for those afraid to exert their influence

What parents, CEOs, central bankers, and princess have in common

The secrets to influencing your child 

Why compromising can be an optimal outcome

Practical advice for negotiating with even the most difficult or powerful of people 

Evidence-based strategies for listening to someone you disagree with (even when the disagreement makes you want to turn inward)

Zoe walks us through her Empathy Challenge


Resources:

Grab your copy of Zoe’s book, INFLUENCE IS YOUR SUPERPOWER!

Read Adam Grant’s Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know 

Learn about False Polarization Bias 

Learn more about Naomi Eisenber’s research on social rejection and pain 

Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!  


About Zoe Chance:
Dr. Zoe Chance is a writer, teacher, researcher, and climate philanthropist obsessed with the topic of interpersonal influence. She earned her doctorate from Harvard and now teaches the most popular course at Yale School of Management, which is the basis for her international bestseller, INFLUENCE IS YOUR SUPERPOWER. Her framework for behavior change is the foundation for Google’s global food policy, and before academia, she managed a $200 million segment of the Barbie brand at Mattel. Today, Zoe teaches smart, kind people to raise money for charity, get elected to political office, fund startups, start movements, save lives, find love, negotiate great deals and job offers, and even get along better with their kids. In other words, she helps people to use their superpower of influence as a force for good.

Related Episodes:
Episode 51. The Psychology of Political Division with Yael and Debbie
Episode 197. Influence and Adventure with Jon Levy
Episode 196. The Neuroscience of Marketing with Matt Johnson and Prince Ghuman
Episode 180. Choosing to Live Your Values with Benji Schoendorff
Episode 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer
Episode 252. Getting the Help You Need, with Us
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It’s incredibly easy (and completely normal) to become caught in the heat of the moment and lash out when arguing with our partners. However, it’s not always the most functional behavior, and it almost never aligns with our values. Michaela Thomas, author of The Lasting Connection, is a clinical psychologist who has centered her career around helping women develop love and compassion for themselves and their partners. On this episode of POTC, Jill and Michaela discuss the key elements to building lasting connections and provide evidence-based strategies for incorporating them into your relationships. Listen in to this episode to discover the top reasons modern couples disconnect, engage in a real-time compassion-flow practice, learn strategies for identifying your relationship values, and much more today!

Listen and Learn:

Jill and Yael’s thoughts on incorporating ACT, CFT, Behavioral Therapy for couples

The three elements that help build lasting connections

Expert-approved strategies for identifying when you’re too “hot” or “cold” in your relationship (and practical advice for turning that flame up or down!)

Three critical directions your compassion should be flowing in order to build a lasting, loving connection

Jill and Michaela engage in a real-time exercise for allowing compassion to flow in from others

Evidence-based strategies for moving from high conflict into compassion

Dr. Thomas provides the top reasons modern couples disconnect 

Tips and tricks for identifying your relationship values as a couple


Resources:

Grab your copy of Michaela’s book, The Lasting Connection!

Listen to Michaela’s podcast, Pause Purpose Play.

Take Michaela’s online course, The Compassionate Couple


Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!  


About Michaela Thomas:
Michaela Thomas is a Clinical Psychologist, couples therapist and founder of the private practice The Thomas Connection. Michaela specialises in perfectionism, helping high-striving women let go of the pressure of perfection, to find the balance to burn bright, not burn out. She has authored the book The Lasting Connection - develop love and compassion for yourself and your partner. Michaela can be found on her Pause Purpose Play podcast and on Instagram under @the_thomas_connection. Her online course The Compassionate Couple has been described as 'life changing'.

Related episodes:

Episode 245. Family Firm with Emily Oster

Episode 206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky

Episode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah Tannen


Episode 247. Find Your Unicorn Space with Eve Rodsky


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The pressure to be the perfect parent and create the perfect environment for your kids to grow feels pervasive for many modern parents. Because of this, many caregivers have had the thought that they are the world’s worst parent. However, that title belongs to Lenore Skenazy, president of Let Grow and founder of the Free-Range Kids movement (and book), who was once nationally dubbed "America's Worst Mom". On this episode of POTC, Yael and Lenore discuss the data behind how trusting your kids more and giving them more independence allows them to better grow into capable, confident, and happy adults. Join us in this advice-packed episode to learn about what’s actually risky for your kids, strategies for trusting your parenting skills more, methods for unhooking from perfect-parenting-pressure, and much more, today!
Listen and Learn:

Yael and Jill’s experiences with stigma and conforming to social norms when it comes to raising their kids

Important social and personal changes for Lenore since the release of the first edition of Free-Range Kids


Practical advice for the parents worried about their children’s safety in social contexts

Lenore defines the “worst first thing” and provides expert advice on how to respond to that tendency

Evidence-based and time-proven strategies for shifting your perspective around what’s actually risky for your kids

How to begin trusting your parenting instincts and thriving in your role as a parent

Expert-approved tips and tricks for incorporating more approach and less avoidance behavior in your parenting repertoire 

The data that supports the free-range kids movement and having faith in your own parenting skill sets

Lenore’s expert advice on unhooking from pressure around being the perfect parent and relating to your kids as people

Resources:

Read Lenore’s book, Free-Range Kids and check out the Free-Range Kids movement as well!

Get involved in Lenore’s non-profit, Let Grow, and check out the FREE resources at the Let Grow Play Club! 

Check out Jonathan Haidt’s work, The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure and The Fragile Generation


Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!  

For a hilarious view of free range partnering, check out this SNL clip


About Lenore Skenazy:
Lenore Skenazy, graduate of Yale University and Columbia University and formerly named "America's Worst Mom", is president of Let Grow, a non-profit promoting childhood independence and resilience, and founder of the Free-Range Kids movement (and book!). She is also a speaker, blogger, syndicated columnist, author, and reality show host. A former newspaper reporter, she lives in New York City with her husband. Their sons have flown the coop, which is good for “proof of concept” purposes, but she misses them. Check out her book, Free Range Kids and all the FREE resources available at letgrow.org. 
Related Episodes:

Episode 94. Parenthood in the Age of Fear with Kim Brooks

Episode 143. Happier Parenting KJ Dell’Antonia

Episode 161. The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey

Episode 194. How to Be (and raise) an Adult with Julie Lythcott-Haims


Episode 205. Thrivers with Michele Borba   

Episode 211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz

Episode 213. Back To School! How To Talk With Kids To Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance and A Happy Home with Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson

Episode 214. How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Jerks with Melinda Wenner Moyer

Episode 245. Family Firm with Emily Oster


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Asking for help can put us in a vulnerable space. For some, asking for help feels like an admission of failure or weakness. However, many (including the POTC crew) would argue that asking for help demonstrates incredible strength, intelligence, and bravery. On this episode of POTC, our co-hosts, Jill, Yael, and Debbie, gather to discuss the importance of asking for help. They provide clinician-approved methods for identifying appropriate help, asking for help, and overcoming common barriers to asking for help. Listen in to this help-filled episode, today!

Listen and Learn:

Why our co-hosts are drawn to the topic of asking for help

Barriers to asking for help when you need it most

Practical strategies to reframe shame and guilt related to asking for help

Specific challenges related to seeking out professional help through therapy or coaching

When to seek professional help vs. emotional support from your loved ones

Important differences between therapy and friendship

Clinician-approved methods for finding a therapist who’s a good fit for you and your needs

Cultural challenges to finding a therapist and starting treatment

Expert-approved ways to build out a reciprocal “helping network” with people you feel comfortable with


Resources:

Read Yael and Brad Stulberg’s Washington Post piece, Therapist or coach: Understanding the difference and how to pick one


Read Debbie’s Psyche article, How to ask for help  

Check out Flynn and Lake’s research on asking for help


Read Zoe Chance’s Influence Is Your Superpower: The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen  

Check out Dr. Jessi Gold’s article, Your Therapist Is Not Your Friend, Take It from a Psychiatrist 

Check out Debbie, Yael, and Jill’s websites to access their offerings, sign up for their newsletters, buy their books, and more!  


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