Phones, screens, devices and social media are now part of everyday life for children and young people - but the arguments, sleep disruption, emotional fallouts and power struggles that come with them are leaving many parents, carers and professionals unsure what to do next. In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores why simply taking a phone away might bring short-term compliance but can also create long-term resentment, covert behaviour and bigger escalations. Instead of asking only how to stop screen use, Andy unpacks what the phone may actually be doing for a young person - whether that is offering connection, comfort, control, competence, distraction or dopamine regulation - and why that matters if we want to create real change. This episode will be especially useful for paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers, support staff and parents who want a more thoughtful, practical and trauma-informed way of managing screen-related behaviour. In this episode, Andy covers: Why the idea that “control equals safety” often backfires The difference between a design problem and a parenting problem Why blanket bans and fear-based responses rarely teach real regulation What phones may be doing for a child or young person emotionally How to replace power struggles with collaborative boundaries Why support, planning and alternatives work better than punishment alone Three key messages 1. The phone is often not the real problem A device may be meeting needs around connection, control, comfort, boredom relief, competence or anxiety management. If we only remove the phone without understanding its function, we usually create a bigger battle rather than a better outcome. 2. Punishment may stop the behaviour briefly, but it rarely teaches regulation Taking a phone away can produce short-term compliance, but it can also increase resentment, secrecy, escalation and rebellion if nothing healthier is put in its place. 3. Better boundaries are built through calm planning, collaboration and repair Andy shares a more effective route: agree boundaries when calm, offer choices, make expectations measurable, and plan for slip-ups so that responsibility grows instead of conflict. Why listen to this episode? If you support a child or young person who becomes dysregulated around phones, social media, gaming or screen time, this episode will help you think more clearly and respond more effectively. Rather than relying on threats, bans or constant arguments, Andy offers a more nuanced way of understanding behaviour that fits real family life, care settings and educational environments. It is a practical listen for anyone trying to balance healthy boundaries with empathy, emotional safety and long-term skill building. Timestamps / Chapter markers 00:00 Why taking a phone away can create more problems than it solves 00:21 Phones, screens, social media and the power struggles around them 00:58 Why this is not just a parenting issue, but also a design issue 01:35 The need for nuance - not every screen is harmful in the same way 02:29 Why blanket bans often increase desire rather than teach regulation 03:30 Andy’s free family commitment tool for safer screen use at home 04:32 How devices have become the modern threat, bribe and power lever 05:05 A real-life scenario: phone use, poor sleep and escalating conflict 06:05 Why the reaction does not always justify the trigger 06:23 What function the phone may be serving for a young person 07:29 Dopamine, distraction and why devices can feel hard to regulate 08:22 Why removing the strategy without replacing the need does not work 09:00 The key needs to explore: connection, control, comfort, competence and challenge 10:11 Practical strategies: reduce the need, offer alternatives and teach better regulation 12:11 A better approach: agree boundaries when calm 13:00 Give structured choices rather than forcing compliance 14:11 Make expectations clear and measurable 14:39 Plan for slip-ups and return to repair, not punishment 15:57 Free resource: Home Electronics Plan and Family Commitment Tool 16:33 Final reflections and takeaway message Resources mentioned Free resource from Andy Baker Home Electronics Plan and Family Commitment Tool Able Training website able-training.co.uk/podcast Andy’s book Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge (Referenced as part of Andy’s wider behaviour framework and approach.) Follow Able Website: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If you’ve ever found yourself in a stand-off over a phone, this episode will help you step back, understand what is really going on, and build a more thoughtful plan that supports regulation, safety and healthier long-term habits.
