Because I'm Healing

Asha Wilkerson
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  • Spirituality
  • Updated weekly

You did everything right. And still... something's off. Not quite broken, but not quite right either. Because I've Healed is for high-achieving Black women who are ready to stop performing and come home to themselves. We have real conversations and give real solutions. Asha Wilkerson is a former attorney, healing guide, and retreat curator in Lisbon, Portugal. She's been where you are. She got out., and she came back to get you! New episodes drop regularly. Go deeper with Love Notes, a weekly email for women ready to trust themselves again.

  1. 3 days ago

    Ep 59: Stop Hacking Your Healing: Let Things Take the Time They Take

    I used to love a good life hack.  I used to work out more, track my steps, measure my sleep, optimize my schedule, and do the mindset work. I was focused on finding the right strategy to help me reach my goals faster.  But lately, I’ve realized something: trying to hack the process can actually slow it down.  I’m working out less now, and my workouts aren’t as intense. I’m making more room in my schedule. When my smartwatch broke on vacation, I didn't rush to replace it. Instead, I found peace in not constantly measuring my sleep, my steps, or my connection to my phone.  I’m also learning to listen to what my nervous system is really telling me instead of trying to hack my brain or coach myself out of my feelings.  Maybe the fastest way forward isn’t about finding another shortcut.  Maybe it’s about facing what’s actually in front of you.  In this episode, I discuss the power of doing less, why I believe we’re moving away from optimization culture, and what can happen when we stop rushing processes that need time. (00:00) - How “hacks” used to run life (01:27) - Old workout culture: maxing out every day (01:56) - Why fewer workouts are helping more (02:25) - More isn’t always better for the nervous system (04:47) - The power of less in commitments and schedules (05:16) - How the smartwatch became obsessive (06:13) - Realizing she doesn’t miss the smartwatch (07:12) - Listening to the nervous system instead of hacking it (08:06) - Mindset coaching and trying to hack the brain (09:04) - Faster progress by addressing the real need (09:33) - Why shortcuts loop you back around (10:04) - The quickest path is facing obstacles directly (11:00) - The biscuit analogy for sustainable change (11:30) - You can’t rush nervous system healing Key Takeaways More isn’t always better. Sometimes, your nervous system needs you to do less. Creating more space in your schedule can bring you more peace than adding another commitment. Tracking your health isn’t always the same as improving it. Constant mindset work can end up blocking the signals your body is sending you. The shortcut can turn into a long detour when you need to go back to what you skipped. Sustainable change occurs when you work through your process instead of trying to rush it. The time it takes is the time it takes, and you’re not wasting time by giving yourself what you truly need. If you're enjoying the podcast, consider joining my email list where I share all the ways you can connect to community and go deeper with your healing via Love Notes, my weekly newsletter.

  2. 28 Jul

    Ep 58: What Nervous System Regulation Actually Means

    Everyone is talking about nervous system regulation, but what does that actually mean? In this episode, I wanted to take the mystery out of one of the biggest wellness buzzwords and explain it in a way that's practical, not overly scientific, and not something that only therapists or coaches can understand. Your nervous system isn't working against you. It's doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep you safe. The challenge is that your brain doesn't always know the difference between what's dangerous and what's simply unfamiliar. That means the very things you want most: a new career, healthier relationships, starting a business, traveling, resting, even choosing yourself, can feel unsafe simply because they're new. I share why your body responds this way, how your childhood experiences shape your nervous system's capacity, and why pushing through discomfort often isn't the answer. Throughout the episode, I also walk through personal examples from my own life, including struggling with sleep, regulating my nervous system with an episode of Law & Order, navigating the demands of hosting co-working, and completely rethinking how I launch my business so it actually feels peaceful instead of overwhelming. At the heart of it all is one simple practice: Learning how to listen to your body. Because maybe nervous system regulation isn't really about regulating anything at all. Maybe it's simply about paying attention. (00:00) Nervous System Regulation (01:06) How Your Nervous System Keeps You Safe (04:32) Fear of Travel & Feeling Safe (05:52) How to Regulate in the Moment (09:18) What Does Dysregulated Mean? (10:23) Sleep, Stress & Nervous System Recovery (14:20) There’s No “Right” Way to Regulate (17:40) Overwhelm, Capacity & Asking for Support (19:53) Body Listening & Emotional Awareness (20:59) Business Anxiety & Nervous System Capacity (23:07) Authentic Marketing Without Pressure (26:49) Growing Your Capacity Without Burnout In this episode, I discuss: What your nervous system actually isWhy unfamiliar experiences feel dangerousHow childhood experiences shape your safety thresholdThe difference between being dysregulated and simply having emotionsWhy recovery, not perfection, is the sign of a healthy nervous systemPractical questions to ask yourself when anxiety or discomfort shows upWhy "pushing through" isn't always the healthiest responseHow I redesigned my business to work with my nervous system instead of against itWhy listening to your body may be the greatest form of self-trust Resources: Find me on Threads: @ashawilkersonesq If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Leave a review, share it with someone who needs it, or send me a message on Threads.

  3. 21 Jul

    Ep 57: You Don't Need the Whole Plan

    For a long time, I believed I needed to know exactly how everything would unfold before I could make a big decision. As an attorney, professor, and lifelong planner, I was used to having a roadmap. But when I left my tenured position, my apartment, and the life I had built in California to move to Portugal, I didn't have one. I only knew the next right step. In this episode, I'm sharing why that decision became one of the most important lessons of my life. Recording from Porto before speaking at the Our Rich Journey FIRE Conference, I reflect on what it means to trust yourself before you have all the answers, why nervous system regulation matters more than the perfect plan, and how peace became the foundation for every decision I make. I also share why I'm choosing to sell a property that once represented freedom, and how I realized that what once aligned with my values no longer supported the life I'm building today. If you're standing between the life you've built and the life that's calling you, I hope this conversation reminds you that you don't need to know the entire staircase. You only need enough courage to take the next right step. 00:00 - Embracing Life Transitions 02:35 - The Journey to Portugal and New Beginnings 05:24 - Finding Peace in Financial Independence 08:40 - Aligning Actions with Inner Peace 11:26 - Reevaluating Life Choices for Peace 14:19 - Taking the Next Right Step Key Takeaways • You don't need the entire plan before you begin. • Peace is not something you earn after reaching your goals—it can become the strategy that guides your decisions today. • A regulated nervous system helps you recognize what is truly aligned for you. • Your values may change, and your decisions can change with them. • Every aligned step reveals possibilities you couldn't have seen before. Come home to yourself.

  4. 14 Jul

    Ep 56: Permission to Make a Different Decision

    For a long time, I believed that keeping my word meant never changing my mind. But over the years, I realized something important. Sometimes we make decisions with the information we have at the time. Then life changes, or we change. We gather new experiences, new wisdom, and new data, and the decision that once felt aligned may no longer fit. In this episode, I'm sharing why I finally changed the name of this podcast from Because I've Healed to Because I'm Healing, and why that small change represents something much bigger. We talk about people-pleasing, keeping promises, making choices out of obligation rather than alignment, and why giving yourself permission to make a different decision isn't being unreliable. It's honoring who you are now. If you've been holding onto a career, relationship, responsibility, identity, or role simply because you've always done it, this episode is your reminder that you're allowed to choose again. Sometimes healing isn't staying committed to an old decision. Sometimes healing is trusting yourself enough to make a new one. (00:00) - Embracing Change: The Need for Permission (10:00) - The Power of Decision-Making and Self-Permission (18:03) - Redefining Roles and Responsibilities in Life Key Takeaways Healing is an ongoing process, not a destination.You are allowed to make a different decision when you have new information.Keeping your word should never require abandoning yourself.People-pleasing often disguises itself as commitment.Your body can become a trustworthy guide in decision-making.Roles that once served you may eventually become too heavy to carry.Choosing yourself is not selfish; it prevents burnout.Sometimes changing course isn't changing your mind; it's honoring who you've become.Your life today deserves decisions made with today's wisdom, not yesterday's circumstances.

  5. 7 Jul

    Ep 55: Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn. What Your Body Is Trying to Tell You

    Have you ever found yourself completely staring at a blank screen, unable to reply to emails or cross items off your to-do list, and immediately labeled it as laziness or procrastination? I’m pulling back the curtain on a deeply personal reveal. Recently, I found myself sliding from a state of high anxiety and overfunctioning straight into a deep freeze mode, and I didn't even notice the shift until I started explaining the nervous system to someone else. In this episode, I talk about what it actually means when our bodies hit a wall. As Black women and high-achievers, we are conditioned to stay in prolonged states of survival because our environments rarely feel safe enough to prioritize deep peace or rest. I break down the four primary nervous system responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn, and how they show up disguised as productivity, perpetual busyness, avoidance, and people-pleasing. You aren't broken, and you aren't lazy. Your body is simply doing exactly what it learned to do to protect you. Let’s talk about how to meet ourselves with radical self-compassion and move through it in real time. (00:00) - The Journey of Healing and Growth (02:49) - Understanding the Nervous System's Response (05:45) - Navigating Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Modes (09:03) - Personal Experience with Overwhelm (11:45) - Recognizing and Addressing Overwhelm (15:12) - Seeking Support and Making Changes (18:06) - The Importance of Self-Compassion (21:08) - Finding the Right Support (24:03) - Communicating Needs and Setting Boundaries (26:55) - Creating Opportunities for Rest and Growth Key Takeaways • Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are survival responses, not personality flaws. • High achievers often stay in survival mode so long that it begins to feel normal. • Freeze mode isn't laziness. Sometimes it's your nervous system hitting a wall. • Your body is always communicating with you. • Healing isn't about forcing yourself through overwhelm. It's about learning what your body needs next. • Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is ask for different support. • You don't have to be completely healed before you can continue growing.

  6. 30 Jun

    Ep 54: How to Journal When You Don't Know What to Write

    If you are a high-achieving woman who has spent years in survival mode, journaling can feel incredibly intimidating. We’re often told to "just write your feelings down," but when you’ve been disconnected from your body just to get through the day, you look at a blank page and completely freeze. You might worry you're doing it wrong, or your brain instantly tries to edit every sentence before your pen even hits the paper. In this episode, I want to demystify the practice of journaling and examine it through neurological and somatic lenses. Writing by hand isn't just about recording facts; it’s a physical act that slows down your racing thoughts and creates a powerful mind-body loop. I'm breaking down three simple, unconventional journaling exercises designed to bypass your inner critic, release low-grade stress, and help you start exactly where you are. 00:00 - Introduction to Journaling Challenges 02:12 - The Neuroscience of Handwriting 06:00 - Journaling Exercises: Writing From Feelings 15:39 - Unsent Letters: Emotional Release 22:17 - The Drain: Clearing Emotional Clutter Key Takeaways ✨ Journaling is not a writing skill. It's a self-connection skill. ✨ Handwriting slows your brain down enough to process what you're experiencing rather than simply react to it. ✨ The emotion underneath the goal matters more than the goal itself. ✨ You don't need to know how something will happen before you allow yourself to feel what you want. ✨ If you're disconnected from your emotions, start with what is easiest to access. Even irritation, frustration, or complaints. ✨ Sometimes emotional clarity comes after writing, not before. ✨ There is no "right way" to journal. ✨ Recognizing your emotions, staying connected to them, and articulating them are all learnable skills. ✨ The goal isn't to write perfectly. ✨ The goal is to hear yourself. Connect With Me Threads: Come hang out and share your thoughts with me over on Threads at @AshaWilkersonESQ. Community: Leave a comment on this podcast episode and let me know which of these three exercises landed best in your spirit this week. Enjoyed This Episode? Share it with a friend who keeps saying they should journal but never knows where to start. And if you try one of these exercises this week, I'd love to hear how it goes. Come home to yourself. 🌿

  7. 23 Jun

    Ep 53: The Difference Between an Emotion and a Feeling

    Last week, I shared what to do when you're in the middle of a difficult emotional experience. This week, I want to go deeper into something that often gets misunderstood: the difference between emotions and feelings. Most of us use those words interchangeably, but they're not actually the same thing. In this episode, I break down how emotions are automatic physiological responses that happen in the body before we have time to think, while feelings are the stories and interpretations we create around those emotional experiences. I share examples from my own life, including my years as an attorney, and how childhood experiences still show up in my dating life today. We'll explore why understanding this distinction can be so powerful on your healing journey, how trauma influences the way we interpret emotional data, and why learning to separate the emotion from the story can create more freedom, self-awareness, and choice in your life. If you've ever wondered why certain situations trigger such strong reactions or why you sometimes feel stuck in patterns that don't seem logical, this episode is for you. (00:00) - Understanding Emotions and Feelings (09:55) - The Role of Emotions in Healing (16:14) - Practical Applications and Resources Takeaways ✨ Emotions and feelings are not the same thing. Emotions are automatic physiological responses that occur in the body before conscious thought. Feelings are the interpretations and meanings we assign to those emotional experiences. ✨ You cannot stop yourself from having emotions. Emotions are part of being human. They serve as information and help us navigate the world by signaling what feels safe, unsafe, desirable, or threatening. ✨ The body reacts before the mind understands. Fear, joy, sadness, anger, and excitement often arise in the body before we've had a chance to consciously process what's happening. ✨ Feelings are shaped by your history. Your past experiences, beliefs, culture, nervous system patterns, and personal stories all influence how you interpret emotional experiences. ✨ Healing requires separating the emotion from the story. A physiological response may be based on past experiences that are no longer relevant to your current reality. Learning to distinguish between the two creates space for new choices and healthier responses. ✨ Triggers are part of being human. You cannot move through life without being triggered. What matters is not whether the trigger happens, but how you interpret and respond to the information it provides. ✨ Emotions can be stored in the body. Practices such as breathwork, bodywork, energy work, and tapping can help release stored emotional responses and create greater emotional freedom. ✨ You may not control your emotions, but you can develop agency around your feelings. With awareness and practice, you can choose how you interpret emotional experiences and how you respond to them. Resources Mentioned 📚 Psychology Today The Important Difference Between Emotions and Feelings (February 2022) Referenced for its distinction between emotions as "raw data" and feelings as the stories we create around them. 📚 BetterHelp Are Emotions and Feelings The Same Thing? Referenced for research discussing how emotions occur unconsciously in response to stimuli and feelings arise once the brain interprets those changes. 📚 Karla McLaren Is It a Feeling or Is It an Emotion? Revisited Somatic educator and researcher whose work defines emotions as physiological experiences that provide information and feelings as conscious awareness of those experiences. Connect with me over on Threads @AshaWilkersonEsq and let me know how this episode landed in your body. Come home to yourself.

  8. 16 Jun

    Ep 52: When "Tough Times Don't Last" Isn't Enough

    A few weeks ago, I came across a post on Threads that stopped me in my tracks. A woman wrote, "Somewhere deep within it hurts. Really wish I could get the words out, but it's so heavy to pen down." What struck me wasn't just what she said. It was who she appeared to be from the outside: successful, accomplished, building a business, encouraging others. And yet beneath all of that, something felt heavy. It reminded me how many of us are walking around carrying emotions we don't know what to do with. In this episode, I'm sharing a practical framework for navigating those moments when life feels overwhelming. Not with platitudes or toxic positivity, but with real steps you can take when you're in the trenches. We'll explore why feeling deeply doesn't mean you're broken, how to identify what your body and nervous system need, and how to use your emotions as information instead of getting lost in the stories they create. If you've ever felt stuck, heavy, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move through difficult emotions, this conversation is for you. (00:00) - Navigating Vulnerability on Social Media (02:52) - Understanding and Normalizing Emotions (05:45) - Identifying Needs and Seeking Support (09:00) - Decoding Emotions: Information vs. Story (12:02) - Practical Steps for Emotional Awareness (14:55) - Bridging Knowledge and Practice in Emotional Health Takeaways ✨ You are not broken because you feel deeply. Heavy emotions are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They are part of being human and provide valuable information about what is happening beneath the surface. ✨ Before you move on, ask yourself what you need. Instead of rushing to "fix" the feeling, pause and identify what would help you feel supported. Sometimes it's a hug, a conversation, rest, movement, nature, or simply being witnessed. ✨ Co-regulation is not a weakness. Humans are relational beings. Reaching out for support, connection, or comfort is often exactly what your nervous system needs to return to safety. ✨ Emotions carry information. Once your nervous system has settled, get curious. Ask yourself what the sensation in your body is trying to communicate rather than immediately reacting to it. ✨ Separate the emotion from the story. The emotion is the raw experience in your body. The story is the meaning your mind creates around it. Learning the difference can help you respond more intentionally. ✨ You can't always control what you feel, but you can choose how you respond. When you understand what an emotion is trying to tell you, you gain the power to decide what happens next. Connect with me on Threads: @ashawilkersonesq

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About

You did everything right. And still... something's off. Not quite broken, but not quite right either. Because I've Healed is for high-achieving Black women who are ready to stop performing and come home to themselves. We have real conversations and give real solutions. Asha Wilkerson is a former attorney, healing guide, and retreat curator in Lisbon, Portugal. She's been where you are. She got out., and she came back to get you! New episodes drop regularly. Go deeper with Love Notes, a weekly email for women ready to trust themselves again.

Information

  • Creator
    Asha Wilkerson
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    59
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Asha Wilkerson
  • Show Website
    Because I'm Healing