8 episodes

“I still love him and I miss him”. Losing the thing you are most sure of and coming out the other side - a story about life, love and loss. A memoir by Sophie Townsend.

Goodbye to All This BBC

    • Personal Journals
    • 4.6 • 105 Ratings

“I still love him and I miss him”. Losing the thing you are most sure of and coming out the other side - a story about life, love and loss. A memoir by Sophie Townsend.

    7. Port in the storm

    7. Port in the storm

    “His death is nothing like the worst thing. The worst thing is now.” Sophie is struggling after Russell’s death. Everyone is trying to help, but is saying the wrong thing – except one person, who knows what it’s like because his wife has died.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 25 min
    6. The funeral

    6. The funeral

    Love, flashes of anger and remembering funny things. It's the first time Sophie has nothing to do except sit since her husband died. And she looks like Jackie Kennedy at JFK’s funeral.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 21 min
    5. The crowded goodbye

    5. The crowded goodbye

    “He was covered in flowers and looked so peaceful.” The children put them in his hair and all around him. They stroked his head and kissed him.
    “It was as though he could see Sophie and the girls were surrounded by lots of love. And he was surrounded by love. And perhaps Russell felt it was a safe time to go.”
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 34 min
    4. Crashing waves

    4. Crashing waves

    “I’m sorry it’s not better news.” A hospital appointment feels like a polite break-up. Sophie and Russell are told nothing more can be done.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service

    • 36 min
    3. Family portrait

    3. Family portrait

    “Hold on, we think. Hold on.” A photo and a moment captured, trying to cling on, before it all begins. The cancer treatment starts and everyone wants to help.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 34 min
    2. The secret

    2. The secret

    “Of course you’re crying. You’re very, very frightened.” Sophie had started to convince herself that she had overreacted – but she hadn’t. And now nobody must know.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 27 min

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5
105 Ratings

105 Ratings

Rowbi Wan ,

Moving. Heartwrenching. Honest.

I listened to the episodes back to back. I enjoyed them despite knowing how things would end. Sophie speaks from her heart and shared so truthfully. Having watched my mother die young i was sympathetic to her raw emotions and appreciated her sharing the anger and the humour she experienced during Russell’s illness.
I love this tribute to his life and tribute to his death. I have cried so much during the episodes but I think of Russell and hope he feels loved and missed as he was on the day he died.

Helsreed ,

Touching

Sophie thank you for sharing your incredible painful yet beautiful honest story. I hope your words help you to heal from the loss of your love.

traffandem ,

Beautiful

I can’t put into words to describe this podcast apart from being beautiful to the soul

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