Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

Ashleigh Butterss
  • 5.0 (13)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated weekly

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reveals the raw reality behind the facade of people's "perfect lives." After getting sober in 2020 and leaving corporate life, Ash now shares raw conversations, expert insights and powerful stories to help you heal, grow and reconnect with your true self. Expect honesty, practical tools and real talk that proves when we recover out loudly, no one has to suffer in silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. 1 day ago

    Ep 191. Why Nothing External Will Ever Fill The Internal Void, with Katrina Loewe

    My guest this week is Katrina Loewe, a mum of three boys who lived 47 years in internal chaos before a spiritual awakening turned her life around. On the outside, Katrina had everything, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and a life many would envy. On the inside, she was drowning in perfectionism, shame she had carried since her teens, and a growing disconnection from herself that eventually led her through four hospitalisations in the space of nine and a half weeks. Katrina shares what it was like to hit a point where nothing external could fix her anymore, the moment she finally reached out for real help, and how meditation, connection, and a complete willingness to change gave her a life she had never known was possible. She talks openly about perfectionism, people pleasing, the shame of being away from her children while seeking treatment, and what it means to finally feel at peace in your own life. This is a moving conversation about what transformation can look like when it has nothing to do with rock bottom in the traditional sense, and everything to do with finally coming home to yourself. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Katrina Loewe 05:14 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 08:52 A Wholesome Childhood and the First Signs of Not Fitting In 13:14 A Difficult Family Holiday and Years of Carrying Shame 26:20 Becoming a Stepmum, IVF, and Chasing "I'll Be Happy When" 30:52 Suffocating Behind a Perfect Life 33:22 Losing Her Father and the Grief She Never Processed 36:43 The Trip Around Australia and the Start of the Unravelling 38:04 When Drinking Crept In 40:53 Four Hospitals in Nine and a Half Weeks 46:13 The Instagram Post That Changed Everything 51:20 What Her Relationship with Alcohol Looks Like Today 57:19 Releasing the Shame and Living Without Apology 01:00:16 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Upcoming Retreats: The Embodied Woman | Gold Coast | April 21 - 25, 2027 A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more details! Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 191. Why Nothing External Will Ever Fill The Internal Void, with Katrina Loewe

  2. 30 Aug

    Ep 190. Feeling Lost? The Daily Spiritual Practice That Brings You Back to Yourself, with Ash Butterss

    Fresh from running her retreat in Bali, Ash is back with another solo episode exploring  why so many of us feel disconnected from ourselves, and how a simple daily spiritual practice can help us step off the hamster wheel and come back to what truly matters. Inspired from the practices she was sharing on retreat, Ash shares what sadhana really means, the difference between filling your life with more things to do and creating practices that genuinely support you, and how meditation, pranayama, breathwork, yoga and stillness can become part of your everyday life. Ash also takes you behind the scenes of the retreat, from temple visits and Agni Hotra to kirtan, floating sound healing, sauna, cold plunges and the power of sisterhood. She reflects on how sobriety and recovery opened the door to a life she once could not have imagined, and why she now considers facilitating retreats her dream job. This episode is for anyone who feels exhausted from constantly doing, achieving or performing, yet still feels as though something is missing. You do not need to attend a retreat or completely overhaul your life to begin. Transformation can start with ten quiet minutes, one honest question or a single practice that brings you back to yourself each day. Ash also shares details of her upcoming retreats in Bali, Melbourne and the Gold Coast, including the newly announced A Sacred Return retreat in 2027. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 190. Feeling Lost? The Daily Spiritual Practice That Brings You Back to Yourself, with Ash Butterss

  3. 23 Aug

    Ep 189. The Secret That’s Kept Sanjay Sober for 21 Years

    My guest this week is Sanjay, a father in recovery who has been sober for 21 years. Born in Uganda, raised in London and now living in Melbourne, Sanjay grew up watching his father drink before taking his own first drink at fifteen. He spent the next two decades chasing that initial feeling through alcohol, drugs and gambling, while his life quietly unravelled behind the scenes. In this conversation, Sanjay shares the unexpected moment a psychiatrist broke through every wall he had built, what it took to finally surrender, and why getting sober was only the beginning. He opens up about losing his father to alcoholism, navigating divorce without returning to old behaviours, and the role yoga and spirituality have played in helping him continue to grow. But the real secret to Sanjay’s 21 years of sobriety has been getting out of himself. Through service, connection and giving back to the recovery community, he has found a sense of purpose that has carried him through every season of life. This is a warm and honest conversation about why sobriety cannot be sustained in isolation, and how helping others may be one of the most powerful ways we help ourselves. Episode chapters: 00:08 Introducing Sanjay 04:39 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in London 07:48 Growing Up: A Father's Drinking and Life on Eggshells 10:49 A Refugee Identity and the Feeling of Not Belonging 13:07 The First Drink at Fifteen and Why He Loved It 17:15 Chasing the Feeling: Rave Culture, Drugs and Excess 19:37 When the Consequences Started to Show Up 23:57 Rock Bottom: Isolated, Broke and Calling Crisis Lines at 2am 26:22 The Health Insurance Letter and the Road to the Priory 29:02 The Psychiatrist Who Saw a Little Boy 31:06 Surrender Day: January 13, 2005 36:50 What Happened Inside the Priory 38:12 Building the Foundation: Big Book Recovery and Service 52:43 Whack-a-Mole: What Comes Up When You Put the Drink Down 56:47 Yoga, Chanting and the Practices That Quieten the Noise 59:35 What Recovery Looks Like 21 Years In Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 189. The Secret That’s Kept Sanjay Sober for 21 Years

  4. 16 Aug

    Ep 188. The Unexpected Gift of Trauma and Pathway to Post-Traumatic Growth, with Dr. Edith Shiro

    My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does. In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all.  Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose.  We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you. Episode chapters: 00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro 02:03 What Trauma Really Means 03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn 06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify 07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time 10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck 13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath 17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging 20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title 23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently 27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics 29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist 30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step 31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One 36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life 39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth 41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose 45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice 49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way Out Connect with Dr. Edith below: Instagram  Website Linkedin The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith Shiro Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 188. The Unexpected Gift of Trauma and Pathway to Post-Traumatic Growth, with Dr. Edith Shiro

  5. 9 Aug

    Ep 187. The Spiritual Thread Between Recovery and Yoga, with Mark Purser

    My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering. In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Mark Purser 03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana 07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation 10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted 12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay 15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work 18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled 21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout 26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday 29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub 31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope 33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof 35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed 37:13 The Gift of Desperation 45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet 51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years 53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything 57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up 59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Mark below: www.bambooyogabyron.com  Instagram Podcast: The Gentle Revolution Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 187. The Spiritual Thread Between Recovery and Yoga, with Mark Purser

  6. 2 Aug

    Ep 186. How Sobriety Revealed the Truth About Her Sexuality, with Alexandra McRobert

    Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian. Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did. In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most. Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are. TW: This episode contains discussion of assault. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert 03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan 04:34 How Bali Called Her In 06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months 09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco 11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything 13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi 16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home 18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access 19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group 22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga 24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing 26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps 28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth 30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali 32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point 34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan 36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan 38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage 40:19 Coming Out as Queer 43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything 51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred 55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds 58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like 01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Alexandra below: Check out Alexandra’s Substack here.  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 186. How Sobriety Revealed the Truth About Her Sexuality, with Alexandra McRobert

  7. 26 Jul

    Ep 185. She Nearly Lost Her Life: Addiction, Violence and Recovery, with Shannan Walsh

    My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run. In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again. Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible.  TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh 03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink 07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol 08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul 09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture 11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction 13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage 18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From? 18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will 20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant 22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing 27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives 33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire 35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together 39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath 41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open 43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back 45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community 47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor 47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence 50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety 56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place 57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women 59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected 01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power 01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All 01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home 01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children 01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 185. She Nearly Lost Her Life: Addiction, Violence and Recovery, with Shannan Walsh

  8. 19 Jul

    Ep 184. Ask Me Anything: Sobriety, Spirituality, Purpose & Relationships, with Ash Butterss

    What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere? In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life. From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her. If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning 03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort 12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery 15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today 17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World 19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path 22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact 24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude 27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love 29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork 31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage 33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes 36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership 38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity 41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? 43:29 A Letter to Little Ash Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 184. Ask Me Anything: Sobriety, Spirituality, Purpose & Relationships, with Ash Butterss
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
13 Ratings

About

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reveals the raw reality behind the facade of people's "perfect lives." After getting sober in 2020 and leaving corporate life, Ash now shares raw conversations, expert insights and powerful stories to help you heal, grow and reconnect with your true self. Expect honesty, practical tools and real talk that proves when we recover out loudly, no one has to suffer in silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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