Not Quite Typical: An AuDHD Podcast

Amber Nap
  • 5.0 (2)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED FORTNIGHTLY

Late-diagnosed autism & ADHD stories for adults. Real talk on masking, identity shifts, unmasking, and AuDHD life in your 30s. New episodes biweekly. ambernapthine.substack.com

Episodes

  1. 1 MAY

    9.Loneliness & Late Diagnosed AuDHD

    Have you ever felt completely alone in a room full of people? Or walked away from a social event feeling lonelier than before you arrived? In this episode I look into one of the most quietly painful parts of the neurodivergent experience , loneliness. Not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being surrounded by people and still not being reached by any of them. This episode covers why ND brains find connection harder, what the research actually says, and my own honest account of navigating friendships, groups, and belonging as a late-diagnosed AuDHDer. In this episode: The difference between loneliness and isolation — and why it matters for ND people The five types of loneliness and which ones hit hardest when you're neurodivergent Masking — why performing a version of yourself means nobody actually meets you RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) and how it makes us engineer our own loneliness Executive function — why ADHD brains lose friendships through drift, not intention Sensory overload in social settings — when the environment is the barrier, not you The double empathy problem — why it's a mismatch, not a deficit The myth that autistic people prefer to be alone — and what the research actually shows My own experience from the school years to adulthood — the popular loner, the drift, the unmasking Sources & further reading: Bridgette Hamstead — AuDHD & Loneliness (Substack): https://substack.com/@bridgettehamstead/p-195049729 Prof. Amanda Kirby — Neurodiversity 101: Loneliness (LinkedIn): https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/neurodiversity-101loneliness-prof-amanda-kirby-rluqe/ EU Joint Research Centre — Defining loneliness: https://joint-research-centre.ec.europa.eu/projects-and-activities/survey-methods-and-analysis-centre/loneliness/defining-loneliness_en Bauminger et al. (2003) — Loneliness and friendship in high-functioning children with autism Cacioppo & Hawkley (2009) — Perceived social isolation and cognition Michielsen et al. (2015) — ADHD and emotional loneliness in older adults If you're struggling: Mind — loneliness support: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/useful-contacts/ Campaign to End Loneliness: https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/feeling-lonely/helpful-links/ Find Not Quite Typical: Instagram: @notquite_typical Substack: notquitetypical.substack.com If this episode resonated, please share it with someone who needs to hear it and leave a review if you can. It genuinely helps more people find the show.

    37 min

  2. 16 APR

    8.Dopamine,RSD & Limerence: Dating When Late Diagnosed AuDHD

    Ghosting, breadcrumbing, endless swipes and situtaionships - modern dating is hard, but how about when you add in processing differences, monotropism, dopamine starved brains and Rejection Sensitivy Dysphoria? In this episode I talk about how dating when neurodivergent poses challenges and difficulties and how neurodivergent people can date comfortably and safely to work with their brains. 00:00 Introduction: The Challenges of Modern Dating 00:12 Personal Journey: Undiagnosed Neurodivergence in Dating 00:22 The Modern Dating Landscape: Choice, Commitment, and Communication 00:30 Dating Apps: Business Models and the Paradox of Choice 00:46 Communication Breakdown: Texting and Neurodivergent Experiences 00:58 My Dating App Addiction: A Personal Account 01:06 Neurobiology of Neurodivergent Dating: Dopamine, Monotropism, RSD 01:10 Dopamine and Dating Apps: The Addiction Cycle 01:40 Monotropism: Intense Focus and Limerence in Dating 02:04 Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): Perceived Rejection and Ghosting 02:20 The Trust Problem: Questioning Instincts and Red Flags 02:36 Finding Hope: Dating Post-Diagnosis 02:40 Intentional App Use vs. Compulsivity 02:57 Alternative Dating Apps 03:02 Understanding Your Patterns: RSD, Limerence, and Monotropism 03:10 Communicating Needs: Directness and Certainty 03:20 Community: Meeting People Through Shared Interests' 03:30 Re-framing the Timeline: Self-Compassion and Moving Forward 03:45 Conclusion: Understanding Yourself is Key Find Not Quite Typical Insta: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/notquite_typical/⁠ Substack: ⁠ambernapthine.substack.com⁠ TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@notquite_typical?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc A Note Not Quite Typical: An AuDHD Podcast is an unoffical guide for anyone who is discovering life with a late diagnosis or realisation, I’m not a doctor, therapist, or researcher. Everything I share comes from my own lived experience as a late-discovered autistic and ADHD woman. If anything in this episode resonates and you want to explore further, please do and be gentle with yourself while you do it.

    45 min
  3. 7.Why PDA Triggers Shame Spirals in AuDHD

    29 MAR

    7.Why PDA Triggers Shame Spirals in AuDHD

    Ever feel crushed by shame when a hobby you love suddenly feels impossible? In this episode of Not Quite Typical, I unpack why PDA (pathological demand avoidance) and ADHD shame spirals hit so hard for me as a late-diagnosed AuDHDer. From my abandoned baking dreams to work guilt and friend-text paralysis, I share it all. I dive into the roots: RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), masking exhaustion, executive dysfunction, and that nervous-system freeze when “just do it” advice backfires. Then I share three tiny shifts that broke my cycle: * Name the mechanism (like saying “This is PDA, not failure”) * Reframe interests as “mini pools” - deep skill dives I can revisit, not flaky failures * Permission to be small - 5-minute starts over perfection pressure Chapters00:00 — Intro: Welcome to Not Quite Typical 01:30 — Shame in AuDHD and PDA explained 04:45 — My baking obsession to shame spiral 07:20 — Work shame and job-hopping guilt 10:15 — Social shame and RSD deep dive 13:40 — PDA freeze: hobbies and demands 17:00 — Masking exhaustion and executive dysfunction 20:30 — Three shifts to break the spiral 22:45 — Reframe: "Mini pools" of interests 26:10 — Permission to start small 29:00 — Outro: Let go of shame Find Not Quite Typical Instagram: @notquite_typicalSubstack: Not Quite Typical A Note I’m not a doctor, therapist, or researcher. Everything I share comes from my own lived experience as a late-discovered autistic and ADHD woman. If anything in this episode resonates and you want to explore further, please do and be gentle with yourself while you do it. To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    38 min
  4. 6.Late-Diagnosed AuDHD: Masking Habits That Exhausted Me

    13 MAR

    6.Late-Diagnosed AuDHD: Masking Habits That Exhausted Me

    Episode Summary In this episode I'm talking about masking and the way autistic and ADHD people learn to suppress, hide, and adapt their natural behaviours to fit in. Drawing on my own experience as a late-discovered AuDHD woman, I trace where my mask came from, how it showed up across every area of my life, and what the slow, complicated process of unmasking has looked like for me. Chapters 0:02 — Introduction and the Not Quite Typical rebrand 0:27 — Rebranding and setting up new platforms 0:47 — What this podcast is for 1:24 — The question at the heart of this episode: are you really being yourself? 2:09 — What masking and unmasking actually mean 3:04 — How masking behaviours show up day to day 4:11 — Masking differently in different environments 5:32 — Why masking is a survival strategy, not a choice 6:15 — What the research says about masking and late diagnosis 7:08 — Masking in the workplace and its long-term effects 8:32 — My personal masking story begins 10:40 — School, childhood, and where the mask first went on 13:22 — The moment at eight years old that changed everything 14:57 — A decade of observing and learning how to 'be normal' 16:15 — Masking in work: scripting emails, hypervigilance, never leaving the desk 17:28 — Starting to unmask — and how the cracks appear 18:16 — Why unmasking is harder than it sounds 20:02 — What happens when the mask comes off suddenly 21:25 — Masking (and not masking) while working from home 22:04 — 'I have workplace anxiety' and what that actually was 23:42 — Finding spaces where the mask could come off 24:46 — Unmasking on production sets 25:38 — Acting courses and unmasking 26:32 — Unmasking with the right people 28:32 — Career choices shaped by what feels safe 30:03 — Practical advice on unmasking gradually and safely 32:14 — Finding safe zones and communities 33:31 — Having conversations about unmasking in relationships and at work 36:16 — Closing reflection: nothing needs to be fixed Research & Sources Van der Putten et al. (2023) — AuDHD individuals mask more than either autistic or ADHD people alone Craddock, E. (2024) — AuDHD women who masked were diagnosed significantly later than those who didn't Pearson & Rose (2021) — masking linked to anxiety, depression, and identity erosion Cook et al. (2023) — long-term effects of masking on mental health Pryke-Hobbes et al. (2023, PLOS ONE) — workplace masking as necessity for autistic adults National Autistic Society: autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/masking Find Not Quite Typical Instagram: @not_quitetypical Substack: Not Quite Typical A Note I'm not a doctor, therapist, or researcher. Everything I share comes from my own lived experience as a late-discovered autistic and ADHD woman. If anything in this episode resonates and you want to explore further, please do and be gentle with yourself while you do it. To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    38 min
  5. 5.Late-Diagnosed AuDHD: Time Anxiety & Living in the Present

    27 FEB

    5.Late-Diagnosed AuDHD: Time Anxiety & Living in the Present

    Late-diagnosed AuDHD adults: does time anxiety keep you stuck in future worries or past regrets? This episode breaks down why we can’t “just exist in the present” and 3 strategies that actually work. We cover: time blindness in AuDHD, masking exhaustion from constant planning, and practical unmasking tools for neurodivergent time management. enjoyed. You’re not dramatic. Your nervous system is just doing its job. Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:58 Understanding Burnout and Its Effects 02:53 Living in the Present: The Struggle with Planning 07:09 The Spiral of Anticipatory Stress 12:35 Demand Avoidance and Its Impact 16:57 Personal Experiences with Energy Management 20:43 Understanding Autistic Burnout 24:04 Coping Strategies for Managing Anxiety 32:05 The Importance of Data and Evidence 33:51 The Power of Saying No 37:31 Conclusion: Embracing Kindness and Understanding Research & links: Intolerance of uncertainty & anxiety in autistic people * Frontiers in Psychology — Sensory sensitivity and intolerance of uncertainty influencing anxiety in autistic adults: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.731753/full * Systematic review & meta-analysis on IU and anxiety in autistic people: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7539603/ * Sensory Sensitivity and Intolerance of Uncertainty Influence Anxiety in Autistic Adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8635111/ * Autistic Sensory Traits and Psychological Distress — Mediating Role of Worry and Intolerance of Uncertainty: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39595851/ Time perception in autism * Time perception and autistic spectrum condition: A systematic review: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6852160/ * How autism influences time perception (accessible overview): https://www.newpatternsaba.com/blog/how-autism-influences-time-perception Demand avoidance * Understanding pathological demand avoidance in adults: https://pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/understanding-pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-with-autism/ * Living with PDA — strategies for adults: https://rachellebloksberg.com/living-with-pathological-demand-avoidance-strategies-for-dealing-with-pda-in-adults-for-autism-and * PDA in adults — how to get unstuck: https://www.thriveautismcoaching.com/post/pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-how-to-help-them-get-unstuck Burnout & IU as a coping mechanism * IU as a mechanism in autistic anxiety: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5903967/ * Single-case treatment study for IU in autistic adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6061029/ Coping & experiments approach * Towards a Treatment for Intolerance of Uncertainty for Autistic Adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6061029/ * Single Case Experimental Design Study (more detail on same programme): https://d-nb.info/1160380759/34 General accessible reading * Autistica — coping with uncertainty in autism: https://www.autistica.org.uk/our-research/research-projects/coping-with-uncertainty * Autistica — uncertainty, anxiety and sensory sensitivities: https://www.autistica.org.uk/our-research/research-projects/uncertainty-anxiety-sensory-sensitivities AuDHD Out Loud is a podcast about living honestly in a brain that works differently. New episodes drop weekly. If this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    41 min
  6. Update and Ask

    25 FEB

    Update and Ask

    I want YOUR input! What guests would you like me to chat to and what topics would you like me to cover? To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    6 min
  7. 4.My Diagnosis Journey

    12 FEB

    4.My Diagnosis Journey

    Brett, The AuDHD Boss - https://substack.com/@brettwhitmarsh Dr Megan Anna Neff -https://substack.com/@neurodivergentinsights AuDHD Out Loud Substack -https://ambernapthine.substack.com/ To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    27 min
  8. 3.Identity & late diagnosis

    3 FEB

    3.Identity & late diagnosis

    This episode is all about idenity as a late diagnosed neurodivergent person, how a diagnosis can redefine decades of discovery and finding our place in the world. To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    19 min
  9. 2.Limerence and the Neurodivergent Job Hunt

    22 JAN

    2.Limerence and the Neurodivergent Job Hunt

    How does limerence work with job hunting and AuDHD? To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    22 min
  10. 1.The January Dread

    13 JAN

    1.The January Dread

    To hear more, visit ambernapthine.substack.com

    13 min
  • 10 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
2 Ratings

About

Late-diagnosed autism & ADHD stories for adults. Real talk on masking, identity shifts, unmasking, and AuDHD life in your 30s. New episodes biweekly. ambernapthine.substack.com

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