Differentiated Love and Sex

Jackie Aston and Catherine Roebuck
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Relationships

Differentiated Love & Sex is a relationship podcast about emotional differentiation, intimacy, and building healthier partnerships. Hosted by Jackie Aston, a licensed psychotherapist with 10+ years of experience working with individuals and couples, and Catherine Roebuck, a relationship coach who helps entrepreneurs and working professionals improve their relationships. Each episode explores relationship dynamics, communication, sex, boundaries, and personal growth so couples can stay connected without losing themselves. New episodes are available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

  1. 2 days ago

    Why Escaping Stress Ends Up Costing Your Relationship

    Work with us: *Jackie Aston, Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach → www.candgtherapy.com *Catherine Roebuck, Relationship Coach → www.catherineroebuck.com In this episode, Jackie and Catherine discuss the ways that escaping challenges through distraction are counterproductive for individuals and their relationships. What this episode covers: - Why escapism isn't a problem in itself, but becomes one when it replaces facing what actually needs to happen - The counterintuitive truth that anxiety has to go up before it goes down, and why avoiding that spike keeps a problem exactly the same size or bigger - How one partner's escapism can quietly become the other partner's overfunctioning, and how resentment builds on both sides of that split - Why affairs function as a distraction from what's actually hard about a committed relationship, rather than evidence about what a person truly wants - How to ask a distracted partner for what you actually want, instead of a list of complaints they'll find easy to tune out - Why self-trust gets built or eroded in these small moments of following through, or not, on what we said we'd face Free consultation| Substack | Podcast Chapters 00:00 Escaping instead of facing what's hard 01:31 Welcome and introductions 02:06 Today's topic: escapism in relationships 03:49 When stepping away becomes avoidance 05:07 The many forms escapism takes 06:47 The real test: do you have a plan to face it 09:15 Building self-trust by following through 11:10 Facing uncertainty instead of distracting from it 14:08 Why anxiety has to rise before it falls 16:02 The cold pool analogy 19:06 Turning "what if" into a real question 21:53 Building self-trust step by step 26:16 How escapism impacts a partner 27:36 The football example and overfunctioning 33:18 Affairs as escapism 39:16 Getting a real answer without messing with the data 41:14 What to do when your partner is distracted 44:00 Getting specific about what you actually want 48:24 Fairness and showing up for each other To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  2. 6 Oct

    How to Get the Support You Need During Pregnancy and Postpartum?

    Work with us: *Jackie Aston, Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach → www.candgtherapy.com *Catherine Roebuck, Relationship Coach → www.catherineroebuck.com What this episode covers: - Jackie's own experience being pregnant with her third child, and what feels different emotionally this time compared to her first - Why constantly finding another task to prepare for the baby can keep anxiety circling rather than resolve it, and what presence and connection actually offer instead - The ongoing work of advocating for yourself with medical providers during pregnancy, postpartum, and delivery, including how differently Jackie was treated traveling in France - What it actually looks like to support a friend or partner through postpartum, from concrete offers like folding laundry to directly checking in about mood and safety This is the kind of transition Jackie and Catherine work through with clients often, both the emotional adjustment of pregnancy and postpartum and the relationship dynamics that come with it. If any of this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what support could look like for you. Free consultation | Substack | Podcast Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:20 Welcome to the podcast 01:37 Being pregnant and differentiated 03:26 What's different this pregnancy versus the last 05:06 Asking for help and letting people show up 05:57 Advocating with medical providers 08:29 Planning for postpartum in advance 09:22 Postpartum support groups and community 11:39 Pregnancy care in France versus the US 13:26 Postpartum depression and getting support lined up 18:40 What matters in the couple's relationship during pregnancy 20:04 Connecting sexually with physical limitations 21:32 Anxiety, to-do lists, and presence 24:18 Preparing older kids for a new sibling 27:57 Body image during pregnancy 29:29 How to support a friend through postpartum 36:56 Advocating for yourself in the hospital and during birth 44:35 Bringing a therapist or coach into the process To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  3. 29 Sept

    What is the True Cost of the Strings Attached in Your Relationships?

    Maybe it's a parent who'll pay for something, but only if you do it their way. Maybe it's a partner who plans the date but expects sex afterward. A lot of us have accepted help or love that came with quiet conditions, and only later noticed what we gave up to keep it. What this episode covers: - The difference between an honest request ("it would mean a lot if you'd join us") and an offer with strings attached - Why accepting conditional support, even when you're getting something you want, can cost you your own functioning over time - What it looks like when a relationship runs on control instead of love, and why that distinction matters even when the control is subtle or unspoken - The golden child position in a family, and why it's often the hardest one to grow out of because there's so much conditional support to lose - Why generosity that doesn't need a guarantee is different from a transactional exchange, and what that difference actually does for closeness This is a pattern Jackie and Catherine see often in their work with clients, whether it's showing up with family, a partner, or both. If this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what it could look like to work through it in your own relationships. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity Chapters 00:00 Using someone to get what you want isn't love 01:02 Welcome and introductions 01:52 What strings attached offers look like 04:12 The wedding dress example 06:05 Staying in a dependent position 11:51 Golden child dynamics in families 14:47 The affair and the necklace: covert strings 17:21 Household roles and unspoken conditions 19:42 Strings attached around sex and date night 23:24 How transactional patterns wire into the brain 26:39 The difference between reciprocity and strings attached 29:01 Golden child vs. scapegoat and differentiation 36:00 The vulnerability of unconditional love 40:52 What this costs, on both sides To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  4. 22 Sept

    How did I miss his infidelity? Chris and Sienna from Couples Therapy

    Jackie and Catherine use the story of Chris and Sienna from Couples' Therapy to discuss infidelity, why partners are unfaithful, and why partners don't catch it sooner. What this episode covers: - Jackie and Catherine break down a real couples therapy clip featuring Chris and Sienna, working through his infidelity and the pattern underneath it - Why one partner doing all the pursuing, decoding, and caretaking can hold a relationship in balance, even when it's costing her - How Chris deflects ownership of the affair by making the conversation about whether he's "a bad person," and why that move works on his wife - What it looks like when someone seems open while controlling exactly what gets revealed and what stays hidden - Why going through a partner's phone doesn't resolve the actual problem, and what does determine whether a relationship like this changes This pattern of one partner overfunctioning to hold a relationship together, chasing answers, managing the other person's moods, doing the emotional work for both of them, is something Jackie and Catherine see often in their work with clients. If it's landing for you, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk through what shifting it could look like. Free consultation | Substack | Podcast Chapters: 00:00 Is he really feeling what he's showing? 01:16 Introducing the clip: Chris and Sienna 03:28 How Chris tells the story of the affair 04:07 The disconnection in how he owns it 06:56 Minimizing what the "cuddling" actually was 08:17 Why turn outside the marriage at all 12:52 Reading his flat affect against her anger 14:00 Making it about whether he's "a bad person" 16:02 Sienna's sudden shift into dissociation 20:47 The pattern in who he pursued 22:35 Validation, dominance, and control 26:28 Her role as the one who understands him 28:14 The wife's collusion and the "dead shark face" 31:11 A boundaryless partner and the appeal of the chase 34:43 Cuddling service or cover story 37:39 Why searching his phone doesn't solve it 39:42 Why didn't I leave 41:02 What she can do about her own shrinking 42:21 Getting him to own more than he's offering 45:04 Overfunctioning for the relationship To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  5. 15 Sept

    How to Deal with ED and Premature Ejaculation

    This episode deals with the way that anxiety in and about sex and sexual performance can contribute to ED and premature ejaculation. What this episode covers: - The actual difference between premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, and why anxiety plays a role in both, just in opposite directions - Why mentally checking out during sex to manage arousal or anxiety reduces the pressure but kills the connection and the pleasure at the same time - What happens in a couple when sex turns into "checking a box," including how both partners end up tracking each other's dissatisfaction instead of being present with each other - Why building capacity to stay with intensity, whether that's anxiety or pleasure, matters more long term than any technique - How managing or caretaking a partner through sexual difficulty can start to feel condescending and get in the way of them facing what's actually going on This is the kind of pattern Jackie and Catherine work through with clients regularly, and if it's resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for you. Free consultation | Substack | Podcast Chapters 00:00 Cold open: performance and cutting off arousal 01:06 Intro 01:34 Why we're talking about anxiety, PE, and ED 01:39 The difference between premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction 03:38 How anxiety factors into reaching orgasm 07:17 Sex later in life and having a broader menu of options 07:51 The couple example: checked-box sex and unspoken meanings 12:15 Brain wiring and why the pattern keeps reinforcing itself 16:44 Building capacity and figuring out what you actually want 19:00 Wanting to be desired vs. the fear of finding out 25:32 Overfunctioning, fusion, and when managing a partner backfires 28:32 Moving past orgasm-focused sex 34:58 The midlife shift from premature ejaculation to erectile dysfunction 36:17 Staying present instead of pulling away 37:09 Slowing down and working with arousal at every level 41:44 Why more time often beats more frequency 43:34 Performance framing and what it's doing to younger people's sex lives To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  6. 8 Sept

    When and How to Advocate for your Partner

    There's a specific kind of confusion that shows up when your partner is dealing with your parents, your child's school, or a hard medical moment, and you're not sure whether stepping in is support or overreach. A lot of us were never given a clear line between the two, so we either do too much or step back and call it respecting someone's independence. What this episode covers: - The difference between advocating for a partner and taking over a problem that isn't yours - Why labor and delivery, serious illness, or memory loss are different from everyday decisions, and what real advocacy looks like when someone genuinely can't speak for themselves in the moment - Why it's your responsibility to handle your own parents or in-laws when they cross a boundary with your partner, even if you weren't in the room when it happened - How one parent quietly taking on all of a child's school and medical decisions becomes a relationship problem, not just a logistics one - Why inherited family rules (like being taught to be a "wallflower" around in-laws) shape what people believe their responsibility is, and what it takes to question those rules instead of just following them This is a distinction Jackie and Catherine work through with clients often, especially couples caught between family loyalty and their own relationship. If this is landing for you, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity Chapters 00:00 Advocacy vs. rescuing, the core distinction 01:57 What advocating for a partner actually means 03:00 Medical situations where advocacy is clear 06:56 When "we don't bother each other" misses real care 08:24 Advocating without waiting to be asked 09:49 In-laws crossing a boundary with your partner 14:20 Why parents can resent the marriage itself 18:05 The comic about regressing at your parents' house 22:52 Co-parenting as shared advocacy 33:02 Inherited family rules about showing up 39:56 Taking your own position instead of absorbing someone else's To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  7. 1 Sept

    Why Healing From an Affair Is About Both Parnters' Integrity

    Dr. Corey Allan, of Sexy Marriage Radio, joins to talk about affairs. Not as a betrayal to recover from, but as something that surfaces exactly where each partner has been avoiding their own integrity. What this episode covers: - Why treating infidelity as the core problem misses what was already present in the marriage before it happened - The reframe that betrayal isn't something done to the hurt spouse, it's collateral damage from what a partner did to themselves and to the relationship system - Why surveillance, tracking, and constant transparency create exhausting hypervigilance instead of real security - The integrity work required of both partners, including the spouse who sensed something was off long before it surfaced and didn't act on it - Why taking a partner's choices less personally is what actually makes it possible to be more known, more real, inside the marriage Dr. Corey Allan joins Jackie and Catherine to talk through this using his own training under David Schnarch and 25 years of clinical work with couples facing infidelity. To find out more about his work, check out his podcast, Sexy Marriage Radio. This kind of work, helping both partners face their own integrity rather than assigning blame to one side, is central to what Jackie and Catherine do with clients as well. If this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk through what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation | Substack | Podcast Chapters 00:00 A charged topic: integrity on both sides of an affair 01:33 Introducing Dr. Corey Allan 02:48 Corey's marriage and how Schnarch's work changed his practice 05:06 Infidelity as a symptom, not the primary problem 09:39 Why the betrayed spouse says "you did this to me" 13:03 Naming the dynamic: resolute spouse and strayed spouse 17:09 Why surveillance and transparency don't create lasting safety 19:04 Taking things less personally so you can be more personal 27:12 A client story: drawing the line in an open marriage 31:01 Corey's own story: the ring given back 39:36 When "I'm sorry" isn't real: repeat betrayals 43:44 Integrity as the real work for both partners To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  8. 27 Aug

    Why the "Calm" Partner Isn't Always the Healthy One: Michael and Michal from Couples Therapy

    If you've ever watched a couple fight and found yourself immediately deciding who the reasonable one is, this episode is for you. It's easy to hand that title to whoever looks calmest in the room. It's a lot harder to notice what the calm one might be doing to keep the other person worked up. In this episode we watch clips of Michael and Michal from Couples Therapy and talk through what's actually happening underneath the fighting. What this episode covers: - Why one partner doing all the visible work (the yelling, the criticizing, the pushing) doesn't mean the other partner is doing nothing - How a partner who looks smooth and reasonable can still be actively provoking the dynamic, just in ways that are harder to see and easier to deny - The overfunctioning and underfunctioning pattern this couple is co-creating together, and why neither person can fix it alone - What's underneath the wife wanting her husband to "just be a little more like me," and why that picture falls apart under any real pressure - Why the person who's suffering more in a relationship is often the one with more motivation to shift first, and what that shift can actually look like This is the kind of dynamic Jackie and Catherine work through with clients often, where one partner's visible struggle can obscure the ways both people are keeping the pattern going. If this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity 00:00 Intro 01:19 "If my partner were just different, I'd be happy" 03:11 Two people who enjoy the fight even while they're furious 09:03 Overfunctioning in real time 16:48 Does provoking her actually get more out of him? 25:12 Dr. Orna's intervention and the wife starting to settle 27:59 The husband's quiet ways of revving her up 34:01 A parent-child dynamic instead of two adults 40:22 What each partner would need to face to change this 45:58 Why the person suffering more usually has to go first To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/

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About

Differentiated Love & Sex is a relationship podcast about emotional differentiation, intimacy, and building healthier partnerships. Hosted by Jackie Aston, a licensed psychotherapist with 10+ years of experience working with individuals and couples, and Catherine Roebuck, a relationship coach who helps entrepreneurs and working professionals improve their relationships. Each episode explores relationship dynamics, communication, sex, boundaries, and personal growth so couples can stay connected without losing themselves. New episodes are available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

Information

  • Creator
    Jackie Aston and Catherine Roebuck
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    31
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Jackie Aston and Catherine Roebuck
  • Show Website
    Differentiated Love and Sex

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